My daughter is 7. She’s been taking ballet lessons since she was four, but has only been enrolled in this particular dance school for about a year. There are only six other girls in her class, all around her age, and she has two lessons a week.
Anyway, earlier this week my daughter came home with an invitation from her teacher. She’s inviting the girls – all seven of them – to spend the night at her house on the last weekend of April. According to my daughter, the teacher told the girls that it’s a slumber party. The pitch apparently included McDonalds, movies and games.
I’ve spoken to the other moms and they’ve all confirmed that their daughters got the same invitation. None of us have been notified by the school, so I have to assume the teacher is planning this on her own. She has not spoken to any of us about this directly, only to our daughters.
Some of the girls seem to be excited, but my daughter is still anxious about spending the night away from us, so she wouldn’t be going even if I was OK with this – which I’m not. I have never spoken to this teacher about anything besides my child, nor do I know anything about her personal life or home.
I’ve been thinking of complaining to the dance school about this, because I’ve never heard of teachers doing this before and I’m a little freaked out. But at least two of the other moms don’t seem to have a problem with it, and I can’t help but wonder whether I’m overreacting.
Is this normal? Honestly, I just need some advice here.
Comments
She should have discussed with the parents first. NTA
teachers shouldn’t be inviting students to sleepovers at their homes without formal school involvement or parental communication. This is what you should do, talk to the school directly, voice your concern, and ask for clear policies around boundaries and off-hours contact.
I would say just don’t let her go there and leave it like that, don’t take it further if you don’t have people to back your stuff up, otherwise they won’t do anything as it happens commonly in many cases.
Slumber parties are perfectly normal. It would be sus if she invited just one girl, but inviting everyone is just a good time. There’s no secrets when the whole class is involved.
Were you never invited to those as a kid? They’re pretty amazing really.
Nah that’s very weird. If the school and parents were aware and consented then it’d probably be okay, but to only bring it up to the kids is very strange.
I suggest you and the other moms go to the school about this
NTA – this should have been discussed with the parents first and is not appropriate.
Id absolutely escalate this to someone above this teacher.
This is creepy. NTA. Definitely contact the school. This is not an official school event, so it’s literally just an adult inviting a bunch of children to sleep at her house. This is so inapropriate in so many ways.
>She has not spoken to any of us about this directly, only to our daughters.
This is beyond inappropriate. There should have been signed permission forms beforehand.
Go straight to whoever runs the school, and let them know.
NTA
Nta
Not pointing any fingers but Michael Jackson invited little kids to his house for sleepovers and we know how that allegedly turned out
In my experience that’s very odd and a teacher shouldn’t be extending those kinds of invitations outside of an official notice via the school. But if you want to address it without complaining, maybe drop a note to the school along the lines of:
“I think it’s lovely that Teacher is happy to arrange this. However, in future please go through the parents not the children to avoid any disappointment and to make sure info is getting to the parents properly.”
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I had a hard time with this one, it is your child, and you have every right to do what you feel is correct. But I remember having sleepovers with my soccer team as a kid and having a blast.
I mean if this was a school district type dance group, the line is definitely there not to cross, but this is a dance school, I assume the teacher might even have her own child in the group. All I am saying is she might get fired, and the school loses a dance teacher. If you are sure of evil intent, go for it, but if this is because you feel like complaining please rethink your position.
Or how about this, maybe talk to the teacher and see what’s going on? Your information is based on a 7 year old, and other parents who got their information from 7 year olds. Talking is a skill we all have lost and generally fall back on to complaining.
She should have cleared it with the parents first. Period. Nta
This is super sketchy, period. No adult should be hosting a sleepover for a group of children if they don’t even have a child in that same group. Highly inappropriate.
I’m curious how old this teacher is. Most people with life experience would be aware that this is inappropriate regardless of the intention. It could be that she genuinely wants to go above and beyond for her students and give them a treat. I think it should be reported not to get her in trouble but as a learning experience.
NTA. I think you should anonymously report her to the police. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Absolutely go to the school. As in this time with so many bad things can happen to all of the girls which may not happen but hindsight is 20/20. I wouldn’t let my children ever sleepover at a teacher house for what? This so so strange she an adult they are young girls, something not right with the whole thing or the woman just very creepy it’s like she’s trying to get all of them together to see who the most shy, naive when they are all alone.just get on the horn ask also if they did a police clearance when they hired her?
She should have sent the invitations to the parents asking for permission if the daughters can sleep over.
It’s probably harmless but in this day and age you can’t be too careful with your kids.
NTA
Nta
Nope nope nope!
YTA – this is a nothing burger, wants the kids to be able to have fun together in a social non-class setting
If it was only 1 kid invited? That’s creepy but inviting the whole class? Nothing wrong imo
NTA but understand that, for some people, it is normal to have a party–not a sleepover. The teacher might be a tone deaf on that side of a ‘party’, but for some people sleepovers were normal things. In the 90’s my Sunday school teacher had a sleepover. I went. Nothing happened. The teacher probably doesn’t realize sleepovers are not a thing for some people. I don’t know if you should frame it as a complaint, more like a concern! You are concerned about a party involving ‘sleep overs’ hosted by a teacher.
I would go too. Or arrange a sleepover at your place with her best friends from dance class. But yeah overall hella inappropriate. Not approaching the adults is weirdo behaviour and I would find a new dance teacher.
Why don’t you speak to her and ask her. Maybe it’s something she’s always done with her classes and the invitation is your queue to discuss it with her.
My softball team had slumber parties at my coaches house growing up, but you do what you are comfortable with. Time have changed
That teacher is fkn weird. You are right to worry. Let her get her own kids.
I wouldn’t ever let her go, for me a very big red flag
yeah no this is a huge red flag. no way should a teacher be having young children at their house overnight, idc how innocent or nice she may seem. I would only allow something like that if one of the parents was present. I would talk to the school directly and asked how frequently this has happened and what the epreuvous outcomes have been. too many liabilities
NTA
I don’t think the teacher necessarily has malicious intent, but it is definitely strange to invite a group of children to a slumber party as an adult without speaking to their parents first. My advice would be to talk to the teacher first. Maybe something like, “I appreciate you trying to arrange a fun event for the class, but I would appreciate you telling me about your plans before you approach my daughter with it.”
If the teacher brushes off your concerns and gets defensive, then it may be worth bringing it up with someone higher up in the school.
NTA. But if I may play devil’s advocate for a sec — maybe talk to the teacher first before going straight to the school? I can see a scenario where the teacher is maybe a little… special or thinks differently about social situations and didn’t realize (at first) how inappropriate it would be. Idk, as someone who was a substitute teacher, I’d rather be talked to first before someone went straight to someone above me.
NTA. It’s unprofessional, I might understand if you were all super close, but you’re not.
If you don’t know the teacher I’d suggest going in and being more proactive about that. What else has been going on in the lead up to this invite? Also making it clear this wasn’t appropriate or acceptable. See how the situation develops, use your gut. If something feels off report it higher.
If you want to drop it in the group chat that you’re going to have a conversation with the teacher about it that’d be okay in my book.
This seems creepy to me too. I wouldn’t want my 7 year old at this event. It would have been more appropriate to invite them over for a party and include the moms.
this is inappropriate. students should not be having sleepovers or even attending their teachers house without their parent present
NTA, but I would speak to the teacher first and then the administration so that you hear her excuse before she has a chance to tell a different story to her superiors.
NTA – The teacher should have communicated that with the parents directly. While I don’t think the teacher has bad intentions over this, I do think she’s dumb.
It’s super weird she just decided to do it and only told the kids. It would’ve been still weird but less weird if she told the moms “hey I have this idea what do you guys think?” I def did stuff like this as a child but I’m older now and times were different but it always started with parent discussions and permission slips, even for Girl Scouts. So like I get it from a group fun idea thing but her execution made it super shady and her intentions became questionable.
You should notify the school. Assuming it’s misguided but well intentioned, the lawsuit she opened the school up to should ANYTHING go remotely wrong on her watch is bananas and something they’d definitely want to know about. But honestly even on its own this is just weird, creepy, and calls this teacher’s judgment into question for not knowing this is weird and creepy.
My daughter is in competitive baton. This is her first year at this level (along with a few others). For confidentiality reasons, I will say she is between 8 and 12. Her coach/co-owner and the owner of the club invited the entire team (ranging from 6 to 20 years) for a bonding night at her house prior to the competition season. It was NOT a sleepover.
It was a Disney movie (that we were informed of) and junk food. It ran for 3 hrs and ended before 7. The kids were not told directly. The parents were emailed.
We were told who would be in the house at that time (only the team and her). It was extremely transparent.
Everything about this is a red flag…
Why does this sleepover even exist.
My situation was completely different… my daughters team would be spending countless hours cheering each other on and working with each other at competitions. I get their need to bond. If it is just a normal class there is zero need at all.
It is odd having an adult that sees your kid onvlce or twice a week to want private time with them.
At 7 my kids only slept over at Grandparents houses. That is way too young to have a sleepover anywhere else.
The teacher may have meant well but she seriously needs some boundaries. Maybe invite them all (with their parents) to do a special activity but not a sleepover.
I would ask the school for a copy of their guidelines and procedures for such events.
You are NOT complaining or accusing the teacher of anything!
Years ago (1960s)) our school bus driver would invite us to stay overnight at his house. His wife was a secretary at our school. This was one night a year. Those were fun! But, that was a different time!
How about instead of make no complaints and assumptions you speak with said teacher first ?
NTA and NOR
I’m this day and age I think it’s highly inappropriate to plan such a thing without discussing it in great detail with the parents before even bringing it up as an idea to the children.
Frankly I’m surprised that this woman would compromise her position as a teacher of young children by doing this.
Are you comfortable talking to the teacher about it before reporting her?
I would ask:
What is the purpose of the sleep over
Does it have to be a sleep over
Who is going to be there
What are they going to do
Where in the house will they be sleeping
Who is providing the McDonald’s food
Has she had parties like this before
Even on your daughter is not going to sleep over, you can still ask. Because of it’s on the up and up your daughter could go for a little while. However, I’m with you, I think it’s weird and I don’t think I would let my daughter go.
You’re not the AH. She shouldn’t do this and should definitely never have gone to the kids first.
NTA. Your daughter is only 7. It’s alarming and highly inappropriate that she didn’t ask permission directly from you as the parent. You should report it to the school’s management and your daughter should stop going there until she has been removed from her position.
YWNBTA
In my experience, dance teachers have a different relationship with their students than school teachers so I don’t think the idea itseld is harmful but she should have A) spoken to the school, her employer, about this first and then B) Spoken to the parents privately before mentioning the idea to her young students.
The way she went about it is completely unprofessional and that is the issue IMO.
Former teacher here, but I don’t know how different k12 and dance schools are… at k12, we have to take training that would definitely tell us this is not okay, and at least my contract stipulated we could not fraternize with students, current or former, outside of school. So this is definitely weird and you’re right to hear the alarm bells.
That being said, I would still talk to her before lodging a formal complaint. Ask if this is something she does every year, if other teachers do it, etc. then bring it to admin attention. Both to give her the benefit of the doubt and to get more information before going to admin. If admin is already aware, just emphasize how age-inappropriate it is to not go through parents for an event.
No, I do not think it is right. This should have been discussed with you first. She can have a barbecue or a picnic to thank the girls for their hard work.
I think it is strange.
YWNBTA.
I would approach the teacher first though, and ask why this wasn’t discussed with the parents before saying anything to the kids. That was inappropriate on the part of the teacher.
You should talk with the school administration about this, and ask if there is a policy about contact with students outside of school. I think there should be clear boundaries about out of school contact between the teachers and the students. Explain that this teacher invited the 7 girls in your daughter’s class to a sleepover at her home and how it was done, and you are not comfortable with it. It doesn’t need to be a complaint per se, but you definitely should make the school aware of this teacher’s behavior,
Personally, I think it’s odd that the teacher has invited 7 young girls to have a sleepover at her home, especially when many of the parents may not know her well, and have no information about her home, family, personal life, etc. It feels wrong on every level to me.
NTA. Adult teachers should not be inviting little kids to sleepovers. It’s creepy and inappropriate. Why does it need to be a sleepover? Those can be dangerous in general. The teacher can plan a daytime event with the parents involvement. I’d probably pull my kid from the class as well.
Unless the teacher has her own daughter in the same class this is just a bit weird and somewhat concerning.
Here to chime in, my dance teacher had a sleepover and it was weird but not inappropriate. She clearly wished she had kids our age and girls to try on her old prom dresses 🤣 and then helped girls freeze our bras which made me super mad lol
Its weird you werent included in the concept, but its probably a bonding thing she does and its not weird to her.
Ask her about it and talk to her.
I wouldn’t go to the school to complain, I would just ask the school. When I was a kid the teams I was on would have sleepovers and we loved them. It’s entirely possible that it’s just a bonding thing and not a creepy thing. If it were a one on one sleepover I’d say it was creepy. Since it’s the whole class it sounds like it’s just something fun for them to do.