My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, broken up once but got back together. We’re currently not on speaking terms and I am just drained.
I am (self diagnosed) a little bit of autism, I tend to do things the same way, I like to make the same things, keep a specific schedule of going to the gym on the same days around the same times, etc. I’m also working 2 jobs right now so some days I’m working 8am-10pm.
My bf and I are currently fighting to the point of no return. I’ve been contemplating in my head over the last 2 years whether we should’ve ever gotten back together in the first place. There are obviously things I need to work on but I know if I told the things he needs to work on, he’d turn around and blame me for him doing those things.
Things I need to work on (according to him, I am content with how I am but for the right person I’m willing to change things up): folding my laundry right away like the day I wash them I usually let it sit in the basket for a few days, cooking different meals instead of the same 5-7 meals that I CAN confidently cook, cleaning the house in general even though I already vacuum, mop, clean the stove, do dishes, etc.) and my sex drive which I think is just gone.
Things he needs to work on: his attitude, he always finds something to complain about no matter what it is and where we go. Begging for sex even when I say no (including anal), told him I don’t enjoy anal and do not want to do it again and he said ‘you don’t have to enjoy it, you just have to deal with it’, expects me to know everything, for example we went to a zoo with a drive through of the animals and a walk through. He asked if there was a bathroom there, I said yes the website says there is. We get there and he asks where the bathroom is, I pull up a map and say by the restaurant and he gets mad because that’s all the information I can give him and says if he asks for a bathroom he wants me to know EXACTLY where it is and where to go. Keep in mind, I have never been to this zoo before so I was looking at a half ass map on their website on my phone to find it for him.
Last night we ended up fighting and I told him that my sex drive was not coming back, I’m willing to make a doctors appt for him but I’m content on the birth control I’m on since I have no side effects besides low libido (I had low libido prior to BC too) and my period is great on it. He didn’t like that answer. I told him I can’t just force myself to have sex when I have no desire. He said yes you can, you don’t have to want it, you just have to do it. I told him no, I want to enjoy it in order to do it and want to do it. He said “so all those pornstars all want to have sex? No they do it just to do it” I’m like good thing I’m not a pornstar then what the hell comparison is that?
Anyways we are currently back to not talking to eachother, and I need someone to tell me just to grow a pair and end this relationship before I have to live the rest of my life like this 😭
TLDR; Bf and I are incompatible and I don’t have the balls to end the relationship
Comments
You can either end it or keep being miserable.
> he said ‘you don’t have to enjoy it, you just have to deal with it’
Respectfully, how did you not walk out right then?
Of course your sex drive is gone. That happens when you don’t feel respected.
Those pornstars get paid. Is he compensating you for just lying back and letting him go to town? Would he even be content with an incredibly unenthusiastic partner? (If he would, that’s a whole different problem, but the outcome is the same.)
So, you don’t cook enough for him, you don’t clean enough for him, you aren’t interested in sex with him (I don’t blame you, few women are sexually attracted to someone they’re constantly picking up after and who criticizes every chance they get.) What is he bringing to the table? Does he clean up behind you? Does he cook at all, is it a variety of dishes? Is he hanging his laundry immediately? (As someone who hates laundry, mine sits in the basket for a week on average. I’ve got more important things to handle than hanging laundry that’s already clean.)
At this point you need to figure out if this is how you want the rest of your life to be? What if something happens and you become physically unable to have sex, is he going to be kind and loving then, or will he still expect you to take it? What happens if you get laid up, is he going to step in and start cooking and cleaning? Or will he whine, complain, and then do a bad job on purpose?
If you’ve spent 2 years trying to decide if you’re actually sure about him, then you’ve probably made up your mind and you’re waiting for the catalyst. You don’t need one, you can break up with him even if nothing big happens.
You need to leave this relationship, he doesn’t respect you. He expects you to serve him with sex, and information on where the bathroom is.
Your sex drive is gone because you don’t like him anymore… that’s what happened to me and my ex. When I started dating other people… it went back. I’m happy with my current partner.
I(33F) am diagnosed on the spectrum and I noticed that in relationships we get taken advantage of. This man is taking advantage of you is making you do things he can easily do himself. He can’t look for the bathroom himself? Whats wrong with him? Why do YOU have to donit if HE needs to go?
He is trying to get you to have sex with him even if you don’t want to and you have to “deal” with it? So disrespectful. He sounds like he is just using you.
You are at the beginning of your life. It can be so much better than this. End things now and start being happy.
Omg this is crazy. Why are you staying with him though? I know everyone has issues but you don’t seem to enjoy your relationship at all.
I’m seeing someone, we have our good and bad times, but we do have great time together. I’m learning how to be there and be my best, tolerate what’s acceptable, try to understand our situation, so I’m coming from the view that relationships can be tough, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound fun at all 🫤
You need to leave this man immediately, he has no care for you or how you feel at all and he’s made that clear, telling you to just do things even if you’re uncomfortable for his pleasure isn’t love and that’s not what partners do, you deserve better
Just end it. Your sex drive is gone because of him. Trust me because I have been there, once they start comparing you to porn stars and saying you just need to take it, there is no coming back from that, just more trauma.