My bf cheated and it carried on for a month, he didn’t meet the other woman it was strictly over text, and they’d text once every 3 weeks or something. I found out and left him, and he was begging me to talk in that time. I finally let him talk to me and he told me he was willing to do anything to prove he’s changed and won’t do it again. I explained to him for a short while I am gonna be very insecure and accuse him, and I am gonna need the passwords to his socials, and I’m not gonna tolerate any disrespect while he’s “proving” himself. I’ve been very strict about what I’m tolerating and he said he understands and he’ll give me everything I need.
This sounds stupid but I had a gut feeling in our relationship that he was cheating, now that im back together with him (not officially, just on talking terms) my gut feeling is gone and something in me is genuinely telling me he’s changed.
He said he couldn’t do it to me again as he saw how much it hurt me and affected me and he’d never want to put me through that again.
A lot of the comments will tell me I shouldn’t forgive a cheater, and I know that but I would rather watch him prove himself than move on (for now). I should also add I’m his first serious relationship, and his first everything basically.
Do you think it will be worth it in the end? And please don’t base it on the fact “i shouldn’t forgive a cheater”
TL;DR My boyfriend cheated and now he said hes willing to change, give me all his passwords to his social on my phone, etc.
Comments
You said you have a feeling he has genuinely changed which is good, it’s all up to you just prioritise your happiness and you’ll be fine and like you said don’t tolerate anything you don’t feel you deserve, be very aware
The vast majority of cheaters do it again. There’s nothing in your post that hints he might be an exception.
Every cheater is sorry when they get caught.
Reddit tends to be quite extreme when it comes to cheating.
The boundaries are going to be different for everyone.
There is no right answer. If you believe him to be sincere, if you’re willing to allow him to rebuild trust with you. Then proceed down that course and keep going.
If you feel you can’t trust him again, then that’s also okay and you are free to leave without any guilt.
That’s some good time for u to take like he’s a lil bit of test maybe. You’ll surely get some results that may be better for both of you.
Not worth it. The would is your oyster, you’ll meet someone who will treat you like a royalty because you deserve that, not an anxiety inducing shenanigans.
So it was an emotional affair? Was he honest about what is missing within himself or in your relationship to cause him to step outside of the relationship? Without acknowledging that and actively working on making changes, I would have a hard time believing it wouldn’t happen again.
Didn’t read comments on purpose, but I expect around 99% of “once a cheater always a cheater” responses.
I’ll be in the 1% to say: “do what you feel, and don’t listen to anonymous strangers, and also put yourself in a similar situation, answering yourself the question if a somewhat attractive guy contacted you over text, would you respond, and should that response be considered cheating?”
Jeez, a cheater will say whatever they can under the sun to get you to come back, “it hurt you so bad so now I suddenly care, but I sure didn’t think about your feelings when I was chatting her up” If you were so “serious” to him he wouldn’t have cheated. You believing he’s willing to change is only going to last as long as his guilt does, as soon as he starts to feel things go back to normal he’ll be right back where he started. Do you want to have to keep your boyfriend on a guilt-chain to keep him from cheating?
It’s not that you “shouldn’t forgive a cheater”, it’s that a relationship is sacred and that sacredness was broken, and that will often lead to resentment. From this point on you will likely never be able to confidently trust his answers and that’ll slowly whittle away at the relationship anyways. Trust is everything.
I don’t think it’s worth it because he had every chance to care with every single text he sent her but he didn’t. I’m not personally okay with this level of disrespect because it shows that the only time your emotions matter is when they’re actively on display. It also shows a lack of self control on his end, I have an INSANELY high sex drive and my boyfriends is very low so we hardly have sex but I would NEVER consider cheating on him in any way shape or form.
Traitor always traitor. A traitor only regrets it when he is caught. You are young to be in a relationship full of drama. Move on. You will definitely find someone who respects you.