What kinds of things does your partner say/do to support you emotionally, especially during difficult times or during periods of poor mental health?
How much discussion was there about what kind of support helps you the most? Does your partner intuitively know what to do or do you have to tell them, or some combination of the two?
If you’ve ever been through a mismatch of emotional support/labour in a relationship but improved it, what did you do to make things more equitable?
Comments
He asks how I’m feeling and notices when I’m off. He asks about my day, asks how he can help, and listens to me when he can’t help, like if it’s just a bad day. That goes both ways, we both really support each other. I’m very grateful because he’s always been very intuitive with how I’m feeling. He grew up in a house of all women so doesn’t see it as just complaining or anything. He’s my rock
He does anything he can to make my life easier. He’ll cook dinner, entertain my son so I can get some peace and quiet, he’ll make me a super comfy spot on the couch and get me my favorite food and snacks. He’ll constantly ask “babe is there anything I can get you?” He just shows he cares, he constantly checks in and shows empathy. Sometimes it’s almost toooooo much. I’m like “babe I’m fiiiinnneeee. Can I get some space.” Lol he’s a sweetie and I’m grateful
Listens to me and holds me. Also learnt the difference between wanting advice and wanting to just be heard
He’s such an acts of service man. He not only notices when I’m feeling down or overwhelmed, but he does little acts of kindness to show me that he notices. He also doesn’t put pressure on me to air all my feelings which I appreciate. He’s more of a “hey, I got our daughter, you go take a bubble bath-there’s a candle already lit and a bath bomb ready for you.”
His ability to make me laugh is incalculable. At my most rage spewing moments, I can look over and see him doing something completely ridiculous to make me laugh. He never fails to get a giggle out of me. And I don’t mean it like he tries to deflect my emotions with laughter, it’s how he makes me feel better after getting it out. I can go from emotionally broken to laughing my ass off in a matter of seconds and it makes me wanna slap his adorable face. I love it
She can read my body language when something is bothering me and we talk about it. We ask each other what we need more of and step up for each other. Our love languages are different. Hers is quality time and mine is more acts of service. So sometimes I just ask her to take more initiative to do certain things and she says I need to be present or quality time, so we then do that. We are both women so generally talking about your feelings is easier and more receptive based on reading all these Reddit posts.
We’re each other’s safe space. We can vent, we can decompress, we can cry, we can do whatever we need to do and feel safe. Even if it’s him venting about work stuff that goes over my head, I listen. Even if it’s me having a meltdown over nothing, he listens.
What I appreciate the most about him is that he always asks me what he can do to help me in that moment, whether it’s just listening, letting me cry, giving me a hug or coming up with solutions together. He doesn’t jump into rescue mode and try to fix everything immediately. Sometimes all I want is for him to sit with me, and I so appreciate his emotional maturity to recognize that in that moment, it’s not about him.
Listening to me without imposing his own narrative over what I’m saying, just sits quietly with me when I want non-talking company, lots of cuddles, massages, making me laugh… he’s done that one so much since day one, when we were just friends pre-relationship. No one has ever made me laugh as much (and he says the same about me), and I find that so important. And he’s really good when I’m having a panic attack. I’ve struggled with my mental health in a lot of ways since I was a kid and I’m also autistic (didn’t know that till I was in my 30s; I’m 40 now) and there are lots of little ways I need emotional and practical support that maybe don’t apply to other people. I also have some chronic physical health issues. He often sees things that he thinks might make certain situations or tasks or health stuff easier for me, anything from earplugs to a little massager thingy to a neck pillow or whatever and asks if I’d like them. Not that I need someone to give me physical items, but he understands the sorts of things that might make life a bit easier for me and I really appreciate that. And he knows when I need quiet alone time and can’t even really handle talking, and he’s ok with giving me space and never takes it personally.
I wish my parents had understood me as well as he does. My ex-husband was also very understanding and he went through a lot with me in my 20s and early 30s (and is still a good friend, we just work better that way than as partners).
I always remember the first time I really broke down in front of my boyfriend. I could see him mentally going through his rolodex of what can help this? Try to crack some jokes? Ok no she’s still crying. Tell her how beautiful she is? That didn’t work either. Pile all the pets into the bed with her for snuggles? Ok got some progress on that one.
It was sweet and he’s kept that energy through our relationship. He does what he can to help but in a way that doesn’t feel intrusive. Just giving me the time and space to feel all my feelings without pressuring me to be okay and happy when I’m not.