Hey there here is some context of why I’m making this post:
Me M (21) and my gf F (21) have been in a relationship for the past 1.5 years. In the start it went very well and I was loving it. We both were done studying and I went straight to work that I’m still doing now. She also went to work a little bit part-time, and we were seeing each other daily which were mostly in the evening but after a year she went back to college to study hospitality in our city and things changed a lot.
While we were working my dad got sick for 14 months and passed away in the end of June. Right about then that’s when my mental health collapsed. I was more irritable and just not enjoying anything. So when my Gf went to the college in August she was making new friends and stuff and all that time we spent together in that year before flashed before my eyes. I wasn’t getting that much attention anymore and everything just felt really off as I’ve attached myself so dearly onto that feeling and those moments. So when my dad passed away and my gf went to school I felt so lonely, and seeing her change into a different kind of person kind of hurt me a little.
She still has 3 years to go and in the 3rd year she is going for half a year to Spain for an internship (we live in the netherlands) which she is really looking forward to which I totally understand and get! But I’m terrified of it, as the only person that really knows me is just gone. It feels like she is going to be leaving like my dad did.
After college she said that she wants to travel for around a year. But my job needs me 100% and I can’t take off for a year as this is my future. And what if she gets a job at that place in Spain? Then all that hard work building our relationship and she’ll just go to that place and I can’t because my future is here. What do I even do?!…
I feel lost. There may be some details I’m forgetting but this is the story in short form. What do I even do with this situation as she was also my last relationship to even know my dad… so many unanswered question I wish I could look into the future :/
TLDR: gf changed a lot as she got new friends and went back to college while I’m working. She’s going to go to Spain for half a year as an intern and wants to travel for a full year after college. I can’t come with her as I’m needed here in my country for work. I dont know If I can take it
Comments
If you can’t do long distance, don’t do long distance. It’s not for most folks. Especially folks as young as you guys. That’s okay. Nobody’s “in the wrong.” You’re just experiencing life on different paths.
> What do I even do?!…
What do you want to do? She’s within her rights to do what she needs to do for her professional and personal growth; at the same time, you’re within your rights to decide whether you want to continue pusruing this relationship under these circumstances or not. If you’re open to long distance, sit her down and have a serious discussion about what that will look like and how you both want it to work. If you aren’t, acknoledge that your lives are going in different directions and let her go.