Hey everyone,
I hope I’m not being too much with this rant, but there’s something I really need to get off my chest because I feel like it’s been eating away at me and affecting my peace of mind.
I’ve been in a relationship for about a year with an amazing girl — she’s great in every way. But there’s something from her past that, no matter how much I try to ignore, still lingers and affects the present.
Before we met, she had a friend who shared a lot of the same interests as her, and they used to hang out a lot because of that. According to what she told me, he developed feelings for her and wanted something more, but she didn’t feel the same way, so they stayed just friends. However, they did have sex once, and that’s the part that really gets to me.
Even though she’s always made it clear she has no feelings for him, I’ve never been able to fully trust this friendship. Since we started living together, we’ve become really close and built a life together — which is why this situation feels even more uncomfortable to me.
This guy is still very much around. He constantly calls her “baby,” sends her messages with hearts (I don’t snoop on her phone, but sometimes I catch a glimpse), and she originally introduced him to me as a “gay friend” — which, honestly, I didn’t really buy. He’s always trying to give her gifts and even offers to drive over to our place — which is like 15km away — just to deliver them. That, to me, seems like way too much for “just a friend.”
What bothers me most is that he seems to completely ignore the fact that she’s in a relationship. And on her side, I feel like she either doesn’t see — or chooses not to see — that he still has feelings for her that go beyond friendship.
Like today, I have evening classes, and she stayed home. She told me he wants to come over and drop off a present. I’m pretty sure she won’t say no, and here I am, in class, feeling restless and with my mind racing.
I feel uncomfortable, and above all, I feel disrespected in this whole dynamic.
Has anyone been through something similar? Do you think I’m overreacting or are my feelings valid here?
Comments
Dude, you’re her roommate. If she puts her bra on the outdoor handle that means you need to find something else to until they’re done. College etiquette 101.
Wait what. How can someone not have feelings for someone but have sex with them 😭. I wouldn’t even kiss someone I didn’t like…
No that’s a big red flag especially if they were close and he had feelings for her; out of respect to her relationship with you she should distance herself from him.
Unnecessarily wedge that she putting into the relationship
You need to have a real talk with her and be prepared to walk if this continues
If she hadn’t slept with him, this would still be concerning. She should not have this close of a relationship with him when she’s in a relationship with someone else. She shouldn’t allow him to call her baby when she knows he has feelings for her that she does not reciprocate. If she had slept with him but they didn’t have this present kind of relationship, you wouldn’t feel any way about it. It would be a non sequitur.
Your feelings aside, she’s messing with someone for the attention at the very least. Can you respect someone like that?
Friends don’t accept frequent—and especially one-sided—gift giving. Not appropriate unless everyone is in high school and it’s girls giving one another stuff. On every possible occasion.
I couldn’t be with someone who took advantage of another like this.