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By “relationship,” I really mean “situationship”—a two-month talking stage at best. I’ve never actually been in a real relationship.
Still, during those brief times when I had a romantic companion—even without sex—just someone who genuinely liked me and wanted to be around me, I was noticeably happier and more fulfilled. It affected everything: school, work, even my overall personality. I became more confident, more extroverted, more alive. Just knowing someone was there for me later in the day gave me motivation and purpose.
Yes, I’ve talked to girls who turned out to be shallow or vapid. I didn’t like that, but even those experiences felt better than being completely alone. I did cut things off when I felt used—like one girl who only reached out when she needed something, while entertaining other guys and making comments about my height. That wasn’t a real connection.
But most of the time—like 90% of the time—I have no one, and when I’m alone, I feel miserable. There’s this constant sense of emptiness, like something fundamental is missing.
Before anyone suggests “focusing on yourself,” let me be clear: I already do. I’ve been going to the gym for three years. I’m into philosophy and actively engage with it. I play video games. I shoot competitively. I had close friends, but over time they’ve drifted—some moved away, others got into relationships and, understandably, prioritized their partners.
Friendship helps, sure, but it’s not a substitute for romantic companionship. None of the hobbies or self-improvement routines are.
Sex, love, companionship, validation—these are all part of the human experience. They’re fundamental to a fulfilling life, and I just don’t get to have them. Spare me the cliché advice about being happy alone. That may work for some people, or at least they convince themselves it does—but I know it doesn’t work for me. I suspect it doesn’t work for most people either, if they’re being honest. We’re social creatures. Pretending otherwise is delusional.
P.S. Wrote this on mobile while waiting for an oil change—don’t judge the formatting too harshly.