My mother has always been very obvious with her dislike for me, her daughter, and I could tell even at a really young age.
Before I was born, my mother miscarried a baby boy and was told she’d never have kids. So my parents decided to adopt a mexican baby boy, my older brother. (Him being mexican is significant). He’s my mother’s favorite kid.
She then became pregnant with me, and I was going to be her miracle baby boy. BOY. I was going to be her baby angel boy from heaven. The reincarnation of the baby boy she miscarried.
I was not that baby boy. I was born a girl. This devastated her, and she completely neglected me as a kid. Would lock me out, slam doors in my face, and just straight up not talk to me.
But onto the significance of my brother being mexican:
my mother is white, very VERY white and my dad is mexican. My mom loves mexican men, but HATES mexican women. Any time we’re in public or with my dad’s family, she shit talks and looks down at the mexican women in disgust, without any sort of reason.
…And not only am I a woman, but I am the ONLY one of my siblings (besides my adopted brother ofc) that looks mexican like my dad. My younger sisters look very white (exact copies of my mom) and she loves them.
Since I was about 11-12ish, she has made me wear her makeup (that in NO way matched my skin tone and made me look sickly) so I’d “look decent and not embarrass her”. And would choose “brightening” lotions and that would lighten my skin.
Now it’s mainly just annoying, I think I’m alright with her not loving me, just wish it wasn’t for reasons I can’t control…?
Just wanted to vent I guess.
Comments
I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of that. You are perfect the way you are, and her poor parenting and abuse is a reflection of the monster she is and not on who you are.
Where does your dad stand in all of this? Surely, he knows his wife is a racist and has noticed the treatment of you?
Also the brown daughter of a crazy white lady- it is entirely not your fault, and often times mothers project their insecurities on their daughters.
she sounds deranged having children with a Mexican man and then being racist towards Mexican women. But racism itself is entirely illogical, and you shouldn’t waste your time on trying to decipher meaning out of something like it.
I’m positive you’re more compassionate and intelligent than she is, and that is already something that makes you pretty fantastic. I’m sorry you’re going through this though. Persevere! That’s one of the best ways to piss nut cases like your mom off.
Personally I think brown people are beautiful
Oh my lord I am so sorry you had to endure that. Shame on your mother for treating you like second hand. Are you able to separate your self for the time being? Have you thought about going no contact with just her?
If anyone treated my daughter like that, they’d get punched in the neck……
I really do not understand people who do this. I see this sort of thing so much with BM/WW couples. They love Black boys/men but hate Black girls/women, and treat the daughter like complete shit. Especially once she’s older, the mother sees her as “competition” and the father sees her as the exact thing he’s running away from. They are together based on their mutual hatred. It’s sick.
Do not feel like you aren’t enough. You ARE enough. Some of us unfortunately are born to fucked up people who have personality disorders, bias and cognitive dissonance reflected in their relationship dynamics (romantic, platonic, familial, etc.)
I hope you can get away from her soon that sounds awful op. You are beautiful and you should be allowed to be you. It sounds like your mother is a very insecure and mean woman.
Try a therapist if you’re ready, it’ll help you get through it.
Strength comes in many ways, and you clearly have it in spades, having endured what you have.
I’m disgusted in your dad just as much as your mum. Despite him not agreeing with whitening your skin, he has chosen not to fight for you, and his advice is just go along with it? She is abusing and neglecting you, and his reaction is, yeah, it’s not right, but she is your mother 🤯🤯
Why is you not being a boy disappointing? They have a son, they choose to adopt a son, donthey think less of him because he isn’t blood? The reasoning of being a boy means you have more strength, is a cop out, gender disspoinent is a thing, but you were born healthy (i assume), and that is all that should matter. The fact that they have turned this disappointment into abuse and neglect is horrific. They should have sought therapy. Are they equally disappointed that your sisters are also girls?
I’d speak to your dad again and have a real heart to heart, put it in writing if it’s easier, all of your experiences and how it’s made you feel and ask him why he is ok with her treating you different.
I don’t know how old you are but just know, when you become of age you get to choose who is in your life. You aren’t obliged to give your time and energy to those who haven’t treated you well. You may not be able to choose your blood, but you can choose your family. You get to decide who to let into your life and who gets to stay.
My family also hates me for the way I look. Just because I have brown eyes and hair like my mother. Most especially my Dad and older sister. Though for my sister it’s because of the way I “look” my Mom said she was jealous. In some ways it ruined my life.
I relate to this but the opposite. My mom is white but has a darker complexion. I’m like ginger white but with blonde hair. I was like 11 and we had some event and my mom forced me to get a spray tan cus I was too pale. Even made me take my bra off so I don’t have any lines. And my dad still reminds me how I was supposed to be a boy. It’s not the same but I sympathize.
The minute you are able get therapy. No matter how mature your post is written and no matter how much you project a blasé attitude that shit runs deep.
Your adult self may be able to see and understand that your mom is cr8zy but the little girl who got the door slammed in her face lives inside you. She needs love.
I hope you keep your siblings, but go LC/NC with them if they ever mistreat you as well.
Choose your chosen family wisely.
I’m so sorry your mother is a racist b/tch. I hope you’re able to move out and cut contact with her.
Please get therapy to love yourself as you are.
Do you have access to therapy? I am also a was supposed to be perfect child. Those expectations cannot ever be met. There is always something because we are humans. Therapy helps. If you are doing this already take this post with you. If not I highly recommend it because there’s a lot of stuff here that can become life long challenges. You are not alone and I am sorry you have this struggle
My mother’s family is incredibly mixed with a large percentage of Native American. My grandmother got pregnant with my mom when she was 16 and really resented my mom. She used to tell my mom that she was Black and ugly (my mom was had natural auburn hair and was so fair that you could see the blue veins in her skin). My mom had the last laugh because she went on to model and always received compliments and attention from people. Screw your hateful racist mom. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. My grandmother was married 4 times with infidelity in every marriage. She rotted away in a nursing home and died alone and miserable. My mom was greatly loved, taken care of by her children and died surrounded by 3 generations of devoted family members.