Boyfriend and I have lived together for two years. I have begged him to help me do dishes or anything to help me. I have two jobs. He has one. He expects that I’ll wait on him hand and foot like bringing him a plate after I’ve cooked the meal. After the meal. I have to collect his plate and clean up the mess because he won’t help clean or do anything. I’ve tried to talk to him about it. He just gets defensive and tells me he’s not doing it. With his card didn’t work. I took him where he wanted or needed to go. He expects me to do for him all the time, but can’t do anything for me. What do I do?
Boyfriend won’t help with anything
r/Advice
Comments
I am a female, 32. He is a Male 33.
When we moved together, he agreed it would be 5050. It’s 9010 and I’m paying for almost everything.
Sounds like he wants a mom and not a girlfriend. Dump him and move on.
Seriously? Why are you with him? Please use your brain.
I’m not usually one for ultimatums, however, your case is different. I would tell him he either start contributing and doing things for himself, or the relationship is over. You signed up to be a partner, not his mom.
I think you have your answer, you end the relationship, and have him move out. He doesn’t respect you and clearly only pretended he’d help out without ever intending to actually do so. It’s been 2 years. You don’t need anymore proof he is only using you.
You shouldn’t have to beg for help to be gaslighted. End it and move on. You’ll find the one for you who will treat you right.
He wants a mommy, not a partner. I think you know what to do. You need to realize your worth. Do expect that he will suddenly “change” (temporarily) when you get serious about leaving him. Advice: don’t fall for it.
Such an easy fix. You leave your boyfriend, see how much better your life gets in just a short amount of time!
Go with your gut. If its 90 10 it sounds like you only need a 5% increase in your wages or hours to make up for the difference if not just cut back on your spending a bit and bam.
Look at you Ms Independent
Do you need strangers to tell you what to do? Really
Your boyfriend is treating you the way you let him. Leave you are going to regret if you don’t
find your peace and that means living him.
So what does he bring to the table that makes you want to stay?
End it right now. End it. Don’t question yourself even one more time. You already know what you have to do. There are too many people in this world for you to not find one who loves you and treats you with some respect. Alone is better than that. It really really is. But you won’t be alone if you don’t want to be. You are being used. full stop. And it really doesn’t matter how much you might love him. If it was reciprocated the situation wouldn’t be what it is.
Men see respect and love as the same entity. When they feel disrespected they feel unloved. When they disrespect you…. Do you see what I’m saying here?
2 years feels like forever but it’s not. You are young don’t waste the next 30 years on someone who treats you like a servant.
Invest in yourself. You are worth it.
Leave his lazy ass
Why live with someone who you know acts like a child?? Talk to his mom. Imagine having kids with him and he acts like that and your kids learn from him. Leave him. Men are overrated and in a dude 😂😂
Hey. I have the answer! Leave his childish ass.
Leave him, or accept your fate. Those are your two options.
Sounds like it’s time for a new boyfriend.
Sounds like you can support yourself, leave him, 2 years isn’t even that long.
Dead beat, leave his sorry ass,he isnt going to change
Get rid of him. Sounds like your life will be easier after he’s gone.
Hey I need a new girl friend let me know
First step, if for some reason, you really still wanna be with him, which I cannot fathom, it’s just to stop doing it. Don’t cook for him. Don’t clean for him. Don’t wash his clothes. Just take care of yourself.
But from where I’m sitting, and it’s not my place to say so, you’re better off ending it
Leave or kick him out.
Dump him. And I’m a guy.
I also kiss belly buttons. How about that
“Have to” ?? Or what? He’ll starve? He’ll pick a fight with you? He’ll leave a mess? That’s not a partner. That’s a fucking leach.
You are dating a child and you don’t deserve that. Leave his lazy ass, actually sounds like someone i used to know. Lazy as hell and was upset when things weren’t done for him. Don’t talk to him for this exact reason.
You are his bangmaid.
Time to dump him and move out!
Leave him sis. I’m a man who does dishes, laundry and carpets daily and I work a full time job. I don’t need to be asked. I recommend finding an independent man, that’s a man who knows how to provide for a family and make a life worth living. This boy of yours has no excuse. And if you have to ask the internet it means you already know what you need to do.
He’s not worth your time and energy if he loved you he wouldn’t need to be asked to put in the effort. If he can’t help your with small things he won’t help with big things.
People like him are selfish assholes
Stop. Stop doing anything for him. He’s a grown ass man and you are not his mommy. OP, he will not change. It is too ingrained. Do you want this to be your life?
I have a T shirt that says love 2 lick a lot
Tell him “bye bye” and move on. Why are you being such a doormat?
Just saying 🤷
JFC what do you mean “What do I do?” You leave him, that’s what you do. Seriously. What are you even thinking?
Just stop doing them until they get so bad, that he’s forced to pick up the slack if he wants to use a dish.
And I do dishes also
You leave. We teach people how to treat us, you’ve allowed him to get away with doing nothing.
It sounds like you have a teenage son not a BF
Ok. I want you to reread your post, but pretend that you’re reading a text message from your best friend. Then think of what you would tell them. And be realistic about it: if your best friend was being treated as a Mommy Slave, would you be like “Aww, there’s gotta be a way to make him help!” Its been 2 years. If he wanted to change, he would have done it. As a matter of fact, he’s outright told you that he won’t.
Give your head a damn shake and leave this toddler of a man.
Why stay with him? He is not that into you. If he was he would be jumping to help you.
Also, there’s zero context here. I will pretend to give you an answer when you stop pretending we know every detail of the entirety of your relationship. DONT come to Reddit for relationship advice. Just don’t. Most people on here don’t have a social life or a partner themselves in the first place
HELL no. OP, you cannot fix him, you’re even forced to hand him food, he’s that fucking lazy! He thinks you’re his mom, you’re a bangmaid from how this sounds like. What future can be built with a person who won’t even do dishes or get their own plate of food?
Do not let the Future You down, please.
That will NOT get better. Re read that as if your best friend sent you that after you haven’t spoken in a few months, and do what you would tell her to. You don’t deserve that and he is clearly expecting the mothering treatment. If you don’t like it, drop him. He won’t change. He won’t stick to his word when he swears he will. If he really wanted to change, he would’ve already. You pointing it out won’t do anything for a boy who isn’t ready.
End it. He’s a man-child. If he was going to change, he would have done it by now.
“have to”? You don’t have to do anything.
If you literally can’t figure this one out on your on please just stop dating. You’re not ready
Just be glad you haven’t married him, not too late to get away.
Yeah no…my wife cooks, I clean up the kitchen. He’s a selfish man.
Just stop doing for him. Make food for yourself. Clean your own dishes.
I think you know what to do. LEAVE!!
This is a description of why so many women initiate divorces in the U.S. Do you really want to play mommy to grown up? If he has a job, how does he keep it if he’s unwilling to do basic self care like cleaning up after himself. Bro is dead weight and the longer you stay with him the more you will resent him. It only gets worse if you get married.
So make arrangements to move. If you gotta go to your parents or family it’s a better option than staying with someone who treats you poorly. Your life will be so much easier without him.
What u do lady rag doll is get him loaded in your car and when he’s putting his seatbelt on stab him right in his dick with an ice pick. That will grab his attention and he’ll try to get out the door but you just keep a hold of that ice pick and you’ll have control of that mother fucker. Put the car in the drive tell him to stop screaming are you going to stab me in his ball too and just start driving and keep driving all the way out of town all the way to some back road and just make him get out the vehicle and tell him if you’re ever seeing again that you’re going to kill him and bury him out there in a hole and then you put the car back in drive and drive yourself to Southeast Oklahoma and you look up me and I’ll fuck you in your ass until you shit all over my sheets and then I’ll clean it up because that’s the kind of man I am I help with chores
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a grown asa toddler
Leave or live with it. He’s not going to change.
If you act like a doormat you will get walked on.
Dump the loser, gain some self worth.
And yet you keep doing it
Wow, I cook, clean and do the dishes everyday. The thought of someone helping every other day would be amazing.
Easy. Wise up and dump his lazy ass! Imagine this same life for the rest of your life but add in some kids.
Don’t let that become your future!!
Girl, you’re his mom and maid. He will never appreciate or respect you, let alone do anything for you. Get out now. There’s nothing here for you in this burning trash pile of a one-sided toxic relationship.
Break up but you won’t do it and are here just for support. 100%
It’s amazing how people won’t put up with their loved ones being treated like shit but when it comes to them they will continually allow it.
It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries
YOU DUMP HIM
Dump him
Why are you going along with this? It’s much easier to change your behavior than it is his. Leave and find someone who is willing to be a partner with you.