My mom died 9-10 years ago, I should be over it by now but I still get kind of sad when I see kids or literally anyone gets the affection of their own mom like hugs or sweet talk laughing rubbing their head doing their hair holding their hands literally anything a mother would do. It’s just sad that I won’t be able to experience that I probably did but I don’t remember it. I’ll always have that feeling that something is missing. Nearly a month ago I had a dream for the first since my mom passed and it was like she came back to life she was normal but something was off, I felt her comfort, and when I woke up I couldn’t stop thinking about it I was ecstatic, but after 2 days I started to forget how it felt, and to be honest I kind of just wanted to end it, it’s dumb but I thought maybe just maybe I’ll end up with her. When I was wayy younger before she passed, I had a few dreams about my mom dying each time I woke up I cried to her and she comforted me and laughed a bit but then told me I should stop saying it out loud, but of course why would I listen? I went again she scolded me then after she did pass away. I wasn’t allowed to see her at the hospital and I was the last to know about her death, It kills me thinking about the fact I was the reason she died. My sister once said something about my mom that wasn’t very nice, I was upset since that’s my mom and I have a certain memory of her, but I didn’t say anything cuz she has the right to say her opinion, I’m not mad about it, I love my sister but it did make me hate her just a tiny bit. Then also two weeks ago I came across a video that shows how they clean and prepare the body at a morgue and it hit me! That I know someone who had to go through that process, my mom!! I cried for three hours for her because how selfish did I have to be to just let her experience it? Anyway, now I’m in college I can’t wait to graduate get a job get my own place, and live my life but I can’t imagine living my life with guilt and that something is missing that I’ll never be able to fill. It’s been years since she passed, So I wonder is it worth living if I’ll never be over this?
Comments
I’m not going to pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I did have a similar situation, for what it’s worth. I think we don’t so much get over someone’s absence as learn to live without them, but that hurt is still present when we think about it. New memories kind of grow over it like layers of a pearl. I know healing is possible, I didn’t start until probably 11 or 12 years after the loss? I think therapy would help, if you’re able to get it. But it’s certainly possible without it. And I know your mom would want you here
When other peoples mothers die they tend to miss them a lot aswell they sometimes cries when thinking about they wabt to see her still to this day so it’s not uncommon to miss your mother and feel regret about what you did think about the good things you did do with her though I’m sure you have lots of stories about you and your mom.
These feelings are what make you a kind, empathetic human being. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through and have been through. It was NOT your fault your mum died and don’t hold anything against your sister. Your mum would’ve wanted you both to get along. I hope it feels good typing this out and getting it off your chest. You can do your mum proud by living the best life you can! It’s what she would’ve wanted. If you need to chat about it you can always message me, you seem like a great person!
I lost my mum 4 months ago. She was my best friend and I worked for her. Every, single, day I used to see her or talk to her. 6 months before the business was struggling so I decided to have them lay me off and I’d go back to school. I wa supposed to see her that day but I woke up super sick and texted her. She responded back telling me to rest and take care of ten minutes later she’s In the hospital with an aortic dissection and was pronounced dead two days later. Nothing we could do.
I’m told it won’t get easier, just different. I know I’m lucky to have the time I did with her, but the loss is a pain I can’t explain and would never wish on anyone. “Grief is the price you pay for love” it’s the love you never got to give. In a weird way, think about how wonderful it is that you loved your mom and you feel this pain. She wouldn’t want that for you, she’d want you to be happy and live life. Do it for her. As if it’s the best show she’ll ever get to watch. Her daughter living a wonderful life. What more would a mom want for their kids.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You may never be over it, but you’re not alone. Cherish the time you did have.
My father died 33 years ago on August 15. I still can remember a lot of what happened that day, how I had to call my brother who was working and didn’t believe me, how I had to translate what the nurse said to my mom, how I ran away into the nurses lounge and curled up and cried. ( I was 12).
I remember my mother telling me that she needed me to help her now.
I still think about him from time to time; more so now that I’m a father and my kids are close to the age that I lost him. It never goes away, but trying to fulfill his dreams and living up to the memory I have of him is something I strive for.
>My mom died and I’m not over it
You lost a parent. It’s okay to not be over it ever, really.
I lost my mom in 2013. I still feel as if it was too soon. I cry when I can’t share my kids achievements, or when I can’t call her to go shopping. No one can replace her. But live in honor of her. It hurts for a long time, but the milestones and people make life worth living. I wear her thumbprint, & use her name every time I play a game & have to name a character.