I. Just. Can’t. I’ve been sexually active since I was 15, primarily dated other women, am now dating a man, and none of them have ever actually gotten me off. Makes me deeply frustrated at myself and probably also is a bit of an ego bruise for them. When I’m completely alone, I can get myself off in like 5 minutes.
I’m very communicative about what feels good to me and all my partners have been very receptive to oblige. I am almost 100% sure it’s a mental block. I believe this because there have been times that I’M doing TO MYSELF exactly what I do when I’m alone, only, when it’s in the presence of a partner, I can’t get there. I’ve gotten kind of close before but it always just starts feeling overstimulating in an uncomfortable way rather than feeling like I’m actually going to finish.
I still enjoy having sex despite it and it does still feel good. But I wish I was able to actually reach orgasm by the hand of, or literally even just in the presence of my partner. I love the intimacy and closeness of sex and I just desperately want to feel my partner against me while I finish. My current partner is extremely determined to give me that experience, and while I really hope he succeeds, I don’t know if he can – or, rather, don’t know if I can. Ugh.
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I m28 have this aswell can only finish when i am alone i believe it is due excessive use of consuming pornographic material that it is caused
No more consuming porn if you are. Might help fr fr. Take your SWEET time with foreplay. I mean go longer if you have to. Lots of teasing until you are truly very sensitive, not just horny. Like very very aroused. Tell the person you are with light and gentle touches, for me being too rough, skipping to too much pressure will also be overstimulating and numb the area.
Is it that you need to be alone or that you need to do it yourself completely? Maybe have the person just watch you to see what you do and start there with getting more comfortable with being close with your own stimulation in front of someone, even if it means you can’t finish. Try to build yourself more and more every time if possible. Guide the person completely. Be vocal. It’s a mental block for me too, only like 1 person ever made me finish and it was a girl. If I do, usually it’s myself. I’m 24f. They genuinely studied me.
I know it’s a frustrating problem 🙁 that’s great you have someone willing to learn with you! Some people deadass don’t care. Be patient and less hard on yourself, I had to teach myself to be more comfortable with that. Let them know it’s just a mental thing, but it still feels great. It’s gonna increase the mental block if you are more upset.
I used to have trouble getting off in general but especially with a partner and it always takes longer with a partner. I then bought a good vibrator and now it’s so much easier. If you think you might be into that- just helps move things along faster when with a partner. I’ve used it with different people and they never seem to get offended because they understand it’s just how my body works. Better to get off with a little help than to not get off at all. Maybe that could work for you?