I am tired of my relationship with my wife

The title says it all. I am a 58-year-old male, and she is a 49-year-old female. We have been married for almost 23 years but together for 30.

In the past 3.5 years, we have only had two intimate encounters, and one of those was incomplete due to her discomfort. Back in 2023, she spent over a year visiting mental health facilities, during which she had three suicide attempts related to her mother’s passing and challenges with our two children, both on the spectrum with ADHD (ages 10 and 15). She was receiving treatment, but the facility was no longer covered by our insurance. She seemed to be stable for a good part of 2024, but now she is declining again, though at least she is not suicidal.

I have been struggling financially for the last few years. A single paycheck is no longer sufficient. She finally started working last school year as a substitute teacher, but it doesn’t provide a steady income. Teaching stresses her, and this school year, she has only worked less than half a dozen times. She claims she is looking for other jobs but has had no luck. Outside of a biweekly grocery run and doing a load or two of laundry, she spends most of her day in bed scrolling on her phone. She does pick up our youngest from school but goes right back to bed afterward. Although she is fine after a recent car accident, we are down to one vehicle. She may cook two or three times a week, but she always seems angry or unhappy about it.

I am concerned that breaking up will send her into another negative spiral. She knows how I feel and that I am struggling with the situation, but I am tired of it all and want to explore a different path, possibly even find someone else in the future. I feel stuck in a rut and cannot find a way out. If we do break up, I intend to keep the boys, as long as it is allowed by the court.

Her psychiatrist and I both recommend that she seek further treatment, but she continues to make excuses.

I feel like I am withering away, exhausted from living with a tired, sad, and angry roommate.

I want to leave for the sake of my mental health and that of the boys. Her current state is not beneficial for them, and they need more support than I can provide. I feel lost and don’t see a clear path forward. Plus I am a fed worrying about job. Please help me.

I wish I could find someone who could assist me financially and help heal my family and my weary spirit, but I am too old for fantasies.