When my partner and I met, I was not fat. Then, I had to take birth control pills, I relapsed from depression and I got sick.
I gained weight. I really got fat. Really fat. I am currently trying to lose my weight but tonight, my boyfriend told me he no longer find me sexy and that he doesn’t like to have sex with me. I know how unhealthy my weight has become but I just wished he said something sooner — he was my partner after all. I was depressed, I thought no matter what happens, he will be there for me, tell me when I am being too much or problematic. It was too late when I found out. He says that he was no longer in the mood.
It hurt me because I was the one to ask. I had to ask to know it was already over. I asked because lately the only time I hear how beautiful I am was from other guys — not from him. He’s not even physical active, and yes, he is fat too, like me.
I don’t know why I am writing here. I guess so I won’t have to message him, by further decreasing my self worth. It hurts so much. If you have negative to say, please just, do not comment. I just want to release this loneliness that I am feeling. I don’t know how to start. I don’t even feel myself anymore.
Comments
Girl fuck him
You deserve so much better than this.
that would be a break up reason for me tbh, especially since you said he doesn’t work out and is “fat” himself.
he cannot be talking genuinely
Dump him. Your worth is not tied to what he thinks of you, or your weight. You are SO MUCH than that
I mean, I do feel for your partner. Everyone has their preferences, and I know I didn’t choose mine, so I’m sure he didn’t either, and it’s not his fault that he isn’t attracted to you anymore. (Not that it’s your fault either, just something that happened). It’s not always easy to say something, especially with you already being depressed. How would you nicely tell your partner “Hey you’ve gained a lot of weight recently and I don’t want to have sex with you anymore.” That would break anyone’s heart to hear. I don’t know how I would ever bring it up if I were in his situation.
I don’t necessarily agree with other commenters that he’s a hypocrite. There are fat guys who like skinny girls, and skinny girls who like fat guys. He doesn’t have to be skinny just because he wants his partner to be skinny. Also, from your post, I don’t think he said or did anything wrong. You asked, and he was honest. He didn’t say anything mean, just said you’re overweight and that causes him to not be attracted to you anymore.
fat men stop talking abt fat women’s bodies in a negative light challenge: failed miserably
u deserve better. there are people out there who will love u through all ur weight fluctuations.
wait you’re telling me dudes are walking up to you, telling you that you’re beautiful, and you’re still with a bum who says he doesn’t like sex with you? stand tf up and leave his ass, sounds like you got plenty of options
So how about losing that weight? Or, if you don’t want to lose it, you can easily find a new boyfriend!
I’m not being facetious. I’m serious. My point here is that you don’t need to keep feeling bad about yourself. If you want to lose the weight, you can do it; you can switch to a non hormonal BC option, you can count calories, etc. If you don’t want to, you can get with a man who thinks you are beautiful as you are, and I’m sure that there are many out there who would snap you right up.
I say this from experience. I got fat once, too. My boyfriend said the same thing. So my choice was to lose the weight, because I didn’t like being fat. I still got hit on all the time, so I know I could have easily just fucked one of those men. But I didn’t feel good about myself, so I did what I needed to do to lose it. I lost 80 pounds, and as soon as I started losing it my boyfriend wanted to have sex with me again; putting in the effort was sexy, I guess.
I hope that you see that you don’t have to feel bad about yourself. Shit happens, you are only human. You can embrace the new you , or you can do what you need to in order to have the body that does make you feel good. You are a beautiful woman, either way.
I’m so sorry. You deserve better. My weight has been up and down, and I’ve never been as skinny as I was when my husband and I first met. Through every body change his want for me hasn’t lessened. It’s been 15 years and even when I’m gross and sweaty and undressing for a shower he’s all over me.
People are allowed their preferences, but I think someone who truly loves you will love your body always, because it’s yours. What happens when you’re old and saggy? Bodies change, I can’t imagine losing attraction to someone over something as silly as weight. I’ll echo another comment: “girl, fuck him.”
Not being attracted to your partner is a real issue in a relationship. But it sounds like he was pretty rude about it. He’s never brought this up before in a gentler way?
I feel that you should take some time to gather your emotions together. ❤️ Once your heart is at ease, you should decide whether you still want to stay or leave this relationship. I understand how you feel, and personally if my partner gave such comments, I would feel very hurt and I knowww it’ll be very hard to leave, but I would. I do wish your partner could have communicated better.
I gained weight when I started dating my boyfriend. We were happy, comfortable, enjoying our lives, which ended up in eating out a lot, and indulging more than I used to. I got comfortable so I kinda took my foot off the gas a bit and stopped being so strict with my diet and workout routine. I also started struggling with some health issues that caused some weight gain to get under control.
He definitely has noticed I’ve gained weight because how could he not? I have noticed, and I’m trying to lose weight and have made comments and showed him pics of myself from in the past of where I’d like to be.
Whenever I bring up my weight he says “I know this is something you want to work on and I’m going to support you in it, but just know my love for you is not conditional on how much you weigh, and never will be.” He has never once shown me anything but love and support.
You can do so much better than him, if he’s going to be shallow like that and his love for you to hinge on your appearance.
This is the kind of guy that will expect you to be his caretaker if he gets cancer. But dump you if you get ti.
Get put now!
Look obviously what he said is not something someone who loves you says. He may not be as attracted to you, but what he said is not ok. The real issue is how you feel about the way you look, not his sexual desires. He should have come from a place of concern. I am a diabetic so I do take weight and healthy eating seriously as it led to my own health issues. I recommend low carb and try to get exercise even if it’s walking, just try to move everyday. Low carb works, and it actually makes you feel better. Also, birth control really messed up my hormones permanently. Try getting a non hormonal or even the Mirena IUD (that’s what I use) and it’s been a life saver. I’ve had them changed with no issue. It’s not comfortable the day it goes in or comes out but u only have to deal w it 1x every 7 years. Other than that it’s extremely effective and does not cause weight gain. I had to go on it, I was having major issues with everything else and birth control caused me to have extremely high, irreversible blood pressure for life…which is a documented potential side effect btw. I also have severe PCOS, which they are fiding could be related to birth control pills. It makes sense. A bunch of synthetic hormones pumping through you is not exactly healthy or normal. The list of caustions on the pack is a real warning. They are not healthy..at all. I recommend you get off the birth control immediately and get your hormones tested to see where your imbalances are. Begin with a low carb diet and exercise, you will feel better
Why would you he hearing you’re beautiful from other men if your in a relationship? And he didn’t say anything earlier because he cared about your feelings if it’s any conciliation.
I’m not understanding. Just dump him. Is it really hard to dump someone that’s messing with your self esteem. I’ll rather just die alone than let someone make me feel less human
my partner was with me when i was 25 pounds lighter, 100 pounds heavier, and now at a healthy weight. at every weight, he held the same love and respect for me. he has never missed a day of complimenting since we started dating years ago.
do not waste your life with someone so shallow and disrespectful. you deserve infinitely better.
My dear, ofc it hurts. It’s a horrible thing to hear from ones partner.
If you two are still together, this could be an opportunity for teamwork. It’s okay to take sex off the table for a while – it’s usually necessary at some point in the long lasting relationships. If you both agree to it, you can each handle yourselves in that regard and both work towards a healthier routine together. You can even do friendly competitions, like “I bet I’ll double my pushup rate before you!” Or “I bet I’ll cut down my run time by x before you!”
The lifelong relationships will have periods of fitness and periods of fatness, periods of smooth sailing and those of rocky waters. It doesn’t necessarily mean you stop loving each other, it just means life can throw things at you that make the romantic element a lot harder. And when you’re younger, the loss of that feeling can feel like the complete loss of all love present.
Also, as one woman to another, if you can try different contraception it might really help. My old pill had me really messed up emotionally, and seriously bloated. My current one doesn’t have those problems, but does increase blood pressure :/ I still prefer it massively tho
We all have a type, I am slim, I prefer chunky men. Just because he us fat doesn’t mean he has to like fat women. Nor does it mean you have to lose weight to be attractive to him. Move on to someone who finds you beautiful, as I am sure you are x
Bright side is it’s just weight so you can get rid of it… & when you do get rid of him too.
I’m really sorry that you got sick and went through depression. That is no cake walk.
If you want to lose weight, you can do that by yourself at your own pace. You got sick, that isn’t your fault. Depression is a hell of a thing to fight against and anyone who does is a fucking hero in my opinion. A hero.
Your boyfriend isn’t worth a dime in my humble opinon. He can kick rocks. The value he should see in you is your amazing resilience in the face of sickness, depression and hardship. Sure, physical attraction is a thing, but all things considered, you raise people up if you truly love and respect them as human beings, that trumps physical attraction by far.
However hard this might be for you, please know that you have inherent value and worth regardless of physical size, and you can lose weight, you can’t lose a shallow and spiteful disposition (and he’s fat too so that really sucks for him).
I gained weight when I dated my ex. He was kinda on the chubby side but then we both started gaining weight. I decided that I wanted to lose the weight and he got upset. He told me I was trying to look good for other people instead of just trying to be healthy for myself. That’s when I knew it was over.
I lost the weight and an extra 220lbs as well.
While he is allowed to have preferences, what he said to you is just not okay. I think you should leave and find someone who is into fat girls.
Are you sure he never tried to tell you before and you didn’t realize it and took offense to what he said? As someone who has been through this, my soon to be ex wife gained a lot of weight over the last 21 years. Over the years I tried to nicely tell her but it was always taken negatively, would upset her and most of the time cause her to gain even more weight. After some years I stopped trying because I was tired of being the bad guy when I was trying to be nice, trying to help. Fast forward to when we separated a little over a year ago the weight came up as one of the factors. She did a lot of soul searching and realized how horrible she was about it all those times. She’s since changed her diet and started working out and is losing weight, and I’m proud of her for doing it. But it still doesn’t change the fact she, much like most women, couldn’t take even constructive critism well.
It really hurts to be let down by someone you thought you could rely on. It’s disappointing that he didn’t communicate with you sooner… & its hurtful that he didn’t give you an opportunity to make changes before it was too late. It’s completely understandable that you’re hurt by that.
It sounds to me like your (ex)boyfriend has his own issues and very likely your weight was just one factor of many in why he ended the relationship… But it was an easy thing for him to point at to justify his leaving. A cowardly move on his part.
With all that said, while your boyfriend should have been more upfront and communicative with you, he also has the right to end any relationship in which he’s not happy.
It can be extremely challenging to be partnered with someone who is going through mental health issues, and/or who isn’t prioritizing their physical well being (as understandable as this behavior can be in those circumstances).
Sometimes, as painful and it may be to the other person, the best decision someone can make for themselves is to walk away. Hurtful, yes… But necessary for self preservation.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I really hope that it’s something you’ll be able to use as fuel to prioritize and focus on yourself.. making some hard, but necessary changes so that you will ultimately find the peace & happiness that you deserve.
Did you REALLY think he’d love you/stay with the you no matter how fat you got?!? I’ve known my wife for 17 years…and she knows that if she ever got into “double digit” dress sizes without fighting it TOOTH and FUCKING nail…she’d have 120 days to get the lbs off or I’m OUT. Obviously medical reasons contribute…but there’s never a need to get big so quickly, so much, when you’re young.
She’s nearing 50 and looks great. BTW I’m 10 lbs from basic training weight. Standards are standard.
OP: you purposely deluded yourself and knowingly put your relationship in jeopardy.
I keep seeing posts like this and they’re disgusting. It is not okay for a man to fat shame his partner, PERIOD.
What do you mean he told you “when it was too late”?
Do you mean too late as in, you had already gained all the weight?
Honestly, if he had told you midway through the weight gain…would it have changed anything? Would it have made you somehow less depressed? Would it have made you not sick? Would you have gotten off birth control?
Obviously your boyfriend is a dick, and from what it sounds like he’s also a hypocrite. But it sounds like you’re making the necessary changes to be healthier.
Yeah, this guy sounds like a clueless douche. I’m sorry this happened.
You are literally taking pills for both of you, while sacrificing your health. He should have paid for the gym or something that would help you to be in shape. Dump him!
My ex did the same thing. He always had a high sex drive and out of nowhere he just stopped trying and I knew something was up. I had to poke and prod him to get the answer. Sad part is tho I didn’t even gain a lot of weight. I was relatively the same weight from when we started dating.
My current partner loves me no matter what now. I’ve gained weight since we started dating because I got pregnant and have really struggled to get it off since but he’s always told me I’m beautiful. I think when you’re truly in love with someone’s personality and who they are, those things don’t matter as much.
You started taking birth control for his convenience and he can’t deal with the side effects? I know where you can lose 100+ pounds…
To clear things up:
We both gained weight. We were not fat when we started dating.
For those telling that it was hard to tell your partner — they are not your partner if you cannot tell them about their weight.
For months, I asked him if I was fat — he said he sees me as someone who is sexy. Until March of this year came. I thought he was just tired, I asked him countless of times until today, I asked him firmly and the that’s when he became honest.
I honestly thought he will tell me sooner because for the longest time we have been together, he was my best friend even before we decided to date. We have talked sensitive topics such as religion, finances and our families. Why is it hard to tell your partner about their weight? Why does this different?
——
I appreciate all the messages. Please know that everything just hurts now. I can’t tell my family or friends now because until now, I just don’t want them to see him in a bad light. I still love him even if I feel utterly destroyed. We had plans to marry after our post graduate studies but I guess this is better than to get married and later realize that his love was conditioned on certain things.
Again, thank you for all your kind words. I feel validated by some of your messages.
So I have gained a decent amount of weight because I got a kidney transplant, and the medications caused it. I’ve been with the same man since before the transplant. He remembers size two me.
I was and am really insecure about my new body sometimes. We eat well, I exercise, but prednisone weight is notoriously hard to lose, and I’ve kind of stabilized at a much higher weight than I was before.
I’ve cried over not fitting into things and not looking like I wanted to look.
But he is still 100% all about me. He tells me all the time how sexy he thinks I am. He shows he every day. He flatters me and makes me feel good in my body. He doesn’t care what I weigh. He loves me, and he’s made it clear. He’s also gained a bit of weight and can also be insecure. I still find him just as attractive.
You deserve that. Someone who isn’t going to make you feel bad. Someone who will lift you up no matter what. Find that. Don’t waste any more time with someone who doesn’t actually value you.
Fat men will always be some of the most fatphobic hypocrites out there. You deserve better than this
As gently as I can, OP he’s just shown you his love is conditional. Weight is only one way out of many that your appearance can fluctuate and change. He’s shown you that if, God forbid, something life changing and catastrophic happened to you he can’t be counted on in that time.
Pour into you because you deserve it! Move your body because it’s great for treating depression. Feed yourself good food because your body deserves nourishment. Surround yourself in people who love and adore you and will continue to do so through all the fluctuations in your life. Because you are worthy of that, exactly as you are. Not when you’re 50 pounds lighter. Not when you’re healthy. Not when you’re any arbitrary label or status. But right now. As you are.
Wait… he fat too?! Yeah, drop him and the weight!
I used to be anorexic. I was anorexic for the vast majority of my life, and recovered on my own without medical assistance. In the last few years, I’ve noticed I’ve gained quite a bit of weight. I take multiple medications with it as a side effect, have a fucked up metabolism from being anorexic growing up and years after, I have depression, and I love snacks. My partner has seen my weight gain, and has noticed it. Even though I’m overweight and now get looks when I go to the doctor and they check my weight (as well as an occasional comment), he has been so incredibly kind. The only thing he has expressed is relief, and is happy that now cuddling doesn’t “stab” him lol. He’s been nothing but kind, reassuring, and supportive, and my weight doesn’t factor into any form of my attractiveness.
Similarly, I’ve never felt off about it when I see other guys or girls who are overweight. It doesn’t make them any less attractive to me, unless they are constantly physically uncomfortable and unable to do basic functions.
Your boyfriend is cringe, you deserve better. Your weight and body will grow and change with age and life and living. One day you will be old and you won’t have the body of your youth, and when that happens, you will still be beautiful. The youth will be replaced by experience, the fitness will be replaced with comfort, and you’ll grow and change as everything in nature does. When that happens, you want someone who can see the beauty in your laugh lines and the comfort in your softness, not someone who wants an active 20yr old. If your boyfriend is struggling with this now, I am a bit concerned over how he will in the future. Would he be repulsed by a postpartum body? A post menopausal one? Is that the future you want?
He’s fat too? What a jerk. Dump him.
This is a sign of a man that is not with you because he loves you and all the facets that you are, but frankly he chose you as an accessory to his life, and as your looks have changed, you no longer fit the requirements he has for that accessory.
Never settle for being someone’s accessory.
Whenever I complain about gaining weight my bf plays w my stomach and makes cute noises over me talking (I don’t know how to explain the noises but it sounds like “apupupu” while squishing it w each “pu”) stopping me from further complaining cuz it tickles. He doesn’t care that I gained weight (also due to bc) and makes sure to show me he loves me anyway. That’s how it should be cuz he loves me for me not for my body and would love me even if I gained more weight than I already have. So I’m sorry but your bf sounds like he loves you conditionally and you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who loves you based on your character and not based on your appearance cuz appearance fades character doesn’t. If weight is already an issue for him (while he also is overweight) how would he be when you both are old and start getting grey hair and wrinkles?
The longer I am alive, the more thoroughly convinced I become that everlasting (eternal?) unconditional love exists. Maybe some of our parents have this for us, but certainly not anyone else
I gained around 80 lbs within the first year or two within my relationship. My boyfriend never mentioned it, and when I did, he always told me I’m beautiful and he’s proud to be with me no matter my weight. I lost 100 lbs, and he said the same thing. He didn’t treat me differently either way. I’ve gained almost 70 lbs again, and at this point, he’s gained weight too. He still treats me the same, loves me the same, and hasn’t changed his behavior towards me at all, and I feel the exact same way. My love for him and attraction towards him hasn’t changed, whether he is bigger or smaller. You aren’t the problem here, OP. He is. He has shown you exactly who he is. If you choose to stay with him, that is okay! If you choose to leave him, that is okay as well! Either choice is a difficult decision to make, and only you will know which one feels right to you. Either way, stay strong. Depression & weight gain is so tough, sending you so much positive energy 🤍
I’m sure your partner doesn’t have washboard abs and a great butt anymore. Bodies change, medication, injury, childbirth, mental health, even just general aging.
He’s a jerk. Work on being healthy, that’s all that matters.
My friend, I am truly sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel to have a partner that abandons you. You are not alone and you are worthy of love. I know it can be hard going through depression and when you thought you had a loving partner but do not leave yourself behind. You are worth it, show up for you. Leave the dead weight behind (boyfriend) and love yourself.
man why cant a person be not attracted to their partner if they become obese ? I get that emotional intimacy is a way bigger thing but still , He didnt insult her or anything , they both can lose some weight together or smth
The fact he’s fat too LOL
Don’t waste your time on him.
Literally leave. Then, whenever you’re ready, lose the weight. But fuck this dude and that other lame ass in your comments defending him.
You need to lose weight: the dead weight that your bf is now. You changed because of circumstances out of your control and he thankfully showed his true, hypocritical self before you got married or something.
Some men really can be the worst thing to happen to a woman. I’m sorry about your depression and I know it’s tough dealing with weight gain, especially when it’s related to something medical. You can lost the weight. You can find yourself again. You can do anything except make someone else love you the way you deserve to be loved. Only you can give yourself that.
I also have gained a lot of weight due to medication and depression. Our society is so cruel to those struggling with weight and I want you to know THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did the best you could and this was not the result of incompetence or laziness. You were sick mentally and physically, this is one of the symptoms. I am in your shoes right now, I feel the same way about myself.
Having such a drastic change in appearance can be disorienting and incredibly upsetting. I want you to know that there are people out there who will understand and not judge you. Be gentle with yourself, talk to your doctor about your mental health and medication. Birth control and antidepressants are infamous for causing ridiculous weight gain. You are not alone and you are just as worthy of love as you were before ❤️
Please find someone who doesn’t think your body is what makes you beautiful. YOU are what makes you beautiful.
I am speaking from experience. I should have left when he told me he wouldn’t have dated me if I’d been “this fat” when we met.
It wrecked me. I tell this story so you don’t have to spend years believing bullshit about your desirability like I did.
so there’s plenty of positivity and moral support in the comments but i’m going to keep it real here…
it’s disingenuous to say you “wish he told you sooner”…
you would’ve been just as angry/disheartened about hearing it back then as you are now. and if you posted about it on reddit, all the replies would be the same (“dump him” “he’s shallow” etc)
for men, this is a lose-lose situation:
if he brings it up, he’s a shallow asshole
if he doesn’t bring it up and loses attraction over time, he’s a shallow asshole
i’ve seen countless threads from both perspectives (woman who gained weight, and man posting about his significant other gaining weight)… and the universal response is always to destroy the man in the scenario
YOU knew you were gaining weight and now you want to pin it on him for not “bringing it up sooner” instead of taking responsibility for your own health and appearance.
You didn’t deserve to find out that way — not after everything you’ve been through, not when you were vulnerable enough to ask. What you shared is raw, and it matters. This isn’t just about weight or attraction — it’s about feeling invisible in a space that should have felt safe.
You’ve been surviving a storm: depression, illness, hormonal changes — and you’re still here, still fighting, still trying. That’s not weakness. That’s strength people can’t measure on a scale. You are not unlovable. You are not a problem to be fixed. And the fact that strangers see your beauty while the person closest to you forgot to say it? That’s his failure, not yours.
Keep going. Not for him — for you. The person you feel you’ve lost is still in there, waiting to be treated with kindness. Start with yourself. You deserve that much, and more.
I agree with the other comments regarding your bf being an AH. But, some birth control pills can cause depression and weight gain. You might want to talk to your Dr. The depression is concerning.
So. My husband and I got married 28 years ago tomorrow. I was 5’2”, 112 pounds. 3 years later, we got into a car accident. 13 years of ankle surgeries and constant pain followed. In 2013, I had my leg amputated. The nerve meds instantly made me gain 15 pounds. A year later I tried going off the medication, but wasn’t ready so I went back up on the dosage. Gained another 15 pounds. I also had a baby in that timeframe.
Had to go on a strong antidepressant. Gained some more pounds, and not healthy enough to exercise.
I currently am 49, weigh 186 and have one leg.
I still have my husband and we are still …active.
I gross myself out but he has never said anything negative about my body in 28 years.
Please don’t settle for someone who doesn’t love you for YOU, and not for your body.
I have always been a larger girl.
In high school, I weighed 250 lbs. I also met my husband in high school. We were 15/16 now we are 29/30. We have been together through so many hardships. I have gained 200 pounds over the course of our relationship, most of it within the last 5 or 6 years.
6 years ago, my 2 closest family members were killed in a car accident. My mental health didn’t even exist after that, and I spiraled so hard I barely existed. I gained 150 pounds in one year. Over the next couple of years, I slowly put on another 50. I got up to 440 lbs.
My husband and I had less sex because I was embarrassed and insecure. He still tried to initiate and still told me I was beautiful. Held me when I cried, told me my body did not change who I am, he is attracted to me.
Mid-last year (after a couple years of dieting and struggling and therapy and working on my mental health), I decided to have weight loss surgery. My husband was 100 percent on board with WHATEVER choice I made. He waited on me hand and foot in the hospital and for a week after we got home.
I have since lost 50-ish pounds, and he just tells me congrats, and he is so happy that I am FEELING better. He encourages me and reminds me to take all my vitamins and track my food, but NEVER once in this journey over the last 6 years has he EVER made me feel bad, unattractive or less than because of my size.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Leave him and find someone who treats you better. Because it is out there. You are more than your body.
I gained ~50 lbs over the course of my relationship with my current boyfriend (we’ve been together 5 years). I struggled with an ED as a teenager, and when I started dating him, I was so happy. He would take me out to eat all the time, buy me candy and snacks, and I indulged in whatever I wanted to. After a while, we both became gym rats. I was diagnosed with PCOS, and it feels like no matter what I do, I can’t lose the weight to get back to my old weight. Throughout all of this, my boyfriend has not changed his opinion of how he sees me. He still compliments my body, tells me how much he loves me everyday, and we have a very healthy sex life. Now, he’s super buff and lean, and I’m still big. What I’m trying to say here is that if he really loved you and was a good person, he would love you no matter what. Love should not be conditional on what you look like. If he was willing to lose you over this, he’s not the right one. You’re better off without him. You need to find someone who thinks you’re beautiful no matter your weight.
Hi, op.
I was 100 lbs in high school. Got on birth control (depo provera) and jumped to 110-115 lbs. At 20 (no longer on birth control) I was 138 lbs. This is when I met my now fiancé. I slowly but surely started gaining more weight. I reached 180 lbs when I finally went to a doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS and Hypothyroidism. So back on birth control I went (for the PCOS). Eventually got on a weight loss medication due to insulin resistance. (I’m down 38 lbs!)
Anyways, all that to say: My fiancé never once treated me any different. If anything, he’d be there for me when I complained and cried about my weight. He’d work with me to both watch what we ate. He still wanted to have sex with me and complimented my cute outfits.
Your boyfriend SUCKS. Women’s health is so complicated and life happens. There’s no promises that you’ll be an itty bitty skinny legend FOREVER. And the fact that he’s fat and has the nerve to say anything about YOUR weight? Pitiful. He’s gross.
Relationship weight gain is pretty normal. Hasn’t happened to me but my ex when I met him had a 6 pack and then almost immediately stopped working out. One day his mom complimented me for putting so much meat on his bones and I was like “dang, look at that badonkadonk.” Literally never noticed he has gotten a lil chunky. Logically I understand why someone’s body changing drastically would affect someone’s ability to be attracted to them, but, I can’t emphasize. Yeah the abs attracted me, but I fell in love with the man attached to the abs, and when the abs left he was still there, which was way sexier. Looks are always going to fade, find someone who wants to have sex with your personality.
He’s doing you a favor and letting you know he’s not the one for you. You can lose weight, he’ll still be a shallow asshole.
It’s the double standards for me. Girl leave him. You’ll find someone who will love you regardless of your weight and will stick with you no matter what. And if losing weight is something you want for you, he’ll help you, motivate you rather than put you down
This is why i will never let myself go once in a relationship. The thing is, you should encourage your partner to have healthy habits, not let them go the opposite way. A partner is supposed to bring out the best in you
My therapist, who I no longer see, fed me a crock of garbage about when two people are happy together they gain weight. I can believe this but I also believe that if two people who have disorders with impulse issues are together they can conflict with one another and those can cause some definite issues and bring out the worst in each other (yes I’m going somewhere with this)
I started at 123 pounds before I met my ex husband. In six months of being with him I went from that to 175 and gained an ED because my impulse with eating was out of control. I used to easily be able to say no but he would just argue with me so badly to the point that no wasn’t no anymore. It was just complacency or figuring it out.
Suffice to say learn from me if a relationship is changing who you are on a fundamental level and you notice it. Don’t keep dealing with it and leave. That relationship is not good for you or your health.
You’re going to have the best come back with yourself. And when you do don’t take him back [because now you meet his conditions to be loved.] He doesn’t deserve you
Dump him plenty more out there!
It’s ok to gain weight. But if you gain weight and start to dress is sweat pants and tshirts and stop doing your makeup and stop taking care of yourself and your hygiene then it’s a problem.
I mean fuck this dude, it doesn’t seem he cares about his weight but is concerned with yours? Dump this bozo and find someone who will love you for who you are inside and out.
Then your partner never liked you for you. He sounds superficial, which lowers his worth, not yours.
>he is fat too, like me.
In a nice relationship, maybe both of you can get on a health journey together. I saw that on another post a few days ago. It rejuvenated their marriage.
You deserve a partner that loves you for you. Whether overweight or underweight, everyone deserves love.
The audacity of that man to criticize then dump you for being fat when HE himself is fat!! 😤
The fact he’s fat too is crazy for him to act like that
The fact that he’s fat but you love him just the way he is, should be telling you something
The audacity and nerve to tell you he doesn’t like to have sex with you and doesn’t find you attractive, when he’s a sack of dusty potatoes is nasty work!
First congrats on dropping that dead weight of that POS ex boyfriend.
Next find a therapist or work on your self esteem/confidence.
Next start small. Make some smart changes in your eating and exercising and journal. Stick to it, trust the process. You got this! Good luck!
21 overall years with wife. We both gained weight. We both aren’t satisfied with the weight gain but what I noticed was what I found attractive changed with her weight gain. I love me some thickness. I think she looks phenomenal right now and always has no matter her weight. I support her during her weight loss journey but I’m happy either way as long as she is healthy. Focus on making yourself happy and healthy. There is someone out there that will love you for you.
When you stopped caring about yourself, your bf did too. Its not your bf job to take care of your body, or let you know when you are fat. I imagine a whole different set of drama if he has ever brought it up earlier how he felt
At some point men realize that what they think doesn’t matter and they get easier to live with. Tbt in a woman’s life she will be fat. She will be skinny. She will be whatever she is. If you are someone that “loses attraction ” due to weight fluctuations. Don’t pretend to want a long term relationship, because EVERYONE changes. Some changes are less appealing than others.
if he’s fat too he can’t say ANYTHING girl you don’t deserve this
When i was dating my ex-boyfriend, we both gained a lot of weight because we were very sendintary and unhealthy. Eventually, I wanted to change that and get back to a healthy weight. I told him I was going to start losing some weight and having a healthier lifestyle and his response was “but if you lose a lot of weight you’re going to turn into a bitch” which was disgusting to hear. I still dont even know what that meant. I ended up getting at a great pace and losing a decent amount of weight. I was not attracted to him anymore, yes due to his weight gain, but it was more so his extremely unhealthy lifestyle. He did not eat well, get exercise, or do anything to take good care of himself. He also got so bitter when I was trying to better myself lol
So hearing what your boyfriend said to you it is giving projection.
I got fat too. Gained weight from the depo shot and being really depressed, gained another 30 pounds after having two kids. I sacrificed my body up for our relationship and our children. I avoid looking in the mirror now because I want to cry just seeing myself.
But you know what? A true partner would love you for who you are, not what you look like. My husband is supporting me as I try to lose weight not for himself, but for my own self-confidence and health. Do not be with someone who doesn’t love you through every season of life.
My wife and I both ballooned up pretty good. I was the first to start cutting weight (easier for me). So for a few years I was back to being trim, but she was still struggling. I stuck by her and showed her love, encouraged her but never pressured her, and simply tried to be a good example. Lo and behold after several years she was able to cut her weight as well and got back to her HS weight. Amazing what happens when you truly love someone and you give them the support you would like to have yourself. We both are flow the most fit we’ve ever been in our lives.