Yesterday I went to the gynecologist, and it was honestly one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had. I had to go because of some intense burning and discomfort, and I was scared about what might be going on.
Turns out I 99% have HSV1 and HSV2, and I need to get tests done to be sure.
During the visit, it hurt so badly that I ended up crying and even screaming from the pain. It wasn’t something I could control — it just felt unbearable. It felt like it was ripping me apart, even though my gynaecologist was so delicate.
I can’t stop overthinking it. I feel so insecure about how I reacted. I’m 100% sure the patient in the waiting room heard me becau she gave me an “I understand you” type of smile.
I keep worrying that they thought I was overreacting, even though I know it was a genuine response to the pain, like it was THAT painful, I can’t even describe it.
It’s hard not to feel embarrassed even though deep down I know I shouldn’t be. It just really shook me.
In a week I have another appointment to check if the therapy is working and I’m already terrified.
Are there no other methods to do internal visits? it seems so barbaric, or maybe it’s just me 🙁
Comments
I am not aware of any other ways for internal visits, but I just wanna show some support – 🫵🏻 got this
Was your doctor empathetic? Gentle? You should not feel embarrassed and you your doctor should’ve reassured your feelings !
As I understand it, initial breakouts of hsv are very painful. Is this your first ever gyn appointment?
don’t be embarrassed. you’re at the doctor. everyone who is there is either there with an issue or has seen/dealt with all kinds of issues already.
My last Pap smear was agony. I also screamed and cried. She said she had to go up and over. Asked how my son was delivered and was not at all surprised that he was a C-section (though this is not to say you will end up having a C-section if you decide to have children). She said to scooch down on the bed as much as possible, drop your legs as much as possible and breathe. Although the letter said you don’t need to take painkillers before hand I absolutely did and will do stronger ones next time. Sadly there may be nothing to be done about this discomfort if it’s a physical, internal thing (as it sounds like it is for me) but I am providing solidarity and asking you to be kind to yourself. I also work in healthcare and can almost guarantee that the gynaecologist has seen/ heard a lot worse
My gyno has seen me at rock bottom.
He was there with me as a pregnant teenager, he was there during the adoption process, he stitched me up, he was there when I ugly cried when a nurse messed up at my postpartum checkup and asked why I didn’t bring baby in, he was there when my postpartum anxiety was at its worst, and he’s seen WAYY to many parts of my body at all kinds of stages.
So please don’t feel embarrassed. That’s what their jobs are for. To guide us through hard times and advocate for our care.
If anything she probably felt horrible for you.
Your gyno was supportive and understanding, the patient outside was supportive and understanding, and regardless there is nothing shameful or reproachable about your reaction. Why are you torturing yourself with this?
Absolutely do not feel embarrassed for being in pain – it’s horrible that you have had to go through that and you should never feel bad for crying or screaming because something hurt so much!
I don’t know what is available but why don’t you try calling them and ask what pain relief you can have, before your next appointment? Do not in any way be embarrassed to ask – there is absolutely nothing wrong at all not wanting to go through pain!
I don’t know why women’s pain often gets ignored so much by doctors but it’s amazing how often pain relief is available but not automatically offered so never be scared to ask.
If they don’t offer anything I would at least take the strongest pain killers you can get your hands on before you go in – hopefully they will offer something localized and/or stronger then OTC tablets but if they don’t that should help take the edge off it.
I once went in because of pain, which I told the receptionist, I went in and he put in the speculum in rather roughly and I screamed in pain. What did he do? He turned around to yell at his receptionist about her not telling him I was there for pain. All while I’m still there with metal sticking out my hoohah while she yells back “ITS ON THE CHART!”
After all that we were all still comfortable and friendly enough to treat the pain and then eventually a pregnancy and delivery.
My first breakout from herpes was insanely painful, like level 10. Sometimes the blisters can be internal, which I’m guessing is what happened here. And that really sucks.
Request some painkillers. They 100% help while you are waiting for the meds to start working.
Try not to worry too much about it. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not that rare for patients to scream, grab, bite, kick, cry, jump,,… out of pain. Everyone working in health care is very used to it as long it’s not their first day working in the field. It’s normal and something you’re prepared for when people come in with painful conditions you have to work on. You can’t avoid to cause them even more pain when they’re already worn out from carrying that same pain for a while and of course they’ll react. We’re all human. I personally think it’s better they let it out (preferably without getting aggressive towards the staff), it’s an involuntary reaction that makes pain more bearable for us. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
Also, she’s a gynecologist. She’s likely very used to people crying. Women’s health care is still associated with lots of pain because alleviating pain for women (compared to men) is not that much of a thing unfortunately. There are also a lot of women who endured CSA, rape and sexual assault in adulthood and examinations at the gynecologist cause flashbacks and outbursts. You’re not the first nor are you the last to cry in pain there. Gynecology is a very delicate field when it comes to pain and emotions. Don’t be embarrassed. It really is not a big deal for your doctor or anyone working in health care.
Hope you get better soon!
Your reaction was instinctive and your body wasn’t wrong! Have compassion for yourself and let it go. Don’t continue to cause yourself pain with your thoughts!! Breathe and love yourself and let it go. I wish you well!
Hey, nurse here. I worked in gynae in the past. We had a very young patient in with her first ever herpes outbreak. One of the blisters has formed over her urethra and she couldn’t pass urine as a result. We bladder scanned her, she was fit to burst, and we needed to catheterise her to get that urine out. She was screaming with the pain. I ended up having to get the gas and air from obstetrics for her so we could help her. Gynaecologists understand how painful herpes is, especially the first outbreak. Honestly, don’t stress.
I have both HSV1 and 2. If it’s your first outbreak that one hurts the most especially if they are getting in there to see how bad it is. Next time take Tylenol before the appointment. I had to take 3 200 mg before the appointment just to be okay with the pain. Call and see if they can give you something for pain. They might be able to prescribe you something. It never hurts to ask.
Also make sure to take the meds they give you if you are in daily doses please take to minimize future outbreaks. I was first with only take when an outbreak happens but sometimes my pharmacy would be out so I would be in pain the first day or two. When I switch obgyns my new one said no we are gonna do daily and it’s better for you. I love this obgyns because she is right. When I do get them I hardly feel it.
Also make sure if you ever see floaters in your eye to get it checked out asap. My hsv-1 isn’t only the core sore but has also been in my eye twice now. The first time I didn’t know what it was and waited to go to my eye doctor until I could hardly see out of my eye. Who referred to a specialist and as seen as they saw inside they knew. They said it’s common if I get cold sores then it can happen in my eye. I waited too long where I would’ve lost my vision. So just something to look keep in mind because I never knew that before it happened to me.
Once you learn to manage it. It gets easier and finding an understanding partner helps as well.
My gyno knows how much i hate getting a pap, to the point ive almost passed out before. It’s very uncomfortable for me, and i dread going. She’s also seen me cry and scream out in pain. They have seen it all. Give yourself some grace. You were already having discomfort and then had to have the exam. I’m sure your gyno didn’t think anything of it.
I promise you doctors have experienced worse, so please don’t feel like the doctor was judging you. The patient in the waiting room seemed understanding and kind. You did nothing wrong and you don’t need to beat yourself up about this. Getting a diagnosis like that is hard enough already and you don’t need another thing to worry about. I hope you feel better soon
Hi love, no need to feel embarrassed or insecure. You experienced a very normal response to pain. Your doctor likely feels very bad for you and empathizes with your pain. There are a lot of problems with women’s health care in this country, especially when it comes to pain management. If this gives you any hope, I had an IUD put in yesterday under sedation at the hospital because my doctor could tell how nervous I was about it and actually took my pain seriously. I would consider asking your doctor for sedation for things like this moving forward; a good gyno will help to set that up for you. If they don’t, time for a new gyno.
It was suggested that I have an IUD for an ongoing issue I had.
They gave me a local anaesthetic plus gas, and it was so painful I was crying and begging her to stop. She abandoned the procedure, despite being gentle, when I was sobbing from the pain.
Unfortunately, some of us have this problem. I’ve always had pain with examinations and smear tests.
Talk to your doctor to see if they can give you a local anaesthetic next time. It might help, or ask if you can take painkillers before the examination.
I hope it was the HSV so it will be less painful for you.
I feel your pain hun. It’s horrid and unfortunately no other way for them to do these exams. But listen, these professionals have seen and heard it all. Don’t feel ashamed about nothing.
Do consider some pain meds before you go for the next one as that helps me. Also never be afraid to tell them to stop to give you a break. Take someone with you for support. X
Certain numbing solutions can be used to help, and for my iud replacement, my Dr prescribed me Xanax so I’d be calm for the procedure.
I’m sorry this happened. I feel doctors don’t think about how much pain we can be sometimes. I’m sure your doctor was doing his best.
I’ve been there!!! I had abnormal cells on a Pap smear once and they had to do a colposcopy procedure weeks later and it was AWFUL! Like, traumatizing, particularly because I was told it would be painless! I read afterwords that patients can ask for local anesthesia. If I were you I would set up a phone call before your next appointment to explore options. Medicine is still lacking in acknowledgment of the realities of how gynecology appointments can be painful. Lots of doctors still insist that the cervix does not have nerve endings. It was incredibly disappointing and traumatizing for me, but what I learned is that there are ways we can advocate for ourselves that aren’t presented as up front options. Ask for anesthetic!
I know it’s not the same hole but I cried and told the dentist I was scared when I had to have a tooth pulled. The nurse held my hand. I felt like I was 6 years old again.
Oh honey, I just went to the gyno on Tuesday for an endometrial biopsy to investigate a massive fibroid I have. I am still in pain and bleeding after the fact. They advised me to take two advil 30 minutes prior because ‘it can be a little uncomfortable’ (classic Dr speak) and OMG it was so painful. I was yelling “ow ow ow”, white-knuckling the chair and literally tearing up with the pain.
You absolutely have nothing to be insecure or ashamed over, it absolutely does hurt and it hurts a LOT.
You made it through like a champ and I’ll be cheering you on the next few weeks as I also go through my many pokes and prods before a hysterectomy I will ultimately need to have at the age of 37.
You do what you need to to make it through the pain, yell, cry, swear! If possible ask for a local to the cervix to make it somewhat bearable, or at the very least, take two advil 30 mins before.
You got this ❤️
Hey, I hope you get well quick! Please focus on your recovery and try not to worry about how others might have perceived your cries. The former matters, the latter doesn’t. 🙂
Also, with that first visit out of your way, things will only get better from here on out! Once those tests come back and a proper diagnosis can be made, then you’ll get the meds and treatment you need and you’ll feel a lot better in no time. The painful experience from your examination will soon be firmly in the past. You got this!
Ask your gyno is you need to take prophylactic pain relief before your next appointment.
The patient in the waiting room has no idea why you were there so your reaction to pain could have been from anything. There is so much that can happen to women’s bodies that is gynecological related. And pain is pain and how we feel and react to that pain is for the individual feeling it not the observer. The observer can only imagine guess or empathize or not, but we can’t judge what we ourselves aren’t experiencing.
You focus on healing now, not anything else. Keep your stress down. Best wishes.
Before my culposcopy they told me i would feel a little pinch and some slight burning. i’m pretty sure they heard me yelling in the parking lot. I ended up having a cone biopsy after with the same doctor, and during the procedure she pinched my pudendal nerve. I’ve since had a hysterectomy and i’m going into month six of chronic pain because of it.
what anyone else thinks of you is NONE of your business! Doesn’t matter. Stop thinking about anyone that could be judging you because at the end of the day they probably aren’t at all. Also, it is very likely that you will not feel pain next time. HSV calms down a lot in just a days time… especially with meds. Please try to relax because it is also aggravated by stress. As time goes on you will get used to the virus and you will also meet many people who have it or hear of them. It’s very common these days and remember- someone gave it to you… it’s not like you knew going in that you would end up with it. You WILL be alright
It’s not just you. While I have a very different issues than you (potential cancer). I recently went for a obgyn biopsy….it was one of the worst experiences / painful that I have ever gone through. (I can tolerate high pain. I had a broken foot and did not know it for a couple of months, just felt sore – giving this example bcs a broken bone has nothing on a uterine biopsy) They said it will pinch, well, this pinch felt like my intestines were being twisted and burned. She couldn’t get the damn thing in to get the biopsy after trying to shove it in and then said she needed to dilate me. Once that was done, she proceeded to again shove that damn tube with claws in it to get tissue for biopsy. I screamed at the top of my lungs when this happened. I was mortified. You could tell she felt terrible and was also shocked at how badly the procedure went BUT she needed to get tissue to determine if I have cancer. She told me I needed to go home and rest for a day or two. Three days later, I finally stopped crying and bleeding. My doctor was empathetic however I switched doctors bcs I don’t think I could go back in that office without shaking in my heels. Moral of the story, we need better care in women’s health and there is NOTHING you should feel ashamed or embarrassed of.
I work with patients in a different specialty but when I get a patient in a state of extreme distress I ask if I can close the exam room doors and just sit with them. I choose the doors, dim the lights, hand my patient a fistful of tissues and tell them “we’re going to take a bit to just have a moment. If you want to talk-I’m listening, but you don’t have to say anything.” I don’t care how busy my schedule is I will sit there as long as necessary.
Like all other outstanding healthcare workers I know I focus on building a relationship with my patients, establishing a trusted partnership for their care.
Your doctor and staff are very likely the same way. They only want the best care for you. When you screamed in pain they weren’t thinking “oh shut up” but instead they were probably restraining themselves from giving you a comforting hug. The patients they see are often in pain and very scared, especially anxious because of the vulnerable nature of the examined anatomy. They know that a 1” patch of HSV/HZV on the belly will bring a 6’3”, 250lb, man to his knees so one little blister in a centralized nerve zone is enough to make you consider the merits of dressing up as a cat and having the Vet humanely end your suffering.
Sadly the medical field doesn’t seem to care if it hurts for women. There is a new form of device like an iud but for men- they get enough drugs to knock them out for it but when they remove a woman’s iud? Nothing. Nothing for two speculums and basically a whole hand up in your cervix. I cried and yelled in pain too. I wouldn’t feel bad- I’m sure many women before you have done the same.
Gynaecologists are used to people crying and screaming in pain so don’t worry about it. Also don’t feel awkward about it because people are generally very self centric and don’t remember what someone else did that one time.
Jesus. I thought my outbreaks were bad 🥹 I’m realizing through these comments here that it could be much worse. I am so sorry what some of y’all have to go through
Gynea doctors are so much more respectful than people realise they’ve seen more than we know heard more than our screams and cry’s. If not they wouldn’t last long. My doctor has seen me in some states and made me feel better. So don’t worry about being like that they’ve probably dealt with worse
TW! During my second pregnancy I had a hemorrhoid that had to be taken care of and this is done by first taking a freaking needle to the butthole to numb it up first. Long story short, I screamed and cried because it hurt so bad and I was SO pregnant. She held my hand, reassured me, and helped me get through it. You’re not wrong for reacting to pain and shouldn’t be hard on yourself. They see it all!
HSV 1 or 2 can be one of the most painful things ,I got hsv1 with my long term partner while on antibiotics, my primary outbreak was hell I mean pure hell the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, ext few were slight and manageable one was pretty bag but still not near the primary and 2 years on from contracting hsv1 I haven’t had an outbreak in coming up on 8 months and I’m super happy with it . All that to say your pain is so valid,it will get better,the mental toll can be really really difficult but just know ur not less than because you have hsv1 ,you can still date and have healthy relationships and sex life and hsv is absolutely manageable with antivirals. You’ll be OK.
Everyone reacts to pain differently, and trust me, she has seen it ALL
I usually cry when I go to the doctor or gynecologist. I’m very anxious about a couple of things. One is I’m always anxious that they’ll find something really wrong. The more embarrassing one is because I’m afraid of criticism for any health problems I’m not handling optimally. I am overweight, so I know it’s not crazy to think they will criticize me for that. I worry about them criticizing me for high blood pressure, too. My fear of criticism includes fear of being criticized for crying, so I get an anxiety loop going. I’m crying thinking about it now.
As someone who had it and got tested to, don’t be embarrassed cause that shit hurts!!! The outbreaks get easier though.
Girl, these people see women giving birth. You’re fine. I’m a psych nurse, and you don’t even understand the things I’ve seen… like this will completely forgotten other than this patient needs a smaller speculum.
When I got my first IUD I cried and threw up in the office from the pain, I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁 not until my third IUD placement was any pain management offered besides the typical Tylenol, it’s so unfortunate that women’s health is treated as if we don’t feel anything or it’ll JUST “be a pinch” women’s healthcare is pretty barbaric
As a CMA, I can tell you no one is looking at you as weak. I have yet to meet another woman who has always had a “good time” with every gyno appointment. You cannot control how you react to pain. Please don’t not feel insecure about it. As another woman who has HVS, I completely understand how painful any touch can be.
Your doctor will need to be reminded of how much pain this caused if you need a follow up appointment. As much as we try to remember, it can be hard and there really isn’t anywhere we can note this on your chart as a flag. (Damn Epic).
Please keep strong ! And, please, speak up if you’re hurting. You are the only one that knows your pain and your tolerances.
My first time was super painful. I also screamed and cried. I had vaginismus.
I had my old IUD taken out and a new one put in. I thought it was gonna be like last time where it felt like a really bad cramp and I was able to drive myself back home. No. No it was not like last time. The pain was horrible and all I had beforehand was an 800mg ibuprofen which I threw up anyway right after they finished insertion. I spent almost 2 hours in the clinic in pain and waiting for someone to pick me up.
All this to say, despite me being in so much pain and even I think keeping the nurses past closing, they were all so kind and made me feel better. A lot of these doctors and nurses have seen people in all kinds of different mental and physical states, so please don’t feel self conscious for going through something so painful and having a human reaction to it.
If you’re in an active outbreak of HSV, it could be that that’s making you extra sensitive. My first, and so far only, active outbreak was so painful and itchy it was unbearable.
Oh my goodness, I cannot put up with that treatment, tell me you have someone there for you?
Were you offered a local anaesthetic? Probably not. If you were at the point of screaming in pain, it sounds like yet another example of women’s very real pain getting dismissed. If a man came in for a procedure on his tender areas, you can bet he would get pain relief.
Sorry, men are great, love them, but this disparity has to be addressed.
I remember one time I broke down crying at the clinic because I had a yeast infection, at the time I was getting them so frequently I was desperate. Started bawling my eyes out when I was told. They were all very sympathetic and respectful, you got nothing to be embarrassed about. They have seen it all. Being a woman ain’t easy!
Girl I screamed so hard when they tried to insert my IUD. They eventually gave up and said we’d have to reschedule and try again with some pain management. I was PISSED that isn’t the default. Granted “pain management” was just an anxiety pill and some Tylenol but better than nothing.
Women’s pain especially when it comes to reproductive health has for far too long been seen as something inevitable that we should just suck it up and deal with.
Don’t be embarrassed. You aren’t the only one.
It’s a sensitive place! You’re not the first and you won’t be the last.
There are so many painful procedures, even a basic pap makes me tear up.
Don’t be ashamed, all of this is understandable.
Be kind to yourself, take a warm bath or something that will help you and your body relax.
My first outbreak was so painful that I couldn’t walk. Having them do whatever they do to test for it was top 5 most painful things I’ve ever experienced. With that being said, I have NEVER had an outbreak as severe as the first, and most are gone within 3-5 days. I also have a very healthy sex life with a husband who does NOT have HSV1 or 2. There is a ton of stigma around HSV, but this is not the end of your life. You will learn to live with it, and it will become just another thing that’s a part of you. 💗
I don’t think a single woman would judge you for screaming in pain at the gyno. We all know how much even routine things hurt.
Hi, watch videos of men screaming/crying while they’re just getting tattooed. You’ll feel much better for having a legitimate reaction to severe pain in an incredibly sensitive area.
I used to feel bad, but I’ve since decided that if I’m feeling it at the gynecologist, we’re ALL gonna hear about it (if I need). NO GUILT!
I have worked in a variety of specialty physician offices and have, on occasion, heard patients scream/cry when a procedure was being done. The only thing going through our minds was how much it must suck to be in the person’s position. Sometimes there’s just not enough numbing that can be done in a clinic setting and everyone’s pain tolerance is different. There’s no shame in feeling how you felt.
if it makes you feel better, my first gyno appointment was much later in life than average and i was so freaked out that they wrote “patient was nervous for procedure” in the appointment notes lmao. so you’re not alone!
It’s none of their business what noise you were making. Speculum can be uncomfortable at the best of times, painful if done incorrectly and I can only imagine excruciating with an ilness/infection.
Ugh the first outbreak is always the worst. I remember screaming every time I had to use the restroom or even just to stand or walk. Don’t worry about the gyno. They’ve seen a lot and there’s no way they’re thinking about it.
Hey, so I didn’t cry at mine, but I did yell out in pain and even swore. Luckily my doctors have known me for years so they were very understanding and the nurse even let me squeeze her hand during! Each one has gotten easier, but my first two were terrifying to the extent I was absolutely visibly shaking and nearly panicking before them.
I’m so sorry that was your experience. It’s hard living with a damn uterus and ovaries sometimes, but you’re not alone! It’s a sensitive area and you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling that discomfort. ❤️
I know your pain oh so well! Diagnosed with HSV2 in 2022 just one day before my 1st wedding anniversary with my husband. Still married, and I’m doing just fine. I hope you get better soon! That pain was unbearable and made me not want to pee because it hurt so much!
You’re not alone😊 I went for a pap the other day and started crying from the pain. I profusely apologized and felt so defeated. I went back to a specialist and still couldn’t get it done. I now need to go back a third time high on medication for a 3rd attempt 🫠
There’s nothing to be ashamed of for reacting to an uncomfortable medical situation. Staff and other patients usually understand.