My wife and I started taking a self-defense class recently. There’s been more crime in our area and we had a couple close calls where things almost got physical. We realized we really didn’t know what we were doing in that kind of situation, so we signed up.The class is no-nonsense. No uniforms, no belts. It’s kind of like Krav Maga but mixed with other stuff. The goal is just to survive and get away.
My wife is doing great. She’s strong for her size, really quick, and has great instincts. She’s one of the top students and spars with the bigger guys all the time. She actually beats some of them. I’m not as far along. I was never good at sports or body coordination. I try my best, and we practice at home when we can, but I usually get paired with beginners in class. I’m still figuring things out.
After class one night we told the instructor about the situations we had before joining. He asked how we reacted and I told him I stepped in front of my wife to protect her. He was blunt. He said if anything like that happens again, my wife needs to take the lead. “She’s better at this. That should be clear to both of you.” He said because I’m bigger, the guy will focus on me. If I get hurt or knocked out, my wife can’t do anything. She can’t escape with me on the ground. But if she acts first, there’s a better chance the guy gets stunned or hurt and we both get away. That’s the goal. Not to win, just to get away. Because if I’m down, then she’s left with horrible options—either beat the guy into total submission, maybe kill him, or run and leave me there bleeding.
He also pointed out something I hadn’t really said out loud before. In high-stress moments, my instinct is to freeze. I try to fight through it, but I hesitate while I’m doing that. She doesn’t. She’s just on instinct, and hers is to fight.
We talked about and she knew but was glad the instructor said it so she didnt have to. She had a great point and said if she gets the first few hits in, I can help her and we still do it as a team.
Comments
Totally logical.
But that headline sure gave me and my wife a giggle
I thought a self defense instructor was branching off to start marriage counseling based on that title. Do you feel safer when you’re walking around with your wife? I know I would
Good for your instructor for not sugar coating, and good for you for being receptive to the feedback.
If you think, you use strength. If you use strength, you tire. If you tire, you die. Don’t think, and don’t die.
Hey whatever works! We can’t help some of our physiological responses. So if she can get a few jabs in you can jump in with help. I would I suggest you take some Pepperspray, taser or knuck fists. That is always added advantage.
Sorry but this is pretty funny. Instructor just called you out 😂 Also, Krav Maga? Goodness lol
Props to you handling this so well and admitting how you would react in high-stress situations. I donno, as a dude, I’m more impressed by your logical reasoning.
As someone who’s been doing martial arts for over a decade, if you started doing classes “recently” and you are sparring, you should NOT be taking that class.
No one doing any form a martial art for a short enough time that “recently” applies has the kind of skill and control to spar safely and no instructor worth their salt would allow you to be sparring.
If the “instructor” is telling you to fight in any circumstance other than the other person has already directly attacked you, they aren’t teaching you self defense.
The ONLY objective in real self defense is escape. A street fight is one of the single most dangerous situations any human can be in that doesn’t involve an actual war zone or a rapid animal.
In almost any situation in which you are being threatened, the absolute best thing to do is comply. Hand over the wallet, the phone etc. deescalate by any means necessary.
if it’s a situation where the goal is to harm you, rape etc, you do just enough damage that running is viable and then you run.
Sounds like the instructor did touch on that but that just circles back to my point. Your instructor shouldn’t be saying your wife needs to strike first at all because you never want to be the one to start the violence because again, you want to deescalate by any means necessary. NEVER throw the first punch.
My last bit before getting off my soapbox is that you can and should learn to step past the freeze response but that’s not achieved by fighting through it. It’s achieved through repetitive action over and over again until the fundamental movements are so ingrained that they are done without thought.
TL;DR if this post is real, that instructor is a danger to you and is going to get you hurt or killed
Logical. My wife and I did Kenpo Katate for years together. Technically I was stronger on forms, skills etc. but you put us on the mat to spar and she could flip a psycho switch so fast she was unstoppable. She could and would kick my butt repeatedly. Always been proud of that about her.
While this is incredibly funny, kudos to you for handling it as a mature adult, and not taking it as a direct hit to your ego, or lashing out at your wife afterwards. Your instructor pointed it out- you’re a team, and you divide roles/tasks according to abilities. I’m sure you’re proud of both your wife & yourself. I hope you both keep at it!
I’m gonna be completely honest with you OP most self defence training is bullshit. Please try to run away if anything happens.
Makes sense. It’s good that you guys had a frank conversation and are on the same page. All that matters is you have a plan and are on the same page.
Sounds like moving may be the ticket if you feel you’re going to get in a street fight. Jesus, the only thing you get in a street brawl is crippled, killed, or arrested and charged with murder.
Either carry pepper spray and don’t go out after dark or move. You never get into a street fight if you aren’t prepared to die, kill, or go to prison and it doesn’t sound like you and your GIRLFRIEND are. So move somewhere safer! If where you live has you getting threatened on the street, learning krav maga is going to get you killed likely as anything. Or arm yourself and be less likely to die, but more likely to kill and/or go to prison.
Good guy lots would have been butt hurt by that.