I have been in a relationship for 4 years to my wonderful BF. One of his brothers is getting married soon. I have never gotten close to the fiancée, she is very quiet and I always got the vibe she didn’t like me since she never talks to me or invites me to things but talks to the other brothers girlfriend and does all kinds of things with her.. like Halloween parties, going to the mail, and wedding dress shopping.
The grandmother of the groom asked me a few months ago to host the bridal shower. I politely declined because Im hosting a baby shower the same day. The only day they could do the bridal shower bc thats the only day the MOB is in town. Im not even going to be able to make it to the bridal shower bc they are doing it the same time as the baby shower.. also, they sent text invitations and every guest had a last name except for me. Like nobody knows my last name? Or cares? I 100% that as another jab.
The grandmother then asked me to decorate the wedding.. i politely told her i would only if i didn’t have other priorities that day.. my BF & getting myself ready.
The grandmother then asked if i would coordinate the wedding.. because they need someone to and “they want to include me in the wedding somehow.. “
Don’t include me!
Let me be a guest!
Hire a decorator!
Hire a coordinator!
If it isn’t the bride or MOH asking for favors, i don’t even feel comfortable saying yes.
I have known the grandmother to twist the truth so I wouldn’t be surprised if the bride has no idea she is asking me to get involved.
Then how stupid and desperate would i look? Like i want to “be apart of the wedding”.. to someone that does not speak to me.
Im just a girlfriend and im okay with that. Leave me out of this mess. It’s not my wedding.
It’s all so frustrating to me and I don’t have anyone IRL to vent to about this.
Comments
“I think that’s the sort of thing the bride really needs to have input on. If this is something she wants, she’ll need to reach out to me so we can coordinate her vision and whether or not I would have the ability to fulfill that vision. And if that’s too much, I’m happy to just be a plus one of [boyfriend’s name].”
At least, that’s where my head went as a reply. Try to force the bride to be the one talking to you about it and clarify that you’re okay with not being included.
It’s very strange that you have been asked and by the grandmother. I can only assume that she is shy around you or thinks you are only good enough to be her lackey, but it’s beneath her to ask/talk to you. Just say a firm ‘no,’ which is a whole answer. You don’t have to give a reason as bride and grandmother are not owed one. In case it blows up, document your conversations and let your BF know, if he doesn’t already, about this request and why you are unable to do it.
Ps the risk of granting this request, is you have no idea of how much of a bridezilla she will be. I ended a 10 year friendship because of how a friend treated me, like a whipping b*tch.
100 do not do this. You will give 💯 as she uses the Bride gets whatever she wants dynamic to take advantage and possibly bully you, it will be your fault whatever goes wrong. There is a powerful lesson in life. It’s better to take the awkward “No” I can’t ….(fill in blank) on the front end than suffer misery and regret for a long time. Put it in writing/email. Say you can’t, you are not up to that challenge and would rather admit it than have a disappointed Bride on wedding day. Period. Take the hit on the front end.
Sounds like you are good enough for them to use, but not good enough for them to socialize with. They want you to be the help. Also, where is your bf in all of this? It’s his job to deal with his family, not yours. Why is he letting you get hit with all of this drama?
Also, keep in mind that this is a sneak peak of the family dynamic of your boyfriend and it doesn’t seem like he is stepping up in the way he should be.
It’s even weirder that this is the grandmother of the groom, not the bride. So weird. Tell her that wedding coordinating is a job for an insured professional, and that professional hires and supervises the decorator.
I would tip off the bride that grandmother of groom is doing this in case she goes to another completely unqualified person and asks them for these ridiculous favors. Maybe you could tell the MOH instead of the bride directly. She would likely know if the bride, in all unlikelyhood, actually wanted you to have a huge role in her wedding — see, it just seems ludicrous to even type that. And they could pass her the news that grandmother of the groom is trying to pull a fast one for whatever reason. Did she promise to pay for a coordinator and decorator and she’s trying to find a sucker to do it for free?
You’re not being petty — you’re being clear, and that’s rare in messy family dynamics like this. You’re not part of the bridal inner circle, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is being asked to carry half the event like you’re on payroll, while getting none of the respect, communication, or connection that would normally come with that role.
And you’re right — if the bride hasn’t personally asked you to be involved, and there’s a history of exclusion? Saying yes would just make you look like you’re trying to force your way in. You’re not desperate. You’re setting a boundary.
You don’t owe anyone your time, effort, or creative energy — especially not for a party that won’t even acknowledge your last name. Let them hire professionals. You already have your hands full being unbothered and self-aware.
You are just going to have to be blunt. “No. Don’t ask me. I am not working the wedding, I am coming as a guest. That is inclusion enough. Do not ask me again.”
Grandmother is senile. Stand firm, don’t be wishy washy—“sorry nana I think that’s someone else. I’m accompanying BF, and we are focused on xyz whatever whatever”
If you have the feeling she doesn’t like you, trust your gut.
Continue to distance yourself so you don’t get any blowback if things go wrong.
I highly suggest making things up if you have to. Especially since the bride herself can’t extend the courtesy to ask you directly.
Grandma is a shit stirrer, some old people really turn into that kind as they near the death knell. You might be giving off a people pleasing vibe, however, or else she would not even dare to approach you with that kind of bullshit time and time again.
You might want to give her a heads up before grandma tells her you’re offering your services. “Just an FYI… BF’s grandma seems to have gotten it into her head that I’m feeling left out of wedding prep. I told her I’m fine, but I just wanted to reassure you in case she says anything to you that I’m absolutely not feeling that way at all, and am perfectly content with being a guest only.”