I know this is a sensitive topic and I’m not sure if this question is allowed but i thought i’d ask. I’ve seen a lot of people say you can’t consent but i thought in canada drunk consent is still consent.
I know this is a sensitive topic and I’m not sure if this question is allowed but i thought i’d ask. I’ve seen a lot of people say you can’t consent but i thought in canada drunk consent is still consent.
Comments
I may be downvoted for this but I think it’s ridiculous when people act like no one can consent if they’re at all intoxicated. It’s fine to feel that way for yourself, but I do think it’s a personal thing. I think there’s a point of intoxication where no one can truly consent (blackout) but I do think the line isn’t so clear.
It’s a complicated issue and there’s no good answer. Personally, I think 1 or two drinks is OK but after that probably best to play it safe and leave, especially with a stranger.
If you’re not incapacitated yes at least in my opinion
You’re not accountable if your drunk, consenting and a woman. But you are accountable if you’re a man, consenting and drunk, if the woman retracts her consent sobered up.
Legally do not understand the difference in weighing drunk accountability
I feel like this question is missing the point.
If the person wouldn’t consent when they’re sober, then you don’t have consent when they’re drunk.
If you’re not sure if they would consent when sober, you definitely don’t have consent when they’re drunk. Wait until they’re sober, then ask.
If they would consent when they’re sober, consent when drunk is still not guaranteed. All it takes is a conversation. “If we have a lot to drink and we start fooling around, how would you feel about that?” “Are you OK with having sex when you’re drunk?” I feel that most people, men and women, will appreciate you asking even if they feel it wasn’t necessary.
You’re an adult. Don’t act on every primal urge you feel. Use that frontal lobe and make good decisions.
When people say “consent”, what they mean is informed consent. For someone to be fully informed, they need to be fully “all there”. Drinking impairs that, well before you get to blackout drunk
>I’ve seen a lot of people say you can’t consent but i thought in canada drunk consent is still consent.
Legal and moral lines aren’t necessarily the same thing, to begin with.
But Canada’s law looks at the specifics of each case- it does not say that any type of drunken consent is consent. The issue of course, is trying to objectively establish “how far gone” someone was after the fact is basically impossible, so it’s a bit of a guessing game.
Even trying to evaluate how fucked up someone is in the moment is difficult to do, and so a lot of people think it’s better to play it safe instead of taking the risk.
i don’t know about legally but morally it seems murky.
i know i have had plenty of nights where i was very drunk and enthusiastically consented with an equally drunk other person.
If 1 person is drunk, the other sober, It should not happen if it’s their 1st time together. Husband and wife, that’s fine. If both drunk, yeah, I guess why not.
If both are drunk…yes.
If only one is drunk, probably not.
I am a woman and drunk consent is still consent, yes. However IME this is only usually common if both people are drunk. If one person is drunk and the other is sober, then the experience is usually not very fun for the sober person, and they usually decline the drunk’s advances. If on the other hand, a sober person encourages someone to get drunk, initiates the advances, AND chooses to stay sober, then that’s creepy.
This generation is so cooked
If I were dating in this day and age, I would bring my lawyer with me.
It’s complicated, both morally and legally, but my take is this;
People who drink, especially who go looking for sex, use alcohol to lower their inhibitions. That’s kinda half the point. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been while tipsy or drunk. But if someone is so drunk that they’re doing something they’d NEVER even consider while sober, that’s kinda pushing it.
My take is – if you have to ask whether or not it’s a good idea, it’s probably not a good idea.
A married couple drunk on wine and getting down vs a person you just met at a party doing the same thing, if you have any doubt, the answer is no.
It’s difficult because it depends on the person. This is a lot easier to say when you actually know someone personally. But if you’re hooking up with someone the first time you meet, it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. You don’t know them and you have no idea if their current behavior is baseline or not, you don’t know what their usual limit is for alcohol.
As others are saying on here, I think if you want to be safe you should stop at “tipsy” (like one or two light drinks, sober enough to drive).
The standard is it is consent if there’s a reasonability, you’d consent sober.
In the moment, I think it’s fair to say if someone can hold a decent conversation, they’re able to consent. If they can’t hold a conversation, their brain can’t make reasonable consent decisions.
In Canada there’s a certain limit. Im not sure what it is, and it may vary from province to province, but there’s a certain threshold of alcohol consumption you need to pass for you to be unable to give consent.
Yes you can consent while drunk, people do it all the time. When I think about not being able to consent when drunk I think of people who are so drunk that they can’t even stand up, don’t even know where they are or what’s happening or are pretty much unresponsive when you try to talk to them. Being too drunk to even make the choice at all. It can be a bit of a grey area because it can be difficult to determine exactly how drunk someone actually is at any given point, but I think people have taken that idea way too far by saying you can’t consent at all while drunk.
If you have to really question if you think someone is too drunk to consent or not, it’s probably best to just avoid it all together.
Now all this is just speaking from an ethical/moral perspective, I don’t know about the laws around it.
My personal rule is if the person couldn’t safely drive, they’re too drunk to consent. Unless you know the person very well and what their limits are (as in when they’ve had too much to think clearly) it’s just better to err on the side of caution
If alcohol is involved it’s best to avoid going into gray areas with someone you don’t know well and don’t trust
Casual hookups are fine but you should probably do them sober
I think most people would say a little drunk is fine, but the issue is that there’s a line and nobody really knows where that line is
Legally, generally not. And for good reason. The use of alcohol or other forms of intoxication to illicit consent should not be protected.
Morally speaking, it depends on a lot of different circumstances. Like, it is certainly immoral to use alcohol as a way to lower a person’s inhibitions to make them more likely to engage in sexual activity. That being said, that simply isn’t comparable to a healthy couple going out for drinks on a valentine’s day, birthday, or anniversary and ending up in the bedroom.
I think the think that generally gets missed in this discussion is that people should be careful about having sexual encounters with people that they don’t really trust. I trust my spouse and I am not really worried that issues of consent between us, even after a few drinks. We both respect each other’s boundaries and have a healthy relationship. That being said, I fully understand that if, for whatever reason, we did have an issue of consent and alcohol was involved, the court would likely see the use of alcohol as impacting the ability to give legal consent. It is a risk, sure. But it is a risk I am willing to take with my spouse because we trust one another. I wouldn’t engage in risky behavior with someone that I don’t trust.
Overall, people overly moralize and essentialize this issue. For sure, there are moral considerations. However, morally speaking, this isn’t a binary or “one size fits all issue”. There are immoral uses of intoxicants in a sexual relationship, there are neutral used of intoxicants within a sexual relationship, and there is everything in between. That nuance is much more difficult to navigate in a legal setting and people should understand that risk before engaging in potentially stupid behavior.
Go on you tube and watch “consent, as easy as tea.”
I know that there is now a lot of controversy about it but it’s still a place to start.
I learned from an incident in college that girls CANNOT concent if they have had a drop of alcohol, but if you’re a dude you can be blackout and concent. Was a strange learning lesson
In a related vein, when my wife and I were first dating, she’d pre-consent before going out. It wasn’t a big deal, but she’d say something like “I think I’m going to get tipsy tonight (drunk), but I want to make sure we fool around later,” especially if we were going to a party, wedding, etc.
It all came about because I was hesitant to do anything one night early on when we’d both been drinking. I wanted to make sure it was really Ok, and asked her several times if she was sure, which took away some from the moment, but she appreciated that I was being thoughtful.
In the early months of our relationship, my now wife quickly learned I wouldn’t sleep with her if I thought she was significantly drunker than me, so on nights out she’d make sure i seemed at an equal level of drunkeness to her before she requested some super best friend time XD
Hey, I may take a few of your downvotes. But drunken consent is not consent. But I’ve never understood why or how if both parties are drunk one is held responsible for their actions and the other isn’t.
Merely being intoxicated or under the influence doesn’t automatically invalidate consent. It’s the level of intoxication that leads to a loss of capacity, making them unable to consent.
for example in California, Penal Code 261(a)(3) specifically addresses rape when the victim is incapacitated due to alcohol or drugs. For a conviction, the prosecution must prove that the victim was unable to resist due to intoxication and that the defendant knew or should have known of the victim’s incapacitation.
No, it’s not.
To be valid, consent requires the following things:
A drunk person always fails to meet #1. Any intoxication blurs consent because drugs and alcohol impair decision making. This isn’t debatable. It’s established fact. Regardless of whether they would make the same choice sober that they did drunk.
Depending on their stage of inebriation, a drunk person may also not be fully awake, even when they’re responsive.
If a person shoots back 6 shots of tequila, consents to sex, and 10 minutes later blacks out and is unable to protest or change their minds, despite seeming responsive, then consent isn’t continuous/revocable.
Liability issues. Use an app that gives consent. That way you have some proof in court. But still iffy.
Idk in your country but in Italy it’s not.
Also, you need to have some really shitty morals to have sex with someone who can’t even walk straight.
And no, for what I know saying that you were drunk too isn’t believable because you can’t get an erection when drunk.
as far as im concerned if it’s unreasonable to ask them to sign an important contract it’s unreasonable to ask for consent in terms of their level of cognition in that moment.
In my book, no. If you wanna fuck me, let me know when you’re not shitfaced. I don’t want either of us to have regrets in the morning.
Really get your mind blown and ask who is at fault if both parties are drunk?
A lot of happy families would not exist were it not for drunk sex. Ends don’t always justify the means, and I’ve never drank alcohol, but it’s pretty obvious that booze and crotches go… well not literally hand in hand, but you get my drift.
I would argue that because it’s impossible to draw the line of how drunk is too drunk to consent, the law and society in general errs on the side of caution, which is to say that being drunk at all is too far to consent. So why is everyone so paranoid about it?
Being drunk is a risk factor that can prevent a victim from being able to say no to sexual advances! If a woman is at a party and sober, and a guy springs the offer so to speak, she can clearly communicate her disinterest. If a woman is at a party and drunk, she may not be able to speak as clearly- her “no” might be lost among other noise, her movement to get away might be impaired, etc.
That isn’t even getting into the fact that drunk instigators of sex are way more likely to ignore a “no”, whether during the act or even at the beginning. And if a “no” doesn’t work to stop the act at any time, then it’s not consent, even if I said yes at first.
A dude grabbed me and pulled me against his chest saying that we should run off and do the do while I was sitting at a bar getting (perhaps a little too) drunk- and all I could think to do in the moment was say “No” as loud as I could. He didn’t let me go until the bartender chased him off. I wasn’t in a state where I could express or elaborate or negotiate why I didn’t want it, and he wasn’t in a state where he would register my dissenting answer. Neither of us were incapacitated or blackout. The guy in my example was a dick, but this can happen even to “good guys” who get too into it and get pushy while drunk.
Another example- A person who wants to maintain a good relationship with another may concede to said pushiness and do the deed even if they don’t want to because they’re afraid of the consequences, but then regret the decision to appease while sober the next morning. It’s like the world’s worst version of saying yes to someone just to get them to shut up. And it may have sounded like a decent strategy to get them to stop bothering you in the moment while you’re drunk, but then when you’re sober you realize that it was sex that you didn’t want, which is by definition rape.
Avoiding sex while drunk is simply the best practice to avoid any risk of coercion and power imbalance. There can be exceptions- between long-time partners who trust each other and agree upon it before hand -but said exceptions are rare, and assuming you’re one of those exceptions can lead you to ignoring the consent of a drunk partner if you’re not careful.
So I am a 53-year-old woman who was active in sex positive communities, and have actually taught classes on consent and communication.
The legalities will vary depending on what country and state you are in.
My view, ethically, is that I am in control of my choices, and if I choose to become inebriated through any substance, I still retain the responsibility of my actions during that time.
If I am drunk or stoned, and I consent, then I’ve consented. It is my responsibility to make choices and also supports for those choices that will keep me safe.
But also, if I’m with someone else who is inebriated, I would not engage with them in that fashion. Period. There is too much potential risk, and there’s plenty of time to do the things in a situation where that risk is removed.
If this is someone I’ve been in a relationship with for a long time, and know well enough to sit down and talk about getting funky while we get drunk or stone, we’re gonna both talk about that at length and make sure that we are both comfortable and trust each other Both while straight and while inebriated.
im shy, sometimes i need a couple drinks when i wanna hook up with someone. and then i have a great night. no one can take this from me lol
For someone else tricky shit depends on the situation. For me (like i consent drunk) yup 100%.
There is a fine line and I think it’s down to the intoxicated person to determine if they feel comfortable enough in their current state to consent. Being drunk, despite what a lot of people think, does not destroy your ability to make decisions. Sure, your inhibitions are lowered but you’re not suddenly stupid. I think everyone should have a level of intoxication that they know they shouldn’t do anything past, though.
I think it’s a fine line. I can get blackout and still function like I’m not blackout drunk, just drunk. I was once at a house party, fully functioning and went to bed and woke up to having sex un-consensually . I don’t remember going to bed but I remember waking up to that. I realize my case isn’t every case but I’d imagine some people can also seem fully coherent but not be. So, for me, unless I’m in a relationship where there’s pre-consent established, I’d avoid it. Drunk consent is a really gray area, because you can’t exactly gauge just how drunk the other party is.
Yes. I’d say the ability to consent stops when speech starts to get slurred and/or sentence structure weird/inconsistent. When in doubt, don’t.
It’s a bit different when you are in a relation and know preference and they consent drunk.
Let’s be honest, you know when someone is no longer capable of giving consent. Also there is a difference in someone open, partying and throwing themselves onto you, and someone shy pressured into drinking until they consent…
The question is are you taking advantage of someone being drunk or not? If no, have fun. If yes, then no, and shame on you thinking about it.
It’s not rocket science.
Generally if you find yourself hesitating, best show caution and assume no consent
If you can be held criminally liable for any crimes committed while intoxicated, you are able to consent. It seems pretty cut and dry. You might not remember it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t consent.
It’s very rare I get blackout drunk to the point where I cannot control myself enough to not give consent. I’m a fucking adult, if I can barely keep my eyes open or respond then sure yea I probably can’t give consent, but that’s maybe like once every few years. Drunk people get horny
While you absolutely can consent while drunk and you can even consent to a sober person while drunk, it’s best practice to avoid those scenarios as much as possible. If you’re with your s/o and you communicate well that’s one thing, but if you’re at a bar and are considering taking a drunk person home, even if you’re also drunk, it’s a bad idea. It’s so easy for someone to regret it in the morning and claim they never gave full consent because they were drunk. When I was in college my group of guys all had a rule that if a girl got drunk at one of our parties, we would make sure she was sexually off limits. We’d facilitate that she had a good time and a bed to crash on if need be, and one of us would sleep by the door for extra security. I’ve had friends be falsely accused before and is absolutely not worth one fun night with a drunk hookup.
if they would have fucked you before and after they got drunk then yes, if they would only fuck you when they are drunk then no.
It depends on the person and the amount they can drink, and it’s really hard to know the difference between the 2. I have mates who can drink all night, get drunk but have all their thoughts and critical thinking still functional. Then I have other mates who have a few drinks and they completely lose themselves and not remember a single thing the next day.
Like they’ll both stumble and sound drunk but one has no idea what they’re doing and the other will remember everything and still be in control. Like you’ll know the difference if they’re black out drunk but that in-between state is way harder to tell the difference for. Drunk people just come in a lot of different states and coherency and no 2 drunk people will be the same.
So is being drunk still consent? It depends on the context because there’s so many variables that could swing the needle.
You have to assume consent which is the hard part. If we assume consent then this question isn’t relevant IN MY OPINION.
The law (and current ethics) are extremely inconsistent on this sort of thing and it depends on a few factors but generally.
It counts as consent in every situation except when it can be perceived as an individual taking advantage of another individual.
So when it comes to sex … no it’s not consent (and unfortunately there is still a lot of gender bias on this one too).
When it comes to contracts … it’s sometimes possible to argue it’s not consent if you can argue the other person took advantage of your altered state.
When it comes to pretty much anything else, including the fact that casinos give you free alcohol to manipulate you into being less responsible with your money. Yeah it’s consent.
If you did something to hurt someone else while you are drunk, then not only it deemed that you are responsible for your actions, it can often be argued you are DOUBLY responsible.
It’s a grey area and I try to avoid drunken hook-ups because of that but in theory, you can still be tipsy and still consent but successfully gauging that limit can be hard in practice
The way I see it: when drunk your inhibitions are lowered/removed
Meaning that you are not at the full mental capacity to fully understand what you are consenting to
Its why you do dumb shit when you’re drunk.
So, even if a drunk version of someone might consent, it doesn’t mean they’d consent if they’d be sober.
And on top of that even if they do consent and regret it later whilst sober I believe they have grounds to sue claiming you exploited their limited ability to make decisions… it doesn’t mean they will do that but my point is they can.
So to summarize: overall, its better to avoid these scenarios entirely
If a girl is drunk and wants to sleep with you, kindly refuse but offer her your number or something so that later while she’s sober she can call you if interested.
Not if it’s your first time with that person
It depends on how drunk. I would say if someone is extremely drunk, like incapacitated, they aren’t capable of real consent because their mind is too altered. Someone who is mildly/moderately drunk can consent.
Drunkness is not the only factor though, a drunk person (of any degree of drunkness) can forcefully assault a sober person. That doesn’t make the sober person also a rapist or nullify that the drunk person raped them.
If you can be charged for making the decision to drive while drunk, then you can be responsible for your decision to have sex while drunk. It’s not like you can get out of a DUI by being like “well I was drunk so I couldn’t think clearly so I can’t be held responsible!” I do think that obviously people shouldn’t be preying on drunk people to have sex with them. But you are still responsible for your own actions
Not legally, at least where I live. It depends a LOT on where you live, so check your local laws.
Personally, on a personal ethics/moral level, it depends on the situation and how drunk.
My ex would get me drunk when he knew I wasn’t in the mood so I would cooperate with him. My 13 year old told me “mom that’s sexual assault”
If you’ve worked out something beforehand with the person while they’re sober, fine. If you haven’t, just don’t.
There is not enough context here.
Is the individual in question a stranger or is there a prior relationship?
Is it a long term committed relationship?
There is no blanket answer.
Context dependent. Don’t pick up drunk strangers and if either of you are drunk enough that you need to ask, you’re too drunk for that.
If having sex drunk was a crime, we would all be in prison.
It’s not black and white. All you can do is use your best judgement, and get ENTHUSIASTIC consent every time. And keep getting it, especially if it’s the first time with someone.
It is possible to speak what you want to do in a sexy way without killing the vibes.
It’s not hard, queer people have been doing just that since… forever. If PIV heteronormative sex is not your default, then you have to have a sexy conversation to know what is on the menu!
Lead with confidence and positivity and it won’t be weird.
If you want to do anything beyond vanilla stuff, you need consent for that too. Someone saying yes to one thing is not a yes for anything.
Be aware of any potential power dynamic issues as well- job, age, fame, etc.
If you are not positive it’s all systems go, don’t do it and wait until the person is sober.
I had an ex that strongly believed that if you were at all intoxicated and had sex, you were raped. Even if the other person was drunk… she changed her opinion after the first time she got drunk with me
The entire nightclub industry is based on drunk fucking
One perspective I haven’t seen yet,
If someone gives you NONconsent while they’re sober, then later acts in a consenting way, I would say that they did not actually consent.
For example: I was dating a couple. I decided I was going to stop having sex with them but still be friends. One night we all went out, early in the night they said “you should come home with us later” I said, “no, I do not want to come back with you. I am going to go back to my place tonight.”
Then I got extremely drunk, they took care of me, held my hair and sat on the curb with me for a long time. Then put me in their car and took me home with them and we had sex. I do not remember ever saying “yeah I’d like to go back with you” but I was conscious enough to remember participating in sex. Even if I had said that, I think the right thing to do would’ve been to take me back to my home and leave it at that.
I consider that sexual assault. Because I had already expressed explicit non-consent, and I had no recollection of if I ever gave explicit consent, or if I just simply did not say anything or protest and went along with it. I definitely didn’t give enthusiastic consent. And they were very aware of how drunk I was, and at least one of them was quite sober (totally sober or just had 1-2 drinks to safely drive).
You don’t want to be the kind of shitty person who does something like that.
My personal opinion, don’t blur the lines.
If you wouldn’t trust them to hold your child/drive your car/make wise choices in that state then it’s not worth the potential risk. Even if the laws support you, socially you’d be guilty.
It depends on how drunk.
I mean do you mean realistically or legally? Because apparently legally if the woman is drunk then it’s not consent whether the man is drunk or not. And it doesn’t matter if the man is drunk or not it would be considered consent. In reality it’s kind of a gray line. Sometimes it is sometimes it isn’t, you still agree to it but you were influenced. If both of you are drunk I feel like neither one of you are at fault depending on how drunk you were
People, especially American culture right now, don’t like anything in the gray area. Of course you can consent when you’ve been drinking. Of course you can have a few beers, find some guy or girl more attractive (when they normally repulsed you), sleep with them, then wake up the next morning horrified at your bad drunk decisions.
At the same time, there is an impossible to perfectly define point where you’ve clearly had too much, and nobody should be pursuing you. If you’re blackout drunk, it’s obvious assault. If you’re slurring your words and can’t walk straight, I’d call that assault. And there are predators who take advantage of men and women who drink too much. That’s not consent.
We are doing the next generation a disservice by not speaking honestly and clearly about this. Alcohol and sex have gone together since the beginning of civilization, and will continue to. There are dangers with drinking, and people who are sexual predators will try to take advantage of you. Also, you can get into situations where you consented, but you made an embarrassing drunk decision that you really can’t blame anyone other than yourself for. It’s complicated, and these things should be taken case by case. But people don’t like nuance.
If you’re a man, then everything you do will be held against you, regardless of how drunk you are, regardless if they are sober.
If you are a woman, then you only can give consent after you get sober, and can retroactively rescind consent, regardless if they were also drunk. Even if it’s only after your friends told you it was shameful.
Hope this helps clear things up.
If both parties a drunk but not to unconscious levels I see no issue. I personally wouldn’t want to fuck someone who was drunk if I was sober.
As an alcoholic woman, over 5 years sober now, I would say it depends on how intoxicated they are. I have definitely woken up to things I wouldn’t have consented to if I wasn’t black out drunk. The problem is someone can be blacked out drunk and you wouldn’t even be able to tell they were that drunk/ or at all. If you suspect them to be really drunk go with no. That’s safer and more respectable. I’m sure it would very much be appreciated in the end.
I carry a sex consent contract and if it cannot be signed, I’m out.
In the US, any contact made while under the influence isn’t legally binding and is invalid, from sex to business deals.
Idk about Canadian law, but it sounds like it should be illegal.
Part of the logic here is that you willingly put yourself in the position of drunk so you are still responsible for yourself and your actions. If you think being drunk makes you do things you otherwise wouldnt, you shouldnt put yourself in that position.
Tipsy people can consent, even comfortably drunk people can (who know their limit and are well below it). Very drunk and blackout drunk people can’t.
Sometimes, Drunk You does things that Sober You would be okay with. Sometimes, Sober You would not have made the same choices.
When it comes to consent, the issue is that there is no way to know how another person’s sober self would behave, so it’s better to err on the side of caution. Beyond that, drunk people are unreliable. Are they single? On birth control? Clean? Emotionally vulnerable from shit going on in their lives? Would that drunk person think to tell you any of this? Choosing to sleep with a drunk person is taking all those questions and giving them a blanket “idgaf.”
Personally, I can’t turn off the part of me that cares, so it’s a no from me.
It really depends imo. like yeah, to a certain extent you can still consent, but alcohol does make people more open to doing stuff they wouldn’t want to do if they were sober, so it’s morally a grey area for a sober person to go to bed with someone whose decision making is impaired, since there’s an imbalance involved.
There are ofc exceptions, like agreeing prior to drinking that both people want to do stuff, or both people being impaired which levels the mental playing field imo. But yeah, if you’re sober, i’d advise it’s best you just wait for the other person to sober up before you accept any advances.
It’s a gradient from okay to totally not. It also matters if both parties are drunk or not.
Your first problem is to define ‘drunk’.
Alcohol intoxication is a continuum, from ‘yeah, you’re legal to drive but maybe you shouldn’t’ to ‘defibrillator charged – stand back’.
And it affects different people in different ways – so ‘too drunk to consent’ is something we need to navigate without any legal definition or scientific guidance.
Really – all you can do it trust your gut instinct.
So glad I’ve been with my wife for 30 years, and I don’t need to think about this.
I think it depends strongly on your relationship with the other person.
Getting a stranger drunk to try convince them to do something they wouldn’t do sober = questionable consent.
Getting drunk with your spouse that you have agreements to incorporate substances into your sex life = pretty secure consent.
Tbh if you’re not sure, leave the person your number and make plans to hook up another time when you’re both sober or you’ve talked about alcohol & sex & consent.
I think reddit is not the right place to get a concensus. Most sex (hookups) happen after alcohol was involved.
If no one was actively being a predator (eg getting someone too drunk specifically to get laid) it’s fine.
Also it can be impossible to tell how drunk they are sometimes. I’ve hooked ip drunkenly with someone who in my experience was quite sober, only for her to tell me that she doesn’t remember half the night, people act and react very different when drunk.
There is a case like this right now in Belgium. A female student was black out drunk, a slightly drunk guy tried to bring her home. Nobody opened the door, so he took het to his place and they had sex.
Next morning she’s in pain and doesn’t remember a thing. The guy is now convicted for rape, but didn’t get any punishment, because he is “young, talented and enthousiastic both in private and professionally” according to the judge.
He is studying gynaecologe…
Yes, unless the other person is blackout drunk.
If you have to ask yourself this question, bail the fuck out, even if it’s once in a lifetime opportunity. Better to live with the regret than the alternative.
No.
People are too vastly different for a blanket yes or no here.
My partner and I are both ok with a drunk romp. But we talk about it every few months and check in with each other.
On the other hand, I know a couple who broke up because the bf wanted to have sex more and the other partner never wanted to have sex when he had been drinking, which he did regularly.
Personally I feel the boundary of consent with alcohol is when you reach the point of being clearly incapacitated. If you have a drink or two and loosen your inhibitions that is very different from not not being able to walk unassisted or speak clearly. It gets muddled when both parties are drinking. It’s not a clear cut subject really, it needs to be considered case by case. Good rule of thumb is if they couldn’t leave the premises safely then they’re too drunk to consent.
I don’t consider drunk consent as consent, but it all depends on the level of sobriety. A couple of times I’ve been drinking with a woman, with no expectation of anything even though she’s a friend who has kissed me a couple of times, one time she brought me back to her house, we were heavily kissing, but at a certain stage I realise that she had become drunker than I first thought (I think she might have necked a few shots before we left the pub), so I stopped and sent her to bed alone. Turns out next morning she didn’t even remember the kissing so I’m glad I stopped.
Is drunk killing stil a crime?
In my opinion, if someone’s too impaired to drive safely, they’re too impaired to give informed consent; and anyone taking advantage of that impairment is a predator.
It really depends on the situation because im not aboht june and john were drunk and had sex, june couldnt accept johns advances because she was drunk so john raped her…
Every time two drunk people agree to have sex its not rape even if you regret your drunk decision!!!
If its rape then its rape….. But not regret
I’d say if it’s ambiguous (and when you’re drunk, it IS ambiguous, whether you like it or not, it’s being under the influence), it’s not consent.
For me, man here, if the person I want to sleep with is drunk and we have not already slept together, it’s a hard no for me. I want the first time to be both sober. After that I would talk to them if they want to go out to drink before getting drunk and ask if they want to have sex after and depending on their answer while sober will dictate what happens after the bar. But if there is any “adult play” always 100% sober would be required for me to feel comfortable as someone could get physically hurt.
Depends if it’s two drunk people that are so shitfaced without witnesses to what was happening before or some clear evidence of a struggle it’s pretty hard to prove what happened. Bars have cameras sometimes if they are actually on but there aren’t audio recordings in most cases.
It’s all an exaggeration by hysterical anti-sex (generally Leftist females) to state just because one is intoxicated they cannot give assured positive consent. I’ve shared – probably way too much – of my lifetime and how things can happen between people who are the last person anyone would think we would say OK to.
Going through a very emotional point in our relationship after the deaths of both of our parents in a commercial airline crash in 2001, trauma, porn out of boredom, proximity and alcohol created what some people call “the perfect storm. “ I was not and never was. Yes, I enjoyed our family’s company imported alcohol and it never once took over my ability to make rational consensual decisions. After months of just playing around with touching and more that was specifically sexual and we both knew it was supposed to be “wrong” but we could never come to a conclusion that would feel significant.
When we finally stepped over the
Imaginary line, yes, I was happily intoxicated but in full control of my faculties. There was no weirdness to it maybe just less eye contact. He asked me several time, “You sure?” I was the one who guided him into myself. Ii closed my eyes and the penetration and the physical stretch and Oxytocin rush were inexplicably positive. It was great to feel him inside me and I knew I was giving him the same physical friction and in about 10 minutes he was letting go. I finally opened my eyes, I knew I was looking at him and when he got off in me I felt great. A combination of just pure sexual intercourse movements, feeling good I had actually given him the physical release he needed and I was enjoying the all-over warmth of being “drunk” and feeling the circumstances as a whole were not diminished because I was just a normal “drunk chick.” Intoxication and me NEVER meant I was never able to give positive informed consent. I just never allowed myself to feel anything but positive and never felt I was taken advantage of my body.
I was ONCE so intoxicated when we were physically engaged when I suddenly “projectile vomited” into our Jacuzzi but I reached back pulling him to me telling him not to stop. I can’t say exactly how long it was because I was so into it as I drifted in and out of different songs on the radio, but after he had finally finished we both woke up with him lying on my back, my hip bones scraped bloody and we stuck together in places that was silly funny. While we talked afterward I reassured him many ties over that I may not remember everything but everything I did was as great as we both would hope for. Like I said, it was “just once”like that and it was an experience I cannot really explain to any of my friends in person. Someone would get all alarmed and tell others and probably call the police because they think that’s the right thing to do. Pretty crazy but I’ve never felt bad about any part of our lives and next to my husband my brother is my “rock of secrets. L