I am a 16F and I prefer a lot of “boy” things over “girl” things. I like to dress like a boy, and I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair a lot shorter. I’m also gay. The problem is, I’m nervous to even ask my parents about cutting my hair shorter. They don’t mind that I’m gay, and my mom(41F) only seemed slightly disappointed when I began dressing more masculine. It wasn’t in an angry or disgusted way, she just seemed… sad? And recently, we were getting a flight home, and at the passport check area the lady called my name. I didn’t hear her due to all the people in the lines around us, and my mom had to tap my shoulder and tell me. After this had happened and we walked away, my mom told me that the lady didn’t realize it was me. She thought that I was their son and not their daughter. This itself didn’t bother me, until my mom said “See, people will start seeing you as a boy.” which I honestly didn’t even believe yet. Does wearing mens jeans and a T-shirt really make me look JUST like a boy? I still have feminine features and long hair. It made me feel like she thought I wanted to be a boy or she just thought it was ridiculous that I’d want to “look” like one.
I don’t even know what to do about this because there’s small comments from my parents all the time, and I feel like their logic makes no sense. If a gay guy puts on a dress, what woman would believe that’s just another girl? Especially if he still has every single feature of a man, and he has no intention of saying he is/wants to be a woman. I don’t understand why they make it so uncomfortable for me for no reason. I have never stated I want to be one, and growing up they would make a lot of jokes, which I ALWAYS told them weren’t true. I’m a girl.
I don’t want to be a boy/man, I just enjoy “boy” things as a girl. I don’t get why that inherently has to mean I want to be a boy.
Comments
Girl, who cares! I think you should ask your mom. Like does the t shirt and short hair really make that big of a difference? Did you already confront her about it and what was the convo like? That’s so unfair and annoying to you. My parents were so liberal in letting me express myself that I honestly WISH they told me not to wear certain stuff, in hindsight smh. Keep expressing yourself! They’ll come around. Tell your mom YOU don’t make comments on HER appearance. cos what the heck.
Take it from me, a lot of parents do not understand gender flexibility in any way, whether that’s just dressing more like the opposite gender, being trans, or anything in between. If you’re lucky they won’t make your life hell about it, but in my experience a lot of what you say will go in one ear and out the other. I know it sounds a like a lot but if you can I’d try to save up some money in case things go sideways. Most parents just don’t understand how comments like that can really add up to a lot of pain for their kids.
You can’t trust the eyes of such people. So what they think about who looks like what gender doesn’t matter. Look out for yourself first and just do it. Act like the hair is not a big deal, they will get over it.
I had very short hair when I was young and wore basic t-shirts and jeans most of the time. The jeans were from the “girls” section but a lot of the shirts were unisex. I got called a boy a lot, even after I got my ears pierced.
People just cling onto their idea of stereotypical gender roles, even some people who think they don’t. Clothes and hair are just clothes and hair. Wear whatever, cut your hair or grow it long, put on makeup or none at all, literally none of that decides your gender.