Why don’t you oldies like to tell your kids what’s going on with you when your sick? My mum and dad were taken too early. Neither of them told us what was wrong, and then it’s too late.
Why don’t you oldies like to tell your kids what’s going on with you when your sick? My mum and dad were taken too early. Neither of them told us what was wrong, and then it’s too late.
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I’m not like this and neither is my mother but my father was. My guess is, their illness is private to them and they don’t want to talk about it. My last convo with my father was eerie. I said I was terrified he’d die and I wouldn’t be prepared. He laughed at me. Then he died within a week. Hurt like hell.
We don’t like to worry you. My Mom had breast cancer … which she didn’t tell me until after she had a mastectomy and was recovered (this was when she was in her 50s and I was in my 20s). When I thought I was having a heart attack (I wasn’t, it was a blocked bile duct) and was heading in the ambulance to the hospital, I told my husband not to call our kids … because I didn’t want them to worry or think they needed to rush home. I did call them eventually, but only after the doctors figured out what was happening.
Well, some old people never shut up about every sniffle or twinge and will talk to you all day about the color and consistency of their last BM, so this is hardly universal. But some old people don’t want to worry or burden other people with their health issues, or they are in poor health and in denial, or they simply don’t see it as important enough to bring up. Or if they know they’re going to go, they last thing they want to do is spend what time they have left looking at concerned faces and being grilled about how are you feeling today. So, no one thing.
Ok so not saying this is right but this is how the thinking plays out in my experience.
Kids (young children) shouldn’t have to stress about serious life stuff. They should just get to be happy kids.
And/or
Kids don’t really have the emotional maturity to process complicated emotions.
Parents get this into their heads and have trouble switching off the stuff that applied to their young children when those children reach an appropriate age.
I will say as a parent of adult children. The switch from young kids to adult kids is tough to get exactly right. Especially in very particular timing thru their transition into an adult. Further complicated by the need for different particulars for each individual kid.
I don’t and never will because my kids, grandkids and their spouses would become worried and bother the daylights out me. That’s what happened when my wife was battling leukemia.
As it is now they bug me with ‘check in’ texts disguised as “Did you see last night’s Knicks game?” If I don’t respond quick enough they call to make sure I’m not dead. Even my 5 year old great-granddaughter FaceTimes end with a reminder to take my meds.
I can’t imagine telling them anything, especially about my daily bouts with grief; the bursts of anger, guilt and loneliness since my wife passed. Nope. Can’t burden them.
No one wants to worry their kids.
However, my mom was something of a hypochondriac, and always thought she was extremely sick when she wasn’t. And unfortunately, a few years ago when she thought she was deathly ill yet her doctors said everything was fine, we shrugged off her complaints. And she died. I’ll always regret not taking her more seriously and to more doctors.
Anyway, all that’s to say we’ve got to find more middle ground.
The older you get, the less you want to feel like a burden, so you keep what you’re going through to yourself.
A lot of older people deal with some type of sickness, ailment or physical condition on a daily basis, and the last thing they want to do is to be “that old person” who is continuously talking about what’s wrong with them. They want to live whatever amount of time they have left in peace and on their own terms, and not be hounded by others concerning their medical condition.
When my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he waited a year to tell other family members. We kept going to his house on weekends to enjoy our regular family gatherings, sitting down for dinner, talking and laughing, not knowing what was going on with him.
About 3 months before he actually passed away, he finally broke the news. We went through tons of emotions, but one of them was asking him why he wouldn’t tell us. We felt cheated. He said that he didn’t want to spend the last year of his life with us hounding him about medical treatments, or suffering his eventual demise. He wanted exactly what he got: family gatherings, lighthearted conversation, laughing and just enjoying our company.
I have to say that I can’t blame him for his decision.
Dealing with medical issues is mentally and emotionally exhausting. As parents we try to shield our kids from burdening them,, but also, will put effort into alleviating their stress. So, telling them about the medical issues doubles the mental and emotional exhaustion because now,, you’ve got everyone’s stress to worry about.
My mom didn’t want to trouble anybody. My dad wouldn’t stop troubling everyone. Somewhere in the middle is what I’m aiming for because both POV were infuriating.
Why be a bother. All the complaints from the young make our troubles seem like something we can deal with. The guy that detailed your car did a bad job? Damn, sorry about that…
I let my kids know when I have a new diagnosis or a surgery/procedure.
One of my friends has developed a serious blood disorder. He’s tried to tell his kid twice, but both times the adult kid was having a bad day over his job/wife’s job/wife’s health and my friend wound up saying nothing even though he kind of wanted his kid’s advice.
I don’t want them to worry and honestly there’s nothing they can do. For me it creates more stress trying to reassure them when I just want to focus on my recovery.
I don’t tell my children because they are so busy with their families and careers. I’ve not heard from them in 16 years and 1 month. Not a phone call, text, card anything. I miss them and I am fine. Bottom line is, they don’t care to know.
A) It’s my business.
B) They already have enough on their plate.
C) It will make absolutely no difference to the outcome, so why worry them. They already know that we all must die at some point.
Nobody asked.
Us oldies call it an organ recital.
I hate people worrying about me.
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This surprises me. Their aches and pains and health problems are basically all my octogenarian parents and I ever talk about. Except for, of course, the friends and relatives in their generation who have died. I honestly think it’s rather unusual for it to never come up.
Or perhaps when you say “oldies” the span is more than 20 years or so. I’m 60 and my health issues do come up in family conversation but I don’t want to only be taking about that.
We were told our whole lives to deal with it. Unless we actually were on our death beds and couldn’t move we were expected to get our jobs done. And being disabled typically meant you were actually complaining or you were useless. Even if you weren’t. It was a value, an expectation. We were raised that way. We knew no one really cared and we were treated that way.
Dont want to burden the kids. Im THEIR placs for every illness, worry, and stress. Not the other way around.
They don’t want to worry you and add stress to your life. Also, it is difficult to assume the dependent position with your children due to illness.
Some of us are just private, and don’t want anyone fussing over us or getting too much into our business. Or maybe that’s just me.
Maybe it’s because ppl use phrases like “you oldies” and “the olds” which is seriously disrespectful.
My in-laws were like that, they never told us what was wrong until after they’d been in the hospital. They used to say, we didn’t want to worry you.
Because you should be cherishing the time with them, whether they’re sick or not. Second, they don’t want to “trouble” you. If you youngies are already visiting infrequently, or calling (if there’s a distance) only once a month, then they figure they can’t count on you, or more likely, just don’t want to bother you. It’s up to YOU to make changes in yourself, you can’t force others to change. Some self reflection might be in order here.
You have those older people who have every Web MD gonna kill me disease & they don’t shit up about it. You also have those stoic ones who never discuss anything because we didn’t always have insurance or money to go to a doctor. So we grew up with home remedies.
I’m the home remedy type, but I also don’t want to worry my kids. They have their own lives & if I can take some of the burdens away from them, I do.
My aunt had lung cancer. Told no one until she had to go in hospice. Very private person but I still would have like to have known, not that I could make any difference.
I can’t stand to think of my kids being nervous but I’ll tell them when I know something for sure. My mother kept her illness from me as a teenager and it caused some trust issues so I don’t want to do that to my kids
Because I’m dealing with the trauma of a major life-threatening illness and now having to deal with my child/family member bring sad on top of it and carrying both burdens is too fucking hard when I’m still processing it, sick and busy trying jot to die.. Throw in adult kids suddenly think they are entitled to all info and a say in your treatment plans and want you to comfort them. It’s just easier not to. Source, have cancer.
I tell my kid everything pertinent w my health. This is a vast overgeneralization.
Calling us “oldies” is condescending and treats us like infants. When I am sick ,I have enough to deal with without you hovering and acting like I don’t understand or can’t make my own decision’s.
When your parents were ill odds are there wasn’t much you could have done about the process and hand wringing and arguments about treatments attempted or rejected would have added to their misery.
Some parents don’t want you to be hovering around, telling them what they can and cannot to do in their final times. Many parents just don’t want their kids to worry about their health. Some parents are are estranged from their kids and vice versa, so decide not to tell them. There can be many reasons, some make sense, some don’t. Not much you can do about it. The choice is up to the parent. It may be one of the few choices they have left and that should be respected, regardless of how much it hurts.
I don’t want my kids to worry about me. They have enough going on in this world. I do tell them when I have concrete information and a plan.
My own mother told me every little thing in great detail and it was just too much. I’ve probably gone too far the other direction.
Kids also don’t tell parents what’s going on. My sibs and I, as adults, kept all kinds of medical and other info from our mom because she’d just worry.
I wonder this as well. My mom always tells my sister and I how sick she is. She’s told us for the last 15 years she was going to die soon. But we never are told what she is sick with. Especially since it is supposedly could be genetic as well….
Because your parents still had autonomy and could do what they want regarding their health.
No one has mentioned another aspect of this: denial (NOT just a river in Africa!)
Even after coming down with dread illnesses many of us don’t want to really deal with it mentally, so they deny it to themselves. If you discuss it everyday with close ones, it makes it more real – as if it isn’t real enough already!!!!
I know it sounds silly, but it really is denial.
I don’t like to burden or stress my kids out. They worry a little too much. I’d tell them if I’m really ill but down play it.
I dislike being fussed over. If you want to check on me maybe you should invite me to lunch.
This has never been a problem with me.
They “don’t want to worry us” bullshit. I actually found out my mom had cancer accidentally, she was getting a scan in the same hospital I was at for a pre op appointment. I saw Dad’s car outside and figured it was a regular appointment so I hung around to surprise them. Dad walked out crying, mom trying to act normal. Ugh mom. She was so brave
I don’t tell because then they turn bossy, ask a lot of hard questions and I am already stressed enough
My dad died of pulmonary fibrosis which diagnosis he received three years prior and never told us, not even his wife.
He was taken to the ER one day and was on a vent for 2 weeks. Had he told us I would have made the merciful decision well before 2 weeks. Had he told us, he could have had a chance to hear words he needed to hear. We all loved him and he knew it. Never let him forget, except his sons were absent.
I texted my son on Wednesday to tell him I was having surgery on Thursday. Crickets.
Each person has their own reason for under or oversharing. Maybe they didn’t want to worry you, or they simply thought you wouldn’t care.
I don’t want to worry you. Your life, in this era, is harder than I ever imagined it could be. You don’t want to worry about your dear old mum. I mean, they haven’t told me how long yet, and I’m managing. I want you to be living your lives, not giving it up for me (wisdom of experience).
Why do you young people assume that we “oldies” are all alike?
because they were taught that illness and disease are afflicted upon them by god for their sins. So their illness and disease are shameful, thus best kept secret.
My parents did this but I won’t
Honestly, I (62f) have two adult children 30-40, and I don’t tell them anything about my physical or mental or financial health. There are a myriad of reasons I suppose, but the truth is I don’t think either of them are at all prepared to be helpful. They know how to be present and that’s great. But I’m certainly not in a place where I’d want them caretaking
Perhaps they are tired of dealing with smart mouthed children and prefer to die in peace.
We don’t want you to worry about us. WE’RE the ones who should be worrying about YOU.
I don’t like people judging me about how I handle health problems, or giving me advice about what I should be doing. I tell the fewest people possible about my health, because I don’t want to hear their opinions about it.
And if I’m going to cry about any health news, I DEFINITELY don’t want anybody else seeing me cry, or making me talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. I understand that you mean well, but I really don’t want to talk about it.
I don’t go to doctors, and I won’t go to a hospital. My kids would nag me endlessly if they decided I needed to get medical care – heck, they already do, and I’m more than healthy – so it would be my little secret. I don’t want to argue with them, especially over things they do out of loving me, but I have a right to my own decisions.
Same reason we Younghans don’t tell the oldies – we don’t want to worry them. “Don’t tell mom and dad!” Haven’t you ever said this?
Because my kids always over-react. I get tired of them thinking they know more than our doctors, or lecturing us. M 67. I’m fortunately in good health, but I eat reasonably healthy and exercise. My wife has a few health issues that she argues with our kids about
Because most younger people are focussed on living their lives (as they should be) and we don’t want to stress them or worry them about our ills. We also want you to be with us and enjoy our company and include us in family activities BEFORE you hear we have a fatal disease. When that time comes, I’m going to be feeling bad and won’t be able to enjoy your presence as much. Having a room full of sad stressed out people isn’t going to make me feel any better and I’d rather do things I enjoy when I can before I go.
I also made the mistake one time of honestly answering my daughter’s question about how I felt that day and immediately saw how fast she tuned out and how much she wanted to dismiss everything with a “but you’ll be fine” kind of wave of her hand. I could see it bored her and stressed her to hear about my aches and pains. So now I say “I’m fine. Just fine” and that’s that. She thinks I’m going to live forever and that comforts her. So that’s fine, just fine.
I’m well able to manage my and my husband’s healthcare. We see our doctors regularly; we’re mobile and go to the gym 3x a week. Our kids are across the country with demanding jobs. They don’t need to “check” on us. If it comes to a point I feel we need help they’ll be here. Any immediate crisis we have friends/neighbors close.
Because they don’t want to spend their last days with everyone being sad for them. I’ll do the same thing if I can.
These responses are sad. My siblings and our mother shared her health journey – and we were honored and humbled to be “in it together” til the day she died. [same with our father but that was decades ago]. We will share with our kids — it is life — all the ups and downs. This doesn’t mean they need to spend $$ or change their lives – but we will share and love and continue until we don’t.
I know between my mom and I, it was because she didn’t want to worry me and, for some daft reason, didn’t trust me to have a measured response.
I’m a very practical, unexcitable person, and I lived 3000 miles away. I have literally no clue why she always assumed my first response would be to leap on an airplane and rush to her bedside. And even if it had been, so f’ing what? I had no spouse, no pets, no kids, plenty of money, and a flexible job I could do remotely!
The one time in my adult life I was genuinely so furious with my mother that I could barely stand to speak to her for a couple weeks was over something like that:
She got sick and landed in ICU. Didn’t tell me jack. When I couldn’t reach her for a couple days, I wound up frantically trying to find phone numbers for her friends and calling around to see if anyone had seen her or could go check on her. That was a much worse experience than just telling me what was up.
Please, don’t do that to your kids. They’re adults. Trust them to make adult decisions.
If you’ve lived long enough, you know most things pass in time. So we just wait.
Don’t want to burden the kids. Don’t want to be a complainer. Only want them to associate time with me as positive.
Because we don’t want you to worry.
Most of us were taught not to complain. You shouldn’t be complaining about having a headache or a pain or illness the cough. So we don’t complain. I never tell my kids what I’m sick hardly I don’t want them to worry. I feel like I’m looking for attention. I just don’t bother them. They’re grown-ups they have children. They have their own worries.
i do, in some circumstances–if it’s an ailment likely to be at least partly genetic and passed on to the offspring. mostly i don’t because offspring can’t fix it and it’s just not useful to bitch about it.
I do tell my adult children. They don’t care, or they think I’m exaggerating.
My set daughter lives in NYC, I’m in Oregon and gets very upset if I tell her about health issues. What I have started doing is waiting until I have seen the doctor and know what’s going on.
Mom(76) will tell me about every bathroom issue she has. What time she had her BM – she tells me in great detail about her diarrhea.
She will send me pics of every scratch or boo-boo because don’t you know it can be dangerous for a diabetic to get a wound.
Sometimes it feels like she’s telling me all this for dramatic effect. Or she’s got nothing else to talk about.
It can send me over the edge in a panic because I’m not there to help. I feel extra guilt like I should be able to fix things for her.
With my(58F) kids I try to not worry them. If either asks, “how you doing?” I say, “I’m good!”
I was in the hospital for 5 days this past November. I didn’t tell them. Didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving for them.
Had a terrible time with the flu this past February – all they knew was I had a cold.
When you are old, you do not want to burden your children with your problems. You’ve probably accepted your mortality, so a bad health diagnosis is not as stressful as it would be if you were thirty.
I’m 60 years old and I’m not like that. My kids and I talked freely about health related issues.
However, my parents and in-laws never told us anything. We found out by accident that my father in law had heart surgery (we lived in another state). My husband is an only child, and we called them on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and couldn’t get ahold of them. This was at the height of Covid, so we didn’t go home for Christmas. My sister in law saw them at the hospital where she worked and talked to my MIL. My SIL said to call us or she will.
Wth?!
There could be all sorts of reasons, but my father (who was completely open with me about his terminal illness) made it very clear he did not want to be treated like a “dying man” and did not want to talk about his illnesses all the time. He complained that some people now treated him differently and he really did not want that – he called it the “poor man he’s going to die look”. Then there were others telling him how “brave” he was – that really wound him up as he did not think it was brave at all as he had no choice in getting the illness.
I could easily see someone with similar thoughts to his just not telling people to avoid all that.
I’d would like to say that I don’t want to burden my younger son. He is already my go to if my husband dies before me. His wife, my beautiful dil’s mother lived with them all their marriage. She had cancer from when my dil was around 15.
I really want them to live their life happily without having to worry about me. My older son lives in Utah. No, wait, he lives in the cloud working on malware. Yes he is one of those guys and I love him dearly. I don’t know if he would be interested in what ails me.
I’ve always was a strong woman. I was a nurse.
Now however after reading some of these answers I may have to reconsider and tell my kids.
Denial. Mom died of stage 4 colon cancer 90 days after diagnosis. Mydad could not get her to go to the doctor. She was 68. Dad had Parkinson’s and we all knew. Was cheerful to the end. Everyone deals with their health as they choose.
Good question, I have no idea. I’ve gone my entire life saying we have no history of cancer in our family when doctors asked me. Except one of my grandfathers, but he went through all of WW2 as infantryman, so he was exposed to all kinds of shit and it wasn’t a huge shock when he died (relatively) young. Actually…now that I think about it, I’m not sure at what age he died. Then my father casually dropped that his mother died of cancer. Literally nobody else knew about it, he just casually didn’t mention it to anyone – not his wife, not us kids, nobody. Kiiiiinda feel like it’s something we should have proooooobably been told.
My grandpa got sick and had lymphoma. Didn’t tell anyone. My grandma didn’t tell my dad until he was in hospice already. They live a few states away so me and my dad went and he was already unconscious and passed the next day. Didn’t get to even speak with him before he passed. I was upset at him and my grandma for not saying anything sooner. I couldn’t even remember the last thing I said to him.
This was maybe 15 years ago. I’m always checking up on my grandma now. I know she wouldn’t bring it up if she isn’t doing well. She doesn’t like to worry anyone or be a bother. Even though I tell her she is never a bother. Now that I think of it maybe it would be a good time to plan a visit to go and see her.
My parents told us about every hangnail.
I asked my mom this very question before she died in 2008. She said because everyone has an opinion that they can’t keep to themselves.
I knew the details of my parents’ health issues, including the ones that led to their deaths. My kids know the details of mine. I remember my mom discussing her parents’ health problems, and we all knew what led to their deaths as well. We’re a very honest and open family, and believe that sharing each others burdens makes the load lighter.
I’m sorry that your parents weren’t honest with you.
Edit: These comments are very eye-opening. It looks like most people aren’t honest with their kids about health issues. My family definitely wasn’t/isn’t typical.
I’ve always felt that I didn’t really fit in with most people from my generation, but I didn’t really know why that was. There have been many questions on this sub where my experience or opinion is in the minority, and that in itself has been eye-opening. It’s helped me to understand the disconnect.
Hubs & I are 74. We update them every time we have a Dr appt. No secrets here.
It’s often about not being complainers. Many older folks just go on from day to day with what they believe the whole world is experiencing such as aches & pains, over worked, growing older, age associated illnesses, what they had for dinner, where they went for the day, etc. The usual young crowd of today posts about almost anything and everything. My family has joked about having only two epitaph choices including “I’m not sick” and “I told you I was sick”.
Both my kids live far away. If I had a terminal illness, I’d tell them before I passed but I would not tell them right away. They don’t need the stress of their parent having a terminal illness too early when there is nothing they can do. I would probably try to go see them more.
Some make a choice and don’t want to be guilt tripped by relatives. Some deal with issues by denial. Some can’t afford the cost and don’t want to force their family into debt. Some are deathly afraid of doctors. A good many don’t want to be forced from their home into a living institution.
Because it’s my problem, not yours. I was supposed to raise you into an adult, an adult who has to live their own life and raise their own kids. I’ll worry about myself, and my kids, but it’s not a two way street.
Having had similar experiences with my in-laws, whom I loved, I will never be that way! I’m sorry that happened to you.
I don’t want to worry you, I don’t want to be hovered over, and I have it under control.
My father entertained us with medical stories after the event was over, never before.
Because they kind of still see you as kids, and don’t want to bother you with their problems.
Too late for what? Too late to spend time with them? You are their kids, not their doctor, what would you have done differently?
For me it is because I don’t want to be a burden or make them worry
Because my mother gloried in every tiny health issue and I worried about her constantly.
I don’t want my kids to spend one second of their lives worrying about my health. They have enough to worry about.
I get nosebleeds from time to time and I DREAD having one happen in front of any of them because there is a ton of blood, but it’s not really anything other than a sensitive blood vessel.
My children can’t change the fact that I am getting older.
They know I am careful about my health. I developed adult asthma at about 60. This means when I get a respiratory infection it goes to asthma and pneumonia. Others can be ill for 5 days and I am sick for a month.
My son gets upset about little things. He lectured me because I didn’t tell him about a leak in my ceiling and just took care of it. He lives 45 min. away. He and his wife work full time and they have two young daughters.
If I would be diagnosed with something important, I would notify them.
In January I saw a hand doctor because my little finger wouldn’t straighten. I had Dupuytren’s contracture. It is genetic, but I couldn’t think of anyone in my family who had it. Both of my grandfathers had died before I was born.
I got the repair and then PT for my finger and I am fine. I finally tract down where gene came from. My dad hadn’t had it but his brother did and so did my cousin.
I passed the information to my children so they know. I didn’t need help around the house for any of that.
I had a knee replacement and organized my house so I could get around. The kids knew but I didn’t need them.
My Parents had some big health issues they kept secret then they hit 70 & never shut up about them. We got daily emails about every aspect, spreadsheets of 3x day monitoring calories, water intake, blood sugar, bowel motions, exercise,……..& on, links to articles then find out not just being sent to us but all their friends, even my in-laws. Only conversations were about their health, hours & hours of it, couldn’t change the subject without my Dad having a tantrum. I ended up going no contact just couldn’t do it.
Because as far as your parents were concerned it wasn’t “too late.” It was the perfect time.
Because when parents get older and start to have health problems, most kids reaction is to wrap their parents in bubble wrap and put them away someplace “safe”. Their need to keep parents “safe” usually means that older person spends the rest of their lives having lost all personal autonomy and freedom, taken from a place they know and stuck in some facility where their every move is planned out, they are stuck eating food they don’t want, taking medication they don’t want, and are surrounded by a bunch of other old people they don’t know.
Because the younger you are the more likely you are to believe medical professionals who tell you that there is always one more treatment option they can try on your parent, one more round of chemo, one more operation, and you agree because you think your parents should live every day possible and pay little attention to their parents quality of life or pain and suffering.
Not all of us are that way. My 98 year old mom keeps me up to date on how she is doing every week. My adult kids are well aware of how mom and dad are doing.
I was taught never to discuss medical or health issues in public, not to talk to my children about them, and not to tell my wife about any issues, unless she’s going to have to deal with them
My Mom did this and my Dad was always really private but he was hurt finding out she knew she has copd and we had suspicions but wish we knew. Anyhow made dad see the light and share his medical history with me now.
Your parents didn’t want you to worry when you were little. Some things never change.
I’m not interested in seeming weak or needy. I’m not weak or needy (yet) but even if I were, I have never been good about needing help.
My parents and I shared almost all of our health concerns, though it was sometimes delayed while waiting for confirmation of diagnosis. They were both born in the 40s
It’s not my kids responsibility to oversee my health care.
I’m not going to add stuff to their plate.
What is too early anyway?
I’ve already outlived my father by 22 years.
When you tell someone you’re sick with something that doesn’t have a foreseeable solution, (like a broken bone or a cold) all people do is give you advice. When you’re sick that’s that last thing you need. You want to be cared about, enjoyed, and have people offer you something to cheer you up, not worry and fret and talk about all the things you need to do
My business when I’m ready to go.
Not me. I tell my son everything for that very reason. My parents (Silent Gen) wouldn’t tell me shit about fuck. I will not be like them.
I’m 66 and unfortunately have a number of different parts failing on me due to overuse and genetics. If I were to keep someone updated, most every conversation would be about the newest med change, lab result, or surgery schedule. I know it would become tedious and my whole existence would be a parody of old ladies whining and comparing ailments.
I was responsible for my stepdads healthcare once my mom passed away. Every conversation was dominated by it. My kids know enough to be able to make any decision’s they would need to make but for now I am more than capable of attending to it. I would rather be making memories.
If it was life threatening, I would tell them. But I don’t want to worry them and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Are they midwestern? It’s definitely a midwestern thing, though not universal of course, and not limited to the midwest by any means.
My mom had a damn hysterectomy to remove a tumor, and didn’t tell me until three months later. Smdh! 😮🫤😂
I wanna know the answer to this too. I wish i could ask my mom. Stage 4 Cancer got her before she would ever admit it’s existence.
My father had a stroke 3 months ago. My brothers and I thought it was out of the blue. Nope. Turns out he has advanced congestive heart failure, stage 3 kidney disease and a long list of other serious medical issues that he never told us about.
I don’t like to be “mothered” when I’m sick. Leave me alone.
Because I don’t want to be a burden.
This is what happened to my mother. She had some bleeding, and assumed it was ‘rhoids. It turned out to be diverticulitis and sepsis, leading to diarrhea causing loss of fluid and dangerously low sodium levels nearly causing brain damage. Within 30 days she was gone.
If my kids can help, I’ll tell them. If there isn’t anything they can do, why would I worry them?
Hahaha this reminds me of how I found out my mom had cancer. A voicemail, “So…it looks like I have cancer, they are removing my kidney tomorrow. They’re admitting me at BGH if you have time to stop by. Love you “
I think it’s because they don’t want us to worry until they have no choice but to tell us. Fuck cancer