I am 24F and come from a very traditional. This is a throwaway as this is very personal.
But here are the details:
– Christian family based in Egypt
– I have always lived in Europe
– I am heavily traumatised, have been diagnosed w BPD not sure it is a legit diagnosis but I don’t know what is wrong with me besides that there is something off.
– I am trying my best to start my life now after I finished a useless 4 year degree last year at 23 while heavily struggling
– Had a first full time job which went to shit cos the boss was weird
– now I am having an internship w the government but it is paid just like a full time job
– My parents are becoming worse and worse each passing day
Now my parents just like every traditional parent see me as a walking uterus wasting my life while not considering marriage and today we had a fight or well I initiated it cos I wanted them to drop them little comments and just.
At the end I annoyed my mother enough that she told me it is my choice but I am afraid that they will force me the way they forced my 22 year old cousin and now they regret it.
I don’t wanna get married. I dont even know my sexuality and I never will care enough as I don’t wanna practice it.
But I am scared that they will force me before I turn 25. As that is when I am planning to hopefully have a permanent full time job.
I am really scared and I would just appreciate some sound advice or nice words. I am very vulnerable right now and already relapsed again.
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It’s a lot. I will tell you, I felt absolutely crazy when people were trying to control me. My parents were very strict, not understanding. I actually cut myself and cut my hair off.
All I am saying is if stuff feels crazy – it is because it is.
You live in Europe. You should give a country. I am not sure if you are willing to leave family behind to pursue independence but I think knowing your options is important.
I just want to offer some support. My dad’s side of the family is Christian Egyptian also. I am gay (26f) with a partner whom I will be marrying next year.
My teta compared me to a criminal. She told me on my birthday that she does not support me and then compared me to a criminal. I don’t know how you feel about setting those boundaries but I set them hard. I have extremely limited contact with most of that family as it is not okay to treat someone like that.
They cannot force you to do anything that you don’t wish to do. If you are able, give yourself distance and figure out your life without their pressure. Knowing yourself is hard enough without everyone’s expectations…. I still struggle to know who I am sometimes because I’ve let those people shape me….and not in a good way. Allow yourself to set some boundaries with them and give yourself some space to feel out what you want out of life. They cannot and should not live it for you.
BPD may be a bad diagnosis. Maybe PTSD. You’re young. Figure out who you are. If marriage and babies are an option after you heal, so be it.
Do they believe you have BPD? If so, use it. Tell them you are afraid you won’t be able to be a wife and mother because of your diagnosis. You wouldn’t want to be a burden to any potential husband.
Get your important documents: birth certificate, ID, passport, and hide those in place where no one else has access to. You can’t get married without showing a passport in Austria (if not citizen).
Open separate bank account and put as much money as you can.
Document any conversations regarding your marriage. You need it to proof that your parents are forcing you to get married.
Look for local organisations that help women or enforce human rights. Explain your situation and actively seek help.
You can live without your family. You are a separate human being and deserve living a life the way you want.