Note: I had chatgpt write and edit this, just wanted to be as concise and clear as possible. Forgive me if it sounds too robotic or a littl off
I’m 20F and I’m feeling really confused and emotionally wrecked right now. I’d really appreciate any support or perspective — even if it’s a reality check — because I don’t know if I’m just being entitled or if this hurt is valid.
Here’s the situation:
I’ve worked at my mom’s restaurant for about 5 years now (the first 4 years it was owned by someone else, and the last year under her). About 2 years ago, I developed depression and a handful of health issues (including PCOS, mood swings, and significant weight gain). It was one of the worst times of my life. I lost friends, I had panic attacks at school, and I often had to isolate in bathroom stalls just to breathe.
My mom wasn’t supportive during this time. She would berate me for my weight, and she once told me she didn’t love me because of how I looked. That broke something in me. Ever since, my self-worth has plummeted and my social anxiety has gotten worse.
Because of this mental state, I wasn’t showing up to work consistently. I admit it — from a pure workplace standpoint, I was a terrible employee. I often didn’t give notice when I couldn’t make it, and I tried quitting several times, but my parents wouldn’t let me because I was “just sitting around at home.” That’s also why I’m in university now — they didn’t let me take a gap year to focus on recovery.
Things slowly got better. I found therapy through AI tools, made new supportive friends, and started showing up to work again regularly. I was proud of that.
But a few weeks ago, I got into a car accident. I was hurt — physically and emotionally. Just three days after the crash, my mom begged me to come into work. I said yes. I worked a short 3-hour shift with a horrible headache the whole time. Afterward, I sat alone at a park and cried. I was in pain and overwhelmed, and I realized I needed to rest. So I told her no when she asked me to work the following week. I had medical appointments, insurance to deal with, and schoolwork to catch up on. She didn’t help with any of that.
After that, she cut my hours and called me a “distrustful employee.” Even though I explained how much progress I’d made, how serious the car accident was, and how I was trying — she ignored it all. I’d even had a vulnerable conversation with her asking for understanding and reminding her I wasn’t skipping anymore, but she chose to focus on the past.
It really stung. I know from a business standpoint I wasn’t reliable before, but I thought she saw the progress. I thought we were on the same page. This job has been a safety net for me while healing — not just for income, but because it gave me structure and helped ground me when things were dark.
I talked to my dad, and he took her side. He sugar-coated it, but basically said it’s just “part of growing up.” It felt like what I was saying didn’t matter because I’m “only 20,” like my pain was being dismissed outright.
I just don’t know what to think anymore. Am I being unreasonable? Am I spoiled for expecting more emotional consideration, even in a job setting? Or is this a real betrayal of trust, especially since she’s my mom and we had a heart-to-heart about all this?
Any thoughts, guidance, or support would mean the world right now. Thank you for reading.
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(TL;DR: I worked at my mom’s restaurant while struggling with mental health. I was inconsistent before, but have gotten better. After a car accident, I couldn’t show up, and now she cut my hours despite our agreement. I feel heartbroken and dismissed.)
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I think you should not give a fuck about what your mom thinks about your real lived experience because it’s ruining your life.
It’s affecting your job.
Your mom doesn’t want to deal with the reality of it.
Your mom said some pretty abusive shit about your weight. They are dismissing you. Minimizing your pain.
You need to go to the doctor and you need to get this shit figured out and you need to get a different job when you are ready because working with your mom sounds like a nightmare
Your Dad’s response is Wild – giving you no excuse because “it’s just part of growing up” expecting you to act like an adult, but your opinion doesn’t matter because you’re “only 20” 💀
Might be unpopular, but I see both sides. Your mom is running a business.
The lesson here is threefold:
Take care of yourself. Nobody knows what you need physically and emotionally like you do, so you have to be your own champion.
Don’t ever be an employee of someone you’re related to.
If you live with someone who berates you, do whatever it takes to go live somewhere else.
Ignore the personal relationship for a moment, and bring it down to the bare tacks. You have a job where your attendance history was spotty and your manager does not trust you. Your manager also is the type to demand their employees work when they are sick. You were a poor employee, and your manager is a poor manager. It’s a nasty little situation.
Time to switch gears and look into working elsewhere, unless this job opens a lot of doors for you professionally after you graduate university. You would do well to have the experience at working in more than one place, and under several managerial types.
As for your personal relationships with your mother, she’s certainly difficult to say the least. It’s possible your relationship will improve when she sees you succeeding in your career, but it’s also possible she will just…always be this way. It will take a lot of time to emotionally accept that.
I don’t think you will be able to grow into a person you love being, while working for your mom. As a manager, I’ve always fired no call no shows. Period. As a mother, I would never withhold love from my kids for any reason. Honestly, it sounds like your mom sucks as a manager and a mom.
Find a new role model and become a person you feel proud of.
Brutal Reality Check First
Thats the reality. You’re unreliable, disorganised (insurance is a few phone calls, not a week off work – same with appointments) you haven’t made your job a priority. It isn’t something you need because you live with your parents and have security of housing and food, so you’ve treated it more like an optional “when I feel like it” thing.
The way the business owner treats your attitude sets the tone and behaviour standards of other employees who have to do extra shifts or cover for you.
Life doesn’t have a pause button when things happen. I had my first car accident last year at 40 (rear ended at high speeds leading to a 6 car pileup on a highway). My 3 yo was in the car with me. I was hurt, (and terrified) but I still had to be a parent, I was the primary carer for my best friend who was terminally ill (and died a fortnight later), had to meet my work commitments, hold a bedside death vigil, deal with insurance and having no car, plan a funeral.
Was it overwhelming and hard? Yes. Was there any choice? No. There is no one coming to save you. Except you
Now for some comfort and validation
I feel as though your parents haven’t done a lot to prepare you for the real world / adult life.
Your existence has been cushioned, but instead of helping you transition in a supported way, they’ve just pulled the rug out from underneath you. Your age ticked over 18, you’re an adult. They expect you to act like one, without equipping you with the tools.
You cannot change how other people act, only how you chose to act and to react.
Your mother has chosen to act like a business owner regarding the restaurant, instead of your mother.
You cannot change choose to act as a potential employee – requesting their job back with hours that you can actually manage, or you can choose to react as a hurt daughter who is upset a safety net has been removed.
I suggest you start with a piece of paper, line down the middle, on the left Things that made me a good employee and on the right Things that made me a bad employee. On the other side of the paper same line, “Reasons why I want a job” and “Reasons why I don’t want a job”.
When you get to the right hand side, don’t write the list as you. First, put yourself in the shoes of a colleague you work with who has to cover when you call in sick… who sees any possible favouritism in the workplace. Then into the shoes of a job applicant, that would love to work at the restaurant, and finally into the shoes of your mother.
Flip the page.
“Reasons why I want a job” will include things like structure, social connections, earning money, getting experience on your resume.
“Reasons why I don’t want a job” I want freedom, not responsibility, my mental health and my study is more important than work etc.
Once your head is actually clear, approach your mother on a business basis with a proposal for what it could look like if you were to be employed by her again.
What commitments you can make to reliability (like prioritising schoolwork outside of restaurant hours so you’re available “last minute” when she is desperate).
The reasons why work has been beneficial for you.
An acceptance that you haven’t appreciated / valued the employment until now, with a blurred mother / boss role, a willingness to be treated exactly the same as every other staff member.
A plan for actual mental health support.
So many of the comments here have been loving, supportive and validating for you. I’m not going to repeat them all.
I do think that your parents could be more supportive of everything you’re going through, but they haven’t been – and continuing to turn to them expecting that is setting yourself up for disappointment.
If your mother says no after this conversation; that’s fine. Go out and find a job elsewhere. Get that structure, socialisation and income.
I think that you’ve been taking so many positive steps towards progress – this doesn’t have to be a set back, simply the pathway to the next right thing.
If your school doesn’t have a counsellor, approach your parents and state you’d like their financial support in improving your mental health, and becoming reliable. It doesn’t sound like they’re “kicking you out”, just stopping the damage that you’re causing to the business and the mother/daughter relationship.