I’m a senior in high school and I’m 18 and in my friend group at school I’m the last person not to be in a relationship or get laid. I feel insecure about this since all my friends call me a good looking guy and handsome and some adults said the same thing too. I was brought up in a south asian muslim household and taught no sex no dating no hugging no kissing till marriage. I feel so lost and behind my peers and feel uncomfortable with being a virgin and being left out. I don’t wanna just have sex with a random person I wanna get married and have kids and a family. There is this one blond girl that tries flirting with me and stuff and some of my less close friends told me I was fumbling not being with her while my closer friends told me to stay from her and said she’s a bop(which just means she’s passed around). I feel like I missed milestones for having my first kiss and dating on high school and need advice.
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You can start dating whenever you feel comfortable doing so. If you don’t want to, then own it; don’t let anyone push you around or tell you otherwise. Likewise, if you want to, then go for it.
I know plenty of people who didn’t date until their 20s. They were confident people and all ended up in long term relationships, two of them married the first person they dated because they only dated when they found someone they really, really liked.
I remember feeling this way in high school and looking back, the pressure was all self-inflicted. Statistically your generation is far less promiscuous than mine so you’re far from alone among your peers even if you feel that way in your friend group.
If you don’t want to date or have sex with just anyone, don’t! It’s better to do things on your own terms. High school is such a small pond and it’s not weird to not meet someone and click with them.
I know no matter what I say, you feel how you feel and that’s okay. These things feel like a huge deal at that age and they’re just not. Even 3-5 years from now you’ll look back and see it for yourself.
But one little thing. Don’t say someone gets “passed around”. That makes them sound like a non-consenting, non-thinking object. As a woman, how boys/men talk about women matters to us. It impacts us. She makes her own choices and that’s fine. You get to make yours by deciding to pursue her or not but it sounds like you’d only be doing it because she flirts with you, not because you want to.
These milestones aren’t video game achievements to be racked up. Who you reach that milestone with matters and you can’t rush that. All you can do is try to meet new people and be open.
At 18 I understand why you feel this way and what’s going through your mind. You need to take a step back from your thoughts circling around this subject as it is. I was a very introvert and shy 18 year old and was having the same issues. When I talked to a friend of my mother who I trusted, he told me what I will tell you now: “give it time, it will get better”
I didn’t like the answer, just as much as you probably won’t but he was right: give it time. In part it’s because the women need to grow up themselves, in part you still have some growing to do yourself.
In the meantime, keep following in mind
First, there are no “milestones”. Love life is not a schedule. Things happen when they do for you – it’s your own journey.
Second, most teenagers lie and exaggerate. I didn’t have a first making out session until I was 18 and I later found out when talking to friends, is not so uncommon.
Third, your insecurity probably shows and that is probably what is hindering you in a fashion. Self confidence is an important piece of the puzzle. It’s a bit of a catch-22, but you’ll see as you move into your 20s and get more confident about who you are, things will become easier.
Some final, specific remarks:
You met a girl who seems to be interested. Are you genuinely interested in her as a person or just because she “might be an option”? If it’s the latter, be a man and not a little boy: let her down easy. If it’s the former, take the time to get to know her. And concerning the friends: who gives a fuck about their opinion? It’s you in the driver seat if your life, not the others. Real friends will be there for the ride with you, the others weren’t friends in the first place.