I (25f) was in an on and off again casual relationship with Jeremy (27m) for over 4 years. What I mean by that is we were never seriously dating but we were exclusive. So no sleeping with others and that wasn’t because we were planning to be together at the end but to reduce the risk of STDs or pregnancies and paternity questioning.
I had met his family a few times. They liked me but I wasn’t around them very much. Kinda the point of being casual and everything.
Feelings did develop near the end of our on and off again period and we broke up for real for 6 months. He told me he didn’t want it to end. I wasn’t sure he was serious enough about making a serious relationship work. I told him that. I was open to one but some of his actions made me doubt. Four months ago he came to me and told me he had worked on himself and he was ready to be a true partner. We talked it out and we got back together for real this time. I spent some time around his family this time and we talked about the future and our goals.
Two months into our serious relationship his ex (from before the start of our original relationship) announced she was pregnant and that the two of them had slept together while he and I were broken up for the 6 month period. He didn’t deny it but he said he didn’t want her. It was blowing off steam one weekend and how he was still committed to me and there would be nobody else ever because I was it for him. I told him I didn’t want to be involved in a baby thing. That he was having a kid and I wasn’t and I was out.
Since that point he has repeatedly tried to get me to change my mind. The mother of his child has tried to talk to me so she can yell about how unfair it is. And his family have begged me to come back, that they love me and never liked her and how he and the baby need me and they need me and they don’t want to be left dealing with the actual mother and how good of a mom I would be.
I was blocking people all over the place. But in the end I lost my temper and I set up a group chat with all of them on a different number and yelled in a voice message that I am not the mother of my ex’s unborn child and therefore I have nothing to do with this baby or the situation and I won’t take him back, I won’t have anything to do with this and if telling them all in one place needed to happen then here it was. I stayed in the group for a few hours before growing tired of the mother of the child being outraged that I would speak to her like that, where my ex was pleading and saying I couldn’t dump him when he didn’t cheat and his family saying how unfair I was being and how needed I was.
Now I kinda regret doing it because I wonder if they’ll actually leave me alone or still look for ways to contact me and it might be more pissy than before. AITA?
Comments
Totally NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Just go no contact with everyone at this point.
They are out of their minds if they expect you to take care of your ex and another person’s child.
He fucked up and it’s not your fault or your problem.
NTA
They can all go to hell.
Absolutely NTA and what is wrong with his family? Telling you what an amazing mother you’d be? That baby has a mother and it’s not you, absolutely wild that they’re hoping you’ll just what? Swoop in and take over as mommy because they don’t like the actual mother?
I don’t really understand why his ex is pissed at you though, surely she should be happy you’re stepping away so he can focus on his child?
Whatever the case these people are all fucking nuts and you’re far better off without them in your life.
NTA girl would be playing mother while the bio mom is out living her best life, the dad is still acting like he don’t have a child and the family would be gaslighting you about how you need to step up more and be more involved. I am glad you saved yourself the headache. Do not go back.
NTA. You’re just going to open yourself up to a whole pile of fuckery if you keep him around. It seems him and his family know you’re the better one to raise his kid and that’s why they want you to stick around.
NTA. None of this is a YOU problem.
NTA. His actions have consequences. He had sex with his ex, that then resulted in a pregnancy, why would you want anything to do with that mess?!
You’d be tied to that woman for life. Absolutely not.
Also, he should get a paternity test. I would laugh if it turns out the baby isn’t even his, but after his and his families behaviour you wouldn’t even get back with him if that was the case, you don’t want to deal with emotionally manipulative people.
The whole “exclusive but not dating” thing sounds like a bit of a mindfuck to me, but at the end of the day you’re NTA. You’re allowed to break up with someone whenever you want, and breaking up because you don’t want to be involved in parenting before the kid’s even born is best. Even if this guy turns out to be a shitty dad, you’re likely going to get babysitting duties dumped on you, which is why his ex is trying to keep you around so much.
Just leave the chat and keep them all blocked. You would be TA to yourself if you continued the drama.
Nta.stop feeding the gremlins and remove yourself from the toxic situation
NTA, and you were smart to tap out of this shitshow early on. Though I’m not sure why his ex wants you involved with their baby? Seems odd to me. Is she giving up custody?
NTA. This is not your problem. Good on you for breaking it off this early, I can imagine how much worse they would be if you “abandoned” the baby after it was born. Like, who’s going to take care of it now? May I suggest sending them resources on adoption every time they continue to contact you.
Casual Reddit reply:
Nah, you’re not the asshole at all. You laid your boundaries clearly and repeatedly, and they kept pushing. You’re not obligated to raise someone else’s kid, especially when it’s your ex’s kid from a fling that happened during a breakup. Like… how is this even your problem?
Honestly, you showed a lot of patience before you finally snapped, and even then you didn’t go scorched earth you just told them all at once so they’d stop bothering you. If anything, they were trying to guilt-trip and manipulate you into a life you didn’t sign up for.
Block ‘em all again and live your life. You dodged a major bullet.
I mean, setting uo a group chat to shout at them all makes you come across fairly unhinged but Fuck dealing with t that entangled nonsense and new babies etc. better off drawing. Line under it
NTA like you said they all and I mean every single one including the actual mother of that unborn child was expecting you to become the kids mother and that’s unfair to you because you never agreed to that, They needed the reality check that you weren’t coming back and aren’t going to be involved if they plan to stay in denial that your coming back then block them all, they don’t need to be in your life if they won’t respect what you’ve already stated multiple times
NTA. I think this is a perfect example of your ex playing FAFO.
Nta. Just keep blocking everyone. You didn’t sign up to be a step parent when you chose to have a serious relationship with him. That situation came after. You don’t owe him or anyone else anything. It’s wild that his family and the mother of his child expect you to just shrug and become a mom to this child without so much as a backward thought. Also I wouldn’t want to be with someone that could put down creating a child without so much someone so easily. Blowing off steam is understandable. Not being responsible about it isn’t acceptable. Now he can be a single dad.
This just sounds like such a toxic cesspool all the way around. Congrats on getting yourself out of that, OP. Definitely NTA.
Girllll, RUN. The family sounds just as bad as him.
NTA. Block everyone and ignore them. If he tries to contact you again tell him you will be reporting him to the police for harassment.
would he step up and become a dad to a child you concieved with another man while you were broken up?
Girl, please, I am so proud of you. You have put yourself first, you know what you will not be able to deal with and what you will. Move on with your life. Find yourself someone else that you can fall in love with and have a family of your own if you want that. You will always have baby mama drama if you let that man back in your life. I 100% agree with you and your reason for doing what you’re doing. I would definitely do the same. Good luck to you.❤️💋
Set another chat and tell them unless they want an avalanche of restraining orders and harassment charges raining down ON ALL OF THEM they better delete your numbers and stop contacting you.
And block their idiotic asses again
The audacity of that man giving his baby mama your contacts for her to harass you about her pregnancy as if you are the one who impregnated her
NTAH
So this woman WANTS her ex’s ex to co-parent her booty call child? Nope, I don’t see any drama forming in that scenario. NTA.
Suggested response:
> “Dear Ex and Ex’s Family,
> “I am not about to raise a child that isn’t mine, or be trapped into being an unpaid babysitter for the next 18 years. The baby is NOT my responsibility, and whether or not I’d be a good mother is beside the point, which is that I DON’T WANT TO BE A MOTHER.
> “And you’re not going to make me feel guilty for that either. After all, if none of you who are related to the baby by blood feel no obligation toward her, why would you expect me to feel obligated toward her??
> “If you can’t find someone in your family willing to raise this child, I suggest that Ex and the baby’s mother allow her to be adopted. She deserves to be loved, but I can’t be the one to give her that love, and I’m not willing to try.
> “Now, STOP BOTHERING ME.
> “Sincerely,
> “Ezzilyxi”
I have to say, Ezzi, that a lot of people, women AND men, would jump at the chance to adopt and raise a baby. And that’s terrific 👍 But not everyone was meant to be a parent, and there are plenty more who are lousy parents to the kids they already have.
YOU know yourself well enough to know that you don’t want to be involved in this baby’s life, and feeling that way means that if you tried anyway the results would probably not be positive. Not for you, your Ex and most of all not for the baby herself. That means that you ARE doing the responsible thing by avoiding any involvement in this child’s life.
Good luck to all of you 🍀
NTA but good lord that’s all very dramatic. A group chat?? Just block everybody, or change your phone number.
NTA – you don’t need a reason to end a relationship by the way. They harassing you simply is because they want you to take care of the kid so they won’t have to. Block and consider a restraining order.
You’re not asking if you’re the A H for yelling, you’re actually asking if yelling has made your life more difficult.
You already know you’re NTAH for your actions, and you’re not. They didn’t get the hint so you took care of it. Understandable that you did it once in a public forum, I’d have done the same if they kept harassing you.
The real issue is whether they still keep pestering you. I would personally send one more text in the group forum, saying that if anyone contacts you again, you will keep a record of it all and contact a lawyer about harassment. Change your original.number if you think that would help and then just keep blocking anyone who contacts you.
Sounds like she baby trapped him to get him back and now she’s going crazy because he still doesn’t want to be with her. To him, she was just a “port in a storm” but he should’ve wrapped it up!!
NTA
All of these people are messy and awful. You did the right thing walking away.
‘It was blowing off steam one weekend and how he was still committed to me and there would be nobody else ever because I was it for him’.
Soo he then went and slept with his ex… the irony! Of course you are NTA
You are so young. You did the right thing. Block them all and move on. NTA.
I’m sorry that he hurt you. He seemed to be careful for STIs but then had unprotected sex with others. I wouldn’t trust him again. I hope you’ve gotten tested.
You don’t need his permission to break up. The ONLY reason he wants you back is so he doesn’t have to parent his own kid, when it’s his time with the kid.
NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NOT THE ASS!!!
Women everywhere need to correct the misogynistic assumption that women are bottomless, selfless wells of unpaid nurturing and caregiving.
He (literally) f’d around and got another woman pregnant. Whether or not it was technically “cheating” is irrelevant. This fetus is not your bio kid, not your adopted kid, and not your surrogate kid. S/HE IS NOT YOUR KID!!! Hence, this kid is NOT your responsibility … as in “not my circus; not my monkeys”.
Also, OP, you never have to “justify” breaking up with a boyfriend. You may break up with a SO for any reason … or no reason at all.
What’s happening here is that people close to your ex want you to sacrifice your life for your ex’s (and his child’s) betterment. You do not have to do that!
Do not 2nd-guess yourself. Rather, save yourself by exiting out of HIS mess. To achieve this, do whatever it takes: blocking, lock-changing, restraining orders, no-contact, etc. Anyone and everyone who is not “Team OP” is gone from your life.
You are not needed. The child has two parents. That’s the end of it.
NTA
NTA – signing up for a boyfriend doesn’t mean enrolling in surprise stepmom bootcamp. Loudly unsubscribing from the drama was overdue.
NTA. Their needs are not your problem. It’s obvious they would be very happy using you. If even one of them cared about you, they would tell you that you’re doing the right thing.
NTA. You literally have NOTHING to do with this. The fact that the baby mama is calling you to tell you it’s unfair you’re not involved is insane
You said you didn’t sign up for it, and that you were out. You explicitly gave a boundary and they aren’t even respecting it.
NTA
Not your kid, not your relationship, not your actions.
Sounds like you were right to be hesitant with this guy. Be glad you’re on this side of the lesson about how mature/commitment level. At least he didn’t ‘blow off some steam’ with you, and then head off to another woman after getting you pregnant.
What an ass.
Just keep ignoring and take steps to move on with your life. In time (likely when the kid arrives), everyone else will do the same.
NTA. you may want to change your phone number at this point.
NTA
He didn’t cheat, but that isn’t why you ended things anyhow. You ended the relationship because there is a baby coming and you don’t want to be involved in that which is understandable. Good for you realizing what you can and can’t manage.
They all need to move on and get over it.
What a pack of dickheads. Fuck those people. Don’t ever talk to them again.
NTA. You don’t owe this family anything and have every right to walk away. You don’t even owe them an explanation.
Your ex sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it toobut guess what? You’re not even on the dessert menu! Keep blocking those calories.I mean calls!
NTA You didnt dump him coz he cheated. You left him because you rightly didnt wanna be in the middle of mama drama!
This is not your mess – this one belongs to your ex. You said your piece now block them. Do not engage with them again.
They’re trying the chisel method. Hoping to wear you down piece by piece.
You were mad patient tbh like they pushed u for way too long and u snapped after gettin harassed from all angles. u owe none of them anything, especially when he made his choices and now don’t wanna deal w the consequences. the baby ain’t yours, the drama ain’t yours, and it’s wild how his fam tryna guilt u into raising someone else’s kid like it’s ur responsibility. u don’t need that mess, block em again and keep it movin bec they’ll def try more bs. proud of u for standin ur ground.
NTA
I kinda feel like the unspoken want of theirs was that you’d become the defacto ‘parent’ on his time, cos someone’s going have to ‘help’ him. But that person isn’t you, its them.
This isn’t your problem or mess.
Is the ex, just going to pop out the baby, hand it to him and then run off into the sunset, never to be heard from again? Why is she so upset? It doesn’t make sense. OP, find a new place to live so that they can’t find you to harass you anymore. Leave them blocked
nta. and not worth the ergs put into this post. dump all dem beeches. otha fish.
NTA but WTF? Why is the ex flipping out on you? This is so weird. Either you are leaving something out or they are all off their rocker and needed to be blocked sooner.
I would have done the same thing.
NTAH
You’d be stuck raising a child and he would be too busy living his life he needs someone to help care for this baby that’s coming
nta that’s not your problem
Good job putting yourself first.
NTA. What a nightmare. Sorry they are using you as the wall to throw all of their feelings and insecurities at. You are not the enemy here.
I wish for you an unexpected opportunity in another state to allow you to move away from the madness pronto.
Ohhhh. Good on you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. Absolutely stay away from these people. Just keep on blocking.
It’s irrelevant that he didn’t cheat, that’s a completely moronic thing to say. Your reasons for breaking up, whatever they are, are valid. In this case because he’s an unreliable clusterfuck and you don’t want his mess in your life.
NTA
Block them all and move right on with your life. NTA.
Block on all socials, and change your number. NTA
NTA
And you ex “blowing off steam” by having unprotected sex? Not the brightest candle in the chandelier. 🙄
NTA in any way shape or form. They needed a good talking to because they are insanely entitled and delusional to make demands t f you. Do not engage with any of these people further. You were absolutely right to distance yourself from this shit-show.
NTA. They can pool their money and hire a nanny. And your ex can be free to find a gullible girlfriend. P
LMAO
They are a collective of hardheaded imbeciles. Good riddance to them all. If they keep pestering you, threaten them with calling the cops or something for harassment. Hopefully that will scare their simple asses away.
NTA
You stated you didn’t want to navigate a relationship between the two parents. It’s your choice.
They can f right off.
NTA – Baby drama delivery, return to sender
NTA
Getting away from that 3 ring circus was the best decision you’ve made. It’s bad enough having to deal with the ex and his family but having the baby-mama chiming in only adds to the drama.
Good riddance
Dudes not looking for a girlfriend, he’s looking for someone to take care of the baby. His family knows this and know if you don’t they are next on his call list. NTA
NTA- time to go away from that circus. You are good on your own. You were smart to break things off with him when you did. Now you can see who he really is in life.
NTA
NTA. It’s so fucked up how you’re so very “Needed,” to them, now.
These people expect you to be his bang maid and raise his baby mama’s kid. Just gross.
The baby is probably his BUT I’d want NO CONTACT until a DNA test is performed. There is a remote chance that the baby “may not” be his~??? If it’s his I too would want nothing to do with it. Life is too short for you to go “sideways” and martyr up to be a “step-mom”.and raise a kid that his dalliance created. ..this is on HIM! (And think of the childcare/support $$$ she will be entitled to). nahhhhhhhh.
NTA. It is not on you to come in and clean up his mess. It’s pathetic how many people are trying to turn this into your problem. Best for you to just block them all and ignore the situation as best you can. If the harrassment continues in any way, document it so you can pursue restraining orders.
NTA. You can break up at any time for any reason. This is a good reason. It’s NOT about cheating — he DIDN’T cheat. But you don’t want to be the mom to his kid. That’s plenty of reason to leave the relationship.
NTA you said your peace and you don’t need to keep repeating yourself. Stop responding, they’ll eventually move on since they have a baby on the way to deal with.
NTA you said your peace and you don’t need to keep repeating yourself. Stop responding, they’ll eventually move on since they have a baby on the way to deal with.