We moved from the US to the UK last year. Now that the weather is finally starting to pick up for the first time since we got here, my 15 yo son seems to have decided it’s time to start walking around in his underwear.
Whenever I ask him to put some pants on, he says it’s not a big deal and that it’s no different than wearing shorts around the house. I’ve asked his father to have a word with him but he says he’s not getting involved.
I just don’t think it’s right for him to be walking around like that in front of his sister.
What can I say or do to make him stop?
Comments
Is your son permitted to wear swimming trunks around his sister?
If so, there is no real issue, and you may be overreacting.
If not, then I would suggest seeing a therapist to help untie the knots of body shame you have somehow internalized.
I mean, it’s not like it’s briefs or thongs or something. Maybe ask your daughter if it bugs her. If not, I’d let it go. Unless, of course, you hear “stepbro, what are you doing?” 😉
I think you are overreacting and agree that you should probably talk to someone about why you feel this way about your children…
Setting boundaries around modesty is essential, especially when it comes to family dynamics. While it may feel normal to your son, walking around in just boxer shorts in front of his sister could create discomfort, and you have every right to want to maintain a level of decency in the house.
Say it is making you and his sister uncomfortable. Boxer shorts are a lot more revealing than regular shorts. Its your house at the end of the day, so you have some say in what happens in communal spaces. He is welcome to do that in his room / private space, but I think its reasonable to set boundaries for communal spaces.
His father should address this.
When I was young and living alone, boxers were acceptable. But when I got roommates it was not. Gym shorts and pajama pants and tank tops or tees was the minimum.
Ask him for the courtesy he would treat any roommate.
Explain to him how rude and inappropriate it would be for a young lady his age to be wearing similar around her house.
Good luck.
Buy him some shorts and say wear these or trousers now your in the Uk 🇬🇧 boxers are hmmm not cool around your sister for sure.
Ground him and take away his phone and video games if he doesn’t listen to you? Why are you asking the Internet how to make your minor child listen to you?
well aren’t you his parent, tell him do it and make him do it
Start walking around in your underwear.
The bigger issue here is the response of the father.
Question also, is your son paying everyone’s rent and dictating the rules?
My son is 21 and the kids i nanny for are 11 and 17. All the boys walk around in their underwear. Either after showers or before bed or just waking up.
“Waking round a shared house in your underwear is inappropriate, put on some shorts or stay in your room”
I feel like every teenage boy does this and its not that weird
I’d take a stroll around in your whity tighty’s yourself see what he thinks.
Be the damn parent ! Your house your rules stop asking and tell him how it’s going to be ! You’re the PARENT not his friend or roommate ! Step up
My brother went through a phase like this years ago.
My mom was always telling him to put some pants on but he kept brushing it off like it’s no big deal and she was overreacting. So one day when he refused, she said “Well, if those are the new rules…” unzipped her pants and started to take her jeans off.
Dude was absolutely mortified, ran off to his room and immediately put some pants on. Needless to say, he got the message and never walked around in his underwear again.
If they were related by blood, I would call this a ridiculous post. If you are a blended family, your concerns are valid and should be addressed by your husband.
It’s different and above all he’s disobeying and disrespecting you and the house rules.
Since they are a minor I won’t be descriptive on how boxers differ from shorts meant to be worn outdoors; but they do. So, get him some comfy basketball shorts (the longer kind) and insist he wear something like that, or some PJ, sweat, or lounge pants.
If he disobeys then as with anything, consequences follow, and that’s for you to decide.
Maybe be an adult & tell him to stop going against your wishes ?
Time to assert some dominance. Next time he has friends over put on your most revealing laciest thongiest bra and panties and parade around like it ain’t no thing. Repeat as necessary until your son and his sorry little daddy get the message.
I’m imagining the boxers that have the opening in front. Sew the hole closed. So he’s not showing his genitals to his sister.
“Put some fucking pants on or you’re grounded.” And be ready to follow through.
A couple things,
“…in front of his sister”
Has his sister expressed discomfort or are you projecting?
It’s time to get down to your nickers.
What a strange hill to die on.
PS your husband is a dick.
I think you are overreacting
Excuse me but you have a bigger husband issue then your sons boxer issue . So this man is just a sperm donor ? He can’t claim to be a parent if he refuses to parent unless the issue affects him . Leave your son alone and start working on raising your husband , there’s been a failure along the way .
This is such a non issue it’s his own home with his own family. Stop sexualizing normal at-home behavior.
I stoped walking around the house in my boxers 5 years ago when my daughters were born it’s natural let him be tell him to dress appropriately when people are over
If it’s not offensive to you then you probably won’t have to worry about it.
My wife’s family went on a trip and brought along a fiend when they were all around 18.
One of the friends walks out of the bedroom in boxers, and my wife’s sister says “no no, we don’t do do that here, go change”
He was embarrassed. No one had told him it’s not appropriate. He thought covered was enough.
So if you want to save embarrassment later, talk to him.
Otherwise someone will say something eventually.
Jesus these comments are fucking unhinged. No it is not normal to wear boxers all over the house when there are women in the house. Would he be comfortable if they walked around in a Bra and Panties? Touch grass freaks.
My son is 16 and he walks around in boxers and a t-shirt, I don’t see what the problem is? It’s just boxers? He’s not butt naked.
These comments are insane. How many posts have we seen where the teen daughter is walking around in underwear, sports bra, short shorts, et. and everyone is defending her right to be comfortable in her home and the dad/sons must be pervs if they say anything??
each family is different, i see nothing wrong with it, as it’s innocent, it’s a shame it’s even like this and sexualized instead of being just being comfortable with just family, why in the world would family think anything other then innocence with this. But you and your husband don’t agree if it’s a big deal, his opinion is just as valid as yours.
I don’t understand what the problem is. He’s not naked right?
I did this once
Dad: Dont walk around my house in your underwear.
Never did it again lol.
He’s a teenager. You better work on picking your battles. Let the kid wear his boxers in his home.
I would simply put it into perspective for him. Tell him if he keeps wearing boxers around the house you’re going to start wearing your underwear around the house – like inappropriate underwear. If it’s not okay for the women to wear underwear around the house then it’s not appropriate for him either.
Are you afraid that your daughter is going to develop incestuous feelings for her brother or something? Jesus christ. Stop sexualizing your son. Be a parent and tell him to be decent. It’s not that hard
Boardshorts. Way less annoying without disturbing others.
You and your your daughter start walking around in YOUR underwear and see how the boys in the house like it.
Is your son’s penis hanging out? If not, I don’t see why this is an issue. Boys go through this phase, it’s normal. Have you ever not worn a bra for comfort? Same thing.
Don’t doesn’t want to get involved? It’s his kid too . Make him put shorts on
Have a calm talk with him listen to his reasoning and tell yours tell him how will he feel if his sister will be talking around in bra and if he really wants to wear something comfy buy him a pair of shorts .i think your son is old enough to understand and tell why he’s doing what he’s doing
My dad has been in his boxer shorts all his life.. and as a daughter I don’t see it as a sexual thing. If my brother decided to be in boxer shorts there would be no difference. My boyfriend whom I live with also walks around in boxer shorts (to me it’s not sexual it’s comfortable)! Let your son be comfortable in his own home and stop sexualizing him. It’s different if there are guests over then yes put on proper clothes but it’s his home and there are no guests around let him be comfortable.
Sounds like he has boundary issues. If he doesn’t face any resistance ever, he’ll grow up to be a weak person. At the end of the day, you are the parent and know what’s good for him. It’s not like he’ll die or get hurt if he listens to you. It’s a great opportunity for him to learn something.
this is not an issue at all, I wouldn’t think anything of it.
the proper British way would be to make fun of him with a nickname
What’s wrong with it? He is covered. You’re making it weird. Stop sexuality people for no reason.
His dad needs to get involved, your son is his kid too, talk about a parenting fail! Does your son have comfortable athletic shorts he can wear instead of pants? If it’s hot then he may be resisting the pants because of that. I think it’s within your rights to have your son not walk around in his underwear. My 15 year old would never do that and he is an only child!
Your husband is copping out on his job as a dad, setting and reinforcing boundaries with his son. Your son should be listening to you!
Also, these comments about sexualizing your kid are ridiculous. It’s not sexualizing a teenager to have boundaries on dress around other people. Families are all different and in some cultures it’s not appropriate to walk around in your underwear after a certain age.
You are the one making this a problem. Is he pulling his dick out? Then what’s the issue? You going to give him shit if he decides to wear gym shorts without underwear and no shirt?? Or just a bathing suit? Even if he wanted to just wear tight briefs and be in his home still a non issue. Stop sexualizing your family when they are trying to be comfortable in their own home
Just tell him that you can see his penis (in a mature way), and watch how fast he covers up.
You’re strange every dude walks around the house and boxers or underwear
Listen, I get it. At one point my bf and his child, as well as mine, all went around in underwear only. It can actually impact the smell of furniture, if things were delivered as the only dressed person, I’d have to bring them in, and while I wasn’t sexualizing anyone, and I’m not a prude, it was gross to me, back hair, pimples, just a lot I didn’t need to see all the time.
Bf and his kid don’t live with me anymore but my kid does, is now 17 and transitioned. Still not much better she wears boy short underwear and a cropped undershirt around the house.
I’m all for people being comfortable, personally I wear pjs around the house.
Also the amount of times I get a glimpse of balls or ass crack puts me off my dinner.
I grew up in a household where walking around in ones underwear was normal. As a man, having my 3 sisters and mother in various states of undress was never abnormal and I think was really beneficial to me not sexualizing the human body in general. My sisters and I will change in front of one another – we are family, it’s not weird. Stop making it weird.
Even more than a son problem, you have a husband problem.
>I’ve asked his father to have a word with him but he says he’s not getting involved.
Why not? Does he disagree? Does he think he’s the fun parent? Does he think parenting is your job, even if it involves his son going through puberty?
so it would be ok if he wore a pair of shorts with nothing on underneath them? what’s the difference? in your mind it’s boxers=underwear…this is a you problem not his problem.
Invite some close friends to stop by, let them know what is going on, and don’t tell him or your husband. Tell your husband to strip down too. Let the party begin! See if your daughter can be out.
I’d be devastated as a teen if I couldn’t walk around in my boxers 😂 that is a peak relaxation feeling. You need to ask yourself “what about him walking around in boxers bothers you” and evaluate if it’s something that he needs to change to appease that.
Maybe, just maybe, let the guy feel comfortable in his own home? Also, mind your own fucking business? It’s not like he’s walking around going full dangle.
Jesus, get a grip
Hey Kidd we can all see your boner. He will never walk around in underwear ever again.
If it’s “the same as wearing shorts”, he can just wear shorts on top of his underwear, right?
He’s comfortable in his own home, it’s not that serious
What does the daughter wear? I feel like women wear way more inappropriate revealing clothing and it’s accepted.
Still just boxers isn’t great I agree.
Well, you are in the UK now. I’m not familiar with their customs as much, but I can tell you that Americans have issues with bodies that many Europeans don’t have. Have you ever confronted some of your own issues with the human body? He’s at home. Has his junk fallen out, or are you just creating fear around something that is unnecessary?
Maybe you could persuade your husband to change his mind by asking him if he wants his daughter to be comfortable and familiar with guys walking around in their boxes. If it was a daughter walking around in her underwear that would also be unsuitable. If it was just you and husband in the house then whatever, oh well but I can see why you’d feel uncomfortable with your daughter in the home.
When my stepson did stuff like this, my ex-wife and I without say “Oh, it’s underwear day!?” and we’d start getting undressed. I works great!
Maybe slightly skewing the situation into something it isnt? Regardless, it is something that as a parent you feel strongly about. Your spouse, since he seems to not care so much, should default to back you up.
You’re the mom – not understanding why your son can just ignore a rule you set, in a house where you’re paying the bills. Your house, your rules, period.
Line about his sister weirded me out. Odd for you to say.
If you want your son to feel uncomfortable in the house and simultaneously sexualize him by scapegoating his sister’s innocence for your distaste in his choice of clothing, then die on this hill.
Otherwise, let shorts be shorts and kids be cozy. Besides your striving for perceived normalcy, there’s no apparent reason that he should be acting any differently…
This is so funny to me because my mom and I had the same issue when I was about your son’s age. I just couldn’t see the problem. After her asking me a few times not to do it, I just put on shorts. Sorta a choose your battles type of thing.