I (30F) have been married to Mark (34M) for six years. We dated for three before that and I really truly thought I married someone who saw me someone who heard me. Instead I’ve spent the last few years slowly becoming invisible in my own life.
Things didn’t blow up all at once. It was a slow leak a quiet unraveling. First it was the way he stopped saying “I love you” when he left for work. Then he started spending more time gaming than talking to me. Then he forgot my birthday. Twice.
I brought it up. Repeatedly. Kindly. Then desperately. He always said the same thing: You’re overthinking, You’re too emotional,You’re making problems where there are none. So I stopped talking. And he seemed relieved.
Mark is one of those people who loves to be adored but refuses to be needed. He wants me quiet, pretty, chill and available. What he doesn’t want is accountability or effort.
He has all the energy in the world for Reddit arguments and Call of Duty but if I ask him to help with the dishes or talk about something real he says he’s burned out.
Burned out from what, exactly? I work full time too. I cook and I clean. I manage the bills. I keep track of family birthdays vet appointments everything. He contributes nothing emotionally and barely shows up physically. But online he’s writing essays under relationship posts like he’s a licensed therapist. His username literally has “alpha” in it.
The man who forgot our anniversary this year because he was “in the zone” during a ranked match has the nerve to tell strangers how to treat their partners. It’s almost funny if it didn’t hurt so much.
But the moment that truly broke me
Last month was our anniversary. I got home from work early. I wore the dress he once said made me look like magic.I lit candles. I made his favorite meal. I tried.
He texted me ten minutes before he was supposed to be home
Hey babe ordering wings with the boys tonight. Raincheck?
I stood in that kitchen like a punchline. In heels. With a table set for two.
I didn’t cry. Not then. I just turned off the oven blew out the candles and quietly started packing.
Over the next three weeks I moved what I could into my car. Small things first. The sentimental ones. He never noticed. Too busy yelling into his headset or doomscrolling.
I found a new place. I changed my direct deposit. I got a lawyer. I waited until everything was set and then I changed the Netflix password to IMDONE123 blocked him on everything, and left the key on the counter.
I didn’t leave a note. I didn’t owe him a dramatic goodbye. He doesn’t get one last conversation to make himself the victim.
So here I am. Breathing again. Feeling my shoulders drop for the first time in years. Wondering why I waited so long.
AITA for leaving this way? The way, was it cruel I wonder.
Comments
nope he had it coming. sucks to suck.
nah you’re not the asshole. he had it coming with the way he treated you. forgetting your birthday twice?? not helping around the house at all?? ditching you on your anniversary?? that’s some next level neglect right there. you tried communicating and he brushed you off every time. at that point what else can you even do? sometimes you gotta put yourself first and just walk away. the netflix password thing was a nice touch too lol. hope you’re doing better now that you’re free of that dead weight!
Well done. You are an inspiration. He is probably on here telling the world what a bad wife you are. Lol
You were the final plot twist in a story he stopped reading long ago. When someone treats you like background noise they don’t get a grand finale they get a silent exit and a password change.
You’re not the AH. You didn’t leave out of nowhere—he ignored you for years. You gave him chances, he gave you nothing. Changing the Netflix password was just a mic drop. He earned the silence. You did what you had to do. Good on you.
I’m so sorry. I think you’re doing the right thing by extricating yourself from this unhappy situation. NTA.
You didn’t leave in anger you left in clarity. After being ignored, dismissed, and emotionally drained for so long, you chose peace. Sometimes the cleanest break is the kind that doesn’t give someone another chance to rewrite the story.
You protected your energy and that’s not something to feel guilty about.
nta. not even remotely.
let’s be honest. what you did wasn’t cruel. it was a consequence. it was the direct result of years where he checked out, dismissed you, and disrespected you. he basically treated you like furniture that sometimes annoyed him by having feelings.
he ignored your words. you tried talking, kindly and desperately. he shut you down, gaslit you, called you emotional. what good would another conversation have done? it only would have given him a stage to play the victim or tell you you’re overreacting again.
he ignored your actions. the man didn’t notice you packing and moving sentimental items out for three weeks. that says a lot about his awareness and how much he saw you day to day. he was already living like you weren’t fully there.
he showed you his priorities repeatedly. gaming came before you. reddit arguments came before you. wings with the boys on your anniversary, after you made a big effort, came before you.
the netflix password wasn’t silent. “imdone123” is a clear message. you didn’t just vanish. it was a final, concise statement delivered so he couldn’t argue or twist it right then.
blocking him wasn’t cruel; it was self-preservation. considering his history of dismissal and how he might play the victim (like the “alpha” username or reddit therapist complex), blocking him was smart. it protected your new peace. you didn’t owe him access to hurl abuse or manipulations at you.
you didn’t just wake up and decide to be mean. this built up over years of neglect. you tried the normal ways to fix things. they failed because he failed you. how you left wasn’t about being cruel to him. it was about being kind to yourself. you finally prioritized your sanity and escaped something that was hurting your spirit.
he didn’t deserve a big dramatic goodbye scene. that would just let him try to make it about himself again. his constant indifference and disrespect earned him that quiet, final exit.
you’re breathing again? your shoulders have dropped? that’s all the validation needed. good for you for getting out. don’t feel guilty about how you left when the reason was so justified. he built that ending himself.
Tell alpha boy if he’s reading this that he fucked up and lost a good thing. NTA, obviously.
you gave him chance after chance, and he ignored every one, he chose this outcome. What you should do now is stop questioning whether you were too harsh and start celebrating the peace you finally gave yourself.
You rock!
the Netflix password change was inspired, it’s just… wow, and I guess my boy would probably try to hack into it anyway, so I get it, but you absolutely deserved that, and honestly, I wish I’d thought of something equally brilliant when my husband was ignoring me during the Super Bowl last year, NTA.
You did him a favor. This was the best possible way for you to leave from his perspective. He didn’t have to listen to those annoying noises you make out of your mouth hole. I wish you’d been more of an asshole.
NTA This wasn’t cruel. This was quiet self respect you just left with your dignity. You gave him years of chances. He ignored you this is what he deserved you didn’t ghost him you just stopped haunting the life he clearly didn’t want to share
NTA. It sounds like he wouldn’t even notice that you were gone until he didn’t get dinner or clean laundry if you hadn’t changed the password or left your key.
Great escape! Bravo…. But you should have left a divorce papers as well…
NTA…password should have been
Imdonea$$hole
Honestly I would have found his Reddit posts and replied with your take also, so everyone there knows how much of a horrible husband he has been. Hopefully no one takes his advice seriously.
Setting a password as a message doesn’t work because they will never see it
What an elegant way to leave. I’m hoping this is a real post.
NTA.
NTA, but… I missed the part where he finds out about the password. He isn’t just going to magically know it… just seems… odd.
Fake as fuck
please let us know his username so we can destroy his online life. He doesn’t deserve it or you. I hope you’re able to live a better life without the lazy a**hat.
chef’s kiss
Well done
Honestly, it took tremendous courage to detach yourself from that, I just finished a long mediation course, and seeing how Mark completely avoided any real communication, it’s clear he wasn’t interested in resolving anything, and you deserve so much better than constant overlooking, so NTA.
This seems like a cool story
No way this is real.
YTA
This is my story it’s not empowering or even inspiring. It’s just sad and real
Anyone else getting short story vibes from this?
NTA.
Too many people are not able to do what you did, for a whole host of different reasons. I’m proud of you for knowing it was time to walk away.
You are not an asshole. Everybody is allowed to leave a relationship if they don’t want to be in it anymore.
And you sound like you were not valued by your partner. Which seems like a reason most people would leave a relationship over.
This is not a problem with the ethics, I am just curious. How will your partner know the new Netflix password? I assume you wanted him to read it.
Good for you! Not the asshole. The fact that you could slowly leave proves your point. You’re still young. Find your peace and happiness. You deserve it!
this story is actually beautiful. what a deserved goodbye, or lack thereof
Updateme
Updateme!
He got what he deserves. Definitely NTA
nta. good on you. I’m glad you got out. take time for yourself and live life again. hugs.
I wish I were a fly on that wall when he came home lol
The Netflix password change ● epic lol
Happy for you. Live your best life ✨️
NTA. OP I hope you took your pet(s), the guy is clearly unfit to care for anything.
More ChatGPT nonsense
This sub is getting so ridiculous
Changing the Netflix password…..can he see that somehow? Sorry don’t know how that works.
You’re Stronger and Healing💖
nta but an inspiration.
Should’ve gotten on his PlayStation account and said something to get him banned for 30 days so he could have a proper month of reflection.