I’m 40F divorced from my ex 42M after 12 years of marriage He cheated on me with a 25-year-old they’re now married and just had a baby
He’s still jobless she’s dealing with postpartum issues and he literally showed up at my door with the baby asking me to help out for a few weeks because I know how to do this
I told him nope Not my baby Not my problem I already raised our kids and I’m not about to raise the one he had with the woman he left me for
Now his family says I’m selfish and even my mom thinks I should step up But I’m done being the one who fixes his messes
So Reddit AITAH for choosing peace over playing babysitter for my ex’s affair baby
Comments
NTA. He made his choices, now he has to deal with them. Anyone who says otherwise should offer to help themselves. If they try to push the subject, I would just tell them, okay.. well, then maybe your partner will cheat on you and have a baby with the other woman, and then when he comes back to your door expecting you to help with that baby, you’ll give as much grace as you’re expecting of me. No? I didn’t think so.
Not really because you have your boundaries matter. Surprise visits even with a baby, that don’t excuse past pain.
NTA. His family can step up and take care of the baby. And your mom has lost her mind!
you don’t owe your ex or his new family anything, especially after he cheated and walked out. This is what you should do, hold your boundary, enjoy your peace, and let him clean up the mess he made.
NTA, you didn’t pop the baby out, so It’s not your problem
His family call you selfish? Why aren’t they helping them out??
NTA.
NTA!! His family must help them.
😲😲😲😲 that door slam was def in order. Good for you. NTA
NTA. He made his bed he can sleep in it now.
NTA. Wtf, seriously? You better block all of your ex’s family and make sure none of them ever contact you again. Please be prepared to call the police the next time your ex shows up at your home. How pathetic!
Tell his family to do one and tell your mum if shes that bothered by it she can step up 😂😂😂
The audacity of that jobless philandering POS…
Next time he shows up, call the cops on his ass.
Tell his family to fuck off and take his crotch goblin to raise if they are that butthurt
Tell your mom to figure out where her loyalties lie so you can place her in the appropriate place in your life or mind the business that pays her.
NTAH
Nta good god, the entitlement of people and family. His mistake, his problem. Your family saying anything to you is a load of bullshit.
Lord almighty, the balls on that one.
FAKE
On what planet would his parents call their ex DIL to tell her she’s selfish because she won’t raise an affair baby. It sounds like a fake story to me. This is probably something she wish would happen.
Tell your mom or one of the others giving their opinions to step up than, what a cheek of course not as cheeky as your ex actually showing up and asking you that. Just wow. NTA.
Asked for help cos I’ve done this before
SO HAS HE!! (Apparently…)
NTA.
He can ask his family, her family, their friends… literally ANYONE but you.
Wow! How this kind of stuff happens outside of a TV show is beyond me
wtf is wrong with his family. His mother should take care of the baby
NTA. As you say not your baby, not your problem. Ignore his family but have a strong conversation with your mom.
Definitely NTA,
Not your baby, not your problem. If his family and your mother think You should step up. Let them help out. Geez! That is a lot of nerve.
This guy has the balls the size of Montana- for having the nerve to come & ask that of OP.
NTA – he made his choices and now he gets to deal with the consequences of those choices. As for the family members that told you to step up, they have the same option of stepping up and helping your ex-husband and if they feel that strongly about it, then they should be the ones to do it.
Oh f his family. Block them all. How would they like it if that happened to them. Only a real door mat would take responsibility of the mistress’s baby. Nta
Tell him you don’t believe the baby is yours and demand a maternity test before you’ll agree to help out.
Exactly as he would if the roles were reversed.
Why can’t he go to his family or his wife’s family for support? Surely one of them knows how to take care of a child? The child is not even related to you, but it’s their grandchild or niece or cousin, so why doesn’t family help family? Of course his family thinks you’re selfish because they hope to guilt you into helping so that they don’t have to. As for your mom, that’s disappointing and enabling, because if you take the child on, chances are you will become stuck with it for much longer than you want to. Besides, there are all kinds of legal problems because you’re not family, you’re not a guardian and you’re not a foster-parent. If a problem occurs with the child, you’re on the hook for it. Sure they will tell you that the child is innocent and that’s true, but does that mean that its parents don’t have to take care of it? I mean, they chose to have the child so they need to get their act act together or find professional help. Be on the look-out for them telling you that this child is your children’s half-sibling. That’s true, but it’s not your child so why should you have to take care of a child that’s not yours simply because you know how to? Lots of people know how to take care of a child and are just as related to the child as you are. Let them go to them.
Seriously, your mom supported this?? What is the matter with her?
Tell anyone who thinks you should be the bigger person and take the baby to contact your EX to set up a schedule.
His mom thinks you should step up?! Sounds like she just volunteered herself to watch this baby.
Why the fuck can’t he help out? I cannot understand your Mum on this one. He is the father! Hold your ground. Hope you are living your best life now you have raised your kids and offloaded your entitled ex.
How do exes and their families reach this level of delusion for things that they wouldn’t even tolerate?
Clearly NTA. Wow. Homeboy has a lot of nerve.
NTA let the family do it. The new woman is 25 and I feel sorry for her. No telling what he told her and he is the problem making more kids with no job.
If he was your ex for years and hadn’t cheated and you were still close, maybe. But hell no.
NTA. He is the AH. Keep on living your life without worry.
Why would anyone in their right mind think you should have anything to do with your ex’s baby. Why wasn’t his family stepping up instead of talking shit about you?
What? Your own mother is willing to let you help your cheating husband with his affair baby?
Tell her she is, as every other family member who agrees, to become a martyr for the poor child, but not you.
NTA.
His family can take care of his baby!
NTA
Absolutely unequivocally not the AH. Nothing against an innocent baby, but ex and his side piece can kick rocks.
Ummmm, wtf is up with your own mother not being on your side?!
NTA, your mom if she is so inclined can step up, otherwise your ex’s mom, his family or his AP’s mom and/or family can step up.
NTA. Reply to anyone who calls you selfish with, “I’m glad you’re so selfless, when should I tell him to drop the baby off with you?”
Look, why can’t his family and your mom step up then?
That’s a whole village right there
Let’s take you at your word that this post is a real conflict that you are experiencing.
You teach people how to treat you; consider this your contribution to his re-education. Let it be known that you are not interested in and will not receive opinions or commentary as to how you handled this.
wow the people in your life are audacious. no way.
You did the right thing. Don’t give it a second thought. I can’t get over the nerve of the guy.
Not your circus not your monkeys nta
This is laughable that anyone would have even a shred of expectation for you to do this. NTA
Yes i am being selfish and choosing to take care of myself. Just like he was selfish and chose to end our marriage by cheating on me. Since his family and your mom are not selfish they can all step up and take care of the baby. NTA
Holy hell. I admire your restraint in not laughing in his face. He cheated and you and still expects you to help him?? The audacity
Yta because this is Ai and fake
No way this is real what????? The entitlement is astounding. Like whatttttttttttttt
As long as you did not actually hit the baby with the door, you are good!
NTA. How much are these fools thinking you have to give of yourself to this faithless, greedy man?
No. He burned his bridges. Let him figure it out on his own.
Are these people insane?? He cheated on you, got someone knocked up and expects YOU to help out with the baby? What planet are these people on? HELL NO!!! Block anyone who has the audacity to tell you different.
PS- your mom is a traitor to take your cheating ex’s side.
Nta. The sheer audacity of him. Mind boggling how entitled he is. Hope the baby gets good care but that’s not on you. You don’t owe him or anyone else a single thing.
Are these people for real. When is this AH going to step up and clean up his own mess. NTA
NTA. Since when do exes help each other when they have kids with other people?
Nope. And if he leaves the baby there one day, feel free to call everyone you need to, to get that baby put into care because he sure as fuck doesn’t. NTA,
NTA – WTF. Some people are so crazy.
Where in the name of all that is holy do these people get their nerve? I would have been stunned into hysterical laughing while I slammed the door in his cheating delusional face. All your crazy family can feel free to enable his outrageous demands and leave you in peace. This is so far outside the bounds of decent human behavior it’s insane. NTA.
NTA tell everyone that they can step up and help him not your circus not your monkeys.
That took some nerve and for your own family to try n guilt you… You’re not responsible for the cheaters lives. That’s their own karma. They need to be responsible for and accountable for their own lives. Nope NTA, other people tho .. Imma say if they’re so concerned then let them step in. Pffft
Your family and his family are welcome to “step up”.
He sounds very immature and manipulative. Somehow he’s convinced others that regardless of his actions he’s in the right.
Stay away and maintain distance.
NTA. I would pass along the numbers of anyone who called me selfish and say they were willing to help out.
The outrageousness that some close family/friends actually support despite it sounding incredulous is so typically chat GPT.
😄 you should take care of that baby, and also help postpartum girl with chores
wtf
just close the door
If this is true, this man and family has truly lost all contact with reality. In what world would this even be an option? NTA.
Most definitely NTA! Yikes what an AH your ex is.
I have 1 finger for that guy and all the people giving you 💩 about being selfish. I’m sure you’re picking up what I’m throwing out there. 🙄🤔
ABSOLUTELY TF NOT THE A-HOLE!!!
No girl you did right thing. It’s he problem he can’t look after his baby not your. He cheated on you come with a baby how low can you go. Take care of your baby and you. That chapter close .
NTA! The AP has a family, & she has your ex. Your mom is welcome to step up, as is anyone who thinks it’s your problem.
Hire a male sex worker, send him over to their house with the following note:
Dear Ex,
I’m feeling a little ill and I thought the two of you could help me out. Austin here needs sex all the time and I just don’t want his man meat right now. Please have your wife service him all this weekend. He loves top anal and is very talented. But Ex, please help her properly prep.
Thanks!
NTA Tell your mom that she can watch the baby. It’s not your problem anymore. That’s what the ex part means.
You’re NTA, you chose yourself and your peace. You owe this man nothing and your own family trying to guilt you for looking out for your own self interest speaks volumes about their character.
Nta. And he’s the one being selfish here. And who care if you are not prioritizing him? Anyone who thinks you need to step up here is just being selfish themselves because they don’t want to. They can all take a flying leap without a wing suit
Give him your mom’s number. She just volunteered to babysit. His family can go to hell.
NTA even though I know this is rage bait
NTA!
The guy’s a dick for even expecting that out of you after what he’s done. It’s his child and his problem and there’s no need for you to be the bigger person here.
If he’s going through so much, he should’ve thought about that before he cheated on you. And if your mom is telling you to step up, you should tell her to do it instead ffs.
Not only are you not the asshole, you’re kinder than he deserves. Slamming the door in his face is gentle, tbh. If his family members (and your mom? WTF?) care so much about that baby, they can gather around and help him. He’s a bum.
Absolutely NTA! And I’d cut off every single person who tried to make me feel guilty! The absolute audacity of that man is unbelievable!
NTA. The audacity is strong in this AH. He is just looking to use you to save him from his own bad choices. His responsibility, not yours. Anyone complaining can volunteer their own time to help.
Updateme
Rage bate!!
NTA
How in the actual fuck does your own MOTHER think it’s a good idea for you to help out this two timing prick? Does she even like you? For the love of all this holy stay away from anyone who said you were wrong to tell him no. He played a really stupid game and got the ultimate in stupid prizes: a 25 year old who isn’t ready to be a wife and mother that he is not stuck with, in some way or other, for the next 18 years to life.
If he can’t handle his own newborn that says a lot about how involved he was with your kids. And if she’s having post partum trouble, maybe he should get her some help. They have a baby to raise. She needs to take care of herself and since he isn’t working he has no reason to not take full responsibility for the baby. Just because he didn’t bother to learn how to parent the first time and you did, that makes zero about this your problem.
Best of luck! Hopefully they manage not to fuck this kid up but if they do it’s on them. He made his choices now he has to deal with the consequences.
NTA
Who cares what his family thinks? You’re divorced from him. You no longer have to deal with them. They can help with the baby instead of criticizing you.
He obviously didn’t pay attention the first time he had kids, but that doesn’t mean he gets to dump this one on you.
These are the consequences of his own actions. If he didn’t want a baby, he should have done something to prevent it.
NTA and you know you’re NTA. He has some NERVES to show up with his mistress(turned wife) baby expecting you to take care of it! Where’s is her support system? Where is his family? Cause that sounds like a them problem, not yours.
YOUR MOM thinks you should step up??? Unbelievable.
NTA. He’s really asking you to be her mother and his mommy and take care of the mess the dumb kids made. Just NO. He is a grown man. He knows how to raise kids. He’s seen it. I’m not sure how close you are to your own mother and his family….but it sounds like you need to go full no contact with thank and keep your kids away from them also.
This has to be a joke.
nta not at all
No way this is real… if it is just block them all the heck?
wtf. Who are these people that you still are in contact with after your cheating man left. NTA
NTA
He made the choice to screw around. He can’t expect you to help him. That’s what his mother is for, not you as his EX-wife. No it’s not the baby’s fault but it’s also not your responsibility.
The audacity of this below average man expecting his ex-wife to clean up his mess.
And the audacity of his family, and your mom, to also expect you to clean up his mess. WTF.
Want me to come tell off your mother for you cause I’m more than happy to give her a piece of my mind.
NTA.
NTA. Not your baby. You owe nothing to him or the child. Step up for what mom? How about you go take care of the child then. Mom getting put on the silent treatment.
NTA. His family can help. His wife’s family can help. Your mom can go and help! They are all crazy! You did well and keep doing exactly that!!
NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA
Fake
Definitely NTA
??? NTA at all. all of them really got some fuhkin nerve! 😒 keep your door slammed on his face and I hope his nose bleeds from it, fuhk him and his family. crazy how his family is putting the blame on you for not helping him, but they aren’t either apparently if he had to come to you? let him take full responsibility for the problems he created 😤 that is not your burden to bear
NTA.
You’re no longer responsible for helping him. He left you.
If his family or your mom are so adamant about him receiving help, THEY can babysit for him.
Hahahahaha no. NTS
Your mom is an asshole. His family are all assholes who raised an asshole. You just need to decide how far you’re willing to go to prevent this child from growing up to be an asshole.
NTA. Holy crap! I’m so glad you got rid of a man that dumb.
NTA. Tell your mom to have fun raising his baby because you’re better than that.
NTA…. He either has big balls to ask you or is completely oblivious to the hurt he caused.
NTA .. funny how those people won’t help out and expect you to , you’re not a babysitter. Tell everyone demanding you help out “thank you for volunteering ” and give them his contact info.
Yeah f*** them That’s what I’m saying! You ain’t going to help him out he cheated on you with the girl they now have a baby with. I mean they were responsible enough to do that, they will figure this baby out. I mean if it was a dire emergency and the kids safety was at stake I would think different but that’s not the case The kid will be okay just needs dad to step up.
LOL nope! NTA. My own mom would advocate for opening the door a second time just to slam it again for good measure. I’m not sure why anyone expects you to take responsibility for his actions. That’s just downright ridiculous. The fact that it has to be written in crayon for people to understand that is even worse.
No is a full sentence.
Omg Nta at all!! That’s crazy! He made his choice now he has to deal with it. This is in no way your problem.
I can’t believe any family would ask that of you. Like, if this happened to them, I’m sure they would feel the same way you do.
Don’t back down. Nta. UpdateMe!
This reads like the post of Sweet Magnolias
This can’t be real
NTA.
You just told us a lot more about your marriage than you probably intended to. You did everything for your children when they were babies and he didn’t help you. That’s why he came to you. Am I right?
I can’t imagine that his current wife has any idea that he brought their baby to you and asked you to help take care of them. If she does know then her postpartum problems must be pretty bad. Still not your problem.
He doesn’t have a job so he is there 24/7 to take care of his child. It’s really that simple.
Tell his family that if they have the ability to read they should buy a dictionary because right next to the word ‘selfish’ is a picture of your ex-husband. The unemployed one who obviously can’t be paying child support for the children he has with you but expects you to provide free childcare for the child he has with the woman he cheated on you with. Then tell them to fuck off.
As for your own mother? Tell her to offer if she is more invested in your cheating ex than she is in you. I have the words to tell you what I think of her but I won’t use them (I get banned quite often for it) because I think you already know them. You should ask her WHY she thinks that you should help them though.
NTA! Clearly, anyone thinking you should doesn’t care about your feelings at all! Absolutely ridiculous proposition! I’m happy you stepped up for YOURSELF!
Funny.
He’s already a dad, right? He’s “done this, too”, right?
Except of course he was useless as a father the first time around as well.
Everyone can rotate on a cactus.
Let him take his baby to his parents.
Your mom can go over and babysit.
fuck em all.
NTA
Tell him for foxtrot Oscar, but it’s obvious to see why his family are cross – they’ll have to step up now haha, and you know what? They can fuck off too
I have a hard time believing this is real. Why doesn’t her family help? His family calling you selfish: which of them is helping? You are no longer responsible for him, or anything to do with him. Put him on trespass notice so he can no longer come onto your property. You don’t need a reason; you just have to give him written notice, then call the police if he violates it. Also, your mother sux, if this is real.
NTA
NTA Not your circus, not your monkey.
Tell mom that Ex‘s boo having postpartum depression, isn’t your problem, but if she’s that concerned, she’s more than welcome to go help them herself.
And for his family that said you’re selfish, let it be known that you’ll gladly pass on their names to Ex so he can contact them about scheduling baby care.
People need to mind their own business, and your ex is an idiot. Apparently, why he is your ex.
NTA! He FAFOd, and it’s all on him to sort out his mess. Who has been subsidizing their life while he is jobless?
Why the fuck should you “step up”? There’s nothing for you to step up to, it’s not your baby and nothing to do with you. I’d keep an eye on your kids in case he tries to get them to be his unpaid babysitters under the guise of “sibling bond”. If your mum and his family think FAMILYYYYY then they can step up. NTA
OMG DEFINITELY NTA!! I can’t believe your ex would have the GALL to even have you in his mind!!! Like you said NO! Not your kid, not your problem. And relatives can fuck off and kiss your ass!! That’s what I’d tell them!
NTA
He got himself into this mess so it’s up to him to figure it out. I’m not calling the baby a mess, I’m saying that he is being immature and needs to figure it out. You’re right, not your baby, not your problem. Of course his family is going to call you selfish. Where are they? How come none of them want to step up? Your mom can go somewhere. She’s not the one in your shoes. I don’t blame you, I probably would have laughed at him as well.
NTA
Not sure why his family are calling you selfish. Why are the they helping him?
He doesn’t deserve any more of your time or mental or emotional labour. The AH didn’t even have the decency to break up with you first.
You keep living your best life. He is your past not your future.
WTAF, nope.
NTAH.
It is high time your ex steps up and starts being an adult, it is not your job to fix anything nor to raise his newborn child.
though I do feel for that innocent being…
Best of luck!
Honestly this has to be fake. If real, who are you people? Who has family and exes family willing to shit all over you for a NATURAL and LOGICAL response? What kind of ex leaves, has a kid eith another woman and then brings that kid back to their previous ex to “help take care of their newborn”?
If this is real then OP needs to tell both her mom and the exes mom that they are both women and they can easily do the same if they feel so inclined. Or any other family member or friend for that matter.
Half of this sub is people feeling entitled about shit they should be ashamed of even considering 😒
NTA but your family is.
NTA. Not your problem anymore. Ask your mom to handle the baby.
NTA. Omg – good for you & anyone who says you should step up – tell them to do that.
I always wonder what delusional world ppl who expect those seriously wronged to support those at fault live in. Like the man cheated, betrayed you and blew up your lives and family. All while being unemployed and having a midlife crisis with a young woman he ended up marrying an having a baby that they can’t support. And you’re supposed to be responsible for it all?
NTA not your monkey not your circus. His actions are not your responsibility. You’re not his clean up crew. Also hasn’t he already done this before since you had children together? Or was he useless then too? Block his family members and make it clear you’ll not put up with any of this regardless what anyone thinks or says about it.
NTA! WTF is wrong with your mom. I would take that as she volunteered to help your ex husband with his baby and his family also.
This is like the third not my baby but they want me to babysit story today. Get a better story.
First of all it’s batshit insane to think you should “help” with his affair baby with his new WIFE! He’s 42 fucking years old he can feed and change a baby! He can also take his wife to the doctor for her post partum depression. Good fucking lord! Absolutely not. Anyone suggesting otherwise is insane.
Surely, this is a low effort fake story… these folks don’t even try hard anymore…
Wtsf did I just read???
Of COURSE you’re not the AH.
And fwiw, it’s not about choosing peace, it’s about standing up for your dignity and self-respect. Like seriously, your ex is so stupid that he thinks the wife he betrayed should somehow throw he and his AP a bone and offer to help navigate their OWN consequences??? Actions have consequences, and he’s finding that out RIGHT. NOW.
His family and your mother are fucking idiots. I’m actually shocked that your own MOTHER thinks you should pitch in, considering her former son in law abandoned her *daughter* and grandbabies???
He shows up at your door to ask for help with the baby he had with his mistress? And people are telling you, you are the selfish one? Including your mom? Are you freaking kidding me? The audacity…
This is so outrageous I have no words
NTA. He clearly has so many doors he can knock on
NTA – WTF is wrong with your family?
Tell him she needs to get into postpartum depression therapy and he should watch a bunch of Emma Hubbard videos on youtube.
Yes his family can go and F off – if they want to help him they can – not your circus.
I hope this is rage bait? If it’s real lord help you lady, but also, it must feel great to know that bastard and his bastard new Mrs are both in the hurt locker! FAFO
I would have cursed him out before I slammed the door in his face. NTA
NTA
Your ex has just too much audacity.
That would be hard NO.
Anyone calling you selfish has lost their minds.
>Now his family says I’m selfish and even my mom thinks I should step up But I’m done being the one who fixes his messes
There is nothing wrong with being selfish and protecting your peace. You do not owe him/them anything,
Shut that door, lock it, and don’t ever open it up for him again.
NTA
I couldn’t even fathom doing that! Bringing the baby of the woman I cheated with to my ex???? I can’t even wrap my head around the audacity of this guy.
NTA. Tell Mom if she’s soooo concerned about your EXs baby, then SHE can watch it for a few weeks, you know, because she’s done it before 😆.
Can you blame him though….I mean 42yr old with a 25yr old fresh from the pasture.
He’s living his best life.
You should help out, poor young thing needs her beauty sleep.
I think people often speak in haste without thinking it through or putting themselves in the other person’s shoes.
It is super easy to say, “oh come on, you can help, can’t you?” It really would set a precedent in my opinion. I mean, if you would put up with that, what wouldn’t you put up with?
The young mother should find support and help for her postpartum issues through her own doctor, the child’s father/her ‘new’ partner, her family, or community. Lol but it’s not funny, she probably feels guilt for breaking up your marriage.
Your ex husband fathered a child outside your marriage so he should grapple with this without laying the ‘problem’ of the baby’s care at your doorstep. It really is unbelievable.
I’m a mom and I have struggled with unforgiveness for kids who bullied my child years after the fact. When there is a hurt like adultery and harm to your children, it is a major challenge and hurdle.
Edit: NTA.
“Now his family says I’m selfish and even my mom thinks I should step up But I’m done being the one who fixes his messes”
Feel free to volunteer their services on there behalf.
NTA I would’ve spat in his face and slammed the door in his face
NTA. Tell his family that they’re perfectly welcome to step up – family helps family after all. But after his betrayal he (and they) is no longer family. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA, actions have consequences. He can live with them. You are probably a super nice person, which is why everyone is surprised. But the baby isn’t your responsibility.
You probably had the same thing she’s dealing with now and had to push through it. He can deal with it or ask his siblings, parents, or your mother for her. Don’t even answer the door for him.
Absolutely NTA! What’s he thinking 😂
NTA. What a nerve! He should have learned how to take care of children with your children, but he certainly made a fool of himself and left everything on your shoulders. His audacity to think you were going to help him with AP’s son is shameful.
I don’t understand why his family feels that they can make comments like this. You are divorced. Affair or not, this is the next chapter of his life. If they feel he needs the help, they can step in! Stop bothering you! NTA
This can’t be real. They actually expected you to help?! Girl no, they’re the AH not you!!
I have a hard time believing your own mother thinks you should help your PoS cheater ex. My parents would say let him die in the street. If this story is sadly real you are NTA but your ex, his affair partner and your mother and his family sure as hell are major AHs.
YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU SHOULD TAKE CARE OF AN AFFAIR BABY?!?!?! LOLOLOLOL Oh man.
NTA he made that bed. He needs to fix his own personal problems
You’re right. You are no one’s babysitter. People who are judging you should take care of your ex’s child.
NTA. You have zero responsibility for that child OR your husband. FAFO
Not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA. Mom needs to wise up and take your side tho.