My parents want to access my credit card pay information and they’ve taken away my credit card. I’m a grown adult (25 f) (I live at home and am disabled) and I want to get some semblance of a boundary and have them stop breathing down my neck. They tend to yell and threaten and I get nervous and cave very easy. My disability makes it a bit reliant on my family but I don’t want to give them all this information. I’m tired of being in my mid-20s with the freedoms of a 15 year old. I wanna grow up and feel like an adult despite my struggle. I plan on moving out sometime this year or early next year. I feel like I haven’t been able to age or make proper boundaries with anyone because of the relationship I have with my parents, I struggle hard saying no and staying firm. I wanna improve for my own sanity.
How to say no to a helicopter parent safely
r/Advice
Comments
It doesn’t sound extreme enough that a social worker would intervene, so my only suggestion is to contact an older relative who can innocently take you out to lunch and you can give them the story. Maybe they can advocate for you if they are someone your parents respect.
Contact social services and ask for an assessment of your needs. Within this you can ask for support separating your finances.
You need to tell them exactly this. Don’t just tell them in the moment, ask to have a talk with them, even when everything is going ok. Say that you feel you need to be able to spread your wings a bit, but their hovering is holding you back. Remind them that you are an adult and would like your freedom as such in all the areas you aren’t strictly dependent on them in. Idk if your disability is mental or physical, nor the severity, but it sounds like you are still able to achieve the dignity of some independence and being your own person… So don’t let them remind you of what you can’t do, remind them of what you CAN. lastly, perhaps you and your family could benefit from some family counseling to help them cut the cord a bit and allow you to achieve the healthy balance you need.
Are you a bit reliant or are you reliant — are you earning your own money or not? Are they helping you or are they supporting you? Those create different answers.
To be honest, this sounds a lot more than helicopter parenting. It sounds abusive. I hope you can get out of there soon.
As a former survivor of helicopter parents, the only thing that worked was running away to move out (they wouldn’t have let me otherwise), and spend enough time outside to create a physical boundary.
Every time they would try to cross my personal boundaries when I called or visited, the boundary would become physical again – I would hang up, or leave. Ince they realised I can leave when they don’t respect me, they started respecting me more.
It sounds abusive if they are hiding your own governments INFORMATION from you! I would follow what your friends say and get adult protective services.