I’m 38F separated from my husband after he cheated on me with a 26 year old who’s now pregnant We still co own our house and rotate weeks for our teenage son
He asked if she could have her baby shower there I said no He pushed said I should be mature So I agreed but she had to plan it all herself no help no money and no touching anything that’s mine
I labeled everything I own with sticky notes and locked the master bedroom and bathroom She cried during the party and now his whole family is calling me petty and heartless
But I didn’t ruin this family I just stopped pretending everything was fine
AITAH or did she finally get a taste of the mess she helped create?
Comments
Is she a paid whore or a heartless homewrecker?
Maybe his family should’ve offered to host the party
You are not the asshole
I think it’s wild he even asked to let the party be held there… or that her parents even allowed it to happen… or that she’d even want to…
you’re NTA
They should have hosted the baby shower in their own homes.
She Fucked around and is finding out
NTAH
NTA. You let her use your house for her baby shower after she helped blow up your marriage. That’s more grace than most would offer.
NTA- you said no that should have been the end of the conversation.
The rest is you doubling down on your boundaries
By the way that was nicely done my kinda people. Sounds like they got what they deserved tbh
In no way are you TA. Like, what kind of people defend someone who hooked up with a married man? Your ex and his knocked up side chick are TA’s as are his family. If my son cheated and got his side chick pregnant, I certainly wouldn’t attend her baby shower or stick up for her in the slightest. Gross.
NTA. She should have had a shower at her own home. F him, her and his family. Such trash.
She would have never stepped in my house. I have too much self-respect. I would have told them all to kiss my butt.
NTA but your mistake was agreeing to having it at your home. No is a complete sentence and your ex needs to understand that.
NTA. She’s an entitled bitch. She got your husband and now wants your house. Absolutely not.
Tell your STBX to buy you out if he doesn’t want the home wrecker to cry in YOUR house.
Tell his family he’s the cheating POS. Not you.
How old is your son? The only thing that would make you an AH is if this is affecting him and you’re ignoring that in place of your own pain. He is still his dad and she is pregnant with your son’s sibling. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and accept your consequence of choosing a shitty man to show up for our kids.
And I want it clear the ex and this pregnant woman are the worst. No doubt about that. Seems like they don’t care about the impacts of their shittiness. They deserve all the stress. I’m just thinking of the son mostly.
NTA. Why can’t anyone else throw it?
I think the first mistake was letting her have it at your house.
NTA. It’s not your fault that your ex ruined your family, and then had the nerve to ask to have the new girl host the BS at your place.
If ex’s family had a problem with it, maybe they should of hosted instead, seeing as the new girl and their baby literally has nothing to do with you. What was the new girl expecting??? You to bend over backwards for them? I would say “maybe he didn’t say the whole truth about the house” but seeing as she cheated on your ex in the first place, I think it’s a little justified for you not to give a shit about them lol
Wow, better than me. Definitely not the asshole.
NTA. Oh this is HILARIOUS. You’re a true hero. They both should be ashamed of what they did and I love that you embarrassed them in this way. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
He cheats but somehow they think YOU’RE the heartless one? NTA- she knew he was married, she’s getting what she deserves. And really they both deserve far worse than some sticky notes
NTA. Skanky sluts deserve nothing good.
I mean you didn’t make a sign that said welcome to the world you tiny bastard or anything. Maybe your ex should look up the definition of mature when he’s robbing the cradle and knocking it up lol. Maybe he should stop being a cheap skate and booked a tea room or something.
Oh I co-parent but let me say this if I lived in that home no way is another whole women coming in having a baby shower for a child that was conceived during me being married to a man. They should be thankful you’re not being petty. Petty would
Have not even been you not wanting her baby shower there. How’s it petty to not have it all thrown in your face after he cheated. Shows his family is just as bad. I’d ask his mother if your son’s father cheated and got another women pregnant you’d allow this? I bet she hesitates to answer if she even does. If she does I’m sure if she’s honest she’d say heck no. Good for you cause how they even know the master bedroom which he shouldn’t be allowing anyone in any way was locked. Like she what went around looking for things so she could throw a hissy fit
You’re petty and heartless?? The AUDACITY! She got pregnant by your HUSBAND and then wanted the baby shower at your house? If they didn’t want petty they should’ve hired a place or gone to someone else’s house. NTA
I don’t understand why they think you’re the AH? Because you labeled your stuff and locked the master bedroom door? That’s insane.
To even let her have the party there is beyond anything I would have done. Watch her, she is a sneaky one. She will be looking for you out of the house next.
I wouldn’t be shocked if he is leading everyone to believe that he is being nice by letting you stay in the house with the teen son you share. That when the divorce finalizes it will be his yada yada.
Even if his family HATED you please tell me they aren’t that petty to REALLY think that having a baby shower for the affair partner in the WIFE’S home is proper. Like you could file divorce papers and take him to the cleaners right now for what he did depending on a few factors.
I don’t understand why you said yes. Although my friend babysat for her ex and the woman he cheated with.
NTA, and your ex should have said kind enough, not mature. Mature is co-parenting, and still sharing a house for the sake of your child with you ex. You could easily had said you didn’t want the woman who helped break up your marriage, have a celebration in your marital home. Good luck once the babies born, if she’s living with your ex, does she move out every other week too, and will she want to when the baby arrives. Something to think about and be prepared for. But for this situation NTA, and your ex’s baby’s money and family should realize you could of said no.
I never understand the cheater’s family. Their son cheated on his wife and got another girl pregnant. How can they be ever upset by anything OP does? Are they not upset with their son? How could they in good conscience even go to this baby shower at the home he owns with the ex wife he cheated on….Not sure why she(mistress) would want her baby shower at OP’s home. Was she being petty and trying to hurt OP?
OP you are definitely not AH! I would’ve put sticky notes on everything! Including any furniture I bought or picked out. Oh and your ex husbands family can F*** off!
Geez I’d have never let her in my house fr for any reason ever
NTA – it’s weird she would even want to hold it there. She wants to behave that it’s normal, that she helped tear apart a family and marriage. I find it weird that her family supported this. My Mother would have been serving my head.
NTA. Does this woman not have her own home, or friends/family that can throw her a shower at their place?
The fact you agreed is CRAZY
NTA. You did far more than most of us would. The grace you showed them was more than they deserved. Your husband held fast to being the cheating AH that he is by even asking. Do not feel bad for them OP, not one bit.
Is she crying over boundaries? Tough kitty said the kitty when the milk went dry. Yeah, you’re Not The Asshole.
NTA. You had all the rights to act that way. Let her problems be her problems.
NTA he’s the heartless one for even asking to hold it there. He’s a cheater and she’s a homewrecker. No amount of balloons and cake will change that. They deserve all the shame they get.
NTA. Frankly I find it weird she’d want to have her shower there anyway.
“So I agreed but she had to plan it all herself no help no money and no touching anything that’s mine”
Wait a minute… she expected YOU to plan and help, and not the jerk who got her pregnant???
Not your circus, not your monkeys, but definitely your possessions.
I want to know how this house rotating works. When it is his week surely she is there with him correct? Wouldn’t she be using “your” things during this time? And sleeping in the master bedroom? There is no way this happens.
IMO, the knocked-up home-wrecking unofficial town slut wouldn’t be entitled to a goddamn baby shower!! Jed Clampett’s family had more class than this.
On gawd someone should have told her that’s a bad idea and let’s find out when the back room at the library is available … but she makes bad decisions so 🤷🏻♀️ NTA
She is just one little cunt. Did she assume that she could steal your husband and even takeover your house and just pay it with her vagina. NTA.
What a ridiculous AI fiction!
Why did she cry?
How is this going to work, longterm, though.
If your ex and yourself do birdnesting, eventually, she will be part of that rotation too, right?
Not advocating for the girlfriend, though. She has a whole lot of nerve, having her babyshower in the home she helped wreck. And you’re NTA
But I doubt this situation will get any less messy, as it evolves.
“The whole family is calling me petty and heartless.”
Really? Are they really?
I mean at least this is too sloppy to be AI. It’s just…bad human creative writing.
You’re definitely NTA and iconic as hell for that but I’m very confused as to why she started crying…
She cried, why? Because she couldn’t make it look like the house was hers? That’s all on her. She was dumb enough to have an affair with a married man and stayed with him so she has to accept her part in that.
NTA
Sell the house! This is not healthy for you or the kids. It is especially not healthy for you. Get a better lawyer and just get divorced!!!
is his entire side of the family inbred? Because expecting the pregnant mistress of an affair to be liked by the wife who was cheated on is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my entire life
Update me
NTA this made me laugh.
Hello its your castle. She should go find other place to claim. She took YOUR PROBLEM AWAY now deal with it 🤷🏻♀️. NTA.
You just simply should have said no and then continued getting as much as you could in the divorce.
We don’t throw celebrations for the side piece, clear? Don’t allow her in your house again. And as far as her friends and family? They’re twits.
NTA. She might have thought she could pass off her home as yours, then realized that wasn’t such a hot idea.
NTAH
But please sell the house or pay him his share/ deduct it from the child support. You kiddo is old enough to see the mess y’all living in.
Why do women? What is it that 22-26yo fall for married men in their late 30s? Don’t you have dignity? Self control? Common decency? Don’t y’all never think about when you’re 35 with two kids and a house? Do y’all think just because he’s then in his late 40s or 50s he won’t shag another 23yo?
Seriously, women. Do tf better!
Oh Hell no, NTA.
NTA
Petty would have been having your own little party in another room the same day
I pity your son and this child to be with this AH as their father.
OP question: What exactly caused her to cry? Did someone call her out on her behavior? Did someone realize she was a home wrecker?
Were you invited to the shower being held at your house?
Did she clean up your home after she dirtier it with her baby shower? If not, send her a bill for renting uour home and the cleanup afterward. Your ex probably filled her vacant head with grandiose ideas about how that would be her house once the divorce is final.
Stop being so nice. All you owe her or your slug of an ex is your foot planted up both their arses. I’d have burned the place down before I let her set foot on my property.
“I didn’t ruin this family, I just stopped pretending everything is fine.”
Damn straight! NTA. Why should you have to be the “mature” one about this situation? Your ex should have been mature enough to initiate a divorce before hooking up with someone else.
I’m curious why a locked bedroom/bathroom and labels made her cry, but I’m guessing she’s the type of girl whose parents made excuses for her behavior their entire life so as an adult they can’t comprehend being despised for their actions
NTA your STBX is though. Saying that you should be “mature” is a jackass move when he couldn’t keep it in his pants.
NTA…your ex hubby sure is. What an outrageous AH. “Hey I banged this young chick and now she is going to use my…oh I mean our…house for the baby shower.” OMG I would have tried to kick his a** out for even thinking this.
Did he convince you that you had to let her have it at your house because he is still a co-owner?
Why she cried? For hooking up with married man? NTA
NTA she cried because you labeled everything you own & locked your bedroom & master bathroom so she or her guests couldn’t access them? She sounds too immature to be having a baby & she what did she expect you to roll out the welcome wagon after she slept with your husband & broke up your family? Put a princess crown on her head at the baby shower with a huge sash? She personally had a lot of balls even having her baby shower there, and she’s lucky that’s all that you did.
Sounds petty to me
Of all the places on earth, the shower had to be at your house? This was designed to rub it in your face. They are all upset because it didn’t work. NTA
It’s always the immature that expect people to act mature.
OP, you are a nice and accommodating woman. I thought l was too, until I read this. What happens if she wants to move in with her baby? I am thinking this is the grand prize. After all, she and her new baby will be welcomed to his portion of the house, but suppose that’s not enough for her? What if she decides she needs to move in? This is a strange situation indeed. But l don’t trust her. It seems she either gets her way, or his AND her family start to jump all over you. How will you deal with this?
I’m truly flabbergasted.
I’m not understanding why you allowed yourself to even be manipulated into thinking you had to allow in your home and host a baby shower for the notably much younger affair person girlfriend pregnant with your ex’s baby conceived while they were having an affair.
I find it mind-boggling that others think so little of your trauma and think that this is at all normal for ex-husband GF to be in your house having a baby shower for the baby conceived with your ex.
I find the bigger concern that you have people in your life that think this is a normal request.
Interesting that this woman believes it is her right to ask your ex husband her boyfriend to have a baby shower in the house you and him raised your kid.
Hope you have your legal affairs in order cuz it sounds like she already thinks it’s her home and his family are with her. ☠️
NTA.
The fact that she, your ex, her family, his family even wanted to host it at your house, given the situation, is already nuts. I can’t fathom in what world, even if it wasn’t an affair, that I would want to have my baby shower at the house my partner shares with their ex, muchless if I knew we had an affair smh. Your ex even asking is a slap to the face and I’m happy he’s now her problem.
You let her have it there, which was already beyond gracious. I’m not understanding why she’s crying because your stuff is labeled and the master bedroom was locked. How on earth does that make a difference to her shower? She can go to hell honestly, and everyone else needs to grow up.
Either have it at a neutral space like a normal person, or accept the concessions if you’re insisting on this awkward situation. Not sure why you’re expected to bend over backwards in your own home for your ex’s mistress. Just no self awareness on any of their parts.
NTA. The little B can cry all she wants. It’s not her house
Did the labels say ‘mine, not yours’?
You handed her a baby shower in the house she helped blow up and still set boundaries like a queen. Labeling your things wasn’t petty, it was the bare minimum after the ultimate disrespect.
She should have had it at her parents house. Her having the baby shower at your house is literally adding insult to injury.
OP is a waaaay nice person than me.
NTA! Plain and simple, you’re absolutely valid to protect your possessions. You were already being beyond kind to even allow the party.
What the AUDACITY to even suggest holding a babyshower at a place, you, the wife that was cheated on, still own, and live in.
You were way too gracious to even allow it.
NTA.
All those people being angry at you – all aholes.
NTA, unless he fed her a different story. He did cheat, so who knows what he tells her.
Also, good on you for upending your life (rotation of time at your home vs kid having to do it) for your teenager!
Big kudos!
Super weird of you to even allow this, it was definitely not you setting boundaries. You should have actually just said no instead of creating this gray area and taking the time to label everything and be petty. You hurt yourself more than you hurt her. Next time just say no and keep their problems away from you, it’s a much easier way to start healing and moving on. I understand the lure of revenge but in this situation you are all assholes.
Oh, you absolutely did that on purpose to punish them both but it was totally justified. 100% Justified Asshole in my opinion. She needed a wake up call as to the damage her selfishness caused and boy did you deliver. Proud of you OP.
NTA she asked if she could have the baby shower at your house and then she did. You don’t owe her anything and you definitely don’t owe her your extra personal belongings.
NTA PLEASE speak to a lawyer immediately
They’re quite clearly working their way up to demand they have the house full time. This was them testing how much of a pushover you are and they’re so upset because they clearly see you’re not going to budge. Be prepared for the “we need this more than you because of the baby” and “this is our sons brother you need to stop being selfish FOR HIM” put your fucking foot down nowwww. She’s not to enter at all anymore. If she stays for so long she can claim tenancy and refuse to leave. They will 100% move her in whether you’re there or not to try and push you out.
YTA for not sticking to your no
NTA. Your house your rules.
The only reason why I think she wants to have a baby shower in your house is because she thinks it will be hers.
If you’re Perry and heartless (your not), then what’s your soon to be ex. He cheated on you and knocked her up! His family are bunch of AHs.
You are way too nice. F the whole family. That relationship won’t last and she knows it
NTA how would they know about the locked rooms unless they tried to enter?
Not the AH here. She played a part in blowing up your life, she doesn’t get to act like a victim when you set boundaries in your home.
I’m curious if you alternate weeks what happens when the baby is born. Is he going to try to move her in and you out? Just curious what the long term is for the house. I’m just nosey lol. NTA
You were nicer than I would have expected. You should have said no full stop. She should have made other arrangements.
Why would you want your baby shower at the home you wrecked?
Damn, ex is a really shitty man for not at least planning a shower somewhere without all the bad blood. He could have tried a little to not parade his moral failings to the neighborhood.
NTA
NTA you’re a better woman that I am. I would have waited until she was at the house then put up signs in the neighborhood saying “This way to the HOMEWRECKER’S BASTARD SHOWER” with her and your ex’s faces on it.
I don’t get why she was crying, why was she crying? Was it because of the sticky notes?
If your son was there, or heard about all this, then undoubtedly ESH. As a teen, I assume he is somewhat in the loop. Sorry but pettiness doesn’t cut it when you have kids involved. From the looks of this thread most people don’t seem to be thinking about him though, so I guess you have company there.
NTA
Damn, I would have made slut shaming posters and fastened them to all the walls. What you did seems mild. 😂
NTA. I love that she’s boo-hooing about it when she’s got the nerve to ask to have her baby shower there in the first place, knowing she’s a homewrecker.
NTA why did you say yes? That’s not immature. That’s protecting your son and the sanctity of the marital home.
This world is become bizarre.
Dude what the fuck??? How in Christ did you get conned into doing such an insane thing ? Girl this is madness
NTA Wow you ex is a bold jerk for even asking such a thing from you after what he did.
That was cheeky af of them to ask this, but I feel like more info is needed… She cried and you’re being blamed for causing issues because of a locked bedroom and some post its? Something is missing here.
How sad for your teenage son that his grandparents are AHs. He’s old enough to know exactly everything that is going on. How sad that his dad is a lying, cheating, POS. You did much more than most women. Definitely NTAH. I’d even start being careful with your son’s visits with his grandparents. They sound vindictive.
I wouldn’t have let her use the house. I would have said “if you get the house in the divorce, then yes, she can use it. Otherwise, she should make other plans.”
The entire situation is toxic. Put the house up for sell and move on.
NTA. As someone who was cheated on this makes me giggle. Aww, did you hurt the poor widdle cheater’s feewings???
Lord knows you are better than me. It’s not the baby fault but ain’t no way I would have agreed. There are plenty of community centers and party places she could have took that bs to. He’s an A-hole for asking and she an bigger A-hole for even having him ask. The amount of disrespect. I don’t even know how you split the house. That mfer with all of his toxic traits could go back to his parent house and do that toxic manipulation there. That is my opinion, take it how you will but to me you far too kind and understanding
NTA you are much better than me as there would be no way she would be hosting anything in a house I go owned.
I know I would have been petty and made sure there were wedding photos/family photos and a frame marriage certificate on every surface wall and table so everyone would see.
I would’ve burned down the house before I let that shit fly
I’d have had a “congrats to the home wreckers” banner hung so you did better than me
They should have had the shower in the Motel 8 they conceived in.
So according to his family you are the one who is heartless and not that home wrecker bitch and the cheating ex?
Lol!
You did very nice by setting your boundaries.
Just sell the house. Your child is almost an adult and you should have any connection to your ex except for the child. Why do this to yourself?
You’re absolutely nuts to even allow this. Zero self respect. The AH part is towards yourself
The audacity of your ex and his new deluded girlfriend, wow
Why would you let yourself be a door mat. You treat yourself as a door mat. Then you’re surprised when others also treat you like a door mat. You’re the AH to yourself.
What the hell kind of trailer park bullshit is this?
Bro this sounds like the most yn shit I’ve ever heard. Like EXCUSE ME???? You want me to let your low down grimmey dirty d*ck energy and homewrecking whore into MY HOME????? No thanks. The audacity of this man and the fact that you said yes out of being “mature” makes me question your backbone babes because it would be a cold day in hell before she ever step foot into my home. Gone ahead and get up off that ground baby. It’s time to stop playing doormat.
Power play failed and they all saw the true colors, not pink or blue. She’s a decade younger too?
Too bad she’s pregnant. I would have used her as a speed bump.
Im not sure how you can go about this but
Try to legally secure that house for your son only because that child your husband had out of wedlock can come later to claim what you consider your house
Sincerely,
I’m on your side and F these two hoes
NTA
It’s crazy either of them thought asking to use your house was appropriate. You’re a lot nicer than I would have been. NTA.
Why… would she agree to have her baby shower and her boyfriends ex’s house….. y’all that’s a messed up lady. Nta
NTA.
The fact you let him anywhere near the house with his bit on the side is either a sign that you’re mature or a people pleaser.
If she had a bad time, that’s on her.
It was a stupid idea on their part entirely and they could’ve hired somewhere if they wanted to play happy families.
I wouldn’t worry what his family says either. Their opinions stopped mattering (if they ever did) the moment they all thought it would be a good idea to attend such a fiasco.
It sounds like they all need to give their heads a wobble. If someone in your ex’s situation invited me to something like that in their formal marital home, I’d have to at least have a word in their shell.
Yes! very stupid. For allowing this ill-natured woman to set foot in your house.
This is exactly why we don’t give the pinky to POS people, because they will take the pinky, complain about it and then insist they are entitled to the hand.
Point is, you shouldn’t even have had her have the baby shower there. By being nice, they wanted more and more… and now somehow you are the bad guy regardless of being nice.
Don’t be nice to people who fkd you over. They will keep doing it again and again.
NTA with regards to them!! Only a soft YTATY (To Yourself) by lettingg him manipulate you into having his affair partner’s baby shower in your home. He is sickening.
ETA: May that 26yr old reap what she has sown (she is not some dumb child, she knew what she was doing). May your ex reap what he has sown. May they live happily ever after in abject misery.
No gonna lie ima need a update this wild
Odd she didn’t choose to do it at her parent’s house or maybe a friend’s place… oh wait, that would make too much sense and wouldn’t make for drama. Unless you are on good terms with this person, why would she think you were okay with it?
ntah, honestly this feels like a weird power move that backfired on her lmfao.
Both her and your ex are shameless for even asking to have the baby shower there.
Honestly, you’re bettwr than me for even letting them do it 😅
How cool to label everything! Just a great dig!
The first thought to enter my mind at the concept of her having a celebration of any kind in your agreed house screams disrespected female cuck… They’d have to have me in a straight jacket and 47 guns directly touching my head before I quit trying to pull their heads off…
NTA. I am curious though. Does the homewrecker and your scum-sucking ex plan to raise the baby in your house? How is that supposed to work? She and the baby stay there for the week your ex is staying in the house with your son and then they all leave when it is your week? This needs to be figured out sooner rather than later.
NTA. And please make sure you and your kid are protected legal wise when it comes to that house. Your ex’s insisting on this baby shower was definitely stage one in trying to take over the house and push you out.
Who gives a fuck what his family thinks at this point?
Does your ex have brain damage or something.
NTAH. Nope, nope and nope… he’s an idiot.
Can we get more information on her crying??? I want ALL the tea from the baby shower??? Because normally they are boring af.
Next he’ll ask you to babysit. Family critics should have had the shower at their house
She shouldn’t even be allowed in the family home. F the ex’s family.
Am I the only one who thinks there are ulterior motives here? What kind of man co owns a home with his ex wife and suggests his fling has a baby shower there?
Seems he’s trying to show the trick what type of life he will provide for her…..
NTA You’re better than me. It would’ve been a hell nah from me. You were gracious enough to say yes. And absolutely she had to know that wasn’t her house.
NTA and just know you’re the winner in this entire situation. He gets to start all over with someone who’s gonna ream him on child support when their relationship goes down in flames. And it will go down in flames. Just wait. And never let that asshole back in because I promise he’s gonna try to come back when his fluff leaves his sorry ass.
The gf is not the only one missing periods. SMDH