My husband and I got married last month in a small, intimate ceremony with just our closest family and friends. We kept it low-key and budget-conscious, nothing too fancy or over-the-top. My husband, K, is a hardworking lawyer, and I’m a successful real estate agent, so we didn’t need a big, lavish wedding to prove anything.
K’s sister, M, is a stay-at-home mom who lives in a McMansion in the suburbs with her husband and their three kids. She’s always been obsessed with keeping up with the Joneses and having the biggest, best, and most expensive everything. When we announced our engagement, she immediately started planning a massive, over-the-top wedding in her head and kept insisting we invite at least 300 people, rent a ballroom, and have a sit-down dinner with filet mignon and lobster.
We kept telling her that wasn’t our style and that we wanted a small, intimate affair. She kept pushing, saying we had to invite Extended Family and that it would be rude not to. I even offered to have a separate, bigger reception for his side of the family, but she insisted it had to be a full-blown wedding.
Fast forward to now, and we’re married, and K’s parents just read our will and inheritance papers. We decided to leave everything to each other and split it 50/50 if something happens to one of us. Well, M found out and is absolutely livid that she wasn’t invited to the wedding and that she’s not getting a dime of our money.
She called me screaming, saying I was a greedy bitch who just wanted to leave her out and that I was stealing her brother’s inheritance from her kids. She said I had no class and that I was a shitty sister-in-law. She kept screaming that she was going to tell everyone what a terrible person I was.
K tried to calm her down, but she just started yelling at him too, calling him weak for not standing up to me and letting me control everything. She said he was a failure as a brother for not taking care of his sister and nephews.
I told her that she needed to calm down and that we couldn’t have invited 300 people to a 50-person wedding. She said I was lying and that I just didn’t want to spend the money on them. I told her that we were leaving our money to each other and that it wasn’t about her or her kids. She called me a heartless bitch again.
Am I the asshole for not inviting her to the wedding and leaving our money to each other instead of her and her kids? I feel bad that she’s so upset, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. I just wanted a small, intimate wedding, and I want K to inherit from me if something happens to me, not my sister-in-law. Am I in the wrong here? AITA?
Comments
I mean, she proved you right. She was definitely not wedding guest material. What a nightmare.
I can see her being upset about not getting invited to the wedding. She counts as a close family member, and that was kind of rude despite her behavior.
But the will thing makes no sense. Why would you leave anything to her? If one of you die it makes sense the other gets everything. And when that person dies the children should get everything.
So I think YTA for the wedding thing and NTA for the will.
Info: Why are K’s parents spreading the details of your will around? And why on earth would M assume that K’s estate would go to anyone but you, his wife, if K predeceases you? I mean, if he died intestate most states would have any property not specifically co-owned with someone else devolving to you anyway, yeah?
why are you letting people read your wills? What ?
NTA. In what world would she be thinking her married brother is leaving everything to her and her kids? đ¤Łđ¤Ż
What country is this originating? Doesn’t sound like US.
WTH?? Since when are HER kids entitled to an inheritance from you?? Are you planning to have kids? If so, that’s where your money will go. If not, it will go to each other like you said, and the surviving spouse can do whatever they want with what is left at the end of their life. At what point did she think her kids were in line for anything from you?
And why are you letting anyone else read your will? It’s none of anyone else’s business.
WHY did you share that info with his parents? Did you tell them itâs confidential?
Itâs really not anyoneâs business but yours and your husbands and now you caused yourself a lot of family drama.
NTA, no one is an automatic wedding guest. Especially when they ignore the wishes of the couple.
I’m guessing you and your husband are child free? And you have no siblings?
Otherwise it’s wild she believed she was getting anything.
I would caution you to never give his parents access to anything since they went and told her stuff that was categorically not her business.
Also to ensure your wills go beyond one of you passing before the other.
If you pass at the same time or who inherits after the last spouse passes.
Keep your home and work places secure, make it cleare SIL has ZERO access to anything.
Instal cameras around your property. She’s either gonna stew and be a cow or she’s gonna turn into a tornado to destroy you.
Most spouses leave their money to one another. Then kids are added at some point after they are born.
Her assumption that your husband would leave his inheritance to a sister and her children instead of his wife is not normal. She sounds crazy.
Regardless – his money. His choice. NOT hers.
I’d go NC asap.
NTA
No. She’s just gaslighting you. (adult version of temper tantrum) Same thing you either give in or stand your ground. She’s calling you names like selfish to get you to cave. Neither you nor your husband have any financial responsibility to his sister. Neither of you deserve to be treated like that and I wouldn’t even associate with her after that. I have a sister like that. She was always asking me about what I was doing. If I told her, she always told me what was wrong with my decision and what I SHOULD actually do instead. I distanced myself. If you do that, be careful of this. My sister trys to ingratiate herself into my life once in awhile and then it starts all over again. I’ve learned to keep my distance and my guard up.
I think this is ai. It doesnât make any sense
Hey SiL – can you show us YOUR will, and let us know what we are getting????
Drop Mic
Seems like this all could have been avoided.Why even let anyone read your will until it has to be read?
If she has so much money, why is she worried about getting yours?
More to this story than you are telling
NTA. She is not entitled to an invite or to be listed in your wills.
I donât understand. If you donât have kids, itâs only to be expected your wills would name only each other as spouses. If SIL is feeling her kids are entitled to your wealth because you donât have children, yea sheâs an entitled bitch. Not sure if Iâm missing something here.
Wow…. She’s wanted to marry her brother for a long time AND inherit his money.
NTA… but she’s crazy.
And your husband sees it, right?
Psychopathic levels of MeMeMe…
WTF?
Fake?
INFO: Why are you letting people read your will and why are the telling everyone what’s in them? You created this issue by giving people too much information. Who does that?
NTA. She is unhinged. Are you on her husbands will?
Where I am from the inheritance goes to 50% divided between the living children and 50% to a living spouse. Nieces and nephews donât even enter the chat unless a child free, unmarried person without a will dies. They have to hit the trifecta to even be part of the conversation.
I don’t know why your sister thought she would inherit anything for her herself or her kids anyway. And why on Earth would you tell your parents or anyone about the contents of your will at this time? That’s just weird all around.
NTA; if it were me, Iâd be thinking she was planning to kill her brother to get his money.
In general, I think a sibling should be invited even to a small wedding. In general also I think no one should know the contents of a will unless they are consulted about agreeing to take responsibility for something (as in, âI leave my brother Sam as guardian and trustee for my catâ).
That being said, the sisterâs indignation over the will seems to assume that her brother will pre-decease OP. If OP dies first, and everything goes to OPâs spouse, then he will have that much more to leave sister and her kids. She should think positive. đ
I donât care about the inheritance. Thatâs not her right. Your will is typical. And sheâs being entitled about it. What Iâm wondering is why you didnât invite her to the wedding being such a close family member? I know she was making a fuss about the wedding, but it seems odd to not invite her at all given sheâs your husbands sister. Just curious why you made that choice. No judgement at all, just wondering.
Nothing that you have done is out of the normal or in any way unreasonable.
I would suggest that you give her and her children each something in the inheritance …maybe a toy car or two? a plastic bead necklace? Something of very low worth but something. This makes it harder for her to take your estate to court for a share as it shows that you did consider her and did give her something….
This all sounds fake AF. why would your SIL be planning a wedding for you? Why did you share your will with your parents ? Why did they tell your SIL? And how do you split things 50/50 if one of you is dead? Who is your back up plan if you both die?
INFO: Why no wedding invitation and why on earth did you show anyone your will?
You’re an asshole for not inviting his sister to your wedding and dumb for sharing your will and financial info with his parents.
His parents are dumb for not having a trust on his inheritance. Money from his parents should stay in his family, so to his children if he has them, or nieces/nephews if he doesn’t. Not his spouse if he doesn’t have kids with her. Just IMHO.
Sounds like you need to cut your toxic SIL out of your life.
NTA. First. WHY did you tell his parents about the will contents in the first place. If they arenât in it, they donât need to know about the contents. Second, why did they tell your SIL? That wasnât their place to tell them your business. Third, why does she believe that she and her children are entitled to an inheritance from her brother? Itâs her sibling. Not a parent to her, not a grandparent to her, not her spouse. Siblings generally donât leave inheritances to their brothers and sisters unless theyâre extremely wealthy, extremely close, and/or donât have a spouse and children of their own. Sheâs extremely out of line and behaving entitled. Sheâs not owed anything and neither are her children.
However, why wasnât she invited to your small wedding? Wasnât she aware of your wedding date, even if she was not invited? Why is she acting as if this is news to her? If sheâs not close enough to you and your husband to be invited to your wedding, then why would she think she is entitled to an inheritance?
Regarding the will. May I coin a phrase? You are not dead yet.
Assuming you are in a US state, if there is a valid marriage and no kids , with no will, the spouse gets everything.
Have your lawyer husband send her a copy of the Probate Act do she can read it herself.
And provide a safe space for her kids who will most certainly need it.
NTA
she should have shuyt her mouth, why would you leave her something when one of you still alive. when you are both dead she might get somwethiong if she shuts up
What kind of person shares personal information about wills? And why? Smh these stories are exhausting and embarrassing
There is NO reason on Godâs green Earth that your SIL needed to know anything about the contents of your wills so, to me, itâs hard to understand why you would share that info with her.Â
If SIL is the type of person who screams and carries on about things that are really none of her business anyway then she should be put on an information diet to avoid this drama.Â
Bizarre. Sounds fake.