A bit about my financial situation—I(26f) been unemployed since graduation from college last year, but I worked a full time office job during my gap year and saved enough to get me through most of college and have some left over that I’ve been very careful with, especially since graduating. The job market is bad and I have no idea when I’ll be employed again. I did just have an interview that would possibly lead to an offer, but I won’t know until next week or the week after. I also just booked a long trip to Japan, final cost close to 6k, which is a good portion of my remaining money. I normally wouldn’t make a purchase like that, but knowing there’s a solid chance I’m going back to work soon I want to go all out and make the most of my remaining unemployment time.
So my friend(31f) who I met during my gap year and have stayed close with had her life fall apart in 2021. Her and husband separated, the has primary custody of their kids and he doesn’t pay his child support. Her divorce is being finalized at the end of the month and she’s accrued a lot in legal fees. She’s a single mom of two teaching public school and legal fees and another big expense have her 2 months behind on rent. She got a notice to vacate yesterday and asked me to borrow 2k. With my trip and lending her that money I would be very near out of money. It’s worth noting I wouldnt be fully starting a new job until probably end of June with all the background checks required for the job I interviewed for that is in my field and for the company I did my gap year with and my old position at that.
I would be very near out of money after my trip if I lent this friend money and didn’t get it back. She says she’d be able to pay me back in mid may when her summer financial aid comes through for school, but with her legal fees and just other costs I’m not entirely confident that I would get the money back by then. I also don’t think she would maliciously not pay me back, I just don’t foresee her not having other expenses that take precedent. I would make the money back eventually but it takes away most of my safety cushion and truly I don’t want to assume I’ll get this job.
I don’t want her and her kids to have to move, but it makes me nervous she has no one else who can lend the money. And we also live in different states and are long distance friends. I feel responsible if I don’t give her the money even though I can afford it, although not comfortably.
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Never loan anyone money assuming they’ll pay it back. Mentally assume it is a gift and be pleasantly surprised if they do pay it back. I personally don’t loan people money ever for this reason – and I especially would not if I was in a bad financial situation myself.
Tell her no. You’re not responsible for providing financial support for a friend.
if you’re not comfortable, dont loan her money.
It’s a bummer of a situation, but you aren’t in a financial position to be lending money.
Even of you were flush with cash, it’s never a good idea to mix money and friendships unless you’re OK giving the money as a gift.
You are not responsible for her.
Lending money is a great way to end a friendship. I can’t even imagine asking someone for that much. She needs to get her lawyer involved or find another way.
Please don’t. I’m 30 and so many people owe me money at this point that if they all paid me back tomorrow I would be debt free. Car, house. Literally don’t.
If you want to GIFT her money, I guess go for it… But lending is never lending… They do not. Pay. You. Back.
You’re over complicating this. You can’t personally afford it. The answer is no.
Asking an unemployed friend to borrow money is a weird move. She isn’t entitled to your savings.
Just say no. You’re not obligated to loan her money at all, especially if you’re not confident she can or will pay it back. It really doesn’t have to be any more complicated than this. If you only have a limited amount of money left and no 100% certainty you’ll have a job soon, you actually can’t afford it, because you need to look out for yourself first. If she and her kids have to move, it will not be your fault.
You have no money coming in and you just used most of the your remaining savings up – you cannot afford this and I’d tell her exactly that.
I know you didn’t ask about this point but I feel it would be remiss of me not to point out – booking such an expensive trip before you have a solid job offer, is also not a great idea and can lead to the sort of financial precarity your friend finds herself in.
If you’ve not paid for it all yet, I’d really consider waiting until you have the job confirmed to spend anymore on this trip.
No, it’s not your responsibility to take care of your friends financial troubles, especially if it will be a toll on your finances.
DO NOT give her money
if you give people even 20bux, they will suddenly think it is ok to come flying back for more. They will whittle away at you.
if she has to move, it isn’t your fault. you aren’t a charity organization. if anything it’s her own extended and immediate family’s fault for not supporting her. If she has absolutely nobody, it still isn’t your burden.
you have no money. you are basically broke too. you cannot fill other people’s cups when you also have nothing.
all she can do is apply for financial aid at this point
people with legal fees and all that baggage have no good way of paying back 2k. She wouldn’t need your help if her bank simply loaned her 2k so it is kinda suspicious.
I feel for her but you can’t afford it.
If it’s going to impact your livelihood and you aren’t wealthy, you are under absolutely no obligation to help. Perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, there isn’t anything I can really do monetarily right now [or I can’t do more than X right now] but please let me know if there is another way I can support you.
Also she needs to take the ex to court for contempt. He doesn’t get to just not pay.
No is a full sentence. None of this is your problem and you can’t afford it. She will figure it out.
Sweetie, you are in no position to be lending anyone money. You’re not working. Tell her that you are so sorry, but things are super tight for you, and you just don’t have the money. And you can’t cancel your trip to give her any. Offer to babysit if you do want to help – so that she can have time to herself, but you do not have any money to spare. I commend you for being so caring and wanting to help, but you can’t. She will have to ask other people.