When I was 15, I got pregnant. It was terrifying, and the father some random older guy who disappeared was never in the picture. My parents are conservative and traditional, and when they found out, all hell broke loose. But instead of sending me away or forcing adoption, they made a decision that would change everything.
They said, “We’ll raise the baby as your sister. You’re too young to be a mom.”
I stayed home the entire pregnancy, homeschooled. When I gave birth, I wasn’t allowed to see her for two days. When I finally did, they had already named her, dressed her, and told the neighbors she was their surprise “late-in-life baby.” Everyone believed it.
She’s 9 years old now.To the world, she’s my bubbly little sister. To me… she’s my daughter. I’ve watched her first steps, first words, school plays, and heartbreaks all while pretending I’m just her sibling. Sometimes I slip and call her “my baby,” and people just laugh it off. But it kills me.
The guilt, the silence, the pretending ,it’s eating me alive. I want to tell her. I want to hug her and say, “I’m your real mom. I never stopped loving you.” But I don’t even know where to begin. My parents would disown me. The lie has gone on too long.
Sometimes I write letters to her, imagining one day I’ll give them all to her when she’s old enough. But maybe she’ll hate me for the lie. Maybe she’ll hate all of us.
I just needed to tell someone. Even if no one ever knows the truth… at least now it’s out there.
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One day the truth will come out and she will realise all you did for her and it will feel great x best of luck to you all. You are all great people
One thing I’m grateful for is that they never forced an adoption, so at least I get to see my baby and be part of her life and be her best friend.
Stay very present in her life. If you are financially independent from your parents and can handle raising a kid on your own, contact a lawyer to know what could happen legally if your parents fight you on custody. If the risks are acceptable to you, then let your daughter know. If you don’t have the means to raise her yourself and fight for her if needed, don’t tell her now. Because what happens if your parents keep legal custody and decide to block her from your life? She’ll be worse off. Confused, scared, and loses her big sister she’s loved and relied on her whole life.
That sucks! Be the best big sister you can to her now. Be there for as much as you possibly can in her life. Write everything you’d say to her so you can one day give it to her.
On top of that, I wouldn’t tell her until she turned 18 if I were you. She is 9 right now, and there’s nothing you can do. Soon, she will be a teenager, which is already hard enough without the knowledge that her parents aren’t her parents.
I recommend saving a bunch of money and setting it aside for her. You may not have been able to raise her like you wanted, but you go to be there for her and watch her grow up. Make the best of your life, get yourself in the best position you can so when she turns 18, you can support her as much as you can.
Good luck!
I just a read story yesterday about a guy who found out his sister is really his mother. He’s horrified.
Be prepared to help her when the truth comes out.
Why were you sleeping around with random older guys at 15?
This happened with my grandfather’s second wife and her “brother” when she was a teenager
Fuck your parents and just tell her. It’ll be better for her if you do. How do you think she’ll take it when she finds out the truth on her own and realizes what a coward you are?
I know a girl who grew up as the daughter/sister and ofc she eventually found out and now shes batshit crazy, got on drugs, and went to prison. Now she has a kid and she still did drugs during the pregnancy. I hope nothing like this happens but its gonna mess her up fr. talk about a mind fuck
Do not tell your daughter the truth any time soon. She is much too young to understand and will start acting out. When she is old enough, do not speak poorly about your parents’ decision to her. If you believe what your parents did was the best for everyone, stand on that. Simply say you loved her so much that you wanted the very best outcome for her and that you were too young and uncertain how you’d take care of her and give her everything she needed/deserved. It will be a whole other issue when she asks about her biological father.
What does the birth certificate say?
A friend of mine found out that her older sister was her mother when we were in HS. I don’t recall her having an extreme reaction back then, and her actions were that of a typical teen.
Nowadays, I don’t know her well enough to ask how it affected her later in life (didn’t keep in touch). Now that we’re close to fifty, she seems fairly well-adjusted judging by her curated FB profile.
Ngl I think it’s something starting to seeing a therapist about could be very beneficial. it’s a big deal and a lot to deal with alone. it can be helpful to have a plan set and to be able to talk this out with someone who isn’t biased and you can trust to confide in. Also it’s possible there can be a way parents can be brought into the conversation if they were open m to it. So they can hear from someone the possible harm. Or maybe at this point it would unfortunately be best to keep it quiet aside from with a therapist although it’s hardly guaranteed she won’t find out on her own unfortunately.
Awful your parents put this burden on you. 😞
I found out my sister was actually my mother when I tired to get a copy of my birth certificate. She was 16 and my parents adopted me. She was always resentful of me and I found out why. Fucked. Me. Up.
For better or for worse, DNA technology is making things like this impossible to hide. Lots of people are finding out that their parents aren’t who they thought they were. She’s going to find out eventually. You should decide if you want to let that happen or if you want to get in front of it and tell her. The days of secrets like this going to the grave are long past.
It would seem as though some people in your family do, if fact, know.
It would be so much better for her if you got a lawyer to end this and become her mom fully.
Op thats gotta be painful. If I were you, you should tell your daughter the truth. The longer you wait, the harder its gonna be.