So let’s see I’m in my forties, divorced for almost two years after a 20 year relationship, have two kids, stable income, house with a mortgage, all the bells and whistles. I’m very stable.
When my ex announced she wanted out, the whole divorce was quite easy. 50-50 split on the kids, assets split 50-50, stable income so I could buy her out and keep the house, etc. One of the hard thing was the rumor mill with “friends” and how easily everyone sided with her because the poor thing had to do everything for herself now… so lost my friends (of 20+ years)
I did everything to create a home, a safe space and be stable. I never did the odd thing, never drank till I passed out, never did any substances, never fucked around, no one night stands. I did some partying but always within reason.
But for fucking what? I feel like I missed out on so many experiences. Things I won’t ever be able to experience.
It was all for nothing and now I feel tied down. Trapped in the rat race of work, kids, house, rinse, repeat.
Don’t be like me. Go out and do shit.
Comments
what’s to stop you from doing stuff when you don’t have your kids?
It was not for nothing, you got your kids that is all that matters.
Now give time to yourself and do things you love and want to do.
I am young I am living my life to the fullest and let me tell you something. YOU STILL HAVE TIME! I grew up in an abusive household thought I missed out on having fun and being a kid but I just do all of that now. I party, buy myself toys, go to the trampoline park with my friends. It’s never too late to regain your life go out to a bar or club and just dance you’ll make friends along the way. Take revenge be angry go to a fucking rage room all the bells and whistles but this time for you!
You are still young, lots of time to reinvent yourself. I’m 63 and in a dead marriage but decided to dust myself off and reinvent what I can. It’s a total process that I’ve worked on since last September. It goes up and down but more peace now. Told the hubby leave or join me, he decided to join me (together 45 years) it’s been pretty good and getting better. We can all sit in regret and despair or get busy doing a redo. It’s not about new toys but doing things that bring peace and joy. Now you have had a chance to reflect, pick something to tackle. No need to run just steady improvement. It wasn’t for nothing never is. You learned things and had the privilege of children. Besides the best revenge is leading your best life
I’m in my 30s now. Like you, it’s a scary thing to be committed and tied down.
I’m the opposite, married, no kids, one dog, no mortgage and a not stable job. We’re working on things one at a time.
We may not have everything but one thing is important. Experience life as it goes. Good thing is your ex didn’t beat, abused you or held your will against.
I hope you learn from me. To take everything one step at a time. Maybe your friends will later realize the real her in years to come. You will have greater friends in the long run.
I don’t understand. You had a relationship and kids. you presumably wanted the kids. sorry about your friends, they were shitty. otherwise, your stable life is still stable, except the relationship ended. but you’re in your forties, with good economic position and, it sounds like, a cooperative coparent. how exactly is your life thrown away? you’re in an ideal position to get another partner, so, what is the issue? sad for your kids you feel this way.
Yep. Should have partied more. Your loss. You took a calculated risk. Sorry.
This ain’t it boss.
You have 2 kids out of the marriage and more life to live.
Pick up a hobby. GTFO and Disc Golf!!
No matter what we do, it’s possible to have this perspective. Trust me.
40s is still young! You can date a sexy 30 year old and start a new adventurous life
Go find more friends, do things where you live. Make your life fun it is not over!!!
Go hard in your 40s my dude. I thought the same thing when I divorced my ex and she wasn’t nearly as amicable.
It does get better, I promise you
We should be grateful for what we already have, showing gratitude and appreciation to still have a roof over your head food to eat, still on top of the ground so to speak, and positive thoughts and mindfulness will shift your perspective and you’ll see your life in a better mindset
Don’t compare yourself to others and their situations. It will only bring you down. You have plenty to be proud of with what you have done. I’m 41, failed marriage, no kids, no career, on the cusp of homeless, unemployed, mentally damaged but I keep a positive outlook. Sjit never works out the way we want to but we must keep moving on. Life isn’t a fairytale like we thought it would be growing up. What matters is making the most of what we have. You got this dude. Impact your kids lives in a way that you feel like you missed out on. You have so much more life ahead of you. Keep your head up.
I find this so hard to understand…
You are in your 40s. Not 70s.
Yeah, you didn’t do stuff when you were younger. And? You can still do stuff now. You are not some decrepit husk who is incapable of enjoying life.
I had a marriage end in my late 30s. I am mid-40s now and very happy with where I am, have new friends, enjoy doing stuff, etc. I was married at 20, was in a very controlled relationship where I wasn’t really allowed to do much of anything. So all my “experiences” sort of came later on, after that ended.
If you find that your friends your age are too “old” or “tired” to do things; find some younger friends. Find people who you enjoy doing things with. I am in another relationship now with someone 10 years younger, because we just happen to match in interests and desire to do things in life.
Your life is only over if you let it be over.
So don’t get married and have kids? Got it.