My gf asked me about sex when her friends was here, me personally I said no because I think it’s vulgar to think her friends are asleep or possibly earwigging in the next room. For me I just find it a weird cause, I will add we are supposed to be trying for a baby so I assume that’s her reasoning for asking but I’m just curious, what’s others thoughts on this?
It sort of reminds me when I was young and occasionally I’d hear my parents shagging upstairs which is a rancid thought, when I mentioned that to her she went in a sulk and asked if we would have sex when we had kids.. I guess having her friends over is different? Idk let me know opinions…
Thank you for your answers
Comments
I’d say it depends on how often you all have sex.
Its a pretty normal question when you’re trying… it might be ovulation week for her next week and it could be that she’s just wondering how being parents might affect your sex life
Anyway, we can’t read her mind and you should communicate with her instead of asking reddit…
And its a topic you should be on one the same page about
While it is perfectly normal to have sex, if it were me, I’d not have sex with my partner if my friends were visiting for just a weekend.
It’s a completely normal question though. I think it’s good to set the boundaries now before they come over.
I mean if it’s your own place/home then no it’s not weird. If you were at her friends place yes, it would be a little weird to bone on the pull out couch
I think you’re being weird about it. Unless they’re staying in your bedroom, it’s not a big deal to have sex in your own home.
And her question is a valid one. If you’re still so freaked out about hearing your own parents having sex, how will you ever have sex when you have kids of your own?
Personally I think you are being a little bit weird, but it’s a personal thing so no judgement? You can have sex in the next room discreetly, sometimes its much more fun that way.! Also, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask about sex in the setting of kids if you are already this sensitive about adultt friends.
Some people enjoy the idea they could get caught.
It should be worse for your children to hear you instead of your friends. Why do you care if they hear you guys a little?
i think it’s obvious here that she’s concerned about y’all’s sex life in the future
is it not that good right now? is she always initiating?
You’re gf wants to have sex and you’re saying no? Those are her friends not yours lol if shes cool with it then clap them cheeks like it’s honeymoon night
“Vulgar”, wow.
To be honest the way you worded this I assumed she meant like all of you having sex together which isn’t everyone cup of tea, but having sex in your own room even with people is very normal imo me and my past relationships have always done that we try to stay quiet but ya that was a normal thing in my experience hell even my friends did that.
Curious 🐈⬛ Info: What was her opinion?
I’d say it’s normal…to do? Yes some people feel it’s their home (I guess your parents are an example) and it’s natural, others feel uncomfortable and don’t and that’s ok.
I’d say it’s normal to ask you as well, she’s a considerate partner taking your feelings on the above into account.
Keep in mind the thickness of walls, sleep arrangements, plans (do you have time), and how loud you two are play into it – not all people act the same if guests are there and still manage nookie.
She raises a good point. Are you just gonna retire from sex when you have a kid? At some point, you have to get over it. Sex is private, but normal. Hearing some noise is just a part of life.
Sex isn’t taboo just embrace it instead. Along as the headboard isn’t banging against a shared wall or she’s screaming the house down then I highly doubt your mates are going to care, this isn’t school
She won’t tolerate cowardly behavior for long. If she’s being that open about it she is testing you to see if you have the courage to overcome this issue. You have a small window of opportunity to prove to her that you’re not a coward.
See I’m just a freak would say something along the lines of idc if they caught us lol. Yes, we’re doing the deed. Our house our space
Yeah you’re weird
Just do it quietly. Do you have a squeaky ass bed or something?
I think it’s kinda hot to be forced to do it quietly when guests are over.
The not normal part is you here not your girlfriend. She probably asked the question because she knows how you are.
I think it’s weird/childish to care this much about having sex with people simply in the same building as you.
“Which is a rancid thought” my gosh, your parents were real humans with needs, wants and desires.
I rarely can be arsed to respond to these but this gives me some red flag ick vibes. You’re trying to start a family and you’re squeamish about this? What happens when you have a kid and it needs to be bathed and changed? Will you be like “gross, that’s a woman’s job”?
Get over yourself and enjoy the vulgarity. You’re a meat tube with anxiety, embrace it.
Maybe she’s hinting at her kink
If we were trying for a baby and I was ovulating I’d be disappointed we missed the opportunity just cause there were other people in the house. But ok. But then if you commented about your parents I’d be a little worried about how you feel about having sex in the house after kids were born. I think you could see why she would find the idea if not having sex anymore unpleasant.
I don’t understand the issue; seems a bit uptight. To each their own, but I have zero hangups about getting laid within earshot of others.
What I really wonder about is your use of “vulgar”. Every time I’ve ever heard someone use it the way you have, it was judgmental, with a note of classist disdain for us filthy commoners.
Did you not have roommates when you were younger? I think I’ve heard everyone I’ve ever lived with have sex, lol. It’s not that big of a deal. If they’re close enough friends that they’re coming to stay in your house, they should be good enough friends to get over hearing you guys, IMO.
Vulgar? Rancid? I think your relationship to sex might have more going on than what’s just in this post
IDK what is up with these comments but exposing other people to listening to you having sex without consent is awful. People seem to be big on consent but then say it’s perfectly fine to impact unknowing people?
Bot
The fact that you’re asking Reddit and not talking to her signals that there’s much bigger problems. For the record, no that isn’t normal.
Sex is normal and the vast majority of people do it. You can have sex without hooting and hollering too. I think you are being a prude weirdo. She is not asking them to watch or something.
Hmmm. Well, I think everyone is entitled to their preferences. If you feel uncomfortable, you feel uncomfortable. My partner is like this too, and although I don’t understand it and it feels too prudish, his feelings matter to me and so I d never expect him to have sex when he felt uneasy.
When I was younger I might have been more forceful about it, and that kind of behavior was lacking compassion at best and almost abusive at worst.
It might be that your preferences don’t align here, and that’s okay. It’s just a short period of time, and if you’re together for the long haul, one month of not getting the timing right on conceiving is not really that big of a deal.
If you feel like you’d like to be different, then that’s something for you to explore on your own (why does it make you uncomfortable? Does this affect your life and relationships in other ways that are problematic for you?) But that’s only if you think you’d like to change your feelings about it.
It’s okay for you to have preferences and to not have sex when you don’t feel comfortable, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody at all!
I wouldnt care who was in the house..
If it was me I would bone her every chance. And I started posting this before I even read you were trying for a baby.
Seriously. You’ll have plenty of time to not fuck when you both get older.
And the friends shouldn’t change anything.
Well maybe change a little. Like don’t fuck her on every room in the house.
Well…. After your post…. Now I am curious too… Are you going to have sex when you have kids? I think it’s weird to have a problem having sex with adults in the house and not having a problem with children in the house.
You said you had past trauma from your childhood that makes you feel this way. This is 100% therapy territory and you should go!
It’s just sex and I think it’s much weirder you think it’s “vulgar” or even that her friends would deliberately “earwig” on you, noone gives a fuck if you fuck in the privacy of your own home I think it says more about you that you think it’s vulgar
Your sex life shouldn’t change because you have friends over, unless they’re staying in the same room I guess.
Eta: If your guests are a couple I guarantee they’re having sex in your guest room.
A rancid thought? My man, you need to come to terms with that. Sex isn’t dirty. Sex shouldn’t be a taboo. It was a sign that your parents loved each other. My idea of rancid is parents who argue all the time, keep floating around the idea of divorce but never actually do anything about it, then at 16 your mother talks about her dead bedroom situation to you in the car. I really really badly wanted to open the car door haha. Compared to that, how I wish my parents had a healthy sex life instead.
Maybe you heard things when you were too young to process it or it lead you to make assumptions about what sex is, and you should really consider therapy.
I’m with your GF on that one, no need to be all puritanical on that. They’re friends. They should be glad you have a healthy sex life and you should be considerate enough not to bang the bed on the wall while moaning loudly like pornstars, and that’s it.
Personally, I think its weird but its your home so do what you want. My gf disagrees, she has her best friends come visit us every now and then, and they used to all live next door to each other with her ex. They’d sometimes have to borrow things from her or the other way around, and they’ve all seen each other naked, and probably heard sex, so I guess to them its normal. But for me, its a little weird but I’ll still do it lol. We fucked at her friends house when we visited them.
I don’t think she should pressure you into sex when her friends are over if you are uncomfortable with it, but overall theres nothing wrong with it. Its just your comfort level.
Just do it quietly? This is such a non-issue and your gf’s questions are pretty normal
Unless she’s a screamer then I don’t see why you wouldn’t wanna have sex while friends are there or in the future when you have kids. I think you’re being weird about that sex maybe hearing your parents caused some type of trauma. But tbh if you wanna have sex then have sex bro if you don’t then don’t.
lock the door and put on the performance of your life.
Just be more quiet. It’s your house so why not?!
It’s not a weird question because you obviously have a thing about it. It’s weirder that you can’t fuck when people are at your house. What are you gonna do when you have kids?
I think it’s weird that you think it’s weird and I see her side of it. You can be discreet and still have fun. You don’t have to ram the headboard through the wall. And what about when you have kids? Are you not going to have sex for 18 years because the kids are there? Or will you try and make the best of it and sneak some fun in where you can. She’s asking a pretty valid question about your sexual compatibility in my opinion.
Should y’all be having kids together if you can’t handle tiny issues like this?
It’s a normal question, and a normal answer. But it is weird to consult reddit about that.
Vulgar?
You can’t bang with people over ?
Bro wtf? Vulgar?to have sex in ur own home with ur own partner? Sounds like u need therapy
My husband is like you it’s a big point of contention for us. We’ve been married 20 years and we are still having this fight.
We are adults. We are married. We don’t shove it in anyone’s face that we have sex if they are under the same roof. In fact, I’d be careful to be quiet, but it’s NOT vulgar for a man to make love to his wife in their private time in their room no matter who’s home.
Yeah it’s kinda weird. I get if it’s parents over or something or you have a fairly small house. But in general just keep it to the bedroom and don’t scream. You’re all adults if someone hears a moan through a wall they can put on a YouTube video and get over it. Especially if it’s a week. If it’s a a weekend sure but nah.
You’re adults and I’m assuming your friends are adults. Your friends probably won’t care, just try not to be noisy.
You should ask your GF why she’s asking, not us. So that first, grow a pair and ask her straight. Considering you are trying for a baby, you are an adult, you shouldn’t be asking us here.
And you better get ready for having sex when people are jn the house. That’s pretty much all you’ll be doing when you have kids, appart from the occasional hotel trip/date weekend etc.
And parents having sex isn’t rancid or disgusting. I just think of it this way, I’m happy my parents are still in love with each other, that they are attracted to each other and have a healthy sexlife. I hope my parents are still having sex, they are 70 soon.
if you can’t ask this to the girl you want to raise your kids’ face, then you probably aren’t ready for kids.
Highly recommend you get over this hangup of having sex while other people are in other rooms.
If you don’t you’ll have a kid and then never have sex again.
>My gf
>we are supposed to be trying for a baby
You absolute dummy
She has a valid point. If this is all triggered by you hearing your parents bang its reasonable to assume youll not want to have sex when your kids are around. Just the thought of no sex after she has kid ever is reason enough to go sulk. Also imo its fine to have sex with her friends or your yet to be kids are around, but obviously dont go buck wild and keep it a bit more tame.
I think you need to talk to your girlfriend. If you’re trying for a baby, really working on communication around topics like this is critical. You cannot be relying on Reddit to decode what your girlfriend means or how you should feel about it. You need to work that out between the two of you.
It’s not weird to have sex while other people are in your house as long as you’re not being loud and screechy about it. Again, you’re trying for a baby. There’s going to be another person in your house for the next 18+ years. It’s time to get used to that idea, and work with your girlfriend on how to make that comfortable and OK.
So when you have kids will you never have sex since they’ll live with you I’d assume?
You’re definitely being weird about it.
If she’s ovulating or coming up to ovulation next week then the question’s fair enough since you should be going as often as possible, especially if one of you has lower than average fertility. If it’s during a period that you know fertilisation won’t happen then it’s a bit weird, though not uncommon.
The fact that you’re asking internet strangers about how to manage your sex life, instead of just talking to your girlfriend, is so classic Reddit
When my wife and I were trying, we did it while my cousins wife and kids were in the living room. Turned the TV up for the kids, turned the music up in our room, and did the deed.
My daughter was conceived that afternoon
You will have a very long and painful life if you plan on having kids and are bothered by having sex when someone else is in your house.
You’re the weird one. Chill bro
I think you have a weird view on sex. I can’t help but wonder if you are ever gonna have sex when your kids are born too. “Vulgar” and “rancid” are strong words dude.
Obviously bigger issues here but if you feel this way her question about when you have kids is a good one
You have a really weird view of sex. Most people would never have sex if they never did it when the house was empty. No one in your house is tryjng to hear you have sex but you can also be quiet so no one overhears things.
Why would you ever want sex if it’s something you see as rancid and vulgar?
Uh, just do it quietly? Lol And kids sleep through a LOT.
Dude, just have sex with your wife
Don’t make it clap. Give her a pillow. It’s easy to be quiet.
Hey dude, honestly, if it makes you uncomfortable to have sex while others are around, tell her! Try to use “I” statements as much as possible, not “you” statements. So for example, communicate how you would feel doing it. You could say something like “I understand your feelings, I just personally don’t feel comfortable doing that while we have guests. Let’s work together to figure out a solution.” Separate her from the problem. You both have some common interest that you can discuss and get agreement.
I understand how weird it is because I’m the same way. My ex girlfriend always wanted to have sex when her family was home. I never understood why and I openly communicated with her that I did not find it comfortable, she was very loud too so that didn’t help. But I worded it in a way where it has nothing to do with her, it’s just the way I’ve been programmed. If you go about it properly, she will understand bro I promise. If the conversation becomes too emotional and an argument ensues, just walk away momentarily and come back to the situation once everyone is calm. And most importantly, negotiate fairly. You have an interest and she has an interest that both want met. Figure out a way to do that without attacking her views or principles
Uh, what? Personally I will have sex with my gf in any room if she wants to.. who cares who else is in the house, just shut the door (or dont if youre in to that – i had a gf who liked having sex in her garage with the garage door open). Obviously if there are other people you might try to keep the noise down.. but that’s not a big deal.. seems oddly repressed to avoid having sex just because you have company. Sex is normal.
To each their own. Guess she likes the thrill of possible discovery. Once my gf didnt ask. She was living with her parents so no secrets there. Pretty much anything that happened was at my place or somewhere ‘other’ than her parents place. Once she closed and locked her bedroom door and surprised me with a quickie BJ. I was more nervous about her parents walking in than having them hear. Overtime this happened more often and i got less nervous and enjoyed the time together more..
Are her friends female? Maybe shes working her way up to asking for 3-way??
don’t be afraid to try new things that arent illegal!! Lolol.
It’s not uncommon to be turned on at the risk of the situation. This is also a good time to practice “sad parent sex” in preparation of having children.
As far as the making a baby goes, we had the most success only trying every other day. Maybe you could have sex only every other day while friends are in town. I’d clear the air up front and tell them you’re trying and you’d appreciate them going to supper or something on those particular evenings. Be friendly and honest and maybe don’t describe your baby making as rancid or vulgar.
It took me and my wife a long time when we were trying to have our kid (spoiler: success! He’s almost 4) and I found it got more and more difficult the longer it went, where I felt like my wife stopped being interested at all in sex being fun/desirable and only a timed schedule thing where she told me when and where I needed to perform and the rest was on me. It honestly really took a toll on our relationship. I never thought getting told you have to have sex would be a challenge, but it was hard to not feel like a donor.
We had similar situations where I just didn’t really feel comfortable or in the mood but didn’t really get a choice. I felt like once we were committed to making a baby, for her that became the only thing she could think about.
Don’t really have advice, just wanted to share that you’re not alone in feeling this way!
Dude, you can be quiet while doing the deed. If this freaks you out, you will live in a dead bedroom after you have kids.
You’re using words like vulgar and rancid and earwigging, and assuming all sex is procreative.
You’re either not a real person and this never happened, or if you are a real person, you have some seriously fucked up attitudes that unless your girlfriend is also a religious fundamentalist, she probably thinks you’re a weirdo.
Ask your guests what they think. If they already know you are trying then it wont be weird to bring it up.
You have the right to say no if you’re uncomfortable. You aren’t obligated to have sex daily. She’s weird for bringing it up today vs in the moment.
Pretty good sex can be had without much noise or shaking. Make it a challenge. It’s different but good.
I would ask, same as your gf, how it’s different when you have kids? In your specific example, you bring up what appears to be a traumatic event that is impacting your current sex life. That traumatic event was the “my parents shagging upstairs which is a rancid thought”.
How is shagging when you are the parents and your kids are downstairs going to be different from her friends being over? Or different from your parents and your childhood (trauma?). Maybe it’s something else that made it “rancid” vs. a beautiful thing in your mind?
Honestly I’m sorry but I think it’s weird how many women want more sex when it’s to try for a baby but not just to have sex.
Why would you care if you have friends over? Do they assume you never have sex? Do they never have sex? What’s the problem
You can have quiet sex
Ummm just bang. Who cares.
Blowjobs can be extremely quiet
You told her you don’t want to have sex when there’s anyone in the house, especially your own kids. You basically just told her to expect complete celibacy once your first kid is born. You shouldn’t be surprised that she’s not happy about that.
If the thought of being overheard bothers you that much and you can’t get past it, consider sound-dampening wall/floor/ceiling treatments. Or maybe a new place with thicker walls and/or non-adjacent bedrooms. The path you’re on right now isn’t going to work.
This complaint could be your fondest memory a few years or a couple of kids later.
I think her concern is valid. If you’re that timid to bang around her friends.. with kids being around 24/7, will you ever have the guts to bang her or just the one random day every few months you’d get to yourselves?
Invite them in to cheer.
If you succeed in having kids you’re going to need to learn to do silent sex anyway, so why not start practicing? Babies’ hearing is incredible – they can hear an eyelid sliding over an eyeball from three rooms away.
Are you old enough to be trying for children when you’re so immature that you have to ask Reddit to read your girlfriend’s mind instead of asking her yourself?
The fact that she thought to ask this, plus your quoting that she used the word “avoid”, feels to me like there’s history of you pulling away or avoiding her when people are around.
How are you with PDA in general?
Maybe it’s not just specifically sex but she may feel alone/less connected with you when people are around. I know I would find that both super frustrating and super depressing if it were me….
Any how, #1 is ya, younger to talk with HER.
2 is that’s a TOTALLY valid question and worthy of an independent conversation.
3 is you do come off a little weird on this…
Fwiw, I caught my parents once… because I picked the lock…
Stuff may happen but generally it’s quite doable.
ETA I have no idea how or why part of this got bold/large…. I just typed, nothing funny… 🤷♀️
My best friend and her husband announced that when we all went on a large group beach house vacation they’d start trying for a baby. You better believe we were all reminding them to do so throughout the week 😆
If you’re trying for a baby, then you do her for good even if both your parents are cheerleading around the bed.
Anyway, if you are trying for a baby, you should be able to discuss these things, otherwise you will have a hard time later…
If you’re trying for kids but can’t have a conversation about this then you probably aren’t ready to have a kid.
Not weird. Do it quietly if you’re worried about the noise. It’s kinda fun anyway, the game of trying to make the other person make noise when they know they shouldn’t.
Take her on the table in front of the friends where everyone just had breakfast. Assert dominance.
Yeah it’s not a big deal. Go ahead and do it unless you’re leaving a mess you’ll have to explain in the morning. Washing the sheets will be awkward.
> she went in a sulk and asked if we would have sex when we had kids.
Do not for even a moment, suggest to her about this being your future. You guys are in a relationship. And sex is an extension of love.
Romance will die with sex. And if she thinks romance will die down once she has kids, you’re just implying that she’s just a tool for you to give birth to your kids.
I would like to believe this is not your intention, but this is what will be portrayed.
Ensure her that your sex life would always be strong. And you can explain that you’re uncomfortable when there’s other people in your house, as you kind of feel like you’re being watched, and that you can’t focus solely on your partner and would also have to be mindful of people other than her.
Grow up
LOL just have quiet sex, it doesn’t have to be the bed slamming against the wall and screaming to the point of ecstasy so much that the friend ends up curled up in bed crying.
It would never occur to me not to. How thin are your walls? Are you guys real noisy, or something?
At first glance, I thought she was asking you to have sex with her friends. I’m kinda disappointed with how this question turned out.
It’s your home, and do what you want and feel comfortable with. You sound like a prude. However, the fact that she asked you but didn’t like your answer sounds a bit childish and she has little or no respect for you. I think you need to speak to her and not ask reddit.
Are you adults? Is the friend sleeping in your room?
Yeah I think it’d be wrong to be like screaming and moaning at the top of your lungs, but I don’t see anything wrong with being discreet about it.
You might not necessarily have a great association with sex when not hone alone. I think its sweet your parents were still having a healthy sex life. It could be an inclination that there was love and a somewhat healthy relationship by each fulfilling one another. A dead bedroom is much more concerning.
If i am at my friends house sleeping over and i overheard some despite them trying to be discreet, i wouldn’t think much over it. If i knew they were trying to conceive; id be like ffs get in there man!
You could just be a bit more prude/conservative which is ok too.
I’m on your girlfriend’s side. You two are trying for a baby, women only have a small timeframe to get pregnant or we’ll have to wait until the next cycle. As long as you both are quiet and respectful I don’t see why you can’t have sex while having guest over.
That’s actually not that weird. Sounds like she’s just trying to figure out what the vibe will be when her friends are around. Some people get a little more private when guests are around, and others doesn’t mind. So she might just be trying to see where you’re at.
If u think it’s vulgar u have a problem. You’re literally an animal. Ur supposed to have sex. Just be quiet about. Or may the friend wants to watch. Lol
Talk to her dude. Kinda weird that you would ask here before asking her. If thats the level of communication u have currently are u sure having a kid right now is the right decision? Maybe work on your relationship first and get on the same page.
If you aren’t comfortable asking her this question, you aren’t ready to be a parent with her.
If you’re trying to conceive, park that beef bus in tuna town.
I think you talked yourself out of a threesome or something like that
The fact that she asked if you’re going to “avoid” her instead makes me think she felt like you avoided her in the past. I think you should bang her my dude!
lol I’d have sex in the same room if my girl asked me to, who cares
Whats weird is you correlating overhearing your parents shagging on another floor of the house with the word rancid, rotting meat covered in maggots. It’s the overreaction common to 17 year old boys that are painfully uncomfortable with their own bodies and sexual thoughts. Most people outgrow that overreaction once they learn everyone has a body, parents are just people too, and that all mutually consentual sex is morally neutral. Your girlfriend’s question is normal, your shame based language as to what is “vulgar” and “weird” makes me think you are far too much of a prude to handle parenting. I do not think you can handle the diapers changes and bathing that is required with your level of prudishness.
That’s a silly question. Just be a little more quiet than normal. If you have a squeaky bed then do it on the floor or something or standing up.
If you having sex with your girl while other people are home reminds you of your parents then that’s a bit Freudian.
Hell man these are the situations that penthouse letters start off with.
If you got problem with this, you’re not ready to have a child. If you got problems with adults being in the house while you have sex, she just as well go get some toys or a bull because that will die because you’re afraid to wake the kid. My better half gets loud. But because our kids are just on other side of wall we learned ways to keep the noise down from her and the bed. SFW if they are listening in. Sex is perfectly normal and if that causes them to have self gratification, that’s their thing.
I think you’ve got some sex hangups that are a little unfortunate. You could be having more fun if you didn’t.
“earwigging” ha ha.