I’ve been seeing this guy to hookup with for awhile. I went to his place last night and we did stuff in bed, and then I stayed there till 2am, talking to him, until he told me it was getting late (and basically kicked me out LOL). Talking to him after was fine. It’s just a couple things he said while we were doing stuff in bed, that rubbed me the wrong way.
He had JUST gotten back from a 10-hour drive, just the hour before so I don’t know if this was just from being tired (he hasn’t been like this before).
He asked me to go down on him. I got on top and asked him to finger me, just casually. He said “I will, after you suck me off”. He sounded annoyed though and that kinda bothered me. I don’t really care for getting oral back (with other guys too), so he’s never given me oral. And even with fingering, it depends on my mood (I get SO much more pleasure giving than receiving). Also, the last few times I had seen him, I’ve been on my period so I couldn’t ask him to finger me anyway. This was the first time in a little while that I really wanted him to do it. So that sorta bothered me. Whenever he asks me to go down on him, I’m always cool with doing it that instant.
After I went down on him a bit, he did finger me. I asked him if he’d use my vibrator on me (never asked him this before but I’ve done it with other guys). To this, he said “No I don’t want to touch your vibrator”. I asked about that and he said “you can do that on your own”. I feel like it’s way more convenient than using your own fingers but okay, I guess. It kinda put me off and I just wasn’t having as much fun as I usually do in bed with him.
Since he had just gotten back from a 10-hour drive an hour earlier, and he isn’t usually mean, I wonder if I’m being too harsh. Am I being petty or too sensitive?
Edit: so many loving comments!! Thanks guys. I wasn’t sure if I was being a baby about those 2 comments while I was going down on him, but I was sad in my head š LOL
Comments
Bro sounds like a tool?
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If you don’t like him, dump him.
Dude sounds like a selfish lover.
He can jerk off on his own but you touch his dick. It feels different to have someone else do it, like how it’s hard to tickle yourself. Also, it’s not like you can’t finger someone while they give you head.
I wouldn’t even call it “something he said”, for me it would be more about just the general sexual experience we’re having, where any mundane suggestion I bring up turns into some ideological argument as if my enjoyment is difficult for him to care about. For me that would kill the mood.
Nah, that’s a major red flag. A good partner, even if they’re not comfortable with what you’re asking, won’t be an asshole about it.
It also kind of sounds like he just has no interest in your pleasure, which is an absolute asshole move.
Douchebag factor 8/11
Dump his ass.
Yeah….ditch him, you can do better. Ditch him before he becomes weirdly possessive or something.
It sounds like you just wanted to masturbate and heās not interested in your playtime needs.
Is he being a poor partner? Probably. Does your part in the interaction read as you being a terrible hookup? Totally. You are expecting this person to be a toy to only deliver your needs. Thatās fine if thatās the arrangement. He does not seem to be into your vibe.
Edit: lol, I was alerted this was not a favorable comment. I tried to put it nicely that maybe this person has a partner that isnāt actually interested. Or maybe they just are a shitty sexual partner.
Denying that those possibilities exist isnāt helpful and honestly fucking weird. Some people are bad at things. That includes intimacy.
He’s got his cake and eat it too… men like this don’t deserve your time. Sounds like this is fwb situation, and he is not friendly… I would definitely cut the benefits.
It sounds like he was being selfish and mean. You’re allowed to be upset about that, even if it’s not how he usually behaves. You shouldn’t get in the habit of making excuses for people when they treat you badly.Ā
selfish immature and incapable of caring about a woman. He’s not worth it.
Ew he’s gross
Some males are afraid of toys, itās some weird ego thing. Any guy that isnāt interested in your pleasure is one you should block. Why be intimate if you arenāt getting anything good out of it?Ā
Dude is a dick! Run, You can do better
Have you both established that this is strictly fwb? If so, then that still does not give him the excuse to all of the sudden start acting like an ahole. Youāre not overreacting. Before the next time you meet up, bring it up that you noticed an attitude shift in him last time, allow him to explain (if he chooses; if he doesnāt then Iād rethink this) and that in order to continue whatever arrangement you both agree to that you wonāt tolerate it going forward.
Everybody saying dump him is tripping. We men are allowed to have off days just like women. If it’s not a pattern then give him grace.
This whole situation would make me feel bad.
I drive 15hours each way to see my aging parents, when I come home I’m so out of it, I don’t want talk, or do anything other than sleep or get a BJ. My wife is happy to oblige, and she gets that I’ll fall asleep afterwards without saying a word.
She also knows that first thing in the morning, I’m going to “Pound Town”. With at least an hour of my eating at the “Pink Taco Buffet”
Why are you fucking this guy?
Bad vibes are real vibes. Abort girl.
What’s the difference between like and love?
Spit and swallow.
He’s not your boyfriend or partner and is just someone you are hooking up with. If that sucks then why bother.
10-hour drive or not, relationships mean youāll be tired, cranky, or distracted at times. But thatās not an excuse for unsupportive or judgmental behavior from a partner that makes you feel low, especially in bed when youāre most vulnerable. It sounds like youāre a generous person and willing to make excuses for his failure to reciprocate or even consider your feelings. This is who he is and not something you did. Listen to your heart babe, itās warning you somethingās not right here.
This reminds me of Kristen Wiig at the beginning of Bridesmaids.
I wouldn’t take advice about sex or relationships from randoms on the internet. If he’s a hookup, it’s obv not serious enough to get upset about. If you want a relationship, talk to HIM not reddit.
Your sensitivity is your compass. Listen to it.
Lmao hes clearly showing u he only sees u as a hookup and doesnt care to do what u ask instead of asking the obvious question of are u being sensitive just find a dude who is grateful to be with ya he will do whatever u want
Dude just sucks. Doesn’t give a shit about what his partners want.
Sex is a renewable resource. Go find a different source.
“I don’t want to touch your vibrator” is a line that would make me think he thinks it’s dirty, and me, by extension. I don’t need to be feeling like I’m doing the walk of shame. If he said something like “I’m sorry, I’m just too tired”, it would be different.
Woman to woman, go with your gut. YOU are not a toy, even in FWB agreement. I’ve had lovers that were benefits-only, and damn I better be getting benefits or why bother. I’m a pleaser, too, but most of the men I’ve hooked up make sure I get mine. The one that didn’t, and was rude about it, well I didn’t call him again, lol.
I’m… confused, honestly. He asks you to go down on him, and you respond by ignoring the request and asking him to finger you. Maybe his response to that was because, according to your post, you didn’t even acknowledge his request. He did finger you after you acknowledged his request.
The vibrator thing seems dumb to me, but he doesn’t want to touch the competition, I guess. It’s whatever. He’s communicating what he’s comfortable with doing (even if I think it’s illogical) at least.
He just got done from 10 hours of driving which can be a cranky making experience, so that might explain some of his irritability.
Honestly what I hear more in your post is that your partner doesn’t reciprocate your same sexual energy and that bums you out. You say you get so much more pleasure giving than receiving, yet this post really states that’s not the case in truth. Which is fine, but I think you need to be willing to be studier with what you actually want and communicate better. If you wanted to get fingered first before giving head, then say that. If you weren’t interested in giving head at all, then say that.
Maybe the guy is a tool and if that’s the case, ditch his ass and find another fuck buddy. You literally could be in the most wrong rn (I don’t think that but for example) and you’d be just fine moving along.
Not everyone deserves access to youā¦Once they start to show you who they are, expect that the behaviour will not changeā¦. Youāre not being overly sensitive AT ALL. You deserve better.
Set boundaries about how you can and cannot be talked to in bed and if he continually pushes that reconsider the connection
Playing the devil’s advocate here, he’s probably just tired, had a shit day and was in a crap mood
Obviously unfair to take it out on you, and I’m not saying it’s right. But just providing a possible explanation
No such thing as “too much” communication. Give it some time to cool down, have fresh minds and kindly bring it up, and how it felt unusual in his behavior.
Some people are also just plain picky. I know plenty of girls who’d never wanna touch a guy’s flashlight, as people are totally allowed preferences in sexual activities.
So long story short, any relationship, be it platonic, romantic or sexual, will have sacrifices and needs to make a few changes for. It’s just a matter of communicating a balance between them
Whether or not you are romantically involved sex requires mutual respect. Trust your feelings about this; you are not being too sensitive
He sounds great, no red flags at all, you should pursue a long-term relationship.
U ask a dude with no attachments towards you to have sex with you what did you expect
I don’t understand hookup culture
You can do it on your own? Then why do you need him? Tell him to suck his own dick. If you’re gonna have a fwb, find one who will touch you without waiting to be asked, who tells you to bring your toys so he can take care of you.
Why are you letting this dude anywhere near your body exactly??Ā
Heās a jerk. If heās too tired he should jack off and sleep like any decent horny guy, not call you like a service.
And you need to consider your āIām a giverā attitude, reciprocation is key to being appreciated too – if you donāt want to attract selfish AHs consider learning to take also.
In general, women often donāt know what to take or how in bed, that takes experience. Just food for thought, that āconclusionā youāre a giver and that makes this kind of guy ok maybe limiting you.
Dude is emotionally petty, negotiating things instead of being generous.
It may be just a fluke, you either give him another chance (but check the signs) or flat out tell him you didnāt like it. But be prepared for him to double down on pettiness and go DARVO on you.
Bro just use them fingers or grab the vibrator lol. Some guys struggle to get laid and here you are complaining about activities during sex. Entitled like a mofo
He’s a selfish lover and a bit of a jerk
Girl, you canāt expect that much from a guy youāre just hooking up with. Properly date and find someone who loves you for you. The sex will be 1000000 times more enjoyable. Heāll actually care about you, connecting with you and giving you the pleasure you want.
Sounds like this guy just wanted a sleep aid. Not a good person if you ask me
He’s a selfish lover.
Source: I’m a selfish lover
Thatās how pornsick boys be thoā¦Try having more respect for yourself lady.
Nah. Completely valid. I’d ditch the dude, saying this as a dude, lol. Plenty of guys would be excited at the prospect of pleasuring someone!
Girl…you should have just put that thing on turbo and took care of yourself first…
The real question is, did he wash his ass after that 10 hour drive before asking you to gobble the knob?
Heās an asshole. Donāt put up with that shit.
I wouldn’t be able to sleep with this person again.
I get that you’re just hooking up and it’s not a relationship, but I still believe some level of care and consideration should be involved in hooking up, esp if you’re doing it regularly. This guy sounds like he doesn’t have any of that for you, and you’re essentially just a human masturbation device for him. Him being tired probably meant he couldn’t really pretend and his real feelings are showing.
I wouldn’t continue sleeping with him personally. He sounds like a selfish dick and nothing special. You can have better hook up experiences with other people.
Some people are so desperate for ANYONE they will literally look past every red flag. āBasically kicked me out, LOLāā¦.. what? No, youāre being used. Run
Tell him Ladies first!
Have you tried not having sex with random guys?
Find someone else.
I would honestly stop being FWB with him. He sounds incredibly selfish.
Nope. Leave that dude. He’s a total bum.
I don’t need to read the text in order to know what the answer is from the Reddit experts cues it’s always break up and run for your life. Reddit the place where we break up marriages och partnerships sinces 2005. On the other note, whom the fuck goes to Reddit for these kinds off advice! Krama farmers that’s whom
I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. He was essentially telling you that he doesn’t care about your satisfaction and is only interested in what you will do for him. FWIW he technically could have sucked himself off. Can you imagine the look on his face if you’d have told him he could do that on his own?
This is a FWB situation. More often than not after a while it becomes blatantly obvious who is getting more out of it. Youāre wanting intimate acts in a purely physical transaction. My suggestion is to ghost this guy youāre hooking up with and find a person who wants intimacy with you not just sex.
I think heās passive aggressively keeping you at arms length
As a woman, never ever participate in hookup culture. Sex without safety is traumatic for women. Heās just using you. Rule is to only have sex with men that genuinely care about you and are in love with you.
It sounds to me like heās inexperienced in that department and is getting defensive about it
Really feel like the comments are blowing his responses out of proportion tbh. Yeah sounds like he was a bit short, and that’s far from ideal, but with the context he was tired from a 10 hour drive I think we can probably cut the guy a touch of slack before we jump straight to him being a selfish lover and a tool.
The fingering thing could have been more “I want to be free to fully enjoy what you are doing to me, and then I am happy to reciprocate” than not wanting to do the act at all. Sometimes people like to be only giving, or only receiving, than doing both at the same time. It sounds like he was a little short about it, but I wouldn’t immediately jump from this to him being selfish in bed, unless it’s a pattern which from the post it sounds like it isn’t.
This guy does not actually like or respect you. The mask is coming down and heās revealing his true nature. Deep down heās not actually interested in your pleasure or needs. Heās placed you as a certain category/role in his mind and is using you purely to get his needs met. Even if he manages to engage in conversation with you treating you decent enough otherwise, or seemed ok at the start, heās simply playing the social game to get what he wants. Some men are masterful at this. Itās not the 10 hr drive. He just doesnāt care to place effort where it doesnāt seem to benefit him and he seemed annoyed because HE WAS annoyed. Girl donāt ignore what youāre picking up from him because he may have been nicer prior or rationalize some excuse. Heās a dick.
And please for the love of god donāt subject yourself to being used by him again. You deserve someone who is also equally and always enthusiastic about your pleasure, even as a giver. Move on. Enjoy intimacy with someone worthy. This guy is a dud.
If he reaches out to hook up just say thanks but no thanks it was fun but you werenāt really feeling into the vibe last time or that you donāt feel youāre an ideal match and leave it at that.
Ghost.
Heāll play naive but he knows damn well.
It seems that you are more interested in this guy than he is in you
Girl, you really don’t love yourself.
He does not care about your pleasure at all
Heās selfish. Youāre basically using each other for hook ups and it sounds like heās not that interested in pleasing you at all
Never had someone be a baby about periods, it’s a flag
Heās a selfish fuck. Girl your pussy is gold. If heās gonna treat you like that, he can jerk himself off
How low is your self esteem? Rock bottom?
I havenāt read your post yet, but Iām going too immediately answer āno, youāre not being too insensitive.ā Women are often told this as a way to make them accept abuse. If itās sending off alarm bells, itās important. Listen to your gut on these things, it keeps you safe. I will now read your post to see if you are genuinely being to sensitive. Iāll report back.
Editing: I read the post, and I was right. Youāre not being too sensitive, youāre just being used. Although Iām relieved that it wasnāt outright abuse like I was concerned. You can do waaaaaay better.
I am shook at these comments. People – this is a hookup. Not a boyfriend, not a fuck buddyā¦ simply, a hookup.
This dude doesnāt sound like heās much into pleasing, but – whatās his requirement to?
My best hookup advice is to discuss everything you want beforehand. If you want head or want fucked, make sure thatās on the table – donāt go there and expect it to happen and find out the other person isnāt wanting it at all.
When someone shows you who they really are, you’d better believe them the first time!!
Think of it this way: Every minute you spend on this asshole, is a minute you could be spending on a real cool dude, the type who enjoys your āgenerosityā and capable of āreciprocatingā too. You know the type Iām talking about. The ālong-long-manā(one is length, the other is time endurance) sis, quit wasting your time and get to the long-long-men(yeah, plural) you got this. We wait for your updates. Donāt keep us waiting too ālongā!
Don’t & stop, making excuses for douche bag men. You deserve better, find your self worth asap.
Heās gross. I would have left. Stop giving your body to men who donāt respect you.
As nobody likes a selfish lover
You can tell a sexually insecure man by how he reacts to a woman’s vibrator being part of the sexual session
His request for oral first may be a sign he’s a selfish lover.
You decide if these are deal breakers or not. It’s not about being sensitive or not. It’s what you choose is important in a lover
You should talk to him and tell him that he made you feel uncomfortable or unwanted. If he is well adjusted this will benefit both of you and If he is not at least you know why not to waste time on him.
Yes it’s possible that it was just him being tired, but he should have communicated that and his needs before asking you to come over. Sometimes it’s totally ok to make another person happy after a long day, it can even be rewarding, but it needs to be communicated clearly and you should be payed time and effort back.
No matter how casual this is, you are still obligated to respect each other, as is with all human interaction.
Edited : typos and stuff
So you are in a hookup situation – which is essential a selfish situation and he was selfish.
That’s really no ok but it is unsurprising.
Sounds like he communicated his boundaries and didn’t consent to something he wasn’t comfortable with. Simple as that.
TFFTFSZ1Z
He’s just not in to you.
He doesnāt care about your pleasure. maybe he is a selfish lover overall maybe he just doesnāt care about you, either way I wouldnāt keep hooking up with him
Girl, RUN.
Dont fuck a guy you dont like fucking.
Sounds like he is in it for what he can get, not what he can give… not a problem now? It will be in time…
Just tell him we all said he can go suck it himself unless he is going to learn to reciprocate…
Ditch that douche. There are real men out there who actually care about you getting yours and making sure its visceral. You need one of them and not this trash.
Dude was an ass, using toys on your partner is lots of fun. Sounds like he only cares about his own pleasure. Delete his contact and move on.
He sounds like an utter douche. Raise your standards, this is not it.
Sounds like a jerk. I’d bail.