My parents used to tell me that, if I worked hard and followed the rules, life would be good.
I worked my ass off: studied languages, got a law degree and a masters. Got extremely specialized in my field and work for a big corp. I am slowly climbing the ladder, getting nice benefits and I never had to use my appearance to gain anything.
Still, I am not happy.
I met my husband, dated, got a house and got married. He is a wonderful man, attractive, and loves me. We have been trying for a baby. I was happy when my period came.
I realized I am not happy.
I am going to leave everything soon. I am waiting to hear from a company in the city I have always loved in another Country. If they offer me the job I will immediatly pack my things and leave.
If they don’t I still plan to disappear before getting knocked up.
I have no socials and no way to be contacted once I change my number and close my emails. I don’t have anyone I consider a real friend.
I know it will break my husband and probably my family as well but I have done everything right so far. I never deviated from the “correct” path, except was not MY path to happiness.
My happiness is solitude, a
couple of cats and dog(s) and a quiet cottage where i can work a low stress job remotely and end every day with a joint and maybe a beer.
No conferences in other continents, more fucking useless team buildings that eat away my free time, no more office politics and working for two, no more dinners to prepare, no more fucking tiktok videos on full blast while watching the tv, no sex, no laudry except for mine, no more pretending to care for anything or anyone I don’t care about, no more snoring and absolutely no fucking kids.
I just want silence and to vegetate for a while in my bed.
Comments
This is just terrible. Sounds like you are about to ghost everyone who loves you. If you wanna leave, just man up and tell people instead of this. Truly terrible.
“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
I don’t think it’s smart to basically abandon all your responsibilities, including husband, just because you have a “grass will be greener” mindset. I hope your husband grows without you and it’s infinitely better
I don’t know where you are, but in most countries if you don’t get a divorce and just abandon your spouse you can get into legal trouble. Not judging you at all, I relate to the yearning to just leave everything behind, but consider that abandoning a spouse has a lot of consequences both for yourself and others. If you don’t care about legal consequences and/or they don’t apply where you are, please at least leave a letter so your spouse doesn’t have to wonder if you were kidnapped or died and waste time, energy and money looking for someone who doesn’t want to be found.
Wow I can understand this soo much! Before you go please tell your husband at least.
This is your life & you should do what makes you happy not everyone else