All through high school and college, I never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. I think I’m reasonably good-looking and likable, I’ve had a couple girls express interest in me over the years, but they were never my type. Maybe my standards were too high, and I was always too shy to try to pursue anything with girls I had crushes on.
Well, it finally happened five days ago. I met a girl on tinder, we got along pretty well, we went on three dates, and on the fourth date we went back to her house and had sex.
And…man, that’s it?
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, I did. It was fun. I was attracted to her, and it felt good. It was better than jerking off. But not that much better. Like 20%, 30% better maybe. To be honest, not nearly good enough to justify all the emotional turmoil and other hardships of a relationship. I’m not particularly excited by the prospect of having sex again, and I don’t even know if I ever will. The reward to effort ratio is just unjustifiable.
It’s like when one of my friends hypes up a horror movie for days, telling me it’s the scariest movie of all time, that I won’t be able to sleep after, and when I finally watch it I’m like “yeah…that was kinda spooky, I guess.”
I’m disappointed, but mostly just kind of shocked. That’s sex? That’s what all those thousands of passionate love songs are about? That’s what we’re all utterly obssessed with as teenagers? That’s the lynchpin of all those zany sex comedies and Oscar bait dramas? That’s what we’ve developed all these insane gender roles and social conventions and taboos for over millennia of evolution? That’s what people blow up relationships, friendships, careers, lives for? That’s what people kill each other over?
Jesus.
It feels like the end of the Wizard of Oz. There is no Wizard, it’s just some little guy behind a curtain.
I think I’m gonna go jerk off.
Comments
The first time usually isn’t as good and enjoyable. After a few times then it becomes better n much more enjoyable.
Sometimes the chemistry isn’t quite right and chemistry in the bed isn’t exactly the same as chemistry with conversation etc.
Hope you find what you’re looking for
I’m 44 and am still learning and trying new things, that’s a huge part of the fun for me. Imagine the interaction you just had but with a partner who is eager to please you and your needs, knows you intimately and a persons who you can be vulnerable with who knows your bad and good qualities, has heard what turns you on even if that’s embarrassing and works with it. 100% Trust unlocks a world of fun in relationships and sex that can be hard to understand when young and starting to learn these things in reality.
Every sexual interaction is different and you have a lot to learn, explore and try with whoever you’re lucky enough to have this mutual desire with. It’s magical and appreciate this is just my experience but suspect some is common. Don’t let one interaction that wasn’t what you expected affect future experiences.
Also side note, expectations can be very bad things, try to approach with an open mind not worrying about where something will end up be that sex or whatever. Usually that will lead to a more fulfilling outcome and mindset.
I think it’s your partner, and it’s neither one of your faults.
Well, you’re completely inexperienced and likely had some basic vanilla awkward sex as it goes with a brand new person.
Enjoy your long life relationship with your hand though. Happy for the two of you ❤️
Sweetie, u seem like a person who is searching for more. Way more. Yes, sex is good. No…sex is GREAT. But then, I’m an ‘old married woman’ (39 yrs) who has only been with my husband. And believe me, I want it waaaay more than he ever did! 😅. But I’ve learned that I am definitely on the rare side. All my friends – ALL OF THEM – can’t stand sex and do it as little as possible and, to listen to them, they lay there like a frickin’ slug.
I think u need to find someone who truly loves u & is, um….very “eager”. Lol!!
Honestly tho, it is FANTASTIC when u feel a connection, feel appreciated & know that your partner is the same.
I know all lives are different & that each person has to live their own life. But u have been selective – just keep being that way! And I hope that, sooner rather than later, u will find a partner who is loving, respectful & as excited as u.
Good luck & God bless!!!!! ☺️
You are not good at it yet. You are Dorothy still looking for her ruby slippers.
Usually the first time blows but it gets better with experience
Comfortability and experience is probably why. Intimacy is where the gold is for me.
You need to seek help! You like Jerking off but not sex, that’s as weird as it gets!
I don’t think my first was good at all. Neither have I’ve heard stories of the 1st time being the best ever. I think that comes with time experience and most of all with the person that you have sexual chemistry. I didn’t enjoy sex for most of my life, until I met the one person. If you don’t feel as something worth to farther pursue then is a good mind set because you’ll will not feel like you’re losing out on the experience especially when it comes to the drama relationship may bring. But if you choose to continue looking, don’t give up, nor compare and do it with an open mind because all encounters will be different.
Try pegging
Sex is cool. Sex with a person you love… priceless
It depends who its with and what you both do. but yeah, I had enough mates to realize its not the best thing in the world and definitely not worth going crazy for. And if I have to wear a rubber I might as well just jerk off because it feels better.
Do you remember how you “didn’t get high” the first time you smoked weed
The first time is almost always not that great. It gets better with more experience.
You’re probably numb to sex due to porn(I’m guessing) and sex can’t compete with that. It’s possible you just had bad sex, confidence makes you try more fun things.
I’ve noticed sex is way better if I vibe with the girl, have a lot in common, have that spark, it feels better than just a one night stand. Try really connecting with someone special, you’ll either feel comfortable and have crazy fun sex or make love and have the fun part be the emotions you feel.
Also find someone that won’t just lay there but participates
I used to think I was asexual because when I was with my exhusband, he didn’t really care for my pleasure and often used it as an abuse tactic… I’d rather not get into how. But I also thought sex was very underwhelming, and not worth the fuss. Therapy, discovering my own body, toys and eventually finding my now husband completely changed my view on it. I’ve only been with two men total, my ex and my now husband. I waited a long time with both before I had sex. I believe being in love and completely being comfortable and vulnerable with your partner can make sex the most enjoyable. Taking the time to get to know each others bodies and ensuring you work on all other aspects of the relationship (emotional, mental, non-sexual Intimacy) can help create that kind of sex people sing and write about. I’m proof that it CAN happen. With my husband I have written beautiful poems inspired by our sex, I have cried, I’ve seen stars. It’s very possible. Find the right person, take away all the pressure, take your time, and when it happens it’ll click. Best of luck to you!
It depends on who you are with. I prefer to diddle myself with my husband because he can’t be arsed to get me off. I no longer have a sex drive. I used to love sex and used to be a little tramp. Those days are long gone, I’ve been married a decade. I just no longer want to go through the hassle because it’s just work and no benefit. The partner matters.
lol. Virgin has sex for the first time…
Has to inform all of us that it’s not all that.
Tinder date girl found this post and killed herself
Nice lol
I agree that sex is kinda overrated. Especially if it’s not with a long term partner.
Sex is great. But foreplay is far better. Maybe focus more on the lead-up to penetration.
It’s like cigarettes. You’ll be addicted after about 3
Love is what songs and movies are about. What you did for the -first time- was just sex.
There’s so many factors to consider here obviously. You built something up so much but didn’t bother to make sure you picked the right person. Not saying the girl is at fault, I’m saying you should have lost it to someone you had more intense feelings for. You obviously didn’t feel much for the girl with the way you’ve just talked about having sex with her.
Congratulations on the mediocre sex. If you do it more you’ll get a lot better and so will the sex.
Fall in love and then have sex.
>To be honest, not nearly good enough to justify all the emotional turmoil and other hardships of a relationship. I’m not particularly excited by the prospect of having sex again, and I don’t even know if I ever will. The reward to effort ratio is just unjustifiable.
I’m sorry but this is a really fucking weird and unhealthy outlook on the whole situation
Sex gets much better but it is also much better when you have a deeper emotional connection to that person
Ahhh the joys of empty sex that internet will make you believe men are into. Alas, even as I pursued relationships and it got nowhere I had that kind of feeling after a while of trying, that it’s just using others like overgrown flesh light. It’s not particularly nice realisation especially if it’s furthest thing from your goals but it’s there. On the other hand if you really are in love with someone you’ll just naturally want to cuddle and have sex and as time goes on you both get a hang on how to make other person really excited. This is also intended as warning to people who are “getting experience” or some other bull they use to justify just swapping partners like socks – it only ever gets good with steady practice on one partner – since you slowly learn what they like, how to make them excited and so on. One night banging won’t give you that – you can only use general guides but it is not always working too much.
you don’t enter a relationship FOR sex. you enter for companionship, love, care, somebody to spend your life with, to be there for you and you to be there for her, to travel with, to laugh, to cry, to be your better half..
First time is never that great.
You’ve just discovered why endlessly pursuing no emotional connections sex is only mediocre at best. When you are emotionally connected to a person you trust and love, the feelings that sex brings are magnified multiple times over. The quest for losing your V-card to just about anyone who will agree to it is often just like what you experienced; a massive letdown in how awesome is supposed to be due to the hype.
This shouldn’t sour you on actual, loving relationships but, if anything, you might be able to focus on actually building one instead of focusing only on sex. I think you’re in a good position to do quite well. Hoping the best for you, man.
No condom (consensually of course, use other means of pregnancy prevention if you’re not making babies, make sure they’re tested) with someone you love. Trust me.
I didn’t notice another comment saying this, but being asexual or pansexual are also possible explanations for your experience. I don’t think you should jump to any conclusions yet after just one mediocre experience, but if you find yourself always having the same type of conclusion, it may be helpful to explore other parts about yourself!
I’m a woman and the chemistry between two people can make a huge difference. When you desire someone so deeply that you burn for them like in a cheesy romance novel – that’s not something made up in fiction, it happens. And it’s not necessarily connected to love. Best sex I ever had was with a guy I didn’t particularly like as a person but i wanted him in a deep animalistic way (and he wanted me back in the same way’). And there’s a spectrum, it won’t always be that intense. But the ‘meh I like this person well enough’ kind of sex doesn’t compare in any way
You know what, it’s going to be ok. My first time was actually bad, like I didn’t feel anything. But then the next time, I found my life partner. And i think of that kind of as the first time I realized it could be about connection, even love.
You need to have more sex before you decide maybe it isn’t for you. There’s comfortable sex, fucking someone’s brains out, rage sex, ok sex, quickie sex. Receptive and non-receptive partners, foreplay and outercourse, enthusiastic vs. bored, inhibited vs. uninhibited, drunk/high vs. sober. Vanilla vs. dark chocolate, and so on and so on. Yes, people get jealous and a few even kill over this shit— especially when passion and exquisite exhilaration are involved. I was about your age and a late bloomer when I got to it, and I’m a woman with a higher sex drive than my husband, I’m in my late forties and could have it every day. Your life is not over yet, there’s so much time, other people to meet. I haven’t had a lot of partners, but the presents continue weekly, all kinds of hot surprises. Don’t give up! And jerking off is always still good. Better yet to do it with a partner or do it to each other lol.
Virgin arrives at a party everybody has been enjoying for years just to say “this party sucks”.
Na, it’s you lil bro, you suck 😂
There could be problems here, like over hyping it in your head or expecting it to be like porn. It could be that you’re some level of asexual (you don’t have to be against sex or repulsed by it to be asexual). But most likely is just that the first time is never particularly good, it gets better with practice
Hook up sex is not relationship sex for most people. I could never be my freaky self with some rando.
I was disappointed my first time too. And my 100th time as well. Turns out I didn’t know the facts of sex or my own body like I thought I did.
That’s ok. Not everyone is crazy about sex
I can go a year without it and got friends that need it every week
Theres people that dont want it at all
And some that they need to have feelings for a person and only so are they sexually available.
Yeah sorry dude. You got to the finish line and realized the race just kept going.
Sex is pretty meaningless in general, and as you’ve found out, just not something super crazy. You’ll definitely end up having it again, and no, it will never blow your mind or change your life. If you’ve masturbated before then you’ve felt an orgasm, and it will never feel any different than when you had sex. In fact, as you and your body ages, it’ll feel less and less as good as it did for you during this first time.