I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever find love. I think I’m too broken a person.
I have these anger outbursts and been in therapy for 2 years now. But I still have these anger outbursts because I’m just so sensitive.
They’ve gone down but no amount of regulation will sometimes control them. I think people will always see me mentally ill.
My ex did, and so he left. And now, whoever I date, will see that.
So mentally ill people with have anger outbursts deserve love? I try not to hurt others but sometimes I end up doing it.
Been thinking that it’s better had I never existed.
Comments
Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. You absolutely do deserve love.
Keep going with therapy. Find outlets to target the source of the angry outbursts in productive ways before they become angry outbursts. Anger is just one way your brain signals something isn’t sitting right within you. 2 years of therapy is still early days, it takes time. But having difficulty managing anger doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. It means there are parts of yourself you need to unpack further before trying to share them with someone else. Heal you first, the rest will naturally unfold as you continue the work. You’ll find parts of you that will show you how valuable it is that you’re here as you do, and you’ll be able to share that with others one day.
I struggled with a lot of anger until my mental health nurse practitioner prescribed some meds. You may not want to go that route, but it helped me 🤷🏼♀️
Trust me. There’s hope. But you have to do the horrible hard work of confronting your demons and try to be a little bit better each day. Therapy is important- very important, but it’s one piece of the puzzle. Try to make sure you’re eating well, exercising, meditating, journalling, finding healthy outlets for the anger, strategies to control your responses and build up resilience to developing your emotional regulation skills.
Do you have anger outbursts everywhere? At work? With friends? Or is it only with romantic partners? Find evidence that you’re capable of controlling your temper in at least one section of your life and use that to motivate you in others, cos if you can do it once you can do it again. Release the shame and find compassion for yourself. Read Kristen Neff’s book and be kind to yourself. Therein, you’ll find the capacity to be kind to others. You’re absolutely lovable. You absolutely should exist.
Everyone deserves love, but no one is entitled to it. I highly recommend continuing to get professional help to try and address your issues so you’re in a healthier place before getting into another relationship. This may be an issue beyond therapy – there may be an underlying physiological cause like PMDD, PCOS, thyroid issues, or something else that needs a combination of appropriate medication AND therapy to address.
Could your anger outburst be an attempt to control others or the situation?