I’ve had something on my mind for a while that I wanted to ask about, but I can’t tell if it’s a dumb question or not.
I met a kid online when I was 17, who turned out to be 12. He was actually claiming to be a couple years older than that when we first met, but when I found out I kind of stopped talking with him for a few years (mostly because you can’t have social media at that age and I didn’t know he’d come back online until later.) When he was 16 and I was 21, we met again online and started talking more.
Over the last year or so, I’ve become closer friends with him. I’ve very firmly established some important boundaries (no personal irl info, no sex jokes, etc), and everything is strictly platonic/familial. That said, I wanted to make sure it’s not wrong to consider him a close friend.
We’re both guys who have been through some really shitty stuff in life. He has a rare chronic illness that makes things really difficult for him, and on top of that, he has very few close friends irl. I’ve been here for him emotionally and have tried to help him, by letting him vent his feelings, giving him advice, etc. He has told me that I’m the only person in his life who lets him talk about his problems, and I’m happy to be there for him. Sometimes I tell him about my own life stuff, but I never bring up anything that’s adult in nature.
We’ve been through a lot together, and we’ve never had any arguments before. We always check to make sure both parties are comfortable and both our parents know we are close friends. That said, I wanted to make sure that it’s morally okay to be close friends with him. I care about him and want him to be safe, and that means asking these questions too.
Me personally, I wasn’t allowed to go to high school or even leave my house except for church for most of my teen years. Due to my parents, I have very little life experience and struggle socially. I still live with them and have a part time job, and can’t drive and haven’t been through college. Basically, I’m kind of bad at making friends and don’t act my age (22) all that much. I’m not sure if there’s that much of a “maturity/experience gap” between us compared to other people with the same years difference. I don’t wanna pretend I’m still a teenager though; I’m aware just because I have a different life doesn’t mean I’m a different age, I just figured maybe I should mention it in case anyone wondered what I even have in common with someone in high school.
TLDR: I’m close friends with someone 5 years younger than me and I can’t tell if that’s bad or not
Comments
>I’ve very firmly established some important boundaries (no personal irl info, no sex jokes, etc), and everything is strictly platonic/familial. That said, I wanted to make sure it’s not wrong to consider him a close friend.
Then everything is 100% okay!
No need to worry about it
If anything, the fact that you are in some ways worried about it makes it even better!
I’m guessing that depends on who you’re asking if it’s creepy or not. Does this person’s parents know about you?
In my opinion, not at all. But then my dad was 21 when he met my mom who was 16 at the time. They are both in their 60+’s now still happily married. It’s pretty common in my country.
I know there is this somewhat recent trend going around that talking to people younger and older than you is wrong/creepy/weird in many ways but that is just not true.
You seem to have setup a proper relationship with proper boundaries and both bond over shared life experiences.
I would be more concerned on why would someone think this is weird than the relationship itself because they would be projecting their own dirty thoughts into it.
Maturity or experience gaps are not inherently wrong, its only wrong when you take advantage.
Only have this in mind, my only advice: you are the older one here so act like it, you bear the responsability of being the mature one and the smart one. Basically, do not become his burden or become dependant of him.
You’ve already set that boundary, but as someone in my early 20s myself I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with that. My closest friend group are all in their late 20s to mid 30s and I’ve been friends with them since I was about 17-18, I regularily talk with people I’ve met through work which I’d consider friends that are 16-18.
If someone asks regarding that friend I’d maybe leave out the first part about being 12, as even though you did the right thing that always will leave a bad taste in people’s mouths.
You have maintained boundaries and are well aware of the risks, also his parents are aware of your contact. Nothing wrong with that bro, everyone deserves to have at least one person to whom they can rely on and speak their heart out. Happy for you both.
Of course it’s fine to be friends with them. Lots of younger siblings are friends with their older siblings friends anyways. Based on how thoughtful your comment is I’m assuming you won’t but just don’t peer pressure them into doing stupid challenges. Since you’re older than them you should realize you have a lot of influence on people younger than you even if you don’t know it. As for more obscene jokes it depends on the kid and their family rules. In my family cuss words were used all the time but some kids could be beat and grounded for even listening to those words. Obviously you should drastically tone it down but don’t beat yourself up if you let it slip on accident. I wouldn’t doubt they’re hearing jokes like that at their high school anyways
There is nothing wrong with younger people having older friends. Especially if you are a good role model and being a good example. Unfortunately a few evil people have ruined this so it can be hard to not be seen as a creep.
Oh FFS, yes it’s fine!
You even established important and strict boundaries (and I daresay quite unnecessary to some extent in an online acquaintancy) to avoid any potential misunderstandings or unpleasant ramifications, what else should you worry about?!
It never ceases to amaze me how paranoid younger generations are about age gap and “appropriateness”.