I’m not expecting sympathy, I know I’m a horrible person. While my husband has done some minor indiscretions in the past (nothing physical), nothing excuses this. I spend a good deal of my nights crying over this, again not expecting sympathy, just saying it how it is. My husband is a beautiful, tender and loving person who is very dedicated to me, and our life together. I do love him sincerely and deeply, and while I don’t expect people to believe that, it is the truth. But I don’t know, there’s something about me that’s extremely destructive, and my heart has turned towards my husband’s best friend. He is someone I have always been attracted to, but in recent months it has become.. something else. Not romantic, exactly, but close. This guy and I text a lot. We tell each other things. We recognise a lot of each other in ourselves. In many ways we have more similar goals and outlooks on life than my husband and I, or at least than my husband and I nowadays. I think we’ve both grown in somewhat different directions while we’ve been together. My husband knows I have feelings for his friend and is surprisingly unthreatened by it, but I don’t think he knows how bad it is and I feel like it is starting to spill out of me without me meaning to, for example when we were talking about said friend the other day my husband noticed my eyes were very dilated, I feel completely and irrevocably connected to this person, and I’m so scared because I think there’s a good chance I will give up my marriage with the best person I have ever known just for a taste of lust and destructive, chaotic love with this friend. And I think, he might feel the same too. I can’t know for sure, i don’t think I’m necessarily his type, but I don’t know. When I mentioned the other night that my husband and I had been having issues, he suggested a few times that maybe I should talk to my husband about opening up our relationship, so I could “explore other feelings” (I’ve told my husband this and he doesn’t think his friend was being sexual with me, just trying to help or something). He has told me he loves me plenty of times. Platonically apparently, but it doesn’t feel like it. He tells me I’m a wonderful and beautiful person. He’s told me things I know he doesn’t tell many people. He’s started doing things in his extra time with political stuff I sort of helped introduce him to.He’s told me about his sexual feelings and attractions towards other people in general. He always just stops short of directly referencing me, but I don’t know, it feels like we’re both testing each other trying to see who will spill first. I want to die honestly. This is going to end absolutely fucking terribly, no matter what. I lie awake at night just wishing it would go away but it doesn’t, it never does. And I don’t want to stay away from him, he gives me a reason to look forward to getting up. I think I was not ready to marry my husband, and I have now roped him into something that can only break his heart in such a traumatising and disgusting way. I want to hold this in for him, but I feel like I can’t. I feel like I’m almost only days off from telling this man my feelings for him, or doing something drastic to myself honestly. And to be honest, typing it all out here so people can tell me what a piece of crap i am kind of helps stop me I guess
Comments
Perhaps noone has commented yet because it’s a complicated situation.
At least there aren’t the usual stone throwers, condemning you.
You have a lot of self awareness and insight, the way you describe your various feelings, so that’s a good thing.
Does your hubby have a similar level of self understanding, particularly the not so pretty stuff to admit to one’s self?
You suck
Have you tried therapy?
Have you done this sort of thing before as in destroyed a good thing for no good reason?
I fear even if you leave your husband and up with his friend you will soon be doing the same thing to him. Good luck.
If you don’t have a kid , then it’s better to be honest and do where your heart is. There are enough problems in life today , so if you have an option and this chap is willing to step up , do consider. Else you will end up having a moment or two of indiscretion yourself . And then it would be a bigger issue for you and the friend.
Ages? and do you have children? Is the other guy married?
Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality. I would stay clear and be very careful. A good man is hard to find and it goes both ways.
Married people have crushes. You mention these stronger feelings over the past few months. Maybe cut back on the texting and let it take its course. Or, maybe have a group chat session including your husband to keep things honest so to speak.
I fully believe in open relationships, but yours is not open. Until you and your hubby agree to that, this friendship with his best friend is bad news.
Have you considered not being a horrible person?