I swear I’m not trying to be dramatic or homophobic in any way – but this is something I’ve been dealing with for years and I’m honestly starting to feel cursed. Like, almost every guy I’ve ever been interested in, whether it’s a celebrity or someone I knew in real life, turned out to be gay. And I’m left sitting here thinking, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
Let me start with the most recent example: Cooper Koch. I watched the Menendez Brothers series and was mesmerized by his performance as Erik. I was like, “Okay… this guy is not only talented but also ridiculously attractive. He is definitely not ugly.” And just when I thought I’d found my newest celebrity crush, I looked him up – only to find out he’s gay. And married. Cue heartbreak.
Then I got curious about this singer I used to like from The X Factor back in 2016 – Matt Terry. I randomly wondered if he was still making music and found out not only is he working on new stuff, but he also recently came out. Yet again, I had a little piece of my soul crushed. Like… I genuinely used to daydream about this guy’s voice serenading me. Wrong genre, apparently.
It doesn’t stop there. When I first watched Mean Girls, I was obsessed with Aaron Samuels. Jonathan Bennett was everything to me. I was like 18 and rewinding that Halloween scene like it was gospel. And then I found out – yep, he’s gay too.
And the celebrity stuff is one thing – I know I don’t have any real “chance” with them, so in theory, it shouldn’t hurt. But it does. Especially when it keeps happening. And unfortunately, this pattern bleeds into my real life, too.
When I was 15, I had a huge crush on this guy I knew. I mean, I really liked him. I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt, and he very kindly told me he couldn’t date me… because he was gay. I was heartbroken. Like, truly. It wasn’t just rejection – it felt like I’d invested all these emotions into something that never even had the possibility of happening.
And then, just to top it all off, one of my friends told me not long ago that my ex-boyfriend – someone I actually dated – had come out as gay on Facebook. And I was just like… “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” That one hit in a weird way. Like, “Was I a beard? Was he trying to figure himself out? Did I miss a thousand signs?” I don’t know. I just felt shocked, and honestly, a little hurt. It made me question myself in ways I didn’t expect.
It’s becoming such a common theme in my life that I almost laugh when it happens now. Like, of course he’s gay. Why wouldn’t he be?
But here’s the thing: while I can laugh about it on the outside, deep down it kind of hurts. It makes me question my “type” and why I’m apparently so drawn to emotionally in-tune, soft-spoken, stylish, kind-hearted men – who often turn out to be gay. I keep wondering, “Is there something I’m doing? Do I give off a certain energy? Or do I just have incredibly unfortunate romantic luck?”
I don’t know. Maybe someone out there gets it. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s experienced this weird pattern of unrequited crushes that weren’t even possible from the start. But I needed to get this off my chest, because the emotional whiplash is real. If you’ve ever been through this, please tell me I’m not alone.
Comments
I haven’t read it, but just from the title, I want to say this as well. I had 2 girls in school I liked, and they turned out to be lesbians and 1 outside of school, which yep a lesbian. I’m not against it, but it’s honestly getting a bit ridiculous. Now, no wonder there are declining birthrates in most countries they have all turned gay.
Your gaydar is hella weak
You like slightly feminine men, and that’s ok! I do too. I ended up with a nerd who likes to garden pretty flowers, decorate our house with shiny things and watch documentaries of space.
You clearly have a type. Look, some people in life have to learn that whatever it is they are initially attracted to, they need to avoid. Unfortunately, you sound like one of those people. Thankfully, your “type” is at least not dangerous.
all these relationships, the common nominator is you. there is something about gay men that you are attracted to. most of the time is familiarity. it is something that you need to be mindful about. when you are attracted to some one, double check if they are gay or not.
you might develop a superpower for yourself, gaydar.
I feel you! There are so many gay men around me who look very put together and are expressive about their feelings. If they ever wanted a beard, I’d honestly be down as long as they are upfront about it lol. You might find luck with bisexual men!