When I was in high school, I had such bad depression that I stopped eating. It was covid, and I wasn’t allowed to leave without parent supervision (and never allowed to go to grocery stores), so buying food also wasn’t an option, especially since I wasn’t allowed to have a job. I had a hard time figuring out what I could cook, and I didn’t really know how to cook yet, which I know is ridiculous.
Some of it definitely wasn’t my fault, like a significant amount of the fridge always contained moldy food, and once I managed to eat expired dairy three times in one month. I learned to smell if dairy was good before eating it after that, cause I should’ve been doing that before.
I mostly ate juice and spoonfuls of peanut butter. My parents would always tell me that I was being ridiculous and should be able to cook for myself. I did learn a year later by just looking up YouTube videos, and I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to do that then too.
It felt awful. I couldn’t focus on school anymore, I slept to avoid feeling hungry (even if it was the middle of the day), and I constantly had headaches. I know I was clearly depressed, but I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to do something about it. A lot of kids are able to cook in middle school or earlier, and all I could cook at that point was Mac and cheese. I feel like I was just ridiculous. My teachers were all upset that I was doing so badly in school, and so were my parents, but I just didn’t do anything about it. I was 16 at the time. I’m about to turn 21 and I still have a hard time figuring out how much food to eat and frequently put off eating meals.
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Hey kiddo,
It sounds like your parents really failed you when it came to food. It wasn’t your responsibility just to “know” stuff; it was your parents’ job to teach you. You didn’t fail. THEY failed, and they’re the ones who should feel ashamed for treating you the way they did.
Your peers, kids your age and adults your current age, wete taught by their parents and given these key life skills. My mom wasn’t a great cook (she still isn’t) but she taught me some basics, how to choose fresh produce, and encouraged me to experiment when I learned how to bake.
Your parents literally controlled the flow of food into the house and were responsible for your safety to make sure you didn’t eat spoiled food. They utterly failed in their duties and failed you provide you the basics.
Of course you did badly in school – you were starving and malnourished. When a person is in survival mode, the only thing they can think about is the thing that will help them continue surviving.
If it helps, here are some basics on how much to eat:
2 to 3 meals a day is pretty standard. Breakfast or lunch are optional for some people depending on how they feel and if they’re hungry at those times.
Eating when you’re hungry is ideal, but it may help your body to know structure if you set some alarms for when to eat basic meals. If you’re really not hungry when your food alarm goes off, don’t force yourself to eat. But notice how long it DOES take you to get hungry, and aim to eat around that time (or have a snack if it’s close to your next mealtime).
Portions can be tricky. It kind of depends on how active you are, how tall you are, generally how much fuel you need in a day.
But, generally, the size of your fist x3 or 4 is a decent metric.
Like, 1 fist for meat, 1 fist for grains/starch, and 1 or 2 fists for veggies. Always eat more veggies than anything else if you can. If I’m worried about portions, I literally hold my fist beside the piles of food on my plate to eyeball it and see if it’s okay.
Or, if it’s all one thing, like soup or pasta, like 2 to 4 fists’ worth, depending on how dense or light the thing is
If you’re still hungry after you’re done your meal, wait 20 minutes – it can take awhile for your body to signal it’s full. If you’re still hungry after that, take about 1/3 as much food as you did the first time as a second portion. Repeat until you’re full.
If you’re full before you’re finished eating, stop, and put the rest of your food in the fridge, so you can eat it later.
You deserved better from your parents. Be gentle with yourself. You have the opportunity now to be the your own parent, to be kind to yourself and foster healthy habits now. You were, and are, worth taking care of.
> My parents would always tell me that I was being ridiculous and should be able to cook for myself.
Did they actually bother to teach you, include you in the kitchen while they cooked, or cooked family meals that everyone in the household could participate in? If they didn’t bother to teach you, how were you supposed to know? If they didn’t bother to feed you, how were you supposed to have the energy to feed yourself? Your parents were neglecting you. That’s not something to be ashamed of. It will take some time to learn but you can do it.
We buy pastaroni and mix in meat and veggies. We buy frozen steamer bags of veggies and then just toss the frozen veggies into our hot food instead of steaming in the bag. It’s a very easy way to get veggies in. We buy chicken sausage and slice it to toss into all sorts of stuff. Don’t be afraid to go for convenience while learning how to put meals together. There’s nothing wrong with taking Kraft Mac and cheese and using that as the foundation for something delicious (brisket mac and cheese casserole is something we did recently).
Also, learn basic soups and stews. Try making a new one every week. Matzo ball soup is dead easy (as a kid if I wanted matzo ball soup I would make it myself ~9 ish years old and onward, if I could do it at 9 you can do it at 21 I promise).
Buy a roasting pan!!! Some stores sell brisket cuts already in a marinade, literally toss it in the oven and follow the instructions. 4 hours later you have meat that shreds very easily and can package a bunch of it away for sandwiches and anything that needs protein. There’s so many other kinds of meat you can learn to roast and so many ways to enjoy it that I do urge you to learn that. If you’re vegetarian, roasted potatoes and carrots is heavenly.
I also did not grow up cooking, but I got very good at it put of necessity in college. You can do it too! There is already better advice in the comments, but I started with “struggle meals” because I was also poor. Pasta and rice are staples, and theres no shame in buying a rice cooker for the latter!
My go-to meal, to this day, is red beans and rice with sausage. I used to make it in a slow cooker. Its literally sliced sausage, seared a little in a pan, a can or two of beans, drained, and a bunch of rice, all seasoned with Tony’s.
There are lots of cooking videos on Youtube, thats how I learned to carve a turkey. Try “Dad How Do I” and “Mom How Do I” for starters.
The advice so far is really good. I just want to tell you not to beat yourself up about it. My mum tried to teach me to cook but I wasn’t interested, I was 30 and pregnant with my first child before I actually learnt how to cook properly!! By the time my second came along, I was pretty good and could bake as well 😂 we all learn at different times, you’re asking for help now, which is what matters. You got this 👍
You suffered from parental neglect. Since when must a high-school student buy and cook for themselves? A normal family has at least one daily meal together, and buys fresh groceries regularly. You were abused, and I’m very sorry for your situation. There are lots of recipes online. Check out A Girl Called Jack, Budget Bites, etc.