We were kissing. It was going well. Then my brain short-circuited.
One year of drought hit me like a truck and I went full National Geographic. I bit her lip (not gently), I threw myself on top of her like I’d been released from a basement, I even made this weird groaning sound that I swear wasn’t human.
I don’t even know what position we were in. It felt like interpretive dance meets emotional breakdown.
At one point I was just kissing her neck and whispering “I missed this” like I was in a bad indie movie.
She was sweet, said she had a good time… but I know I came off like an unhinged golden retriever.
Now I’m sitting here overthinking everything, convinced she’s texting her friends “bro he bit me like a sandwich.”
Is this just post-intimacy shame? Or did I actually terrify a woman?
Comments
You’ll be okay 😂
Could be both—lol but lesson is learned. You could say this to her and that would be the best move I think. It shows self-awareness and shows that you value her comfort as well. An apology might be in order. Make it honest like this post with the perfect tinge of humour and you’re back in the good books.
King, you got laid! Enjoy your victory!
If she initiates next time, then that was forgivable.
Lmao 😂you have a way with words. But seriously you’ll know if she had a good time if she’s down to do it again. So give it a day and hit her up with “Hey, you wanna grab a bite and hangout” or something like that. If it was as wild as it sounds you could probably just hit her with a “round 2?” Lmao I take no responsibility if my advice backfires it’s probably not as solid as I think it is 😂
Have a wank beforehand next time 🤣🤣
Well written. Made me chuckle.
If you’re this funny in person, I think she’ll let it go.
Omg I’m dying can we be friends? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I missed this.”
Have you been with her before? If not then that’s a weird thing to say to someone new.
From the perspective of a woman who recently got back into casual sex?
I wish guys would stop sucking on or biting my lower lip when making out. It’s annoying and I don’t know why they do it.
The squashed together sex position with no name, whispering dumb shit in her ear, and weird noises when you came? Super typical, and completely fine.
Ask her out again and if she likes you she’ll say yes. Problem solved.
Had this happen to me once… I was his first after a year long bought of celibacy. The sex was so good it made me stay with the guy and he’s now my boyfriend. It’s 50/50 whether you scared her off or thoroughly impressed her
This shit is hilarious, I’d laugh about it
Some of the best sec I have ever had was with men who were so touch starved they devolved into a final animal like this. Soankbank memories are mostly those encounters. Might wanna chill. My favorite sex is when the mama brain shuts off and he goes primal and just legs go of all his stupid thought process crap. It’s hot.
No advice, but I’m wheezing at this top-tier description!
Maybe she likes golden retrievers? Either way, the drought has ended and the pressure is off for next time.
Just know in her group chat they have nicknamed you horny vampire or something hahahahahaha
This is probably one of the most honest things I’ve read in a while!!! I couldn’t help but to laugh!!
I would give it a day or two and reach out. Give it a feel. I wouldn’t straight up apologize just yet, you could be over thinking this and assuming this is how she took it, and that could be bad.
But at least you care enough to feel worried! But I’m sure it was actually fine!
The way I would have cracked up at “I miss this” 😆 eh sounds like you all had a good time to me 🤷🏾♀️ unless things were obviously uncomfortable afterwards you should be fine.. also she is definitely telling a friend or a sister 🤣
🤣🤣 I’m sure my elbows would appreciate the acknowledgement for once in their lifetime 😂😂😂😂
Congrats! Can’t wait to hear how it goes next year. /s
Seriously though, one year without sex I’d be the same way most likely.