I fucked a chair for 10 years

r/

I couldn’t exactly remember what age I started, because I was so young, but my earliest memories of me doing this was back kindergarden days, so maybe 4 or 5?

I was a lonely kid and my parents were somewhat neglectful, so lots of alone time was spent in my room. There was a chair in my room and the back rest was right at my dick’s level when standing behind it, and I rubbed my dick against it until I got an orgasm. Yes, I got an orgasm at 4 years old. I even got it quite quickly. The feeling of pressure and the rubbing back and forth felt incedible.

This became almost an obsession for me. I did it multiple times a day, almost every single day. I swear some days I must have gone 20 times. Occasionally I would think to myself “what the fuck am I doing, I should probably stop” and then I would not do it for like 2 weeks, but eventually the horniness would take over and I would start doing it again.

I did sometimes masturbate “normally” but the chair just felt better. At 13-14 years old when I began to learn about sex I quit doing it because I finally started to realize how weird it was, and I began to masturbate only the normal way. Also my erections started to get harder and it began to hurt

I have never told this to anyone in my life, but recently it’s been going through my head and I just wanted to let it out. So if you ever wanted to ask a chairfucker questions now’s your chance

Comments

  1. Jeetuprime Avatar

    Bro the Mossad couldn’t have gotten that out of me.

  2. Shape-the-Sky Avatar

    We know you are JD Vance …

  3. Accurate_Warthog1647 Avatar

    IM CRYINGGGG AND THEN YOU MADE THE THROWAWAY NAME CHAIRFUCKER

  4. kuntox85 Avatar

    What sort of chair?

  5. DangerousAnt1698 Avatar

    I love the internet 😭 no judgement at all, ty for the giggle 🤣🫶🏻

  6. dumbasfick Avatar

    God Damnit JD 

  7. lordkappy Avatar

    Does real sex compare favorably to the chair, or do you prefer the chair?

    Also, what ever happened to the chair?

  8. leylaluminosity Avatar

    When I was younger and just getting the hang of “things” I would bite the edge of my desk when I came to keep quiet.
    People are weird, dude. We all just have to make the best of it

  9. SHalls17 Avatar

    I would have sat on that story 😂 I guess that’s the definition of cushion for the pushin

  10. Abject-Item4642 Avatar

    Puts new meaning to the saying, “he’d fuck anything with legs on it”.

  11. CRYOGENCFOX2 Avatar

    Honestly this ain’t that weird in the grand scheme of things. I feel like ppl who judge have more skeletons in their closet 🤭

  12. Dry-Honeydew2371 Avatar

    Can’t believe this dude is a heartbeat away from the presidency.

  13. Sharkje Avatar

    So, maybe i’m overreacting but I don’t think it would hurt to see a doctor. Because starting at 4 is extremely young. There might be something going on with your hormone levels? Stay safe stranger❤️

  14. Ms_SkyNet Avatar

    One time I found a bunch of free pdfs on the internet and they were scans of 18th century smut.

    There was at least 3 different stories of nuns humping furniture. Like I remember one story where this woman humps the bed knob at the foot of her bed all the time and she has a room mate but just does it for years.

    You’re in good company 🫤.

  15. nuesse33 Avatar

    JD Vance is that you?

  16. Allfurball9 Avatar

    if it’s any solace, I have a similar experience, just not with a chair, I was probably 5-6, realized huh if the rub my dick this way it feels funny, didn’t realize what I was doing till I was learning about puberty and sex Ed and accidentally busted one

  17. Practical-Insect6173 Avatar

    are you related to JD Vance by chance?

  18. NoaSereneaSkye Avatar

    I think your chair and my bed pillow would make good friends. 😂❤️🥀🫂

    This post made me feel less of a zoo animal. Hahaha Welcome 🤗

  19. instantcoffeeshake Avatar

    Chair: I’m tired boss

  20. Baddyshack Avatar

    Mr. Vice President?

  21. Puzzlingpear20 Avatar

    Daniel… is that you???

  22. Crazy-Chemistry-7687 Avatar

    I think it’s time to throw away the spluge chair

  23. Centrist808 Avatar

    Omg I thought you were going to be a girl I went to school with named Violet that fucked the corners of tables. You probably married her actually.

  24. tw201708 Avatar

    Fucking Reddit

  25. Lady-Zafira Avatar

    Okay who let JD Vance on reddit?

  26. Mojozilla Avatar

    What happened when you got taller? New chair?

  27. apeocalypyic Avatar

    Is your last name Vance

  28. BornWithSideburns Avatar

    Okay but are you like sexually attracted to chairs now? Or have some sort of other chair fetish?

  29. Dankopia Avatar

    When you have sex now, do you ever think of that chair instead of the lady you’re with?

  30. HadeanMonolith Avatar

    How did you continue fucking the chair as you got taller?

  31. cpweird Avatar

    you and joe rogan (stool fucker) would probably have a fun podcast about sitting objects

  32. BamaSlymm Avatar

    JD, is that you?

  33. Slackersr Avatar

    I just bought an antique chair that matches your description. I’m not sure if I want to check the back of it or just close my eyes and have a go at it

  34. silverplatedrey Avatar

    Hi there Mr Vice President

  35. Nun-Much Avatar

    That chair is a victim

  36. Dash_it Avatar

    That chair must be talking to you like the green goblin mask.

  37. MrJbrads Avatar

    Mr Vice President, are your kids part sectional?

  38. Fuckyourface_666 Avatar

    Nice user name bro.

  39. TheSeaWitch222 Avatar

    Did you at least take the chair out for a romantic dinner?