So I 25f am living in my parents house to save on rent and it can be challenging sometimes. My mom keeps going through my room to “clean it” but that’s just an excuse to go through all my stuff. Apparently on her last “clean” she found my small vibrator that’s literally a cylindrical shape 3-4 inches long. It’s not like a hitachi wand or something.
Anyway, she put it on my pillow so when I came into my room after work I saw it and immediately asked my mom to stop violating my privacy and going through my stuff. She told me to stop keeping sex toys in the house. I told her that I’m 25, I have my own room, I’m allowed to have it and it’s none of her business. She told me it was disgusting and disrespectful to masturbate in your own mothers house and she would never do the same.
I asked my mom what she thought my brother was doing alone in his room in high school because it clearly wasn’t studying because he got shit grades. My mom just waved me away and told me to throw away my vibrator.
So my question is: is it disrespectful if I masturbate alone in my room with the door locked occasionally? I mean I usually only do it before I go to sleep because it helps me fall asleep. And the vibrator is very quiet, there’s no way anyone could hear me. I mean would she rather I just fuck random guys off tinder when I’m horny? Because that’s the only alternative.
Comments
Quick answer, Yes…
Hide it better.
No it’s not as long as you make sure no one can hear. It’s disrespectful for her to be snooping inside of your room though
No, it is not disrespectful to masturbate in the privacy of your bedroom.
If you’re leaving the thing lying around common areas or being excessively loud when using it, that’s a different story. But otherwise, satisfying your sexual needs in private and not bothering anyone else in the process is not disrespectful.
Move out ASAP then you don’t have to worry about privacy issues.
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No, it is not disrespectful however it’s clear they don’t respect you or your privacy.
It sounds like you’ll have to weigh living at home with parents like that in order to save money and having your own privacy and independence renting elsewhere.
Next time you have to be extremely loud to asset dominance
are you for real? like u said..u are 25 god damn it xddd
While it might seem ridiculous, and indeed it seems to be, it doesn’t matter if you don’t think it’s disrespectful. She thinks it’s disrespectful, and therefore, to her, it is.
Your privacy is limited because you are living in her house rent free. While she does not have the right to do anything and everything to violate your privacy, cleaning the room and even looking through your stuff and setting boundaries about what she does not allow in the house is within her rights.
I would recommend moving out of that situation, because it sounds bad, but yes, continuing to do something she is explicitly forbidden while you are living there rent free is indeed disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if it’s stupid or not.
Lol I’m a parent with an adult child living with me and I can’t imagine going into his room and going through his stuff. It sounds like it’s time to get a lock on your door or move out.
probably time to move out. she doesn’t respect your privacy and thinks she can dictate your sexuality.
25 and living at home. The people who pay your rent can expect whatever they want.
Buy a lock for your bedroom door. You’re 25 not 5!
It’s disrespectful for your parents to go through your things.
Jebus, my father wouldn’t let me have sex with my longtime girlfriend in “his” house. I was 30 at the time. Parents are odd @ times.
It’s none of her business this isn’t an issue about masturbation, it’s an issue about control.
I dont think it is disrespectful. I think that her going through your things IS disrespectful
>I asked my mom what she thought my brother was doing alone in his room in high school because it clearly wasn’t studying because he got shit grades.
Bahahahaha
That’s really sad to hear that your parents won’t keep their nose out of your private business. As soon as I would have found “stuff” that I wasn’t supposed to see, I would stop immediately and ask myself whether I would overstep any boundaries. She is overstepping boundaries and I would question why. Was she always like this?
Either they want you to have a room where you can live as a young adult and have your own space for your own experiences, or they need to support you to have your own flat.
My suggestion:
Talk to her about what happened, what you felt and what you wish what’s going to happen in the future in order for you to feel “safe” and add a lock to your room.
Whether you pay rent or not, you are a tenant and have rights as such… under the law she can not enter your room without permission… and its not disrespectful in the least… i would get a lock on your door and lock it whenever your not there
No, its not
I can’t imagine wanting to find my child’s sex toy. Your mom is weird.
It is not disrespectful at all. You’re an adult and you have needs. Your mother needs to respect that. In fact what your mother is doing is extremely disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if its “her house” or not , it is a private space where you live. It’s your bedroom and noone can decide what you do in the comfort of your room( unless you’re killing someone)
I’d get a lock box. Lock it up. Along with anything else you don’t want prying eyes to see.
Whenever you depend upon someone else for security, you generally end up losing what you feel is a right. While there may be boundary issues here. It is disrespectful on both parties. While snooping under the guise of cleaning is wrong, so too is your, if continued, disregard of your mother’s feelings, in her own house. At 25, you should be reliable enough to clean your own room. And, as an adult, your mother should respect your privacy. If your mother is that prudish and unacceptable of your bedroom habits, then you should respect her wishes. 25 is the most formative year in a person’s development. It is when you truly become an adult that suffice what the government says. This the crossroads where you must decide if living under security is worth the oppression, or if indepence and freedom is worth the great cost. You will never save the money you think you will need. The economy doesn’t allow for that anymore. The workforce is meant to eke by to allow the elite to thrive…
You could buy a small cheap lockbox and leave it prominently on your dresser. Put nothing inside it. When she insists that you open it, ask her why she thinks you feel the need for a lockbox. Awkward wording, sorry.
As a random horny guy on tinder, I vote that you fuck us.
/s.
Pay your mom “rent” even if it’s a tiny amount ($5 or something). Make it official with a lease. Then put a lock on your door. She’s treating you like a minor. At this point it’s toxic, bordering on abusive. You’re an adult. Change your relationship to that of two competent adults with a legal tenancy relationship. If she refuses to accept this arrangement then your choices boil down to moving out or basically selling your privacy for a roof over your head.
Why does your mom clean your room? She doesn’t find that odd at all? Yes, it’s her house but you are both grown adults and you deserve the respect of not having to worry about your things being gone through.
Easy solution, move out… it’s that simple. Don’t like her rules, move out.
Yeah she goes through your stuff.. not cool at all but she’s not going to stop it so just move out. To save money on rent your staying at your moms, to save your sanity move out.
No, you aren’t being the disrespectful one. Your mother is. Like you said, you’re 25 and what you do in your room is your own business, as long as you’re quiet.
I agree with the other comment about getting a lock for your door or something. I hope she doesn’t try to kick you out if you do.
She’s never acted this way towards your brother?
No. especially when in your family home. this is problem with mums because they love being nosy. my solution to the vibrator issue you should get a lock box or something then she doesn’t know.
No it’s not disrespectful and you are of age, but unfortunately you’re living in your parent’s house. I’m not saying I agree or that it’s right, but there’s no guarantee of privacy in someone else’s house.
Maybe that’s not very helpful to you, but that’s the situation imo.
Not wrong. See if you can get a lock on the outside of your bedroom door
Like your mom wasn’t picking up socks so stiff they were petrified in your bro’s room. Double standards suck for women.
Go buy The Fist Dildo and leave it in your room!
Do you have a pregnant friend?
I’d appreciate you trying to save rent but clearly your parents have never give you any privacy all your life. Get a safe box with a locker and try to move out as soon as you can afford it.
It’s not disrespectful, it’s perfectly normal. All she’s doing is being a smart arse, humiliating you and driving a wedge between you.
Your mother wants you to move out.
Draw up a contract pay your parents rent for the room. I’m guess at the age of 25 you still are on their insurance too. So when you live for free you forfeit some rights. You could always try putting a lock on the door, but the way it sounds that would just be bypassed.
Sounds like its time to move out
Simple solution: locks on doors.
At first she might freak out, but she’s the one that has caused the lock to be there.
Glad I broke free from living with my parents as early as 18, that’s toxic af. Yeah I had to pay bs near-unaffordable rent but I was free from abuse and blatant invasions of privacy and control.
It’s time to leave the house.
It’s time to get your own place.
It’s time to leave the house.
I lived at home after college. It has its challenges with sex life for sure. My sister told me it was disrespectful to have sex with my mother in the house.
So I fucked her outside.
Absolutely not ! Men crank omit anywhere LOL the places I’ve cranked one out are insane LOL!