Hi guys so my MIL moved with about 2 years now which I was unhappy with but learned to accept it as she helps around the house but my wife supports and pays for everything for her as she has no retirement savings or anything. Ever since my MIL moved in, her sister (67 year old female from Florida) would fly here to visit our house often and stay for a week or two. I was fine with it at first until she kept coming here.
Anyways, my wife’s aunt was living with a roommate couple and they decided to kick her out of their apartment as they had kids and wanted to be a family. This was back in July 2024 and she told my wife that she needed a place to stay and was planning on going back to her country in December 2024. My wife asked me and I agreed to let her stay for several months. She literally moved all her stuff to our house and even changed her passport/driver’s license to our home address and gets all her mail delivered here now. My wife doesn’t want to say anything to her cause she put my wife to school. This aunt of hers has stayed here since July 2024, doesn’t contribute to rent or buy groceries or supplies. If she does, it’s only for herself. She also uses the laundry often and she’s only bought one bottle of detergent once!
I told my wife about my concerns about her and she doesn’t want her to live here either but doesn’t want to tell her up front cause her mom might say something. So the aunt signed up for a low income senior living around us but she got a letter that she’s on a waiting list and who knows how long it will take. I finally got fed up with the aunt that I started ignoring her, making her feel unwelcome here but it seems like she’s still comfortable living here. I told my wife if I wanted to live with 2 seniors, I would rather live with my mom and dad. My concern also is the aunt doesn’t have any savings and is only getting UNEMPLOYMENT and I don’t want her to rely on my wife for any of her problems later on as we’re already taking care of the mom’s expenses. The aunt is living off of unemployment and not even looking for a job.
Fast forward to now, the aunt is finally booking a ticket to go back to her country. The problem is I overheard her talking to her friend that she’s going back to her country but only plans on staying one year and coming back here after a year. I don’t want her living here anymore. The only thing good about the aunt is she takes my MIL to places that they need to go to like dr appointments and all that and me and my wife can go anywhere we want with MIL as I don’t like bringing my MIL with us everywhere we go. Im just so annoyed by my wife’s aunt and the problem is she’s always here and barely goes out so my wife and I doesn’t have our own private space other than our bedroom. Can I get advice on how to stop this lady from living here? I’m sure my MIL and her will consider me the bad guy if I tell her she can’t live here. The aunt also only asked my permission to stay till December but never brought up staying here for this long or moving here.
Comments
Just say no. You don’t have to sponsor them at your address.
You need to tell your wife, you’re staying with your parents until her aunt leaves.
Let her be the “bad” person to tell her aunt she’s got to go.
They both need to be contributing rent and groceries. Period. You are not a way station for elderly women.
Is there a chance it’s a cultural thing where the younger gen is expected to provide for the older gen? If not, you should have a long talk with your wife about this until you come to an agreement about how the aunt should move out. If she has the funds to go "home" for a year then she has the funds to stay there I would think. When she does move ouy to go to her home country make sure she understands her things cannot be stored at your house, as she won’t be staying with you anymore. I happen to have had elders stay for years at our home when I was a child. My grandparent stayed until his death many years later and our uncle was told in no uncertain terms he had to move out, as we didn’t have enough money and room for him,
Yikes man you need paragraphs in that wall of text
You have a wife problem, not a ‘living with 2 seniors’ problem.
I would suggest not having any children until your wife grows a spine and tells her mother and aunt to go find somewhere else to live. Otherwise? You will be taking care of her mother until the day she dies.
You have to set a boundary around your marriage. These people are undermining it. Have them move in with each other. No one has a right to undermine your marriage, not even a mother.
Depending on your location, the aunt may be considered a lawful resident. She has her mail delivered there. All of her possessions are there. That means that in order to kick her out, you’d have to formally evict her.
If that’s the case, your best bet may be to let her voluntarily leave, then refuse to allow her to move back. It’s much easier to keep someone out than to force them out.
After she goes back to her country and stays the year when she starts planning to come back you have to let her know SHE CAN NOT STAY THERE AGAIN. Just step up and say what you need to say. If you don’t, no one will.
If you can afford it, I would wait until she has left and move her things to a storage company then start marking her mail as ‘not at this address’. When/if she comes back, she’ll need to figure it out. Do not let her stay even one night when she comes back, or you’ll find yourself in the same spot. Also, are either eligible for SS or Medicare? Are they US citizens?
Install a sex dungeon in her room.
Ha!
Just say no. Send her info about nearby hotels.
Your wife’s debt is paid.
This sounds like a cultural problem as much as a home problem. You and your wife need to decide what you want to happen in your home together and figure out how to make that happen. You don’t get to dictate and neither does she.
If she put your wife through school, your wife can choose to contribute to her financial welfare. While you say no. This is your life.
Grow a set and take charge of your home.
Ignoring someone in your home is a pretty passive aggressive way to handle things. You – you and your wife need to talk and get this resolved. She needs to say no.
You’ve been played like a cheap fiddle.
Oh boy. It’s already been 8-9 months.
It sounds to me like Mom & Auntie need to find a place to rent in a 55+ community. I understand they need help, but they can’t just glom on to you and your wife and expect you to let them live in your home indefinitely while trying to work, live life, have privacy, etc… they need to get their poop in a group and get on social security, Medicaid, food stamps, etc. they need to apply for assistance, get part-time jobs, etc. what they’ve roped you into sounds unfair and unsustainable. You need to put your foot down and come up with a long term solution.
Can you move?
Old person here.
Several years ago, my MIL bought herself a new face lift instead of paying her property taxes. After I paid the taxes, she took a cruise to Europe.
That was the day I learned to make “NO” a complete sentence.
You say that she sent your wife to school, but she hasn’t done you any favors. OK, maybe the way to handle this is to tell your wife that she is obligated to pay the extra expenses caused by having both your MIL and her sister living with you. Tell her they are purely her responsibility and when her aunt leaves, she is still obligated to pay for her mother. Also tell her that her aunt is not welcome back in the house after she leaves.
I’m being honest. I’d divorce bc fuck this.
It sounds like your wife’s aunt has clearly overstayed her welcome, and it’s affecting your family’s space and finances. I understand it’s a tough situation, but you might need to have an honest conversation with your wife about setting boundaries; after all, no one should be in your home indefinitely, especially if it wasn’t the original agreement.
You need to talk to your wife and not intentionally try to be rude/make the Aunt feel unwelcome. You all agreed to let her come, signed no paperwork, your wife and her mom are calling the shots. Talk to them.
This really is an issue between you and your wife.
It sounds like this could be a cultural thing, depending on what country your wife and her family are from. If they’re supposed to respect and look after their elders, including letting them live with them, you’re going to have a significant cultural conflict that will make you the bad guy.
Even if it isn’t a cultural issue, you really need to talk to your wife with respectful, curiosity and share what each of your values and boundaries are around this, to try to understand each other rather than make each other wrong. That’s a start to trying to work out a mutually agreeable solution.
Because if you can’t have conversations like that, you’ve got more problems in your marriage than just her aunt living with you.