I’m becoming a toxic friend and I hate myself for it.

As of recent, my life has been taking a toll on me. I have a lot going on in my personal life that has definitely affected my mental state and also the way I interact with my friends. Just today, I lost my temper once again and blamed some of my longest and closest friends for something that they didn’t really do. By the time I had calmed down they got angry and I tried to apologize, but they didn’t want to hear it. I think I may have ruined those friendships and I hate myself. I keep doing it over and over as well, I recently have started losing my temper more and more, and taking out bottled up stress on my good friends, and while it’s not verbally expressed, I can tell that they’re sick of it. I vent to them but they aren’t therapists in any way so it feels wrong. I can’t keep myself in check and it has nearly driven me over the edge several times in the past month or so. I don’t want this to be the end of these friendships but I can’t figure out who to talk to in order to change this behaviour, it’s sorta just falling apart.