Basically the title. Any female friend of his bothers me so much. I don’t vent this to him because I know it’s the classic toxic trait for an SO to have, but anytime he says the name of a woman he’s friendly with at work or is going to hangout with I die inside a bit. He tries to invite me to join, but it’s 10x worse if I actually see them interacring. Little actions of closeness feel like a knife in the heart. I’ve just stopped joining in general because it’s easier to manage the feelings, but he keeps wanting me to come as well. It’s not a type of jealousy that I think he’ll cheat or anything. I think it’s more from the friendship angle. As his wife I’m supposed to be his best friend and he hasn’t indicated being closer with them than me. It just still hurts knowing that they have these smiley conversations everyday at work, the little arm touches, and leaning over to look at each others screens. I just bottle it up cause I know it’s dumb and irrational, but it does just eat me up inside.
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Therapy. But also not wanting your partner to hang out alone with someone of the opposite gender is not an abnormal request.
I think this isn’t a healthy way of thinking but you’ve acknowledged that it’s making you uncomfortable so I would try to get to the route of that. Do you have anxiety or a partner that’s been unfaithful? That could really play into it. It’s normal to have friends or colleagues of the opposite gender because he can’t just only interact with men his entire life and block everyone out.. But the arm touching and being alone with the opposite gender unless discussed or work related is an issue.. I’d find a way to bring this up to a confidante who can hear you out.. if your husband is an easy going guy, and a loving guy, he should be able to reassure you pretty quickly. But generally having friends of the opposite sex isn’t uncommon…
I felt the same way whenever my husband would go out with friends and seems like they had more of a fun time than with me so I brought it up once because I was a little nervous.. He told me while he loves me, he doesn’t have to pretend with me. When you go out, you HAVE to be social and talkative.. He’s an introvert so when he’s home he can be himself, his quiet, goofy self without having to pretend or put a show on.. And he’s backed up his actions of that.. talk to your husband. Communicate. You can’t be married if you don’t communicate your concerns.. If his actions are clear, phone’s clean, computers are clear, I’d listen and believe him.. but also try to work on this in therapy if you have anxiety issues, if you’ve had an unfaithful partner, it’s unfair to hold a low, untrusting standard to your husband.. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Talk to him. That’s what a husband’s for. If he freaks out, gets angry or hostile when you bring it up, you know what’s going on there.
Happily married 22 years. I don’t hang out alone with anyone of the opposite sex. I have a colleague at work who I also consider a friend who is a woman but we don’t hang out alone or text outside of the occasional question. She also knows my wife and they text and hang out sometimes. My wife doesn’t hang out alone with any men or text any other men either. If she did, I’d have a problem with it. I don’t think this is at all irrational.