I saw a short on youtube by this lady named Veronica Edwards and she always talks about independence and self-reliance type stuff. Anyway in this short she says that if a friend comes to her and expects her to be their therapist and dumps there problems on her she would end the friendship. I always thought friends are supposed to support each other through tough times. Do most people think like her when it comes to friends?
Is it really that bad to talk to your friends about your problems?
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Not always, but when your friends become your personal therapist, then that might be a sign to seek professional help because it can get emotionally exhausting for your friend.
As long as you ask them before unloading your problems on your friend, I think it should be fine.
Every single time I share something personal my friends disappear. I’ve stopped doing that and they finally stay. Learned it the hard way.
No, nothing is wrong with talking to your friends about your problems. However, it becomes a problem when that’s all you bring to the relationship. As Edwards suggests, friends are not free therapists.
Imagine you have a friend who just complains about their life non stop every time you see them. They may ask how you about yourself here and there, but they mostly just want to dump their problems on you every time you meet up. You would probably stop enjoying the time you spend around this person, right?
No course not, if you can talk to you friends who can you talk to. I would always listen to my pals problems.
My idea of a close friendship is to be able to talk about anything. It’s probably when a friend becomes codependent or displays inability to cope that it might become more of an issue then in that case, it could be depression and the friend would need a therapist. Friends can be a great support. But we all need to manage our own stuff
Why do you think anyone wants to listen to you talk about your problems? There’s a reason you have to pay people to listen to you, after all. Just because someone happens to live next to you or share a hobby doesn’t make them your personal dumping ground.
Either find someone to pay to listen to your feelings, or keep them inside where they belong.
It may be one thing if thats all you talk about, but if you can’t occasionally talk about your issues or problems with friends then, are they really your friends?
I have friends that I can talk to about my problems and they can do the same with me. But I would dump a friend if that was all they ever wanted to talk about or wanted me to be their free therapist.
I had a friend who was too fast to overshare and she would get mad when I would point out some of her mis steps in life.
We had a nice friendship but at a point where I got exhausted of her needs, things ended on a sour note.
Such is life. Some are givers, some are takers.
That woman is off her rocker. That’s what friends are for.
This person sounds like an azzho
Friends are not garbage dumps. Dumping your problems on them may feel good for you – but bad for them. Do you both share troubles and advice, or is it one person doing the dumping? If it is one way, then it is a misuse of a friend.
Depends on the friend. Some people are just barely getting by themselves and don’t need your weight on them.
All friends are not created equal. I have friends I party with, I have friends I have serious conversations with, I have friends I chill with, and yes, I have friends I share problems with. It’s complicated when people move out of their lane. I wouldn’t want to bring to friends I party with down by sharing my problems. I could probably talk about problems with someone I have serious conversations with. As people have been saying, if all you or friend bring to the table is problems, that’s a problem.
A few things, I worked with someone at work who would just unload on me all her problems. Almost daily. She would even stay after her shift ended to vent to me. I had enough and asked her supervisor to change her. She was a trainee and I had sat in my area for about 5-6 years then. I liked my area because it was quiet and I didn’t care to talk to others. That supervisor understood when her own trainee was venting to her. Another thing is you don’t have friends at work, don’t trust anyone with your own personal info. I have heard coworkers talk about others, so I don’t recommend it. Lastly, I have had dwindling friendships and ultimately I decided that if I have issues, only I can make the changes necessary for me. I used to think having friends was so important and it is but you have to feel secure in yourself. Also, personal issues of mine stay mine. I would much rather hear my thoughts about what I’m going through instead of having other people’s opinions confusing me. I had to figure out only I know what I want and I needed to train my brain. Not gonna lie, I’ve been problem solving by focusing on my wants and needs. Focus on yourself always.
I had a close friendship with someone for years who was always going through something, constantly overanalyzing everything and just all together an incredibly negative soul. Although I do care about her, I had to just go super low contact with her because she never asked about me or my life and her constant dwelling on shit and negativity brought me way way down.
She has also pretty much been dropped by the friend group as well, for general events. If something major is coming up or whatever she gets invited of course but we all have to sort of steel ourselves for her. It’s a bummer because she’s a good person and when she’s cool she’s super cool. She’s just not cool very often anymore.
Depends on how much and what type of dumping they’re trying to do.