My Gf and I have been dating for awhile. She’s my first gf and we have had our ups and downs.
Long story short. My entire life I know I’ve suffered from limerence and that anyone I put on that pedestal, I only dream of a version of that person. I love the idea of that person but when I get to know them, “they aren’t who I thought they were”.
My GF isn’t perfect. She is only human but there are times where I subconsciously pick on her flaws.
I don’t know if it’s commitment issues or that I truly have no idea what love is supposed to be like.
We placed an offer for a house recently and as a first time home buyer, I feel the stress. I also subconsciously felt like I didn’t want the offer to be selected and accepted.
Was it because the house would make my daily commute to work 42 miles (ie 40 minutes no traffic, 1:10 with traffic)? I felt so much anxiety because I’m not willing to change jobs and I’m not sure if I can deal with the daily commute.
Was it because I felt like I’d close so many doors that I wished I would do? I gave up a trip to Thailand with my friends.
I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like. I know I have a good genuine GF. My gf isn’t even toxic and our fights are not even real fights. I sincerely think even though I described it pretty bad here, that even if we got married, we won’t divorce. My gut feeling is telling me that.
Even if I’m missing 20%, I know I won’t find the perfect person who has that 100%.
So what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this crippling anxiety? Why am I not mature enough?
TLDR; I suffered from limerence and I know I’ll have this problem with anyone else. But i feel this crippling anxiety and this sense of regret about the future. I don’t know what to do.
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You have some self awareness. Rather than ask reddit, you would be better off working with a therapist. You’re young and you can change and be happier if you want to.
Does she make you happy? Do you have fun around her? Do you wake up feeling proud to have her as a GF? Are you proud and happy to talk about her to your friends/family/coworkers? Do you go to bed at night feeling happy to call her your GF?
For me, if I’m answering yes to those questions, then the details didn’t matter. Is it possible that there’s someone else out there that might be a better fit for me? Sure. But that’s just statistics. That would be true for literally everyone. What matters is if your current partner makes you happy.
Do not buy a house with someone you aren’t married to, especially if you haven’t lived with them before and aren’t sure if you are in love. Please go to therapy and try to figure out what you feel .
It depends. Are you willing to be happy single and okay if you don’t find a better fit? Or would you rather be in a mediocre relationship than be single?
I will say I was always nervous about big steps and a little bit commitphobic until I met my current partner. I would listen to your gut saying this is not the person for you.
That doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find a perfect person. But it opens up the possibility.
How do you feel about her? Do you like spending time with her?
If you imagine being single, what kinds of feelings does that bring up, and are they about you (eg I’d be lonely, I’d feel like a loser) or her (I’d miss how she xyz)?
Why did you buy a house if it’s not where you want to live?
Maybe you’re looking outward for something to fix you or tell you who you are. What if you could spend time learning about the four attachment styles. What if you could learn where yours might fall. What if you did the inner work of healing what made you develop your insecure attachment. This isn’t for others to know or understand about you. This is only for you and your own growth.