My attendance isn’t good at all . I need to come in more , I have classes tomorrow until the afternoon but it’s my brothers religious wedding which is tomorrow in the morning . I’m expected to come today in a few hours and take a 4/5 hour long journey. But I’m really busy and just need to attend class . Would I be the asshole if I didn’t attend ? He’s the first in our family to get married but he didn’t discuss wedding dates with me and what would work… I get he’s an adult but I really don’t want to miss my class but my parents will be fuming
Edit : damn some of you really need to take a class in how to be more decent and polite . I’m getting advice and some of it is good thank you , but some of it is harsh and telling me opposite advice . It’s like people bickering amongst in the comments on what’s wrong and right . Also it’s nobodies business on why I missed a few classes . There’s circumstances where things were really out of my control . And I was already upset and stressed I had to miss them .
Final update : Misery loves company . I won’t reply to every single person . I think sometimes they should introduce mandatory classes where older people can reevaluate how to answer questions . I don’t really care anymore haha . I’ve been able to navigate this now . So please continue to reply to multiple comments and downvote . I honestly just laugh and move on
Comments
On one hand, your university performance is important and it’s odd that the wedding is on a weekday that forces people to miss school/work. On the other hand, it feels like if you’ve been routinely missing class, you could miss one more for something as important as your brother’s wedding.
So, why arenʻt you attending school?
Go to the wedding. Notify your professors of the family event and ask a classmate to record the lectures or share their notes with you. Your brother will always remember whether you attended his wedding or not, but in a few weeks, I am quite sure you will have little recollection of what you learned in the lectures. Being a brother means being there for his life events.
I missed some things early in life due to being on military deployments overseas, and even with an “airtight excuse” I still felt bad for years for missing the weddings. You can make up class material but the wedding (should be) once in a lifetime.
If you regularly miss class for no reason it seems mean that you suddenly are so interested in your attendance the day of your brother’s wedding. It’s a bad look.
You seem kind of disconnected from both your family and your studies. Maybe time to focus on what’s really important to you
Do the wedding. If there is a printed invitation or program, use that as proof. Do better. being tired doesn’t cut it. Everyone goes to class, to work, takes responsibilities on even when tired. It is part of adulting.
Clearly, you’re experiencing the consequences of your actions…had you attended class before this wouldn’t be a problem. Now you’re stuck between two bad choices.
So, whatever you choose, you should accept responsibility and apologize sincerely for failing your family and yourself. Resolve to do better in the future and follow through.
Take this as an important opportunity to learn before you really screw up your life.
What are the attendance rules for your classes?
As a retired professor, I much preferred face-to-face conversations as opposed to email. You can explain your absences, assure the professor that you’re keeping up with lectures and notes and your absences aren’t because of the class itself.
Also, OP, university is a journey. Some semesters are easy peasy, others are fraught with external distractions (car fires, weddings, all nighters for projects). We, professors, KNOW that. What we don’t like are excuses (this wedding is not an excuse) where students don’t take responsibility for their absences (I had a student whose grandmother died TWICE, once at the beginning of the semester and the other time 6 weeks later, so of course she had to attend the funerals, lol).
Be honest, and take the consequences of the professor’s response. In the future, for weddings and stuff you know in advance (even if it’s a week) let the professor know ASAP.
You got this, OP.
Edited: typos and clarification.
After your edit I really wanted to just read the c comments but I get classes are very important and yes they should be a priority. However it’s your brother and no matter what anyone else might say. I think he would be a lot discouraged and upset if you missed his big day. Sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture. This is a huge event. This is a big deal. Sorry your brother didn’t include you in the wedding plans but it’s kinda not your place. You are to support him matter what. Your relationship will change and grow as you get older and you don’t want bad feelings between you two hinder that development and growth.
You’ve already missed a bunch of class due to your own behavior…. Your bothers wedding would be a valid reason to miss a class. So you justify reasons not to go to class when it’s about your recreation….but not ok justifying missing a class for a valid family reason.
Your priorities are a mess. This is a maturity issue. Unless missing this class would cause you to be dismissed from college (or repeat credits for NP)….you should probably go to the wedding and then get yourself back on track.
It kind of seems like your own problem that you have a poor attendance record…
Now suddenly it’s imperative you attend class on the same exact day as your brothers wedding?
I get you want to likely clean up your act but I don’t personally feel it’s fair to make your brother pay for your irresponsibility.
It seems to me that if you had been attending class it would have been more appropriate to skip this next one.
Also, what have you been missing class for prior to the wedding coming up? Unless you’ve been missing class because you were sick, it would be a pretty shitty move on your part to say “ya I’ve missed class before because of ‘a,b,c’ BS reasons but I won’t skip class for my own brothers wedding..”
Sounds like poor planning on your part honestly. I have siblings and in the exact scenario that you’ve described above, I likely wouldn’t feel very forgiving towards my younger sibling.
Also, unless he literally just told you last week, the date of his wedding, him not discussing dates with you isn’t a real excuse. ASSUMING as most venues need 6 weeks warning to book, minimum (if not months or over a year), you’ve had at least enough notice to plan accordingly. Come on now man.
YATA
By your edit, it appears that you are somewhat immature and tend to blame your problems on others and external circumstances. Maybe consider a therapist to help you with this.
Edit b spelling GDAC
Doesn’t matter how you got here. Also doesn’t matter what your parents think. It *does* matter what your brother feels. Call him directly, explain the problem, tell him you’re willing to attend and would be sorry to miss it — but ask him how he would feel if you prioritized your classes instead. Tell him to be honest about how important it is TO HIM that you be there. And then act accordingly.
YWBTA if you missed your brother’s wedding. This is a once in a lifetime event. He will not forget if you are not there.
You knew his wedding was coming up and should have made it a point to make it to more classes so that missing for him s wedding was not a big deal. (Yes, I saw your comments about it.)